Is it a sin for me to go to my lesbian best friend's "marriage" celebration?

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I am not sure if this is the right forum to post this. I did post this in the “Ask an Apologist” section, but it takes a few days for that to show up, if the mods decide they want to post it. PLEASE HELP!

My best friend “came out” to me several years ago that she is lesbian. We have been best friends for 18 years. She knows I am a practicing Catholic (her partner is also Catholic!), and knows my stance on the sanctity of marriage. I recently got an invitation from her to a dinner celebration. Her and her partner are getting MARRIED (!!!), as gay/lesbian marriages have been recently legalized here in our state. Is it a sin for me to go to the dinner celebration of this lesbian “marriage?” I’m torn about going because this for sure is not the type of marriage that is right in God’s eyes, but - like I said - we have been best friends for nearly 20 years. HELP!!!
 
What is most important is witnessing to the Truth at all times by our words *and *our actions.

Would attending the “wedding” do that?

No. It would tacitly condone that which is immoral and invalid. It would give the appearance of approval. It would be a scandal.
 
My heart goes out to you. I suspect there will be other “couples” @ the dinner party. I might show up for a few minutes to tell friend how much you love her and greet her parents, family that you know and leave before the dinner begins. I could not and would not raise a glass to “the couple”, or applaud them. Where you shocked when she told you of her same sex attraction?
 
She has been your close friend for many years, she has invited you to a dinner to celebrate a milestone in her life. You may not approve of her “marriage” but you are not being asked to approve; just to celebrate her happiness. As her friend, I think you should go. She already knows how you feel about her situation but she also knows that you have remained her friend. Friends often do things for friends. We aren’t to judge, leave that up to God.
 
pigtown said:
She has been your close friend for many years, she has invited you to a dinner to celebrate a milestone in her life. You may not approve of her “marriage” but you are not being asked to approve; just to celebrate her happiness. As her friend, I think you should go. She already knows how you feel about her situation but she also knows that you have remained her friend. Friends often do things for friends. We aren’t to judge, leave that up to God.
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In all genuineness I would like to ask you two questions to help me understand the reasoning you offer to the OP.
  1. What does celebrating her happiness actually mean? Why does a Christian want to approve of happiness that is the result of an action that is so contrary to God’s will? It seems illogical?
  2. The lesbian friend must be aware that the OP is Catholic and aware of her strong beliefs. Why would a friend ask another friend to place herself in such a situation?
 
I am in no way an expert on this stuff but a few years ago we were in a similar situation. My husband and I are converts and very strong in our Catholic faith and devout. His sister got engaged to a man who was born into a Catholic family that doesn’t practice their faith (my sister in law was Lutheran, sort of). Her fiance is divorced and my husband was very torn about going to the wedding. He didn’t want to “condone” her marriage to a divorced Catholic, but after talking to a priest and a good friend who has two daughters who are contemplatives, he was told that he was not acting as officiant or even best man. We were invited to the wedding as family and people who love her.

Our priest said it would be more divisive for us not to go (his mother basically shunned us for a whole weekend after promising to watch the kids for us on just the suggestion that we wouldn’t be there) and that Christ wouldn’t want to break up a family. If my husband had been asked to be best man he would have had to say no, but as just someone attending, it didn’t mean we “condoned” anything.

I think your not going wouldn’t change anything but could ruin a friendship. You’re more able to show Christ’s love and the truth if the relationship you have with this woman is intact. If she sees you as a judging, self-righteous person, how will she see Jesus?
 
These are tough situations. I guess I would ask myself
  1. Would my staying away change her opinions about her sexuality and her expression of it? (Probably not)
  2. Would my staying away change her feelings towards me and alter our life-long relationship? (Probably)
and then you get to the tie breaker
  1. Will my attending change anyone else’s opinion about the Church’s clear stand on this issue? Will my choice influence or scandalize another soul? (Only you can answer that.)
Just between me and my friend and her family? I go. If I have children who may be impressionable, or am in a public position where my attendance would be noted? I stay home, and send a long letter to my friend wishing her joy in her life – as I would always wish for my friends.
 
This is such a tough decision to make in my opinion. All I can offer from my own experience is that I’ve been to several weddings I didn’t approve of. My best friend married a catholic man who I think is a real scumbag and still I attended the wedding and was maid of honor. I justified it as saying my role was to witness the wedding and to provide support to my best friend even though I thought she was making a bad decision. Not necessarily support the decision, but to support her as a friend does. (And yes she was aware of my disapproval and why) Even Jesus dined with sinners. And as I recall he was condemned for associating with them and he used the situation to deliver the parable of the Good Shepherd.
 
Your best friend would force you to do something that she KNOWS will be uncomfortable at best… maybe you should just sit down and talk to her. Tell her what she is asking you to do.

Prayers for you!
 
samovila said:
This is such a tough decision to make in my opinion. All I can offer from my own experience is that I’ve been to several weddings I didn’t approve of. My best friend married a catholic man who I think is a real scumbag and still I attended the wedding and was maid of honor. I justified it as saying my role was to witness the wedding and to provide support to my best friend even though I thought she was making a bad decision. Not necessarily support the decision, but to support her as a friend does. (And yes she was aware of my disapproval and why) Even Jesus dined with sinners. And as I recall he was condemned for associating with them and he used the situation to deliver the parable of the Good Shepherd.
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That (in bold) is exactly what keeps racing through my head. Along with … hate the sin, love the sinner.

I’m still praying for guidance. Thank you all for your posts so far.
 
IrishAm said:
These are tough situations. I guess I would ask myself
  1. Would my staying away change her opinions about her sexuality and her expression of it? (Probably not)
  2. Would my staying away change her feelings towards me and alter our life-long relationship? (Probably)
and then you get to the tie breaker
  1. Will my attending change anyone else’s opinion about the Church’s clear stand on this issue? Will my choice influence or scandalize another soul? (Only you can answer that.)
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Why must the guests be expected to act against their beliefs to keep others happy? Why can’t the couple be gracious enough to understand? I’ll tell you why – because if all these people come and pretend to be happy and celebrate, it validates what they are doing. If someone has the guts to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t agree w/ what you’re doing and I can’t attend,” it might suggest they’re doing something wrong and they don’t want that.
 
samovila said:
Even Jesus dined with sinners. And as I recall he was condemned for associating with them and he used the situation to deliver the parable of the Good Shepherd.
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Let’s be clear though. Jesus did dine with sinners however did he dine with them while they were in the process of engaging in the sin (which would be the marriage ceremony)? Don’t really think so.

Jesus did not help to celebrate the sin - he used the events to preach.

I’m not sure how much preaching will be going on after the wedding ceremony in this particular case.:confused:
 
Go back and check your Scripture- the sinners Jesus dined with were repentant. They were undergoing a conversion experience. Big distinction.

I am most struck by the selfishness (yes, selfishness) of your friend who, presumably (after all, she’s known you for 18 years), understands enough of your Faith to know that she is putting you in a horrible position. What kind of a friend says through her actions, “I know this whole Catholic thing is important to you, and I know what it teaches on gay “marriage”, but never mind that, let’s talk about MY wants…”?

It’s analogous to the “if you love me, you’ll do X” threat.
 
Cari said:
Go back and check your Scripture- the sinners Jesus dined with were repentant. They were undergoing a conversion experience. Big distinction.
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Can anyone offer some scripture references regarding Jesus dining with sinners?
 
SDMom said:
Can anyone offer some scripture references regarding Jesus dining with sinners?
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We converts are good at that 🙂

Matt chapter 9

While he was at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat with Jesus and his disciples. 11 The Pharisees saw this and said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 12 He heard this and said, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. 13 Go and learn the meaning of the words, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” 14 Then the disciples of John approached him and said, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast (much), but your disciples do not fast?”

Also, Mark 2:15

Zaccheus was a tax collector (considered right there with sinners…) Luke 19:

2 Now a man there named Zacchaeus, who was a chief tax collector and also a wealthy man, 3 was seeking to see who Jesus was; but he could not see him because of the crowd, for he was short in stature. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus, who was about to pass that way. 5 When he reached the place, Jesus looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house.” 6 And he came down quickly and received him with joy. 7 When they all saw this, they began to grumble, saying, “He has gone to stay at the house of a sinner.” 8 But Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, “Behold, half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone I shall repay it four times over.”
 
kage_ar said:
We converts are good at that 🙂

Matt chapter 9

While he was at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat with Jesus and his disciples. 11 The Pharisees saw this and said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 12 He heard this and said, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. 13 Go and learn the meaning of the words, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” 14 Then the disciples of John approached him and said, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast (much), but your disciples do not fast?”

Also, Mark 2:15

Zaccheus was a tax collector (considered right there with sinners…) Luke 19:

2 Now a man there named Zacchaeus, who was a chief tax collector and also a wealthy man, 3 was seeking to see who Jesus was; but he could not see him because of the crowd, for he was short in stature. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus, who was about to pass that way. 5 When he reached the place, Jesus looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house.” 6 And he came down quickly and received him with joy. 7 When they all saw this, they began to grumble, saying, “He has gone to stay at the house of a sinner.” 8 But Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, “Behold, half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone I shall repay it four times over.”
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Thank you! 👍 I didn’t think I’d get a response this quickly!!! I am going to jot this down and enjoy it as my reading tonight. God Bless you!
 
To my dear CAF Friends,

I have decided NOT to attend my best friend’s same-sex “marriage” celebration. I wrote her an email tonight (the dinner celebration is tomorrow), and plan to follow-up with a more formal letter.

During mass yesterday, I kneeled, prayed, cried, and asked Jesus for guidance. I didn’t feel like I got any “real” answers during mass, but this morning there was one scripture reading that kept coming back to me – I wasn’t exactly sure where to find it in the Bible, but it was the one about Jesus’ Word dividing brother against brother, sister against sister. Well, guess what? TODAY’s gospel reading contained that EXACT scripture! It’s from Mt 10:34-11:1:

Jesus said to his Apostles:
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth.
I have come to bring not peace but the sword.
For I have come to set
a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
and one’s enemies will be those of his household.

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,
and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;
and whoever does not take up his cross
and follow after me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it,
and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Answered prayer.

My heart is totally at peace with my decision, but **please pray **that this does not taint or ruin my 18-yr friendship with my best friend. Also, please join me in a prayer of thanksgiving for God’s guidance in this. It wasn’t an easy decision for me to make, but praise be to God and may I always be led by His Word and Truth! Alleluia! Amen!

May you all have a wonderful, blessed week.
 
SDMom said:
I have decided NOT to attend my best friend’s same-sex “marriage” celebration. I wrote her an email tonight (the dinner celebration is tomorrow), and plan to follow-up with a more formal letter.

My heart is totally at peace with my decision, but **please pray **that this does not taint or ruin my 18-yr friendship with my best friend. Also, please join me in a prayer of thanksgiving for God’s guidance in this. It wasn’t an easy decision for me to make, but praise be to God and may I always be led by His Word and Truth! Alleluia! Amen!

May you all have a wonderful, blessed week.
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**
I can’t pray that this doesn’t taint your friendship because that may be part of God’s plan… but I do pray that you stay strong in your faith no matter what happens and always know the peace of our Lord:thumbsup:** For what it’s worth I also think you made the right choice.
 
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