Is it ever a good idea to add two girls you're dating on Facebook?

[bluerose]

OK, maybe it’s not the best idea to add them both on Facebook, but I really don’t see anything wrong with dating more than one girl at a time. It’s not like it’s exclusive or anything,** and I’m sure women do it all the time.** Besides, it keeps you from moving too fast and gives you a chance to step back and really get to know the other person. Yes, their dads own shotguns, but as long as I’m not doing anything inappropriate with their daughters, they won’t have a reason to use them.

Oh, REALLY???

 

[whatevergirl]

*BT–I did date two guys at the same time back in college…it wasn’t serious or anything, they both knew about each other, but they didn’t like it, and their friends thought I was a jerk. I feared commitment, and that was largely the problem. All I can say, looking back, and knowing what I now know…it’s not becoming of a christian to date two people at one time. (unless you are not really ‘‘dating’’ and just hanging around with these girls as friends, but ‘‘dating’’…that word connotes a different meaning) Your heart can’t be split in two…eventually, you will have feelings for one over the other, but yet, you’re still dating both…and that’s when people get hurt. You can do what you choose, but just my humble two cents on the matter–from someone who has been there, done that.

I don’t like FB in general…so, to me, I would not add both to your page. (which is your ultimate question lol)

But, that’s just me…*

 

[novaslasher]

If they both know you are dating other women, then they should be able to handle it with maturity. If drama ensues, you should rethink dating with these two women since they either can’t handle themselves maturely or secretly disagree with dating multiple people casually.

If they don’t know you are dating other women, they why the heck didn’t you tell them from the start?

Personally, I wouldn’t casually date multiple women at once. Who has that time and money? Realistically, it can also lead to broken hearts if you get attached to both and can’t summon the will to end one relationship and take the next into courtship.

FB is interesting and kinda dangerous in the sense that it makes voyeurism legitimate and easier to do. It’s easy to track someone’s day if they broadcast it in announcements or post pics of every thing they do.

 

[kimmielittle]

OK, maybe it’s not the best idea to add them both on Facebook, but I really don’t see anything wrong with dating more than one girl at a time. It’s not like it’s exclusive or anything, and I’m sure women do it all the time. Besides, it keeps you from moving too fast and gives you a chance to step back and really get to know the other person. Yes, their dads own shotguns, but as long as I’m not doing anything inappropriate with their daughters, they won’t have a reason to use them.

Hiyas

Would you take both girls to the same dance?

Would they both go… knowing the other was coming as a co-date?

Bottom line…Your good health …all depends on how THEY define the relationship.

 

[chevalier]

If they both know you are dating other women, then they should be able to handle it with maturity.

I’ve been trying not to engage in polemics with other people’s advice, but as far as handling that with maturity, but if a woman were to date another guy besides me and it were more than just hanging out and talking (or even going to dances or attending functions, but nothing like kissing or writing love letters or heavy flirting or similar), then it would be a sayonara on the spot and I do not believe myself immature for this. Contrary, with respect, I believe the aforementioned conduct shared with more than one person at a time, with or without knowledge by all involved, to be an immature way of acting (without making statements about general maturity of the person).

If drama ensues, you should rethink dating with these two women since they either can’t handle themselves maturely or secretly disagree with dating multiple people casually.

Again, I take issue with calling them immature in the hypothetical scenario (unless they take issue with merely talking and light flirting that doesn’t come with heavier actions or statements, such as e.g. merely taking someone to a coffee or a dance, in which case the maturity of the reaction is situational).

 

[LilyElain]

I just know that I am personally very loyal, and hold my self to that. I could not even begin to imagine flirting, much less dating, another man than the one I was with at the time…however this is just my view.
I think I would be quite upset and end the connection with someone who had decided we were not serious enough to refrain from being involved, however lightly, with other women and had not informed me of such…

 

[Joseph_L_Varga]

Not being a Facebook user… I was wondering - can you make subgroups such as “my former schoolmates”, “my buddies from basketball practice”, “the girls I’m currently hanging out with”? Kind of like you can make subfolders within a computer folder?

But I mean, publicly viewable subgroups, that would be the whole point.

I mean, your basketball buddies are surely not mad with each other for being in the same subgroup? Similar logic would apply to girls you are hanging out with, or dating non-exclusively, they would be only happy to find themselves in one subgroup in each other’s company, riiiight? And if you would go to one of these girls’ facebook page, you would see, if she would create a similar subgroup, what other guys is she hanging out with, non-exclusively, besides of you? No hurt feelings on anybody’s part, riiiight?

You could even post photos, such as “last weekend at the beach with Nancy”, “yesterday at the dance with Sally” etc? And you could visit, say, Sally’s page where you might see photos such as “yesterday at the dance with BadTurkey”, “last Saturday’s mountainbike trip with Tommy”, “at the Sushi bar with Frankie”, etc. This way, Sally would see who else you are hanging out with, and you would see Sally’s other guy interests that she is spending time with?

 

[whatevergirl]

*I think FB is one of those mediums though that sort of entices drama…when it comes to situations like this. It’s a medium, much like myspace, where people write things to each other in plain view for others to see…so, the potential for it to become a competition is greater than, say, without facebook. I am against competing for a man, if you’re a girl…and likewise for guys. If it is not dating though, it’s just enjoying a bite to eat with someone with no emotional feelings really…then, that’s different. But, if both girls are interested in kissing, holding hands…then I think that would be unwise to do that.

I dunno…what might Jesus suggest here?*

 

[novaslasher]

I’ve been trying not to engage in polemics with other people’s advice, but as far as handling that with maturity, but if a woman were to date another guy besides me and it were more than just hanging out and talking (or even going to dances or attending functions, but nothing like kissing or writing love letters or heavy flirting or similar), then it would be a sayonara on the spot and I do not believe myself immature for this. Contrary, with respect, I believe the aforementioned conduct shared with more than one person at a time, with or without knowledge by all involved, to be an immature way of acting (without making statements about general maturity of the person).

Again, I take issue with calling them immature in the hypothetical scenario (unless they take issue with merely talking and light flirting that doesn’t come with heavier actions or statements, such as e.g. merely taking someone to a coffee or a dance, in which case the maturity of the reaction is situational).

If the two women do not know he is dating others, then I agree its a big problem for all concerned. Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with breaking off with someone when they tell you they want to date others casually. I don’t think there’s even anything wrong with breaking off after pondering it for awhile and changing ones mind. What would be immature, is starting a verbal fight with the other woman via FB after they previously agreed it was ok to date others.

I personally wouldn’t casually date more than one woman though. Tossing facebook into the mix would likely cause trouble too.

 

[just_me_1]

ok here’s my 2 cents.

I understand “keeping your options open” by dating more than one person. however, if after a few dates you don’t feel you can be exclusive with one, then why not let them know you don’t feel that way about them. otherwise you are just leading them on and it will get someone hurt… or at the very least waste everyone’s time. I’ve been where they are and it stinks to find out…

you really need to pick one. if you can’t do that you must not feel strongly enough about either one. let them both go and keep looking. when you find “the one” you’ll know.

now on the creative side you COULD open 2 facebook accounts and friend one in each. gotta be sure you cover your tracks though, close friends need to be in on it and no profile pics! lol! seriously it would be easier to be honest with them. (unless you have a REALLY uncommon name, then you’ll have to get reeeeeeeeeeeeeal creative! hehe. )

 

[SeekingWisdom]

*I think FB is one of those mediums though that sort of entices drama…when it comes to situations like this. It’s a medium, much like myspace, where people write things to each other in plain view for others to see…so, the potential for it to become a competition is greater than, say, without facebook. I am against competing for a man, if you’re a girl…and likewise for guys. If it is not dating though, it’s just enjoying a bite to eat with someone with no emotional feelings really…then, that’s different. But, if both girls are interested in kissing, holding hands…then I think that would be unwise to do that.

I dunno…what might Jesus suggest here?*

The only drama in my Facebook comes from one of the “nice Catholic married girls”.

I am firmly against adding anyone on Facebook unless I have known them for a very long time, and I probably wouldn’t add someone I was dating unless it was exclusive and we acknowledged we were heading for marriage.

 

[chevalier]

I just know that I am personally very loyal, and hold my self to that. I could not even begin to imagine flirting, much less dating, another man than the one I was with at the time…however this is just my view.
I think I would be quite upset and end the connection with someone who had decided we were not serious enough to refrain from being involved, however lightly, with other women and had not informed me of such…

Basically, the way I see it, merely going out for a coffee and it being basically the same as with any friend or any other person, it would not necessarily require full disclosure at an early stage. Basically, whoever you invite to a coffee or dance or some such is no one’s business until one has a claim of sorts (and I don’t mean a claim to you as in marriage, I mean any sort of real claim to knowing about such things). In my view, kissing someone or giving him/her a love letter or an explicitly romantic gift or taking that person to an explicitly romantic place or declaring strong feelings, would create such a claim (and basing on the circumstances, “lesser” things also could create such a claim). Plus, the concern which Whatevergirl has raised before, i.e. that a heart can’t be divided. Personally, I’m against this form of polyamory which is multiple romance. However, I am reacting emotionally to it, which means my reasoning may also be emotional. However, I don’t see a rational justification making it good, either (expedient at best, but that’s not enough). At the same time, I would be prepared to defend with similar zeal the idea that merely asking someone out to a coffee or even a dance or merely communicating some interest (in a person, not in a relationship) doesn’t make a “claim” yet, but it takes one of the heavier weight things.

If the two women do not know he is dating others, then I agree its a big problem for all concerned. Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with breaking off with someone when they tell you they want to date others casually. I don’t think there’s even anything wrong with breaking off after pondering it for awhile and changing ones mind. What would be immature, is starting a verbal fight with the other woman via FB after they previously agreed it was ok to date others.

I personally wouldn’t casually date more than one woman though. Tossing facebook into the mix would likely cause trouble too.

I see. Thank you for the explanation. Naturally, backing out of agreements and starting fights isn’t very mature.

 

[armywife]

Someone really needs to write an etiquette book for Facebook. The answer should be really obvious.

 

[Joseph_L_Varga]

I just know that I am personally very loyal, and hold my self to that. I could not even begin to imagine flirting, much less dating, another man than the one I was with at the time…however this is just my view.
I think I would be quite upset and end the connection with someone who had decided we were not serious enough to refrain from being involved, however lightly, with other women and had not informed me of such…

Jokes aside, this is also how I feel. I could never understand such subtleties as “non-exclusive dating”. To me, they are on the same level as “slightly horrible”, “somewhat pregnant”, or “gently being impaled”.

 

[Cajun_Girl]

There are more women than men so he can and would be silly to not sample the cows before buying the meat.

Since we’re on the subject of dating advice, I might also advise you to NEVER use this line around either of these women.

Honestly, I don’t see anything immoral with dating two people at once, and my parents’ generation did it with no qualms. However, it just doesn’t seem to be culturally acceptable anymore. People seem to assume that the relationship is exclusive unless specifically stated otherwise. This seems to be dangerous territory, in my opinion.

Unless I’m only speaking for my own background, that of a southern American?

 

[LilyElain]

Basically, the way I see it, merely going out for a coffee and it being basically the same as with any friend or any other person, it would not necessarily require full disclosure at an early stage. Basically, whoever you invite to a coffee or dance or some such is no one’s business until one has a claim of sorts (and I don’t mean a claim to you as in marriage, I mean any sort of real claim to knowing about such things). In my view, kissing someone or giving him/her a love letter or an explicitly romantic gift or taking that person to an explicitly romantic place or declaring strong feelings, would create such a claim (and basing on the circumstances, “lesser” things also could create such a claim). Plus, the concern which Whatevergirl has raised before, i.e. that a heart can’t be divided. Personally, I’m against this form of polyamory which is multiple romance. However, I am reacting emotionally to it, which means my reasoning may also be emotional. However, I don’t see a rational justification making it good, either (expedient at best, but that’s not enough). At the same time, I would be prepared to defend with similar zeal the idea that merely asking someone out to a coffee or even a dance or merely communicating some interest (in a person, not in a relationship) doesn’t make a “claim” yet, but it takes one of the heavier weight things.

I agree to a point…however I am guessing that if the OP is asking if this is good idea, that he has not informed the young ladies of his decision in dating them both…which I suppose is more where my hurt and surprise would lie. I would never agree to casual dating with multiple people…so I suppose I merely wanted to point out that he may need to make sure they are both aware of the situation. If they are okay with this…then that is the way it is. I would not be opposed to getting coffee with someone else, really. But if I am involved with someone I am very, as I said, loyal. I suppose it is my Lithuanian/ Irish nature…

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Is it just a plain bad idea, because it’s prime fodder for drama? I mean, do they always find out about each other? It’s not exclusive or anything, though.

Isn’t dating two girls at once a bad idea in of itself? :ehh:

 

[dakotagirl]

YES, LostWanderer, long story short, it is. I am thoroughly scared about the impressions people might be taking away from this thread. What matter, though?

Quote of the day:
“Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don’t hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.” — P.G. Wodehouse (Doctor Sally)

 

[LilyElain]

YES, LostWanderer, long story short, it is. I am thoroughly scared about the impressions people might be taking away from this thread. What matter, though?

Quote of the day:
“Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don’t hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.” — P.G. Wodehouse (Doctor Sally)

This is…amazing. Very well said Ma’am! I love Wodehouse as well…

 

[novaslasher]

Since we’re on the subject of dating advice, I might also advise you to NEVER use this line around either of these women.

Honestly, I don’t see anything immoral with dating two people at once, and my parents’ generation did it with no qualms. However, it just doesn’t seem to be culturally acceptable anymore. People seem to assume that the relationship is exclusive unless specifically stated otherwise. This seems to be dangerous territory, in my opinion.

Unless I’m only speaking for my own background, that of a southern American?

I’ve heard this before too. Apparently, our grandparent’s generation wouldn’t fixate on one person exclusively but would casually date different people before settling down and “going steady” with one person. Nowadays, the default position is to “go steady” with the first person you start dating, until you decide that you want to move on to the next person. I remember seeing this phenomenon in high school (about 10 years ago). Girls especially seemed to want to go straight into “going steady” rather than casually date different guys at the same time. This is probably a symptom of our dating culture assuming that kissing and other aspects of physical intimacy are expected from the first date onward. Physical itimacy brings a natural inclination to expect commitment. Gen Y doesn’t bother with going out for malt shakes and hand holding on the first few dates; they go straight for rounding first base.