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Is it ever a good idea to add two girls you're dating on Facebook?
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kage_ar
Guest
Define dating.
If by dating you mean going to lite things like coffee and chatting, then dating more than one person is not wrong.
If by dating you mean cultivating romance, dates with the two of you alone, kissing, hand holding - that should be an exclusive relationship and to do this with more than one woman at a time is prep for life as a cheating husband.
If by dating you mean going to lite things like coffee and chatting, then dating more than one person is not wrong.
If by dating you mean cultivating romance, dates with the two of you alone, kissing, hand holding - that should be an exclusive relationship and to do this with more than one woman at a time is prep for life as a cheating husband.
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dakotagirl
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whatevergirl
Guest
:clapping: *Excellently put. *
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kimmielittle
Guest
AMEN:thumbsup:
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chevalier
Guest
You see, all the vocabulary is causing some problems. Dating, relationship, whatever. I can’t fathom how a romantic relationship could be non-exclusive. That’s polyamory and that’s wrong and unnatural (not to mention my traditioinal mathematical argument against the practice). Where I see room for “non-exclusive” is when it’s not a relationship, i.e. when it’s only getting to know someone or when it’s still just friendship. When it starts being a romantic relationship, it has to be exclusive or not be at all. There’s no such thing as being in love with two people.I agree to a point…however I am guessing that if the OP is asking if this is good idea, that he has not informed the young ladies of his decision in dating them both…which I suppose is more where my hurt and surprise would lie. I would never agree to casual dating with multiple people…so I suppose I merely wanted to point out that he may need to make sure they are both aware of the situation. If they are okay with this…then that is the way it is. I would not be opposed to getting coffee with someone else, really. But if I am involved with someone I am very, as I said, loyal. I suppose it is my Lithuanian/ Irish nature…
That’s why I think people have got it backwards when they focus on the distinction between “exclusive” and “non-exclusive”. I can understand why people would make that differentiation with regard to going to dances, attending social functions etc. Those suggest but don’t force a romantic commitment, so clearing it up should help avoid some nasty complications. However, when it comes to actual romance, I just can’t fathom how people would accept it to be non-exclusive in a culture which rejects polygamy.
I fully agree with the view that being young and focusing one’s attention exclusively on the first person to propose having a coffee or attending a dance together is madness (unless one’s looking at marrying young and working from there, which *is *a method). I disagree with merely recreational kissing and cuddling. I fail to see how people could do that without being in love and I fail to see how people could really be in love with two or more people at the same time. Okay, I can, but those are the circumstances when one needs to withdraw and reflect instead of acting along. In fact, there can be other reasons to marry than being in love. But I fail to see how they should be reasons for romance (unless someone has married without being in love, then sure, go ahead and cultivate romance with the spouse). Romance without being in love is harder to imagine than marriage without being in love. Without that thing, the romance, the being in love, I fail to see why people would have to kiss or cuddle or similar.
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February
Guest
Hey Bad Turkey,
I had a guy that thought of me as a “good friend” not add me or his girlfriend to his Facebook page (35-year-old guy, btw) after letting me know that he had one and inviting me to “friend” him. When I asked why, he’d either change the subject or mutter something about not wanting girls to be fighting over him on Facebook. I didn’t know that, in the year and a half that we were “good friends” again, that he was still dating this girl. He also did and said various things to lead me on and think he might be interested in me. Eventually when he did add me (and not her), I did some investigating as to why his profile read “in a relationship”. In a nutshell, we are no longer friends at all…and he eventually added her.
I do question why you are dating two girls at the same time, if they know about each other, and know where they stand. If you have gotten to the point where you are past a few dates and have feelings for both, it’s time to make a decision. You obviously cannot marry two women. Somebody’s going to get hurt in the end, and it may be you.
I had a guy that thought of me as a “good friend” not add me or his girlfriend to his Facebook page (35-year-old guy, btw) after letting me know that he had one and inviting me to “friend” him. When I asked why, he’d either change the subject or mutter something about not wanting girls to be fighting over him on Facebook. I didn’t know that, in the year and a half that we were “good friends” again, that he was still dating this girl. He also did and said various things to lead me on and think he might be interested in me. Eventually when he did add me (and not her), I did some investigating as to why his profile read “in a relationship”. In a nutshell, we are no longer friends at all…and he eventually added her.
I do question why you are dating two girls at the same time, if they know about each other, and know where they stand. If you have gotten to the point where you are past a few dates and have feelings for both, it’s time to make a decision. You obviously cannot marry two women. Somebody’s going to get hurt in the end, and it may be you.
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Sadly, I’m one of those who support that. >_>;;
Then again, in my defense, I’m one of those who just go for a hole-in-one romance if you know what I mean.
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LilyElain
Guest
Well, being an English major, I suppose I should allow the OP to correct the understanding of the words used…It just seems to imply his asking if this situation is okay that he is worried these girls will find out about each other. Ergo, it seems as if he is dating both, and has not told them. Why? is my question…
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BadTurkey
Guest
I don’t feel I’m obligated to tell either, since there’s no stipulation of exclusiveness with either of these women.
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kimmielittle
Guest
I see…I see… prediction coming on, here ] I see… many years of shrunken shorts coming your way.
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kage_ar
Guest
What a prince of a guy.
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chevalier
Guest
Without more information (which I’m not asking for), I can’t tell you whether I agree with you or not (I’ve made it amply clear I don’t see any obligation to tell if the “dates” are limited to just walking and talking), but lack of prior promise not to behave in a certain way doesn’t always prevent a wrong from being done by non-disclosure. At a minimum, one can’t normally claim to be doing nothing wrong if one is sending mixed messages or acting inconsistently with even implied messages. This is not so much about any supposed obligation to disclosure (it’s hard to come up with one) as it is about not leading people on and not sending mixed messages.
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BadTurkey
Guest
OK, I feel like I’m digging myself into a hole here. I hate to say this, but sometimes it is a numbers game. I’m certainly not asking the women to be exclusive, and I assume that they’re probably seeing other guys. Personally, I think it’s a double standard that guys get all the “poop” when they do it, but when women do it, it’s assumed to be normal or even good practice.
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chevalier
Guest
I can see where you’re coming from. I have a similar perception of a double standard.
From the point when it’s bad, it’s as bad for women equally as it is for men. Same factors decide the good or bad for both sexes.
Quite a lot of stuff tends to be viewed in a different light depending on the sex of the person concerned. This is why I so often propose the turn-the-table test.
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whatevergirl
Guest
*You might be assuming these girls are doing that…have you asked? It’s always best to say when things are leaning towards seriousness…’‘where are we heading…do you want to see others…etc?’’ It’s best to get it out in the open…than guess and maybe hurt someone…and in the end, it’s not in your best interest. Really. Trust me…
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BadTurkey
Guest
Thanks for getting my back, bro.
Oh boy. I’ve learned in my past experiences that it’s best for the woman to bring up stuff like this; otherwise, you might scare off the girl or appear needy, controlling, etc.
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shannyk
Guest
I don’t know how ‘dating’ and ‘exclusive’ can be separated. Dating by it’s nature is a one man one woman deal since dating is for the purpose of discerning marriage/spouse. So, either you’re dating, and you give one person your time and attention, or, you don’t date either and have nice platonic outings and interactions.
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chevalier
Guest
My impression is that a man is expected to be ready to marry the particular woman before he asks her name or number. At the same time, I’m not sure if you would have attracted the same flak if it were clear from your nickname or otherwise that you were female. I suppose if you complained about a girl not telling you about other guys, you would get some flak for being possessive etc. It could be like how dare you claim that of her, nearly as much as now it is how dare you do that to her. (For the record, all I’ve said about non-exclusive dating stands.)
That is again somewhat true. If you raise it, you’re controlling or possessive. If you don’t raise it, you’re passive. My personal opinion, no offence intended to anyone, but I’d rather speak freely at this point, is that at this day and age, many women, or most, are a bit deregulated in this area. If they want you to be an ideal guesser, then that’s unreasonable but at least it holds water. Now if they’re ready to see everything you do as either passive or possessive and they want you to be neither of the two (in their definition of it), then poor lasses run a high risk of never being happy with a man. Or just giving in to a dominant personality that will crush the resistance without asking what they think or how they feel about it.
For the record, men can be biased and inonsistent too. They will be happy about getting some action, from supposedly innocent kissing to full-on action, but they wouldn’t be happy if their eventual wife had thought the same way (let alone roamed the bars for numbers in the hope of getting to kiss and cuddle some handsome guy, seeing as sex is prohibited).
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chevalier
Guest
That’s how I see it. In turn, some people won’t be content with nice platonic outings and interactions (reserving that platonic does imply romance at least in the spiritual sense, viz.). On that platonic level, I have no problem with non-exclusivity unless there are mixed signals, but when things become more Epicurean, then that’s a different cup of fish.
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