Is it ok to approach a girl after mass and how to do?

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petitor said:
Hi Andre1000,

I hope you don’t mind, I numbered your questions to make my reply more clear. I’m from Canada vice Germany, so social norms may be a bit different, but hopefully what I say is still relevant.
  1. In terms of how you ask the question, it doesn’t have to be the example provided specifically, but should be something you are actually curious about and that you would want to discuss (which is the answer to the what next part of your question). If asking who the author of the gospel was feels fake to you, then the girl you are talking to will probably pick up on that and the conversation will likely be awkward and stilted. I agree with SuperLuigi that you probably don’t want to add to any hustle and bustle in the church itself (especially if she is praying or taking some time to reflect on the service) so immediately outside is probably best. You don’t need to make it complicated, simply saying something like, “Hi, I’ve seen you here a couple times, but I don’t believe we’ve met, my name is Andre1000.” Or, “I haven’t seen you before, I’m Andre1000,” and letting conversation flow from there (or just exchange names, and then next time you can greet her by name and ask what she thought of the homily or whatever other non-fake question you can think of).
  2. Perhaps Germans are much more direct than Canadians, but telling someone that you want to speak to them because you are looking for a wife just isn’t done here. I would feel very uncomfortable if someone said that to introduce themselves (as I would if someone did anything else that violated social norms). If you are making an effort to talk to her in the first place, she will probably pick up on the fact that you are interested. You can then look at her body language how actively she engages in conversation to see if your interest is reciprocated. After 2 or 3 conversations, maybe you could ask if she wanted to grab a coffee to discuss further or get to know each other better.
Do you mind if I ask how involved you are in your parish? Volunteer activities are often a good way to meet other people where the conversation is more natural. Also, if the older women know you and know you are single and are looking, they often love to play matchmaker and can be quite helpful in introducing you to ladies they think might be a good fit.
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Sorry the “I search a wife” statement was sarcasm.

I like the idea to say that I saw her and introduce myself and then ask if she goes often to the holy mass under the week. Maybe I should just complement her that I find it cool that she goes to the mass often.

Should I stand at the door and wait for her to come out or how should I do approach her?

About your question about parish activity. I am active in two parishes, but one of them is a dead end. Basically only too old people and the few girls there have boyfriends anyway. Also I get nervous by the idea to only rely on one or two parishes with less than 10 girls that are mostly taken. The problem with volunteering is that when ever I volunteer I met no girl. For example I am in church choir but there all are old and no one introduce me to any young girl. My time is limited, I cannot volunteer even more, I also have to work.
 
I just do not understand how other catholic people find partners so easily. Most of the time they(the girls I met) have already someone, or do not feel this way. And now I am at a dead end. The only solution I found is online dating, but there is almost no one at my age here in my area, who is desperate enough to try online dating.
 
I met my husband in Church.

At a Carol Service actually.
It was “O Come , All ye Faithful” but the choir were down as singing certain parts in Latin. I just sang along with the choir in Latin. At the end of the service (he had been standing behind me, but I hadn’t noticed him) he leant forward and told me that I wasn’t meant to sing the choir bits but he was impressed.

Whatever you say to someone it has to be natural
 
GraceUnderFire said:
As a traditional woman, I can assure you that we are waitibg/hoping devout young men will respectfully approach us after mass. A simple “hello, my name is…” is enough to get things started. Then engage her in conversation. It might overwhelm her if you asked her out the first time but you can say “do you usually come to this mass? Hopefully I’ll see you again!” so there’s no doubt you want to see her again. After speaking a few times, you might ask her for a very casual outing after mass ie going for coffee. This is just my humble opinion and what I would appreciate.
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So…you’d be fine with a traditional man approaching you even if he wasn’t the best looking guy? 🙂
 
Just say hey I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number. So call me maybe.
 
At our church here in the USA, we have coffee and donuts after Mass. Is anything like that done where you are from? It is easy to stand next to someone and join in the conversation. You would always try to join in the conversation with the women you find attractive.

Then one Sunday, you could say, “I’m going to the coffee house for some breakfast. Would anyone care to join me?”
 
[QUO
TE=Andre1000;12589053]I think that I just should forget about diocesan girls and stick to FSSP/SSPX.

Because on an average parish the is not a single young person on weekdays and I don’t want to change the parish every week just to find a women. And the replies show me that it is too difficult. It is no surprise that I know no one who met his partner at church, except youth events but I am with my 25 years a bit too old for that, because they all like under 20 years old or so.

As a woman,I’m telling you I would love to be approached.
Maybe Just be your natural self and see from their whether the conversation flows or not.
 
GraceUnderFire said:
As a traditional woman, I can assure you that we are waitibg/hoping devout young men will respectfully approach us after mass. A simple “hello, my name is…” is enough to get things started. Then engage her in conversation. It might overwhelm her if you asked her out the first time but you can say “do you usually come to this mass? Hopefully I’ll see you again!” so there’s no doubt you want to see her again. After speaking a few times, you might ask her for a very casual outing after mass ie going for coffee. This is just my humble opinion and what I would appreciate.
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Elena321 said:
As a woman,I’m telling you I would love to be approached.
Maybe Just be your natural self and see from their whether the conversation flows or not.
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Is there a way how I could make it easier for a women, that I approach her? Like being right in front of her while mass and giving the sign of peace?
Listener said:
At our church here in the USA, we have coffee and donuts after Mass. Is anything like that done where you are from? It is easy to stand next to someone and join in the conversation. You would always try to join in the conversation with the women you find attractive.

Then one Sunday, you could say, “I’m going to the coffee house for some breakfast. Would anyone care to join me?”
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No this is not common.

This is not about a crush I see regular at my parish. My parish is a dead end. I want to meet catholic women and I noticed that I sometimes see women at a big church in the city, at week days! My problem is that in my area church is basically dead, only old people, the few young are taken and online dating is still unpopular. Here only girls that are over 30 or belief that they are ugly go on dating sites, also there are very few people on dating sites in my age group(I am 25).
 
petitor said:
Lol, it’s a line from a song (Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe).
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Andre1000 said:
I already guessed that this is one of this stupid jokes.:mad:
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Speaking as a 20-something woman (forgetting the whole husband, baby thing for a second)
If someone came up to me and said that line, it would make me laugh, I would think the guy was funny and actually would be pretty likely to talk to him because of it.
 
wheelie said:
Speaking as a 20-something woman (forgetting the whole husband, baby thing for a second)
If someone came up to me and said that line, it would make me laugh, I would think the guy was funny and actually would be pretty likely to talk to him because of it.
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I see, thank you.
 
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