Is it "fair" many ex-Catholics judge Catholicism simply by their childhood experiences?

[HeWillProvide]

It seems like many former Catholics use their childhood experience as the reason for leaving the Church.
Is this fair, to base your entire faith on what you experienced from ages 0 to say, 17? Is this age mature enough to have a legit opinion of, and the full knowledge of, the Catholic Church?
What do you think?

 

[Marie5890]

It seems like many former Catholics use their childhood experience as the reason for leaving the Church.
Is this fair, to base your entire faith on what you experienced from ages 0 to say, 17? Is this age mature enough to have a legit opinion of, and the full knowledge of, the Catholic Church?
What do you think?

Childhood baggage is very real. And valid. It’s a legitimate journey to travel down the road of healing to deal with the pain we suffered, not matter where that pain came from.

I know many who have a great deal of pain and baggage wrapped up in their childhood experiences with Catholicism. It’s something that needs to be healed for sure. I will never, ever invalid that.

And healing IS possible.

That is why Christ suffered and died. So He could heal.

 

[Vasian]

It seems like many former Catholics use their childhood experience as the reason for leaving the Church.

This is true about many religions of Christendom.

Is this fair, to base your entire faith on what you experienced from ages 0 to say, 17? Is this age mature enough to have a legit opinion of, and the full knowledge of, the Catholic Church?

Of course it isn’t, but these are not mature individuals you speak of.
How could one expect more from a child?

What do you think?

I had a very bad experience with an abusive nun (non sexual) when I was a child.
It left me very bitter about the Church because she had convinced our Monsignor that it was a false accusation. It was not, but I was the one who suffered.
There is a trail of damage done by those in positions of prominence.
It can leave a deep mark on a child especially if parents are not well equipped to deal with it.

 

[Monica4316]

I’ve met people who left the Catholic Church in their late teens/early 20s…

some of them were trying to convince me that the Church teaches purgatory is a “second chance”, and thought that Catholics worship Mary…

so I think maybe some of them left cause they never understood the Catholic faith to begin with, and so couldn’t get into it

it’s very sad

 

[HeWillProvide]

I’m sorry to hear of your negative experiences.

Also, I was referring to full-grown adults leaving the church, using their childhood experiences as a reason, not children leaving the church at the time of their youth.

Could it be compared to schoolchildren leaving school because they didn’t like it, for whatever reason? In other words, are they not mature enough to understand it…?
Cases of abuse are, of course, not being compared to kids being bored in school, kids not liking their teachers, kids not liking their peers, kids having bullies, etc… (kids being bored in church, kids not liking the priest/nun, kids not liking the members of the church, kids meeting mean people at church, etc.)

 

[Marie5890]

This is true about many religions of Christendom.

Of course it isn’t, but these are not mature individuals you speak of.
How could one expect more from a child?

I had a very bad experience with an abusive nun (non sexual) when I was a child.
It left me very bitter about the Church because she had convinced our Monsignor that it was a false accusation. It was not, but I was the one who suffered.
There is a trail of damage done by those in positions of prominence.
It can leave a deep mark on a child especially if parents are not well equipped to deal with it.

I am very sorry about the abuse you suffered, Vasian. I have known others, too, who have suffered.

It DOES leave real pain, real scars. Real wounds.

I can only hope and pray that those who have been validly inflicted by those who were suppose to serve their Lord by serving others, can find healing in the Lord. He knows He has had people who have inflicted great pain and injury on the innocent. He too suffered such.

The Lord Is the Master healer.

I know that.

 

[Vasian]

I’m sorry to hear of your negative experiences.

Also, I was referring to full-grown adults leaving the church, using their childhood experiences as a reason, not children leaving the church at the time of their youth.

Could it be compared to schoolchildren leaving school because they didn’t like it, for whatever reason? In other words, are they not mature enough to understand it…?
Cases of abuse are, of course, not being compared to kids being bored in school, kids not liking their teachers, kids not liking their peers, kids having bullies, etc… (kids being bored in church, kids not liking the priest/nun, kids not liking the members of the church, kids meeting mean people at church, etc.)

I think some just need a socially acceptable (the new social circle in which they belong) reason to leave when they use their childhood experience.
For others even at an adult age the hurt and bitterness is real and runs deep.
These ones who have damaged the flock by using their privileged positions have much to answer to come judgement day.

Yet the scriptures assure us that God does not test faithful ones beyond what we as individuals can endure. (though however tough it may be!!!)

 

[rev_kevin]

I have been told by other Catholics here on the Catholic answers forums that it was ok for the nuns to stick me in a closit because I didn’t know the answer. It was ok that they smacked my hand on a daily basis because I’m left handed. It was ok to see the Nun who was the principal have a group of us watch her spank a classmate with a wooden pattle with his pants down. I was told that it was ok for them to pull my ear because I wasn’t paying attention at times. It was ok when a classmate died and the said get over it and gave no sympothy toward us. Then they blamed my parents for this happening to me while I was in the care of the school. As an adult I gave them a second chance thinking things have changed. I put my son in the same school tha I went to and not much has changed. So I yanked him out so he wouldn’t go through what I did. It has been said that I should just suck it up and get over it here on the Catholic answers forum. So yes it did have a impact on my decession to leave the faith and join another. I have been told that that is a stupid reason and I must have a better reason because that was not enough. All this happened for 8 years, I never told my mother until I was in my 40’s because I did not want to upset her. Sounds silly but true. But inspite of what happened I wanted to be a priest and went to siminary for about a year but we had our differences and I left. this still sticks in my mind to this day. So does it leave scars yes it does.

 

[FickleFreckled]

The experiences I had in childhood, Catholic school, in the 50’s and 60’s, skewed my image of God to the extent that as a youngster I wanted nothing to do with Him. As an adult, I wanted to get to know God. PJPII was a great influence on my journey back. If it hadn’t been for his kindness and intelligence, I probably wouldn’t have returned. I would have become Protestant. He, and the changes after VII, gave me a different conception of God than the one I’d been raised with. I finally returned to the Church fully 20 years ago. But those “scars” will remain with me and I will probably always have to struggle with them.
Just because you can rationalize something out as an adult doesn’t mean the damage is erased. It can take a lot of thought and even courage to return. Not everyone who left is willing to do the very personal emotional work that’s required, and those who joined other Christian denominations may not feel it’s that important.

 

[Vasian]

My friends, the Catholic Religion is run by imperfect human beings who themselves many times carry baggage with them from their childhood.
This whole imperfect world is tough and this leands more reason to be strong in one’s personal faith and relationship with our Lord, as our faith must over-ride the sins of others, and the wicked evil forces that challenge our faith!

 

[Rence]

It seems like many former Catholics use their childhood experience as the reason for leaving the Church.
Is this fair, to base your entire faith on what you experienced from ages 0 to say, 17? Is this age mature enough to have a legit opinion of, and the full knowledge of, the Catholic Church?
What do you think?

Yes it is fair. That’s why it is so very important to hold a high standard in everything you do, because as a Catholic, what you do (and don’t do) will reflect back to Catholism. The Roman Catholic Church is judged by others by the actions (and inactions) of it’s body (whether it’s a parishioner, a priest, a bishop, or a pope). All of us are accountable for actions we take “in the name of God” and we do that by default, by being Catholic.

I firmly believe that when people/kids lose their faith because of something a Catholic(s) did, that the Catholic responsible for the bad things that happened, are also responsible from the child falling away from the Church, not the individual who was scarred by their experiences with the Church - no matter what those experiences are.

That’s why we need to be so very careful in how we treat others, what we do in situations, and basically, what Jesus taught during his surmons. Really, how could what we do NOT reflect back to the Church? Isn’t that why we are called to a higher standard of behaviour?

 

[Vasian]

Yes it is fair. That’s why it is so very important to hold a high standard in everything you do, because as a Catholic, what you do (and don’t do) will reflect back to Catholism. The Roman Catholic Church is judged by others by the actions (and inactions) of it’s body (whether it’s a parishioner, a priest, a bishop, or a pope). All of us are accountable for actions we take “in the name of God” and we do that by default, by being Catholic.

I firmly believe that when people/kids lose their faith because of something a Catholic(s) did, that the Catholic responsible for the bad things that happened, are also responsible from the child falling away from the Church, not the individual who was scarred by their experiences with the Church - no matter what those experiences are.

That’s why we need to be so very careful in how we treat others, what we do in situations, and basically, what Jesus taught during his surmons. Really, how could what we do NOT reflect back to the Church? Isn’t that why we are called to a higher standard of behaviour?

 

[rev_kevin]

My friends, the Catholic Religion is run by imperfect human beings who themselves many times carry baggage with them from their childhood.
This whole imperfect world is tough and this leands more reason to be strong in one’s personal faith and relationship with our Lord, as our faith must over-ride the sins of others, and the wicked evil forces that challenge our faith!

So just because they themselves are human and imperfect is no excuse to do these things to the children. You are making excusses and condoning their actions. This is what I was talking about in my post. Put the blame some where eles instead on the person doing the harm. Just because they may have carried baggage from their childhood, gives them the right to do what they do to children. But its ok for them to be scared by what may have happened to them in their childhood and do this to children but its not ok for us who they did it to as children we aren’t allowed to have scars.

 

[TedDC]

Yes it is fair. That’s why it is so very important to hold a high standard in everything you do, because as a Catholic, what you do (and don’t do) will reflect back to Catholism. The Roman Catholic Church is judged by others by the actions (and inactions) of it’s body (whether it’s a parishioner, a priest, a bishop, or a pope). All of us are accountable for actions we take “in the name of God” and we do that by default, by being Catholic.

I firmly believe that when people/kids lose their faith because of something a Catholic(s) did, that the Catholic responsible for the bad things that happened, are also responsible from the child falling away from the Church, not the individual who was scarred by their experiences with the Church - no matter what those experiences are.

That’s why we need to be so very careful in how we treat others, what we do in situations, and basically, what Jesus taught during his surmons. Really, how could what we do NOT reflect back to the Church? Isn’t that why we are called to a higher standard of behaviour?

I agree; you reap what you sow.

 

[TheQuestioner]

So just because they themselves are human and imperfect is no excuse to do these things to the children. You are making excusses and condoning their actions. This is what I was talking about in my post. Put the blame some where eles instead on the person doing the harm. Just because they may have carried baggage from their childhood, gives them the right to do what they do to children. But its ok for them to be scared by what may have happened to them in their childhood and do this to children but its not ok for us who they did it to as children we aren’t allowed to have scars.

I don’t think he is condoning what happened, merely trying to encourage those who suffered to keep enduring. He’s not blaming anyone but those who did the wrong here, relax.

 

[Vasian]

So just because they themselves are human and imperfect is no excuse to do these things to the children.

Of course not!

You are making excusses and condoning their actions.

You are putting words in my mouth as i did not and do not condone such things.
As a victim of such things myself, i hardly can condone such things!

This is what I was talking about in my post. Put the blame some where eles instead on the person doing the harm. Just because they may have carried baggage from their childhood, gives them the right to do what they do to children. But its ok for them to be scared by what may have happened to them in their childhood and do this to children but its not ok for us who they did it to as children we aren’t allowed to have scars.

We are allowd to have scars for sure.
We are also allowed (and encouraged) to heal up by God’s grace and encouragement through his written word.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and You shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.” - Jesus Christ
Matthew 11:28-30

Get up and dust yourself off. You’ve been laying down there far too long.

 

[Justy90]

It seems like many former Catholics use their childhood experience as the reason for leaving the Church.
Is this fair, to base your entire faith on what you experienced from ages 0 to say, 17? Is this age mature enough to have a legit opinion of, and the full knowledge of, the Catholic Church?
What do you think?

Nice try.

 

[emeraldcoast]

It seems like many former Catholics use their childhood experience as the reason for leaving the Church.
Is this fair, to base your entire faith on what you experienced from ages 0 to say, 17? Is this age mature enough to have a legit opinion of, and the full knowledge of, the Catholic Church?
What do you think?

What age is Confirmation in the Catholic Church? Do you feel this is an appropriate age that one has a full knowledge of the Catholic Church teachings? When does one have full knowledge of the Catholic Church? Better yet, when does one have full understanding of God?

Merry Christmas!

 

[CB_Catholic]

So just because they themselves are human and imperfect is no excuse to do these things to the children. You are making excusses and condoning their actions. This is what I was talking about in my post. Put the blame some where eles instead on the person doing the harm. Just because they may have carried baggage from their childhood, gives them the right to do what they do to children. But its ok for them to be scared by what may have happened to them in their childhood and do this to children but its not ok for us who they did it to as children we aren’t allowed to have scars.

Yes, you are allowed to have scars. I have them, and I am 61 years old. I was subject to much of the same thing you were in my Catholic school. It sure was a bit confusing to hear how much God loved you on one hand, while on the other hand the people who represented that God were humiliating you and being abusive to you. What kind of a message was that sending? It affected every area of my life.

However, to me, scars are healed wounds. They may be a reminder of the original wound, but they are healed. What I had for a long time was not scars, but still open, festering, unhealed wounds. A wound has to heal from within and it takes a long time for that to happen, and the base of that wound has to be clean and free from infection. Spiritual wounds require spiritual cleansing, and if you carefully read the Scriptures, you will see that the best cleanser is forgiveness. Forgiveness does NOT mean excusing and condoning wrong actions. It does not mean acting as if these things never happened. It means freeing yourself from the bitterness and hatred and self-pity that keep those wounds open and festering, and keeps you miserable. Others may cause you misery, but the lack of forgiveness will keep you miserable and resentful and bitter, and that is one’s own choice to remain that way.

Forgiveness is so important, that one’s salvation depends upon it. If God was not a forgiving God, we would all be toast. We’d all get what we really deserve. Jesus hung on that Cross and begged His Father to forgive those who had tortured and beat Him and crucified Him. He was, in effect, asking His Father to forgive all of OUR sins, which is really what put Him on that Cross in the first place. We pray the Lord’s prayer and ask God to forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive others. That’s pretty tough language. It’s telling us we must forgive if we want to be forgiven. Forgiveness is not an option, it is a requirement.

I don’t know you, so I cannot judge the degree to which you have forgiven, I can’t judge the state of your soul in this matter. But I can tell you that if you are harboring resentment and bitterness toward certain people and their actions in your life, perhaps you have wounds that haven’t healed yet and need some attention. Only you can judge that. But if you have scars, remember they are healed wounds, and when you mentally look at them they are also reminders of how NOT to treat people so that you don’t inflict the same wounds on others. They can serve a good purpose. These are some of the things I’ve learned and am still learning in this matter.

 

[rev_kevin]

Yes, you are allowed to have scars. I have them, and I am 61 years old. I was subject to much of the same thing you were in my Catholic school. It sure was a bit confusing to hear how much God loved you on one hand, while on the other hand the people who represented that God were humiliating you and being abusive to you. What kind of a message was that sending? It affected every area of my life.

However, to me, scars are healed wounds. They may be a reminder of the original wound, but they are healed. What I had for a long time was not scars, but still open, festering, unhealed wounds. A wound has to heal from within and it takes a long time for that to happen, and the base of that wound has to be clean and free from infection. Spiritual wounds require spiritual cleansing, and if you carefully read the Scriptures, you will see that the best cleanser is forgiveness. Forgiveness does NOT mean excusing and condoning wrong actions. It does not mean acting as if these things never happened. It means freeing yourself from the bitterness and hatred and self-pity that keep those wounds open and festering, and keeps you miserable. Others may cause you misery, but the lack of forgiveness will keep you miserable and resentful and bitter, and that is one’s own choice to remain that way.

Forgiveness is so important, that one’s salvation depends upon it. If God was not a forgiving God, we would all be toast. We’d all get what we really deserve. Jesus hung on that Cross and begged His Father to forgive those who had tortured and beat Him and crucified Him. He was, in effect, asking His Father to forgive all of OUR sins, which is really what put Him on that Cross in the first place. We pray the Lord’s prayer and ask God to forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive others. That’s pretty tough language. It’s telling us we must forgive if we want to be forgiven. Forgiveness is not an option, it is a requirement.

I don’t know you, so I cannot judge the degree to which you have forgiven, I can’t judge the state of your soul in this matter. But I can tell you that if you are harboring resentment and bitterness toward certain people and their actions in your life, perhaps you have wounds that haven’t healed yet and need some attention. Only you can judge that. But if you have scars, remember they are healed wounds, and when you mentally look at them they are also reminders of how NOT to treat people so that you don’t inflict the same wounds on others. They can serve a good purpose. These are some of the things I’ve learned and am still learning in this matter.

Thank you. I see that God is within you just by the way you speak.
What you have said here has made a lot of sense and I will have to determine if I have scars or if I still have unhealed wounds. Thank you for sharing what you have learned to me and I will take your words to heart.