Is it always condemned for men to look at women?

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I am 27 and a virgin. I had this teaching almost embedded into my subconscious that men should not look at women with “lustful” intent, but it seems to be condemned regardless of intent. It’s not fair because I haven’t found that right person to “lose” with and it means God condemns me for my normal desires. They are sinful desires according to the church, no matter what. I also never heard about the church saying the similar thing to women. Society thinks everything is the man’s fault. Women are the “pure” type, so God must have lied about everyone being created equal in his eyes unless we can still say men thinking isn’t inherently impure.
 
Tails said:
condemned regardless of intent.
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Maybe you can elaborate more. I have not seen women or even men insisting that men are not allowed to look at them at all. They’re only against you looking at them in a sexual way. Are all of your thoughts about women sexual?
Tails said:
I also never heard about the church saying the similar thing to women
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Lust is a sin for both women and men.
Tails said:
Society thinks everything is the man’s fault. Women are the “pure” type,
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Interestingly enough, it’s more conservative men who perpetuate this idea. The secular culture is trying to push the idea (successfully) that women are very sexual.
 
Tails said:
it means God condemns me for my normal desires
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No, he does not. As you said, the feelings are normal. It is your responsibility not to dwell on them. It is your responsibility to resist the temptation to lust after another. In doing so, you grow in virtue.
 
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Sounds to me like you have got a wrong teaching in your subconscious somehow then. It’s fine for a man to look at a woman and appreciate her beauty, as long as he doesn’t get carried away. “Carried away” would mean giving in to sexual fantasies when she’s not your wife, or staring at her and making her uncomfortable.

Most relationships begin with two people looking at each other and liking what they see.
 
I agree, Tis. OP: Here’s something my fiancé told me: It’s okay to appreciate another woman’s beauty; as long as I’m not flirting with her or womanizing with her. In your situation: I’d suggest you look at it as that it’s okay to appreciate the beauty of what God made. Other posters have made good points also.

Don’t dwell on any lustful thoughts and don’t make the woman uncomfortable. As for the “ it’s all men’s fault “: I agree that it’s been waaaay to successfully pushed in our culture that men are to blame for everything. Not everything is our fault. Women fall too.
 
Yeah, I’ve definitely looked at quite a few men in my time, including rock stars, movie stars, guys I met in real life, and even some priests and thought, “What a handsome man.”

It’s only sinful if you take it a step farther and start dwelling on jumping the guy’s bones.
 
Thoughts pop into your head all the time but you can choose not to dwell on them
 
Part of maturing is like, gaining control over your sex thing.

Everybody on here was young once, I would say most of us have been married and dated. We all had sex drives and we all learned to gain control over them so we are/ were not running around at age 25 or 30 having to run back to our rooms and commit impure acts because we saw a pretty person on the street, or on TV, etc.
 
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I’m not sure that you’ll ever stop looking at women. It’s how we (men) are made. I’m over 40 and yes, sometimes I’ll still look at pretty girls. It’s one thing to look and admire beauty, it’s another thing to be dirty. It’s a line most men are able to walk as they get older.
 
I agree. I’m 42, and I won’t ever stop admiring female beauty. Ive learned how to control my sex drive. That involved a lot of God, prayer and personal effort; plus a wonderfully supportive, loving and caring fiancé whom I want to be with in Heaven. I want the last thing I see on Earth is her smiling face as I die in her arms.
 
It took me three ex wives and many years to really understand male sexual desire.
 
Hahahahaha I took me a VERY painful divorce and my fiancé to get me here.
 
My wife, during a conversation about a particular movie actress and her appeal, “Do guys ever grow out of that?”

Me, wistfully, “Not really.”
 
Tails said:
I am 27 and a virgin. I had this teaching almost embedded into my subconscious that men should not look at women with “lustful” intent, but it seems to be condemned regardless of intent. It’s not fair because I haven’t found that right person to “lose” with and it means God condemns me for my normal desires. They are sinful desires according to the church, no matter what. I also never heard about the church saying the similar thing to women. Society thinks everything is the man’s fault. Women are the “pure” type, so God must have lied about everyone being created equal in his eyes unless we can still say men thinking isn’t inherently impure.
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“my normal desires?”

Man, that’s your calling to marry. Do it.
 
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Maybe i’m wrong about what you’re saying, but are you talking about just looking at a woman, the same way you might look at anything else? The Bible just talks about lust.
 
Attraction is the normal first step in finding a spouse.

If you’re attracted to a woman, the next questions are:

Is she available?
Do I like her?

If the answers to both are “yes”, then ask her out.
 
Lea101 said:
Interestingly enough, it’s more conservative men who perpetuate this idea. The secular culture is trying to push the idea (successfully) that women are very sexual.
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I would argue both men and women are sexual. For the longest time it was perpetuated (I’d argue mostly by Protestants) only men enjoyed sex, women hated it, and sexual frustrations were seen as a “man” problem. That is simply false a false view.

God gave both men and women sexual desire. Of course it is what we do with our sexual desires that make them sinful or not.
 
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