Is it a sin not wanting to get married?

[The_Chicken]

I understand where you’re coming from because I feel much the same. I mean sure I’m capable of doing things for others and being there for them when they need me. And perhaps I could make marriage work, at least on the surface. But I don’t think I could ever commit myself to another person mentally and emotionally. I wish I could because marriage is a tremendous gift, but on the inside I would always look out for myself first. That probably makes me a bad person, even though I try constantly to change, but deep down maybe that’s just who some people are. Perhaps the most selfless thing I could do in my life is not pretend to commit myself to another when they commit themselves to me. Yes I realise the contradiction in that statement but hopefully at least some people out there understand what I’m trying to say.

I get what you say. You are being a less selfish if you don’t get married than if you do get married and are not able to commit yourself and dedicate your time end energy to make the thing work.

 

[Calliso]

I find the selfish comments kinda funny. Considering I am willing to bet most people get married for highly selfish reasons…and have kids for what are more or less selfish reasons…

 

[Salonika]

Jackhf12 - I understand what you are saying - and I agree with it.

Good point Calliso - also it’s interesting how single people are often expected to justify their status but not marrried people.

Once when asked why I wasn’t married and annoyed at being asked such a peronal by someone I hardly knew, I said I’ll tell you why after you tell me why you are married. The response - that’s my business.

 

[Mystic_of_God]

I am quite sure that I don’t want to get married and even more sure that I don’t want to have children. I will live a life of celibacy. I don’t mean I can’t change my mind, but this is the way I think now. Is it a sin to think this way? Does everyone must get married? What if I got married and never had sex with my wife because I don’t want children, would it be a sin?
Thanks for reading!

And what the heck is wrong with that?

Edit: It actually could be wrong if God is calling you to the married life. Pray about this one.

 

[Salonika]

Jackhf12 - I understand what you are saying - and I agree with it.

Good point Calliso - also it’s interesting how single people are often expected to justify their status but not marrried people.

Once when asked why I wasn’t married and annoyed at being asked such a peronal by someone I hardly knew, I said I’ll tell you why after you tell me why you are married. The response - that’s my business.

Sorry, something got changed between draft and posting (or was it my proof reading? “peronal” should have been “personal question” as you probably guessed.

 

[BamaRider]

I understand where you’re coming from because I feel much the same. I mean sure I’m capable of doing things for others and being there for them when they need me. And perhaps I could make marriage work, at least on the surface. But I don’t think I could ever commit myself to another person mentally and emotionally. I wish I could because marriage is a tremendous gift, but on the inside I would always look out for myself first. That probably makes me a bad person, even though I try constantly to change, but deep down maybe that’s just who some people are. Perhaps the most selfless thing I could do in my life is not pretend to commit myself to another when they commit themselves to me. Yes I realise the contradiction in that statement but hopefully at least some people out there understand what I’m trying to say.

I don’t really know how to respond to this, other than you are probably right to remain single.

No one will ever love me the way my wife does. I can’t imagine not having that, or loving someone so much you will absouletly lay it on the line for her/him.

My young nephew and his wife (below) have been married less than a year. She recently converted from Baptist. I see them together and think back to when my wife and I were newlyweds, their love and affection for each other, refeshes all who come in contact with them.

I suggest hanging around such a couple before deciding not to marry, who knows, might be a young lady out there that will make you forget about being selfish, but you won’t find her if you quit looking! But if you feel this is God’s plan for ya I won’t argue, just be sure.

Just my :twocents:

 

[Salonika]

Hi all posters on this thread

I’ve been browsing some of the threads in other categories this afternoon and came across one “the (un)importance of single working woman” which may interest some of you who have joined in this thread.

I’m suggesting you have a look through it because some of the posts cover issues we are discussing on this thread (eg whether marriage is for everyone) and, while it concentrates on how single women are viewed in society and within Catholicism, some of these issues also relate to single men.

Easiest way to find it is probably to search by the thread title. It was started in February 2007, with the latest post 4 May this year. It’s under apologetics – social justice

 

[newbetx]

chicken wrote-

I’m just regualr folks, but this has me scratching my head.

Guess not a sin to think or live this way, but unless your giving up marriage, sex, children, for a higher calling I don’t see the point.

If you feel this way it could be a message for you to think about a vocation of some kind, but I’m no expert.

I mean, if I’m gonna give up married life and all of its “benefits,” it better be for a good reason.

One is allowed to choose to be single. THEN one can decern to become a priest, brother, sister, etc. While becoming a member of a religious order is great, one can say it’s not “higher,” just different. We are called to serve others. We can do that as a single person, a married person, or a member of an order or in many, many other ways. It’s VERY FINE if that is one’s calling at this time.

God bless you and Peace!

 

[teachccd]

I find the selfish comments kinda funny. Considering I am willing to bet most people get married for highly selfish reasons…and have kids for what are more or less selfish reasons…

Really. Giving all of your love to your wife and kids is a selfish move?? Wow!! I learn something everyday…

 

[Calliso]

Really. Giving all of your love to your wife and kids is a selfish move?? Wow!! I learn something everyday…

Now where did I ever say that? I was just pointing out that many if not most married couples that have kids probably have plenty of selfish reasons of their own as to why they got married and or had kids. Now I am sure some of the reasons are not selfish…but lets get real here being married with kids doesn;t make you some selfless saint.
Also I am sure the opening even has some selfless reasons as to why he doesn;t want to get married. Kinda like I have both selfish and unselfish reasons I am not having kids. It just gets kinda annoying that single people seem to have to justify their position…but married couples are automatically selfless…

 

[po18guy]

I am quite sure that I don’t want to get married and even more sure that I don’t want to have children. I will live a life of celibacy. I don’t mean I can’t change my mind, but this is the way I think now. Is it a sin to think this way? Does everyone must get married? What if I got married and never had sex with my wife because I don’t want children, would it be a sin?
Thanks for reading!

Well, there just happens to be some interesting scripture regarding this very point:

Matthew 19:11-12 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Thus, it appears that a life of celibacy, if done for the sake of the Kingdom, may even be desirable.

Christ’s peace.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I am quite sure that I don’t want to get married and even more sure that I don’t want to have children. I will live a life of celibacy. I don’t mean I can’t change my mind, but this is the way I think now. Is it a sin to think this way? Does everyone must get married? What if I got married and never had sex with my wife because I don’t want children, would it be a sin?
Thanks for reading!

Good grief, no WAY is it a sin to not want to be married! St. Paul urges the life of celibacy to people, because it allows them to focus more completely on their spiritual lives, on their relationship with God. If you stay celibate, you’ll have less divided attention and will be able to focus more exclusively on God, which is a blessing, according to 1 Corinthians (or maybe it was 2 Corinthians). This is not a sin. If anything, it is a grace.

 

[Magicsilence]

I was once told by my priest (I think), that not wanting marriage for the sake of liking the ‘Bachelor’ way of life (everything how you like it etc…), is actually not allowing God’s will to be done.

We are often told that for some people, it is God’s will for them to remain single, despite them wanting marriage.

Have we considered that marriage might be God’s will for someone who wants to remain single? Just, that they are too self-absorbed to consider it?

 

[Magicsilence]

I was once told by my priest (I think), that not wanting marriage for the sake of liking the ‘Bachelor’ way of life (everything how you like it etc…), is actually not allowing God’s will to be done.

We are often told that for some people, it is God’s will for them to remain single, despite them wanting marriage.

Have we considered that marriage might be God’s will for someone who wants to remain single? Just, that they are too self-absorbed to consider it?

 

[jackhf12]

I was once told by my priest (I think), that not wanting marriage for the sake of liking the ‘Bachelor’ way of life (everything how you like it etc…), is actually not allowing God’s will to be done.

We are often told that for some people, it is God’s will for them to remain single, despite them wanting marriage.

Have we considered that marriage might be God’s will for someone who wants to remain single? Just, that they are too self-absorbed to consider it?

Well if they’re self-absorbed then they are hardly going to do well in a marriage are they?

Perhaps we should stop trying to second guess God and fate and just accept who we are and what we’re suited for. I know I’m not suited for marriage because frankly I don’t think I care about or trust another person more than myself. Its a sad fact but that’s just who I am. And I will always try to change that and I will always be looking for someone to change that but I may never accomplish this. And to even chance a serious relationship or marriage and hope everything changes would be a terrible act. Even if I may not care about someone I marry more than myself, I would still never actively hurt another person by pretending too.

I can’t say I’m proud of this aspect of me, but I take pride in knowing that I am self-aware and that I will never hurt or damage anyone because of my feelings.

Sorry my mini-rant is now over:blush:

 

[teachccd]

Now where did I ever say that? I was just pointing out that many if not most married couples that have kids probably have plenty of selfish reasons of their own as to why they got married and or had kids. Now I am sure some of the reasons are not selfish…but lets get real here being married with kids doesn;t make you some selfless saint.
Also I am sure the opening even has some selfless reasons as to why he doesn;t want to get married. Kinda like I have both selfish and unselfish reasons I am not having kids. It just gets kinda annoying that single people seem to have to justify their position…but married couples are automatically selfless…

I know that having kids is one of the most selfless things that you can do. Especially in these economic times whereby it would be much easier for the wallet. How you can say that having kids can come from any kind of selfish motive is beyond me. I have three kids and I cannot think of how having them was selfish on my part. I have been married just short of 27 years. No, I am not a selfless saint. I do have selfish moments but my getting married and having kids was to share my love. You know, like why God created us. Could He have had some selfish reason for creating us? I think not. If our marriage to our spouse parallels the marriage of Christ to His Church, how can we see anything selfish there??

I’m sorry but I repsectfully disagree with your post. God Bless…teachccd

 

[goofyjim]

I was once told by my priest (I think), that not wanting marriage for the sake of liking the ‘Bachelor’ way of life (everything how you like it etc…), is actually not allowing God’s will to be done.

We are often told that for some people, it is God’s will for them to remain single, despite them wanting marriage.

Have we considered that marriage might be God’s will for someone who wants to remain single? Just, that they are too self-absorbed to consider it?

Have we considered that God’s will for someone might be whatever path that individual chooses as long he is is not breaking the commandments? I help many people being single. That is not selfabsorbed. That priest just has his ideas which he is allowed to have but to make a judgement like that is wrong of anyone.

 

[Calliso]

I know that having kids is one of the most selfless things that you can do. Especially in these economic times whereby it would be much easier for the wallet. How you can say that having kids can come from any kind of selfish motive is beyond me. I have three kids and I cannot think of how having them was selfish on my part. I have been married just short of 27 years. No, I am not a selfless saint. I do have selfish moments but my getting married and having kids was to share my love. You know, like why God created us. Could He have had some selfish reason for creating us? I think not. If our marriage to our spouse parallels the marriage of Christ to His Church, how can we see anything selfish there??

I’m sorry but I repsectfully disagree with your post. God Bless…teachccd

Well maybe your the rare exception…though maybe not. But I know of plenty of selfish parents and married couples. But we are probably just going to have to agree to disagree. I just hate how singles and married couples without kids are put down…and asked to justify themselves all the time, especially in the case of if the single isn;t a nun or priest or part of some other religious order. But people rarely point out that parents often have selfish reasons for having kids or even getting married in the first place. Now not saying the reasons are purely selfish. You mentioned a unselfish reason that you got married and had kids. But think about it for a second…did you really get married JUST to share your love? Did you really have kids JUST to share your love? If so ok perhaps your reasons are trully selfless…I am willing to bet most people if they asked themselves that question though would find otherwise though.

 

[teachccd]

My brother is 40 years old and single. He is one of the most selfless people that I know. I NEVER implicated single people as being selfish as you have for married people.

And the answers to your questions are yes. I did get married because I love my wife with all of my heart and here it is 27 years later and I love her even more. My children are a blessing from God and I love my three gifts with all of my heart.

The OP gave specific reasons why he did not want to get married and those reasons were selfish in nature. God Bless…teachccd

 

[Calliso]

My brother is 40 years old and single. He is one of the most selfless people that I know. I NEVER implicated single people as being selfish as you have for married people.

And the answers to your questions are yes. I did get married because I love my wife with all of my heart and here it is 27 years later and I love her even more. My children are a blessing from God and I love my three gifts with all of my heart.

The OP gave specific reasons why he did not want to get married and those reasons were selfish in nature. God Bless…teachccd

Well that is good for you. And I wasn;t trying to make it sound like married couples with kids are totally selfish either. Maybe if I put it this way it will make more sense what I am trying to say. Basically married couples can have selfless reasons for getting married and having kids…but there is often/usually selfish reason tied in. And the same goes with people that remain single or get married but chose to remain childless. Also we shouldn;t assume the opening has given us all his reasons either. Now if they trully are the only reason then yeah I think they sound maybe a little selfish…but to be honest if that is the case I think one could make the argument that it would be MORE selfish for him to get married knowing how he is.