Is he not that into me?

[Maxply]

wow! he’s really into you, but he’s probably not wanting to screw up. The telling thing is reading you this personal poetry; hard for a guy to do. He’s probably a bit nervous, so don’t slam the door in his face. Trust me: he’s ready to kiss you.

 

[OldAgeGuru]

It’s so funny how girls are so different. If I had a guy read me his poetry, it would probably be all I could do to not gag or burst out laughing. Same with guitar playing. Mostly because it’s usually mediocre at best, and sooooo cliche, I’m more of a take me to a Sox game and buy me a hot dog and a beer girl and woo me with the sweet sweet sounds of sabermetrics and on base percentage with slugging, the value of the DH, and how Steinbrenner is ruining baseball.

I can be a girly girl when I want ( lord knows I love shopping and make up and shoes), but I’m just not a romantic I guess.

 

[Consecrated]

We talked Saturday night on the phone and he read me some of his poetry, that he says he has never read to anyone else before so I should be flattered.

Sounds like he’s really into the real YOU. Like, head over heels into you.

My husband not only read me some of his poetry soon after we met, he wrote some about me and us meeting, and then showed it to me a few months later after he got up the courage. YES I AM ROMANTIC!!! and yes, it was beautiful.

Oh yes, and if he noticed what color top you were wearing… don’t worry… he’s noticed what you look like and is quite favorably impressed!

 

[Zahmir]

I didn’t kiss my girlfriend until a month into our relationship! I was 18 when I had my first kiss. And let me tell you, we’re pretty much going to get married! So… hope this helps!

 

[Gottle_of_Geer]

Translation, please ?

 

[Cadence]

Thanks guys! Wow, talk about reassuring!

I know it is sad that I have to ask this but I have had a “typical” dating life and these days that does not mean anything good.
I think he is great and am quite taken with his intelligence, humility and sense of humor! Also, he kept making a concious effort to walk between me and the road - only my dad has ever done that!

Oh, and the ex thing - well I think that was just a case of him no knowing what was appropriate. I kinda joked to him about him talking about her and he promised not to mention her next time! Not that I told him not to, just that I think he got the hint.
He compared me by saying that he thought I had a heart of gold - and she was very judgmental and kinda mean.
I understand its hard not to mention her - they were together for 5 years and were gonna get married - major part of his life really.

Thanks for the book suggestions - I have read both! I guess I know the theory but have just never MET a guy like this. I love that he is such a gentleman and would not want to rush this - just feeling uncertain is all. Hope I don’t hurt him when the time comes to talk about MY past…

I’ll let you all know how date number two goes. He’s coming with me to the art exhibition of a kid I look after (im a nanny) - the art school is having a showing for all the students - and then we are going to dinner after that.

Oh - and to the person who suggested the touching? I have touched his arm, in fact we have linked arms when walking together and we held hands kinda briefly.

Wish me luck peoples!

 

[Arlene]

Hope I don’t hurt him when the time comes to talk about MY past…

Good for you for choosing a different way. If you ever hear Jason Everett and his wife speak, she also did not have a past to be proud of. She talks about how she regrets not being able to give him the gift of her virginity as he was able to give her. All you can really do is draw a line in the sand and make it your new beginning. If this is the man God has chosen for you, He will help your guy deal with your past.

Take it slow, enjoy the journey.

 

[lotusblossom]

I hope this date goes well . Sounds like a fun time!

Don’t worry about the time to tell him about your past. Both my husband and I have pasts that are not the purest, mine being “worse” than his (I started having boyfriends in grade school, he didn’t til college). Things came out slowly over time and I left them as vague until we were engaged/married. Details are not necessary, esp. in the beginning. Also, if he is as wonderful as he seems thus far, he will not judge you or make you feel bad about your past. It’s regrettable enough without having someone else push on the pain. When I talked to my husband, it came naturally and with some tears, but also with him saying that it didn’t matter what my past was b/c I was a different person now and he knew my heart was never given away to anyone else.

 

[hasikelee]

He sounds very interested in you! There is no reason to become physically inflamed right now. Why not work on building a strong relationship? With kind actions and time, two young people of the opposite sex will certainly fall in love, you don’t have to worry about that part.

I dated my fiancee for 6 months before we kissed. It is a very sweet culmination. Never feel that you have to be validated sexually. There will be plenty of time for that in marriage. He should learn to appreciate you first.

 

[chicago]

I’m more of a take me to a Sox game and buy me a hot dog and a beer girl and woo me with the sweet sweet sounds of sabermetrics and on base percentage with slugging, the value of the DH, and how Steinbrenner is ruining baseball.

WILL YOU MARRY ME!

 

[chicago]

Don’t worry about the time to tell him about your past. Both my husband and I have pasts that are not the purest, mine being “worse” than his (I started having boyfriends in grade school, he didn’t til college).

Your husband had boyfriends?!

 

[Jay2]

After your next date, and after he (hopefully) gives you a squeeze and a kiss… return the kiss?

Depending upon how you feel, kiss him back… on the cheek or maybe on the lips. He may be waiting for you to make the next move (affection-level wise).

(The line from all my single male co-workers is that they are scared sh*tless to make “the next move”… it took all their nerve just to ask you out in the 1st place… maybe that’s why they’re all 35+ and not married… or dating for that matter!)

I posted this on another thread, but I’ll copy it here…

Indulge me in a story:

A not so good guy, and a devout Catholic woman.

The not so good guy meets the woman in a retail environment, he the customer, she the salesclerk. The guy is buying a cassette deck. Not too long into the “pitch” some sparks are flying…Flirting…

The not-so-good guy forgets about the cassette deck and asks the girl out for a date, she agrees on the place & time, and he writes his phone number on a scrap of paper…

They meet for the “date”. Separate cars. Have dinner, some drinks, and talk. Eventually it gets late and the not-so-good guy walks the gal to her car. That incredibly uncomfortable 1st date moment comes when either person doesn’t know what to do. She is standing with her car door between herself and the not-so-good guy. Well, the guy leans over the door and plants one on the gal.

With her dumbfounded look the not-so-good guy leans over and kisses her again…(I didn’t get slugged, so why not go for “twozies”…) If you’ve not figured it out by now I’m the not-so-good guy…
(I dunno, I don’t flirt… I’ll just kiss the girl. If I don’t get punched or maced I guess it was OK…)

She married me 20 months later, and we had our 18th last September.

(Not too long into our dating she confessed that "The only reason I showed up for that 1st date is I lost the paper with your number, and I couldn’t bring myself to “stand you up”…)

I don’t see anything wrong with an affectionate “Thank you for the nice evening” kiss or embrace (Not a tonsil-hockey session or grope mind-you). A nice kiss and a hug with someone you’re interested in. You’re not making “invitations”, just acknowledging the fact you like this person and enjoy their company (and hope they feel the same).

 

[Al_Masetti]

The United States has 150 million men and 150 million women.

There are plenty of candidates out there.

 

[OldAgeGuru]

WILL YOU MARRY ME!

Alas, I am spoken for, unless you’re Theo Epstein, or Mark Bellhorn (I know, I know he was terrible, but HE WALKED A LOT!), I’m stickin with my guy, he’s smart, funny, makes good money and kills spiders. And he always has cold Sam Adams in the fridge.

 

[cienwen]

My fiancés didn’t kiss me until 3 months in. He brought me hot chocolate after a late night winter class and after we had drunk it, he asked my permission to kiss me. I thought that was sooo cute! Ah, memories.

 

[chicago]

Alas, I am spoken for, unless you’re Theo Epstein, or Mark Bellhorn (I know, I know he was terrible, but HE WALKED A LOT!), I’m stickin with my guy, he’s smart, funny, makes good money and kills spiders. And he always has cold Sam Adams in the fridge.

But I wrote a poem about baseball!

Admittedly, I may be more like Horshack than Epstein. Oh, wait, wrong Epstein.

 

[lotusblossom]

Your husband had boyfriends?!

Whoops! Error on my part (He had girlfriends of course!)

 

[OldAgeGuru]

But I wrote a poem about baseball!

Admittedly, I may be more like Horshack than Epstein. Oh, wait, wrong Epstein.

I’d love to hear the baseball poem Does it have bad puns? Cause I am a sucker for bad puns.

 

[Regi]

I had the same problem with the last guy I dated - he didn’t kiss me until we had gone out for at least 3 or 4 months - just little pecks on the cheek, holding hands etc. I thought he was not into me - turns out he was a gentleman (and a little shy) and he was very into me. I had never dated anyone like him.

We have now been married for 14 years! (Good things come to those who wait!)

 

[Myangel]

Ok, I feel really stupid asking this question but the thing is, I have really only had experience dating non-catholics who have not been very chaste. So I feel out of my depth here.

Ok, he’s a nice Catholic guy, kinda shy, only had one girlfriend before, not exactly a smooth talker if you know what I mean.

We met at at the Young Adults Catholic group a few weeks ago. The next Sunday we spent a bit of time talking, during which he asked me about what it would take to get me to say “yes” to a date. Later in the evening he asked me for my number and asked me to dinner with him.
We chatted on the phone mid-week and went out on Friday night to dinner and a movie. He came by my place to pick me up, paid for both dinner and movie. We had a lovely time and when he dropped me back at my place he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug. He said he would see me at church on Sunday and at the Young Adults Group afterwards.
We talked Saturday night on the phone and he read me some of his poetry, that he says he has never read to anyone else before so I should be flattered. He also compared me favourably to his ex-girlfriend.
Sunday night we sat together for Mass - he felt guilty when I went to confession before Mass since he hadn’t been in a few months and so he went too. After the Young Adults group he walked me to the train station and told me to text him when I got home so he would know that I was safe. He also said he would call me to organise going for dinner this Friday. Once again, kiss on the cheek and hug. Also walking arm in arm.

Ok, here’s my thing. Guys I’ve dated in the past would have tried to kiss me on the lips by now. Also, they would have given me lots of compliments, mostly about my appearence, where as he has really only given me compliments on my personality - oh and saying he liked my pink top and that pink was my colour.
Does this mean that he does like me, and is a gentleman, or that he just is not that into me? I am confused and am wondering if my unchaste past is giving me false expectations.
I want to have a good, chaste dating life - and he is a perfect guy for that. He is so sweet and good - and so intelligent - cute too!

Advice please!!!

:bigyikes: You mean guys like this exist in Australia??? Does he have a brother???

Honey he is such a gentleman! I know what you mean about being confused because of your past. This is something different for you, once you realise he genuinely likes you for you, you will feel peace within. Enjoy not having to deal with a man wanting to get to know you in the ways you WERE accustomed to in the past. Boy would I love to meet someone who wants to get to know me in this way. In this terrible secular world, its hard to come across men like yours. Hold on to him tightly.