Is it acceptable for a priest to YELL and then HANG up??

[jmcrae]

The priest has to follow canon law.

But he’s not restricted to it. Canon Law is the minimum; not the absolute - and it may not be pastorally appropriate to allow just anyone to be a sponsor, in some cases.

If the priest has a good pastoral reason (which he is not actually required to share with anyone except his Bishop), he can require that everyone’s sponsor have pink hair. As long as they meet the minimum requirements of canon law, he can, for pastoral reasons, require anything he deems appropriate.

And to be perfectly honest, allowing fiancées to be sponsors sounds to me like a recipe for disaster - how will she instruct and direct him over the future years, if she has to be obedient to him and financially dependent upon him, as his wife?

 

[Beachcomber]

When I was a kid, there was a priest in the parish we attended who had a reputation for being rude and unapproachable. He’d yell, too; so it happens.

Having said that, it’s still wrong. You guys acted in good faith and he was a jerk. My suggestion is like many others, change parishes. This kind of experience can turn people off the Church permanently. And for him to say “My” church, when it is Jesus’ church is prideful and ignorant.

 

[jp2weloveu]

To JP2WELOVEYOU:

Are you suggesting that the Poster or her fiance did not possess Christ-like behavior with the priest in conversation or with others first throughout this whole mess.

No I have not.

Nowhere in my posts was I judgemental with reagrd to the OP or her fiance. How do you you believe that it is Christ like to easily take offense and demand “reperations” or leave a parish without even speaking to someone (the priest) who you believe has made some singular misjudgment?

If you do, you are being rashly judgmental and un-Christ-like firstly yourself. You are assuming bad motives in the O.P. and her fiance.

I did no such thing. I’d like you to point out the basis for your accusations in my posts because it seems to me that you are being unfair and judgemental

And as for the band-wagon you speak of, these Posters are not judging the priest but the wrongful behaviour (yelling and hanging up) of this priest.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t think that all of these posters were on the bandwagon with you, but your suggestions that OP should just “seek a new parish” or seek “reparations” rather than talk to the priest seem to me to belie some prejudice. I also feel that such an approach was neither beneficial to the OP or her pastor.

Love demands a just response on our part.

Towards all parties - where is your love for the priest?

The Original Poster wants to know if it acceptable for a priest to yell and then hang up and wanted to know what she should do now that her fiance is in this difficulty.

Her previous posts clearly stated that she was leaving the church. There was no questioning about what should be done.

Of course what the priest did is wrong behavior. Under no circumstances are we to vent aggression on an innocent person with an innocent inquiry.

Of course. I never suggested what he did was right. However what I did speak of was the magnitude of the offence, and potential negative effects of inflaming the situation.

It would be wrong in any of us! Am I to assume that the fiance was guilty and provoked the priest?

Are you suggesting that I stated such? Do you not think that it would be just as wrong of us to assume evil or injurious intent on behalf of the priest?

You are wrongly assuming that people other than the person doing the yelling and hanging up is at fault.

I haven’t assumed anyone in particular was at fault – you have. You have further pronounced that I’m guilty of grave fault – even sin… I simply posed the question that, possibly, charity was in order.

Am I to call the fiance a liar in his retelling of his story? That would make me a rash judge and culpable.

You are seeing sin where there is no sin.

Excuse me, where did I judge anyone or call anyone a liar? You who have seen are pronouncing that there is sin and no sin. I thought that that was God’s job.

A big mistake…if not a very sin on your part.

Wow your good at this (the casting blame thing)

We are to defend the defenseless indeed.

In this thread the only one who looked defenseless when I got here was the priest. All I was trying to say was that maybe someone should give him the benefit of the doubt. Obviously you don’t agree.

But where no sin is…we are not to call a sin. And where there is an honest wrongdoing we are called to recognise it as wrongdoing with honesty and fairness. The Poster has not shown any wrongdoing. Just a need for some assistance.

Hope you can recognize the possibility for the priest to have been mistaken in “honesty and fairness” and not rush to judge. I also hope this suffices for the assistance needed.

 

[jmcrae]

If that was the priest’s decision, I would have no issue with it either… what made us curious however, was that it was so sudden and that he couldn’t seem to tell us why. =\ Which is why we wanted to talk to him about it all.

If he doesn’t know you very well (and especially since you don’t go to Mass at his parish regularly), he may have only just found out recently that you are his fiancée.

 

[forever_always]

If he doesn’t know you very well (and especially since you don’t go to Mass at his parish regularly), he may have only just found out recently that you are his fiancée.

When we first attended we were boyfriend/girlfriend. The other couple in the class (whom also just found out that the fiancee cant be a sponsor) had been attending the church for two years, and had been engaged for one year… so even if he just found out about Josh and I, there is still the other couple that he had known for a while. =\

 

[forever_always]

When I was a kid, there was a priest in the parish we attended who had a reputation for being rude and unapproachable. He’d yell, too; so it happens.

Having said that, it’s still wrong. You guys acted in good faith and he was a jerk. My suggestion is like many others, change parishes. This kind of experience can turn people off the Church permanently. And for him to say “My” church, when it is Jesus’ church is prideful and ignorant.

Once, I alterserved for a priest and he couldn’t find a baptismal cloth. Instead of whispering “can you get me a cloth” he starts yelling at me on the alter. >.> The servers at that parish didn’t even set the alter! But yes, it does happen.

And the whole “my” church thing is a big thing as to why we want to look elsewhere.

 

[ready]

To JP2WELOVEYOU

Each of your erroneous responses to my fair arguments were based on poor, uncritical thinking on your part. I suggest you take a course on Critical Thinking or stop posting and spreading falsehood about innocent posters like myself. I too have fallen prey to your ignorance as have the others involved in your statements - despite what you try to argue.

My response to the O.P. was that she follow her heart. If her heart told her to seek another parish…she should go. I also told her she should try and talk things out with the priest if that were possible. So don’t lie!

 

[forever_always]

And to be perfectly honest, allowing fiancées to be sponsors sounds to me like a recipe for disaster - how will she instruct and direct him over the future years, if she has to be obedient to him and financially dependent upon him, as his wife?

Sure it could! Just about as disasterous as anyone could be imo. And as a married couple, he will also be obedient and loyal to me, and while he is still in school, he will be financially dependent on me. i’m in the career with pays the highest… does that change anything? no!

 

[jmcrae]

Sure it could! Just about as disasterous as anyone could be imo. And as a married couple, he will also be obedient and loyal to me, and while he is still in school, he will be financially dependent on me. i’m in the career with pays the highest… does that change anything? no!

This is precisely why in the old canon law, people were forbidden to marry their sponsors. (It was classified as “incest” since the sponsor takes on a parent-like role in the person’s life. In fact, another word for “sponsor” is “god mother” or “god father.”)

In practice of course you are more like an aunt or uncle to the person that you are sponsoring.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Why do you keep emphasizing “one”? And no, noone else knows besides his mother that was there with him, and my mother who overheard my conversation with Josh. We didn’t tell the new church (or his grandparents) anything about it, nor have we mentioned it to any friends. (I didn’t want the story spread, and I didn’t want to cause trouble). I posted on this forum because I wanted to be able to tell the event how it was (without anyone knowing the people involved) and really… i wanted insight. I was mad at first, but I’m not anymore… HOWEVER, I do not want to be part of a church where the priest claims that it is “his” and that he feels it is okay to rudely interact with people. It is within his authority to make this decision, despite the fact the decision is insensitive to you and not well thought out by the priest.

I am also uncomfortable with all of my confessions… really, it is difficult sometimes, but it is his first confession and he wants it to be special. He doesn’t want to confess to someone that treated him like **** for asking a simple question for clarification! Maybe this sounds silly, but I don’t think it is too much to ask. It’s pretty special to confess to a person you have had personal issues with. You forget the third person in the Confessional with you, the Holy Spirit. He has a way of transforming confessed anger.
Like I said, the sponsor isn’t really the issue. I didn’t mind either way if I was his sponsor. But when you’re told one thing, and then plan around it… only to find out five or six months later that there was a last minute change involving the whole class seems a little rediculous to me. Right, the real issue is your anger and hurt pride because you haven’t been treated the way you would like to be treated. Jesus didn’t tell us to just forgive those who deserve it.

In this situation, I don’t feel it was appropriate to hang up. I think that Josh had a ligitimate question and was being respectful. Nobody disagrees.

But, really, thank you for posting and making me think =]

Was it wrong for your priest to rudely yell and hang up on Josh?
YES.

Is it disruptive to you both now to change sponorship right before Lent, when you have been faithfully attending RCIA since August?
YES.

Is this unfair to you and Josh that he would make his first confession to a priest he dislikes?
YES.

Could you make the argument that the priest’s rules are not fair?
YES.

What should you do?

Forgive your priest and finish RCIA, then see what happens.

Maybe Jesus has a higher purpose for Josh making his first confession to a person he will have to confess he doesn’t like.

For what its worth, you seem very focused on how right you are, and not on forgiveness and humility. In the Church, those latter attritubtes are more important than the former.

I have noticed that there is often a great deal of personal drama in RCIA. I think they are tests for us to overcome to become more of God wants us to be.

 

[graceandglory]

Thoughts/Comments??

Probably not.

BUT

There are two sides to every story.

 

[napoli426]

Every time I hear of a priest loosing his cool…it’s always up to us to forgive him. I think too many priests are getting away with far too much…and we’re letting them do it. This priest that we’re talking about seems to have the megalomania which is so prevalent in so many parishes I see. There is a dichotomy between the laiety and the religious. I am sick of it.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Every time I hear of a priest loosing his cool…it’s always up to us to forgive him. I think too many priests are getting away with far too much…and we’re letting them do it. This priest that we’re talking about seems to have the megalomania which is so prevalent in so many parishes I see. There is a dichotomy between the laiety and the religious. I am sick of it.

I cannot say I am surprised at your response. Despite the very heart of Catholicism being forgiveness, when people are asked to forgive, all of the sudden it’s “unreasonable” and others’ sins become exagerrated so that they can fit their story of how in this case it’s “unreasonable” to forgive. Instead of a priest responding rudely, making an unpopular rule, and hanging up the phone, now we have a megalomaniac.

 

[FK04US]

I am with Angels Unaware and jp2weloveu View Post. For some reason, a group of Catholics in the US and Europe tend to think that the priests ought to serve them and make them happy. There is this sense of pride and self-love that nobody can say anything that we don’t like, or we will leave the Church or the parish. People will forgive anybody, except their priests. I am pretty sure that this attitude will “encourage” young men like myself for vocations to the priesthood. With parishioners like these, who needs enemies.

Please, forgive the priest and move on. Humility, and not pride is the Christian way. Let’s practice some.

 

[Shin]

It is not the responsibility of the priest to make us happy, it is the responsibility of the priest to do for us what should be done for us. Sometimes it’ll make us happy, sometimes IT WON’T.

Some medicine tastes bad. But it’s good medicine.

People who weigh the value of the priest on whether he makes you happy or not don’t understand how God can improve you through difficult people. But you normally just have to look at your family to understand how difficult people can be helpful.

 

[FK04US]

Please, respect our priests

http://www.hcssparish.org/Portals/1/ordinationeckert2.JPG

 

[FK04US]

Do not bash our priests
Please help us pray for more vocations

http://www.hcssparish.org/Portals/1/barron.JPG

 

[ready]

That is an image of Christ!

 

[wanner47]

FK04US, the image in post #114 is really huge; could you shrink it down a bit?

We should respect our priests, definitely. And all priests need and deserve our prayers, especially for vocations. But one of the spiritual works of mercy is to admonish the sinner, and priests can be sinners, too.

 

[KateD]

Go to another parish; this kind of behavior is unacceptable, even less so from a priest. Yelling at Josh, telling him not to come to HIS church, and hanging up?! No way would I go to him for confession, nor for my marriage. There are lots of good priests out there, you don’t have to put up with this.