Is it appropriate for me to be confirmed

[carefullytread]

Thank you for the suggestions Wesrock. I have just been reading about the Confessions and it looks like they could be very helpful for me.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

Hi Claire, no it would not be a problem. I already go regularly. I never take the Eucharist however.

As a priest, I am very reluctant in a forum like this to discuss the situation of an individual…not least because these posts will never go away. Having followed this thread, however, there are a few clarifications that need to be made.

If one is in an invalid marriage, and living as husband and wife, one should not be receiving the Eucharist – but also there is a problem for receiving the sacrament of penance.

Confession requires a firm purpose of amendment and if one is in a situation that is disordered at its root – whether one is in a civil marriage or living together as husband and wife without civil marriage – it affects the confessor’s ability to properly absolve. This is a different situation from, for example, the resolution to live as brother and sister where the couple falls and are in need of being absolved.

That is, in part, why I would really urge you to visit with a priest and discuss with him the entirety of your situation as well as your concerns and then work with him on possible ways ahead for you. He can also discuss with you the sacramental implications for your current situation and how it can potentially be resolved and do so in ways that go beyond the scope and limitations of this forum.

There are your theological concerns to be addressed. And there are the Church’s requirements that need to be addressed relative to how, and in what order, the sacraments would need to be supplied to you after suitable preparation.

Please be assured that I am not in any way wanting to discourage you but, apart from your concerns and what is holding you back personally, there is the reality of the situation the Church’s ministers confront as well.

If there were no concerns on your part, we would be looking at preparing you for confirmation, and doing reconciliation, confirming you, and convalidation in quick succession so that we don’t have you in a sort of sacramental no-man’s land.

There is certainly the possibility of coordinating it so that you are prepared for Confirmation here, receive reconciliation and Confirmation here just before you travel, and then convalidate the marriage on the other end.

Or, perhaps, if the priest there is willing to obtain a delegation (and the bishop willing to grant it) you could have reconciliation and confirmation there as well as the convalidation there – if a priest would do the preparations here to the satisfaction of the priest there.

Personally, thinking of the priest in the other country, I would be less inclined to this latter route, especially if there is a language issue, since that would put him in a difficult situation if things begin going wrong…there can be little time to resolve them with the fixed day and time of the convalidation looming.

You would also need to find out, for example, in addition to being confirmed, what the priest in the other country requires in terms of preparation for a convalidation. These can vary widely from country to country since it is a convalidation. It can range from a minimum all the way to everything that is required for the celebration of a marriage. And you would need a priest where you are to work with you to accomplish all of that and then certify for the priest in the other country that whatever is required by that diocese has been accomplished where you are.

I would urge you, in addition to speaking to the priest, to think over and research the maxim of Saint Anselm…“faith seeking understanding”. I think that may be actually where you are, as best I can determine.

You don’t say what country the convalidation is contemplated for – please don’t – but I can say that where I am, the Confirmation is all but non-negotiable, especially if there are months to accomplish it. The canon specifies that the parties are to be confirmed unless there is “grave inconvenience.” Grave inconvenience, in practical application, is a prudential judgment (sometimes clarified quite well by the diocesan bishop and by particular law) and where I am it would involve, for example, a marriage being contracted on the literal death bed of one of the parties.

Every effort, including delegations, are granted where I am precisely so that grave inconvenience cannot be asserted and thus no one is married who is not confirmed…the rationale being that Confirmation is one of the three sacraments of full initiation and the graces of the sacrament are there to live out one’s vocation – in this case, marriage.

I do not understand the concept of one of the posters who would say that one could attempt to use Canon Law to evade this mandate that one is to be confirmed before marriage. If one has not been confirmed before one is married, what life event would come that would occasion it?

Again, I in no way want to seem unkind but, I would have to consider very thoughtfully the prudence of convalidating a marriage where one party is a Catholic not comfortable with receiving the sacrament of Confirmation and the other party is a Catholic who does not attend Mass regularly. You know the concerns that you have. Hopefully now, you have some insight into the concerns a priest would have, given this situation.