Is it a mortal sin to lie to your kids about pet euthanasia?

[EasterJoy]

That is good. Don’t be surprised if she says in reply that she already knew or suspected the truth. Kids often can tell when adults are lying.

As far as I can tell, she hadn’t lied to the child yet. She and her husband were sorely tempted to do it, but it sounds as if they have not had the animal put down yet and they did not lie and say the dog was in a different situation than it is.

If the parents did lie, they ought to apologize. An apology lists the temptation first and puts the confession second, after the “but” conjunction, that is:

NOT: I’m sorry we lied to you, that was wrong, you deserve to be able to trust that we’ll always tell you the truth, but we didn’t want to hurt you.

BUT RATHER: We told ourselves that we were doing it to spare you harm, *but *we lied to you, and that was wrong. You deserved the truth, and you deserve to be able to trust that we will tell you the truth. We are sorry.

 

[HelenRose]

Our daughter is nine, so she is of the age of reason. However, we had to have two of her kittens put to sleep last year because they were in the advanced stages of leukemia. She was (and even still is) very upset. I don’t want to cause her further pain, which is why I don’t want to tell her the truth.

Hold her in your arms and cry with her. She probably knows anyway. Children are very intuitive about such things. I really believe that truth is what children need.

 

[lax16]

Our daughter is nine, so she is of the age of reason. However, we had to have two of her kittens put to sleep last year because they were in the advanced stages of leukemia. She was (and even still is) very upset. I don’t want to cause her further pain, which is why I don’t want to tell her the truth.

I can really relate to this post.

When I was about 11, my cat died and I was really, really sad about it. For weeks.

We had to give our dog away when he bit our daughter. The kids cried for a week.

I have a just-turned-10 year old that is very sensitive to animal suffering. We have had to have a lot of conversations about hunting (we walked into a sporting good store that had animal heads on the wall and she about went into shock) and she has worked on a farm and is learning that some animals are slaughtered or are sold.

If it were me, I would be honest with her and tell her that 1) we took the dog to the vet and he told us the dog is dangerous to humans and 2) we made the best decision because human life is more precious than animal life.

I have found that I have to spend extra time with my youngest emphasizing the importance of human life over animal life. It may sound cruel, but she really is overly connected to animals and their suffering and a bit dismissive of human suffering. I found that I discuss hunting and the roles animals play as food and companions more than I did with my other children.

Reading about God creating man to have dominion over animals helped me a lot, too.



And…hold her close when she cries. She needs that too.

 

[EasterJoy]

I can really relate to this post.

When I was about 11, my cat died and I was really, really sad about it. For weeks.

We had to give our dog away when he bit our daughter. The kids cried for a week.

I have a just-turned-10 year old that is very sensitive to animal suffering. We have had to have a lot of conversations about hunting (we walked into a sporting good store that had animal heads on the wall and she about went into shock) and she has worked on a farm and is learning that some animals are slaughtered or are sold.

If it were me, I would be honest with her and tell her that 1) we took the dog to the vet and he told us the dog is dangerous to humans and 2) we made the best decision because human life is more precious than animal life.

I have found that I have to spend extra time with my youngest emphasizing the importance of human life over animal life. It may sound cruel, but she really is overly connected to animals and their suffering and a bit dismissive of human suffering. I found that I discuss hunting and the roles animals play as food and companions more than I did with my other children.

Reading about God creating man to have dominion over animals helped me a lot, too.



And…hold her close when she cries. She needs that too.

The other thing is that an animal that attacks a person or another animal is quite likely to suffer a trauma from the attack, as well. It isn’t just that animals that attack are in panic mode. It is that no one is going to worry too much about saving an animal pain when it has a four-year-old in its jaws. If it attacks another animal, it is going to be torn up.

In other words, this animal is not just a danger to others, but a danger to itself. The choice is between a quiet death under calm circumstances where the dog is not scared, upset, or in pain vs the most likely alternative, which will be more upsetting for the dog, too.

 

[Beryllos]

As far as I can tell, she hadn’t lied to the child yet. She and her husband were sorely tempted to do it, but it sounds as if they have not had the animal put down yet and they did not lie and say the dog was in a different situation than it is.

Oops! Sorry. I read the OP too fast and thought the dog was already put down.

 

[sariejack]

My husband met me at our church and we spoke to our priest about the situation, then we both did confession. Afterwards, our priest prayed with us.

When my daughter got home from school, we told her the truth. She was not as upset as I had been worried about. In fact, she was a bit relieved, because our dog had scared her a bit too. She’s having a snack and doing her homework now.

Thank you all for your help, because this would certainly have been a mess without you. I would have not figured out the concept of presumption without you.

We did do the whole Santa Claus thing but to be fair, we started that when we were all Protestant, and the Santa Claus myth was a big part of our Methodist community. Now that we are Catholic I am not sure how we should handle it. She’s old enough now to know the truth. I think I will tell her that St. Nicholas was a saint and we celebrate his feast day just as we do with other saints.

However–

I’m not doing that one today–a dead dog is enough to process in one day.

 

[Sneaux]

I really think 9 years old is old enough to understand…

 

[pianistclare]

It’s one of my firm beliefs that od permits us pets to teach children and ourselves how to love something and let it go.
Grief is something that everyone goes through. Whether it be for a pet, a loss of a family member, a job we loved, many things.
One of our jobs as parents to help children mature and deal with these things. As with all kinds of grief, there’s shock, disbelief, intense sadness (crying) quiet, resolve, then eventual acceptance and peace.
Allow her to grieve naturally.
She won’t be one of those people who later in life refuses to go to her best frien’s funeral because she’s a basket case.
God bless you.

 

[1ke]

My husband met me at our church and we spoke to our priest about the situation, then we both did confession. Afterwards, our priest prayed with us.

When my daughter got home from school, we told her the truth. She was not as upset as I had been worried about. In fact, she was a bit relieved, because our dog had scared her a bit too. She’s having a snack and doing her homework now.

Thank you all for your help, because this would certainly have been a mess without you. I would have not figured out the concept of presumption without you.

We did do the whole Santa Claus thing but to be fair, we started that when we were all Protestant, and the Santa Claus myth was a big part of our Methodist community. Now that we are Catholic I am not sure how we should handle it. She’s old enough now to know the truth. I think I will tell her that St. Nicholas was a saint and we celebrate his feast day just as we do with other saints.

However–

I’m not doing that one today–a dead dog is enough to process in one day.

Some Catholics do Santa. Some don’t. Your daughter is 9. This is probably the last year for Santa anyway. Don’t sweat it.

Add in St. Nicholas traditions this year or next and start talking more about Advent and St. Nicholas and less about Santa.

 

[EasterJoy]

Some Catholics do Santa. Some don’t. Your daughter is 9. This is probably the last year for Santa anyway. Don’t sweat it.

Add in St. Nicholas traditions this year or next and start talking more about Advent and St. Nicholas and less about Santa.

I do not get the hoo-haw about folk traditions. The next thing we know, people will be torturing themselves about whether it is moral to throw a surprise party or to dissemble when answering insecure acquaintances fishing for compliments.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Why lie? A pet’s death is often the child’s first experience of death. This is a necessary first experience. There will sadly be a lot more deaths to come in your child’s life. It will prepare her for more difficult death experiences in the future such as a grandparent or aunt or uncle. Again, this is a necessary road for your child to travel. She needs to experience these feelings. They are actually good and healthy for her, as harsh as that sounds. Life hurts, and if you protect your child from every hurt, they are going to get a rude awakening when they move out on their own. It may even prevent them from being fully functional adults.