Is it bad that I don't take part in the sign of peace?

[BartholomewB]

“…all express to one another peace communion, and charity” would seem to indicate that participation is not optional on the part of the faithful.

Exactly. It’s optional for the celebrant. If the celebrant opts to leave it out, will it be okay for half the people in the congregation to act as though he had opted to include it? Will it be okay if they turn to one another, shake hands, murmur a formula of friendly greeting, and then repeat this action a few times with the people in the pew in front of them and the people in the pew behind them, and get it all finished just in time to catch up with the other half of the congregation by the time they have started on “Lord, I am not worthy …”?

I don’t think that would be okay. And conversely, when the celebrant opts to include the sign of peace, I don’t think it’s okay to act as if he hadn’t. One mistake is as bad as the other.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I admit that I am among those who dislike the Sign of Peace; it is just the most awkward thing. If the celebrant includes it, though I do go along with it.

The priest at our parish has been leaving it out (it is optional, as others have mentioned) for a number of years, and I greatly prefer that.

 

[Calliope]

Just a couple thoughts. Some people live in isolation, and this is the only time they touch and get touched by another person. It can mean the world to them to be acknowledged and receive a generous greeting, smile and wish of God’s peace.

The Eucharist is not simply about receiving Christ for yourself, a private encounter. It’s about receiving Christ as the body of Christ, Communion. If having to interact with your fellow Catholics is a distraction, maybe that’s something to work on in your spiritual life, because we weren’t placed here on Earth to live in a personal private relationship with Christ, but in a communal relationship with him and our fellow humans. Indeed, in a sense one cannot have a deep personal relationship with the Lord of All, without being willing to have a relationship with the All as well.
Yes, that is a huge challenge and a lifelong journey, but Mass is not private time with God, it’s community time with the Body of Christ.

Do what you feel called to do. Those were just thoughts to consider.

 

[Limoncello4021]

I think you should follow the local custom and shake hands or at least nod.
Some years ago I invited a non Catholic friend to Mass. He was nervous and hesitant to go, not sure of what to do, afraid people would peg him as a non Catholic. I prayed he’d have a good experience and want to explore the faith more. Well on that Sunday it just so happened, in a crowded church, that a person like yourself was next to my friend. My friend kindly reached out his hand at the proper time and was completely rebuffed. The guy obviously saw the hand but just stood there with a scowl staring straight ahead. To this day I have never experienced that again at Mass. My friend was mortified, as was I. As far as I know he never went back to a Catholic Mass.
So please consider the potential lack of charity and missed opportunity for possible evangelization. Think about whether the saints—Mother Teresa for example—would refuse at least a smile.

 

[Dan_Defender]

I have zero problem with the sign of peace, but I’ve noticed some people have the attitude: yeah you are my brother but stay at an arm’s length at all times, no touching!

I remember asking a Bible-only protestant relative about this passage:
‘Greet one another with a holy kiss.’ - 2 Cor 13:12
Do you do this at the protestant service? she said no, never!

 

[CRV]

As it is optional, I would rather Father left it out.

But as others have said, if Father says 'Let us offer each other the sign of peace…", then I obey, but I do not like hugging, shaking hands etc. so I have found by keeping my missal in my hands, allows me to smile, nod and say ‘Peace be with you etc.’.

When Father has left it out, I have noticed people around me make the SOP - but whether that’s because they don’t know any different, or perhaps they just think that Father has forgotten that part and so do make it, because they are used to doing it at every Mass or for some other reason, I don’t know. But it is interesting seeing some making the SOP and some not - and the various looks of confusion, refusal and also rebuffment on various faces.

And before someone takes it upon themselves to be ‘police’ me and correct me for noticing the actions of my near neighbors, this was noticed all within 1-2 seconds.

 

[Sarcelle]

I also don’t like it but I force myself to participate.

Even this little bit helps when it’s all to easy for me to become a curmudgeon.

 

[Brian_K]

And before someone takes it upon themselves to be ‘police’ me and correct me for noticing the actions of my near neighbors, this was noticed all within 1-2 seconds.

I still struggle with this! I come from a very judgmental background and catch myself looking for something to criticize way too often. I know I’m blessed to be there, and it’s almost always a wonderful experience, then out of nowhere seems to come some thought like, “Why would someone wear that to church?” I’ll keep working on it

 

[Scott84]

Absolutely not!

I attend a Latin Mass parish and only the clergy do the sign of peace. It makes sense, as they act in Persona Christi.

For the longest time this is how it was. And I agree that for us lay people our attention should remain focused on what is happening at the altar and not hugging each other. There is plenty of time to socialize after Mass.

I know there are lots of other Catholics who dislike the sign of peace during Mass, so you aren’t alone in feeling that way. I’ve seen it so bad where the priest gets down from the altar and socializes with the Masses in the pews during the sign of peace for a good solid five minutes before resuming Mass.

 

[Scott84]

I think as someone has said it has contributed to the overall decline in reverence for the Blessed Sacrament

I would like this comment a thousand times if I could!

 

[OraLabora]

I attend a Latin Mass parish and only the clergy do the sign of peace. It makes sense, as they act in Persona Christi .

That makes no sense to me at all. In my (Benedictine) tradition, the Rule says to greet everyone as if it were Christ Himself. Not just the clergy.

 

[halogirl]

I like it that more of us feel uncomfortable than I might have supposed let’s think of each other on here the next time it’s peace, and smile at how uncomfortable each other feels in another place in the world at their peace. Even that is fellowship when you think about it

 

[Fuerza]

I would say it’s not OK to flat out ignore someone, but I see nothing there requiring someone to physically touch another. A simple nod and a verbal “peace” would seem to meet any obligation, if one actually exists, just fine.

 

[stpurl]

Why is it always one particular group who gets the directive to be pushed out of the ‘comfort zone?’

Why is it not equally the duty of the person who likes ‘shaking hands’ to accept that another person may not wish to shake, but rather to bow, or even remain withdrawn, even though those actions don’t make that person 'comfortable?

Example: A woman has been caring for a very sick relative. Unexpectedly she has the chance to attend Mass. Her emotions are absolutely raw, she is just about ‘done for’, but she comes for the peace of Christ and her community. She can barely manage not to be weeping at the sign of peace; she feels like one throbbing ‘nerve’, she manages to nod shakily at the people next to her.

“Humphf” they sneer inside (and often gossip to each other after church, or on message boards), “think you’re too good to touch people, don’t you?” “What a stuck up person”.

Yep, we’ll be told that SHE should be the one to go out of HER comfort zone, yet not that the judgmental ones should go out of THEIRS.

I do wish that more people would consider the feelings of others --those others who are dealing with illness, stress, pain, emotional, mental, and physical challenges–and cut them a break instead of assuming that the quiet and contemplative ones are so only from the basest, worst, hateful motives.

If we are all to be making peace with each other, shouldn’t we permit a little more variety in what we ask of others instead of demanding that everybody no matter what conform to an expectation that isn’t even a requirement and differs widely from society to society? Not all Americans do the sign of peace, still less do they all ‘shake’, but too often a person who does not wish to do those things is castigated as if they were hateful and unChristian.

 

[CRV]

Perhaps if you are extended a hand in the SOP and don’t wish to shake, rather than the other person feeling rebuffed, maybe try just at the moment to cough into your hand, smile and just say peace be with you? The other person doesn’t feel rebuffed etc. and is usually glad you didn’t take their hand after all!

I also have a friend doesn’t like to be touched at all - in all our years of friendship, I’ve only ever slight round shoulders from the side hugged her just once. My friend is also germ phobic. I respect that. She also finds the SOP difficult due to the response she’s gotten when she hasn’t extended her hand. People take it as a personal insult directed specifically at them, and don’t stop to consider that it isn’t personal at all.

 

[OraLabora]

Why is it always one particular group who gets the directive to be pushed out of the ‘comfort zone?’

"One particular group? No. All of us. If our faith isn’t challenging us, it’s not working. Faith is about inner conversion, not stasis. We should all be questioning ourselves at all times. For some it may be the sign of peace, others have to overcome other discomforts generated by the command to “love one another”.

That said, I always respect the wishes of someone who does not want to shake hands.

It boils down to simple courtesy.

 

[ratio1]

I really don’t like being touched,

In some Asian countries people don’t shake hands, they either nod and smile or clasp their hands, which in my opinion could be far more hygienic and civilised.

 

[Thomasbradley312]

would be perfectly fine with it taking place at the beginning of Mass, or even at the time of the prayers of the faithful

Well that is the thing. My parish, and many I have visited, also at the opening announcement before mass begins says something like won’t you all please take a moment to greet those around you. This is something else I really get kind of uneasy about, mainly because I already have greeted them with a smile when I or they sat near me. It doesn’t seem right almost telling people to do what they should have done to begin with. So then it’s like I’m forced to say hi again. I don’t get that.
As for the Sign of Peace, I have nothing against it in theory, but I’ve had some bad experiences. A woman always leaves her pew and begins walking across the aisles hugging people. There’s kids who give me a high five or give the peace sign and go peaaaaceeee. I mean is this really what coming into communion is about?

 

[Thomasbradley312]

Exactly. It’s optional for the celebrant. If the celebrant opts to leave it out, will it be okay for half the people in the congregation to act as though he had opted to include it? Will it be okay if they turn to one another, shake hands, murmur a formula of friendly greeting, and then repeat this action a few times with the people in the pew in front of them and the people in the pew behind them, and get it all finished just in time to catch up with the other half of the congregation by the time they have started on “Lord, I am not worthy …”?

What you just described happens all the time when my priest doesn’t do it because of flu. It really bothers me.

 

[OraLabora]

As for the Sign of Peace, I have nothing against it in theory, but I’ve had some bad experiences. A woman always leaves her pew and begins walking across the aisles hugging people. There’s kids who give me a high five or give the peace sign and go peaaaaceeee . I mean is this really what coming into communion is about?

I go to Mass at the local monastery so there’s never any such shenanigans. I haven’t seen too much of that in local parishes either. It just be that Canadians are by nature more reserved, and folks from the US (assuming that’s where you’re from) more exuberant. I’ve noticed that on planes too, Canadian seat mates bury themselves in their reading, and US seat mates invariably want to chat.