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Catholic_Dude
Guest
HERE is an article that discusses the morality (Social Justice) of kicking children out of the house at 18 years old.
What are your thoughts on the matter?
What are your thoughts on the matter?
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Trishie
Guest
I wouldn’t uphold any such generalized statement.
Every young person is an individual… with differing needs and differing levels of maturity.
Wisdom and balance need to be applied in preparing young people for their adult lives,
with respectful encouragement and security.
There are times where young persons need encouragement and cooperation in leaving home, but to kick anybody out has some intrinsic lack of love and support.
Discussion leading to decision is acceptable in my view, but ordering a young person to leave home can too easily be felt as a lack of parental love and support.
It isn’t helpful to a young person’s maturity to drift along at home without making efforts towards an independent future, and I believe that should be dealt with in reasonable dialogue. Parents can give their decision on the issue of course; but to generalize regarding pushing young people from home fails to take into account differing circumstances and levels of maturity…that’s my :twocents:
God bless
Every young person is an individual… with differing needs and differing levels of maturity.
Wisdom and balance need to be applied in preparing young people for their adult lives,
with respectful encouragement and security.
There are times where young persons need encouragement and cooperation in leaving home, but to kick anybody out has some intrinsic lack of love and support.
Discussion leading to decision is acceptable in my view, but ordering a young person to leave home can too easily be felt as a lack of parental love and support.
It isn’t helpful to a young person’s maturity to drift along at home without making efforts towards an independent future, and I believe that should be dealt with in reasonable dialogue. Parents can give their decision on the issue of course; but to generalize regarding pushing young people from home fails to take into account differing circumstances and levels of maturity…that’s my :twocents:
God bless
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Julia_Mae
Guest
Do they get to graduate from highschool first?
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
My younger son turned 18 in October of his senior year in high school. Should I have kicked him out at that point? Where would he have gone? Why would any parent do such a thing, to a teen who is working hard, being responsible, and planning for college? I have never known such a person and I would actually take in any teen who had been kicked out by parents like that! Providing that the kid wasn’t using drugs or alcohol of course.
What a ridiculous line to draw! Our time with our kids is so short, it is only a season and then they are gone from us and living their own lives, never again to be permanently under our roof. No, I would not kick my kid out at age 18.*
*unless there was NO other alternative, and the teen was abusive, dangerous, needed more help than I could provide.
What a ridiculous line to draw! Our time with our kids is so short, it is only a season and then they are gone from us and living their own lives, never again to be permanently under our roof. No, I would not kick my kid out at age 18.*
*unless there was NO other alternative, and the teen was abusive, dangerous, needed more help than I could provide.
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Nimzovik
Guest
IMHO, it all depends on the kid. Can they deal? Everyone needs extra help these days.
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ebonykawai
Guest
My son is 22 and still at home. It’s safer for him here, at least right now in this jobs climate. He’s also happy here, and he pays us ‘rent’. I could never think of throwing anyone out of my home unless they were violent. A home is a haven and, as hard as it may be sometimes, I chose to have children and to love them and to be compassionate and understanding. That doesn’t cut off at 18. Maybe 25, LOL… 
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PatriceA
Guest
I hope my daughter knows she is more than welcome to stay in our house beyond the age of 18 if life is not going the way she plans and hopes it will when she’s that age. I do hope she’s in college, but even if she goes to college and needs a little time to get on her feet after graduating college, I hope she knows there is a place for her here. That being said though, I do hope she ventures out on her own, that we’ve given her the skills to WANT to go out as soon as its feasible for her to be independent and on her own. Not every kid is ready at the age of 18, even though the government says they recognized as a legal adult. I’ve seen some parents PUSH their kids out the door on their 18th birthday, I’ve also seen parents practically smother the kid to death so they will always doubt their abilities to live any place but their childhood home. I hope I’m raising a child that wants to leave, but we will provide a place for her if life is hands her more than she can bare at the time.
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Julia_Mae
Guest
You know, this used to be the way it was. Kids almost always stayed in the family home until marriage and often for a while after. The first child was often born in the grandparent’s home. It was a great thing, it conserved resources and allowed the older generation to help the younger through the transition to marriage and parenting.My son is 22 and still at home. It’s safer for him here, at least right now in this jobs climate. He’s also happy here, and he pays us ‘rent’. I could never think of throwing anyone out of my home unless they were violent. A home is a haven and, as hard as it may be sometimes, I chose to have children and to love them and to be compassionate and understanding. That doesn’t cut off at 18. Maybe 25, LOL…
When young people reach adulthood, they start living as adults. Which doesn’t mean someplace else, but by taking up their responsibilities as adult members of the family. Parents need to respect that they are adults and butt out of their lives a lot. I pray the multigenerational household returns.
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maryjk
Guest
This isn’t an article. It is some guy’s blog. In other words some guy’s opinion. And his opinion is that this is:
This isn’t from a study, simply from what he claims to observed.
It is crazy? Of course it is. Any loving parent would say so.
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adrift
Guest
I didn’t read the entire thread but it was so opposite of what I have seen. It is a myth that what he calls conservatives ( he equates conservatives with pro life) are the ones to kick their kids out at 18. He basis this only on his personnal experience.
He argues that to kick kids out at 18 is a proabortion argument as it views children as something to get rid of.
As I said I didn’t read all of it so I can’t comment further.
However, to the question. I was brought up to believe that your home with your parent was always your home. It is how I feel about my own children. Our home is theirs no matter where they go and what they do in their life.
I am not talking about troubled children that is an exception.
It is o.k. to kick kid out at 18 then depends on the set of circumstances. For the most part, I don’t think parents conservative or liberal just kick their children out.
He argues that to kick kids out at 18 is a proabortion argument as it views children as something to get rid of.
As I said I didn’t read all of it so I can’t comment further.
However, to the question. I was brought up to believe that your home with your parent was always your home. It is how I feel about my own children. Our home is theirs no matter where they go and what they do in their life.
I am not talking about troubled children that is an exception.
It is o.k. to kick kid out at 18 then depends on the set of circumstances. For the most part, I don’t think parents conservative or liberal just kick their children out.
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JimG
Guest
No, but if they are still there at age 40, they need to start supporting YOU!
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ebonykawai
Guest
I do too! I love my kids, they make me laugh and are a bright spot in my and hubby’s life. We have plenty of room, I see no reason to ask them to leave if they just aren’t ready to do it. Now my daughter is another story, she’s 16 and already has her college picked out and where she’s going to live and what career she will have, as well as what car she’s getting, LOL. I don’t know how long she’ll stay but I pray it’s through college.
Absolutely agree. This has been a big pet peeve of mine for many years.
I in fact had peers who were kicked out at age 18 on short notice. And I knew a mother who did that to her children, saying that age 18 she was done with them.
What’s someone like that supposed to do? This isn’t 1950; there aren’t a lot of jobs a high school grad can find to support themself. If I had been kicked out at age 18 I might have been homeless.
It’s just not fair, especially in the modern world in which we live.
(And yes, I agree with the exceptions, like the 18-year old who won’t obey the house rules (drugs, etc.) after being warned.)
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Luna_Lovecraft
Guest
I moved away to college right out of high school. The university I attended was a little over 300 miles from the family homestead, but I managed to get back for weekends, breaks, etc. about once a month my freshman year. Life was pretty Okay. I had my quasi-adult life at school, living in the dorms, but I also had the security of my childhood home and family.
One day the summer between my freshman and sophomore year my mother told me that I had until school started in August - about six weeks away - to move completely out. I was 19. She told me she wasn’t going to store any of my belongings at the house, so anything I could not fit in my shared dorm room I had to either sell or throw away. Furthermore, I wasn’t allowed to return to my family home except to visit on Christmas Day. I wasn’t allowed to spend the night in the home I was raised in after that August. I had a job that summer, so when I wasn’t working I was throwing out pretty big parts of my childhood: year books, photo albums, awards and 4H ribbons, stuff my mother was unwilling to keep for me until I graduated and found more permanent digs.
I wasn’t a behavior problem kid. I was on an academic scholarship, got really good grades, and I worked part-time on campus to pay for my books and housing. I ended up having to postpone my graduation by a year because I needed to take a paid internship to cover break and summer housing as well as my own car insurance (she’d also taken me off her policy despite the fact that I’d never had an accident or ticket).
Looking back I realize this was her ham-handed of making me an “adult.” But it was really clumsy and harsh - none of her friends or our family had done anything like that with their college-aged children, and my younger half-brother lived at home year-round until he was 21, finished community college, and joined the Air Force. I can still today feel the anxiety this provoked; it was literally like my life imploded over six weeks. And the loneliness of being in the dorms over Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter breaks, when everyone else (except a handful of international students) had gone home to their families, is still with me.
And my relationship with my mother was never the same. How could it be? We’ve rarely talked since that summer, and it’s been almost 30 years. So anyone who’s thinking about cutting children out of the family just because they’re 18 take heed. You may make adults out of them, but you also may rarely see them again.
Luna
One day the summer between my freshman and sophomore year my mother told me that I had until school started in August - about six weeks away - to move completely out. I was 19. She told me she wasn’t going to store any of my belongings at the house, so anything I could not fit in my shared dorm room I had to either sell or throw away. Furthermore, I wasn’t allowed to return to my family home except to visit on Christmas Day. I wasn’t allowed to spend the night in the home I was raised in after that August. I had a job that summer, so when I wasn’t working I was throwing out pretty big parts of my childhood: year books, photo albums, awards and 4H ribbons, stuff my mother was unwilling to keep for me until I graduated and found more permanent digs.
I wasn’t a behavior problem kid. I was on an academic scholarship, got really good grades, and I worked part-time on campus to pay for my books and housing. I ended up having to postpone my graduation by a year because I needed to take a paid internship to cover break and summer housing as well as my own car insurance (she’d also taken me off her policy despite the fact that I’d never had an accident or ticket).
Looking back I realize this was her ham-handed of making me an “adult.” But it was really clumsy and harsh - none of her friends or our family had done anything like that with their college-aged children, and my younger half-brother lived at home year-round until he was 21, finished community college, and joined the Air Force. I can still today feel the anxiety this provoked; it was literally like my life imploded over six weeks. And the loneliness of being in the dorms over Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter breaks, when everyone else (except a handful of international students) had gone home to their families, is still with me.
And my relationship with my mother was never the same. How could it be? We’ve rarely talked since that summer, and it’s been almost 30 years. So anyone who’s thinking about cutting children out of the family just because they’re 18 take heed. You may make adults out of them, but you also may rarely see them again.
Luna
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Catholic_Dude
Guest
So this is more widespread than imagined. 
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IrenePHD
Guest
From what I have observed, there are really 3 separate spectrums of attitude for new adults. The first a the independents those who have and hold a job, are making money and have a career or education planned for the future. The second are the ones who have and hold a job, but who squander there money on luxuries, accessories, friends, and fun-I would recommend somewhat of an intervention for these 18 year olds, however the question of where will they go/live? may be raised. The last group are the sluggish or immature ones, those who feel that parents/society owes them something and thus they may not work or even try to get work. They may not plan or even care for anyone besides themselves. Such young adults, are still immature and need parental supervision much like teenagers do, so as they do not look to drugs or violence to fill the void in immaturity that is present. I have also found that the 3 spectrums have overlap between each one and thus each one may possess a part or a emotion similar or just as the other one. In the end it comes down to the parent’s feeling and the 18 yr old’s attitude.
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Dan_Grelinger
Guest
I did not have to read much of the article to see two very clear fallacies, and I expect there were many more. The author earned none of my respect, and good Catholics should have no problem ignoring that article.
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maryjk
Guest
What do you mean?So this is more widespread than imagined.
One person mentioned a friend that was kicked out and one person said she was kicked out.
How is that widespread?
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Catholic_Dude
Guest
There was no indication that they were speaking of isolated situations, and I’ve googled around as well. I originally got interested in asking about this when I started hearing it a few months back and it really hit me as to what was being demanded of some children, even though for years I’ve heard it and not thought twice.
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tarboy
Guest
The blog itself was a logically disconnected joke
By the end he felt he proved conservative parents are anti-Catholic abortionists who “throw their child in the streets”
Screw Loose
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