Is it ok to remain in contact with this person?

[Reformed_Rob]

A friend of mine is in the process of becoming Eastern Orthodox. I’ll give him some free advertising, he’s one of the guys at www.nicenetruth…

We have many things in common, and we went through a lot of the same struggles at a Presbyterian denomination under the same presbyterian pastor guy and his college cohorts. We both are happy to debate matters of our faith with each other, and still be cordial.

I’ve made it a point to avoid him for a few weeks, to give me a chance to see what my options were. I figured I could either cut off being friends with him completely, or be friends with him under the understanding that we challenged each other regarding our respective faiths.

I’m fine with just cutting off seeing him. But sadly, there’s not really anybody else around here my age that has time to hang out and talk about Christianity and world events from a historic Christian perspective. Maybe I just haven’t assimilated well into my parish.

Is this a Catholic thing to do? My only real examples of this are from Protestants, when you leave their denomination, then often times you are an outcast to them. The Catholic response is what…the same or different???

 

[whatevergirl]

A friend of mine is in the process of becoming Eastern Orthodox. I’ll give him some free advertising, he’s one of the guys at www.nicenetruth…

We have many things in common, and we went through a lot of the same struggles at a Presbyterian denomination under the same presbyterian pastor guy and his college cohorts. We both are happy to debate matters of our faith with each other, and still be cordial.

I’ve made it a point to avoid him for a few weeks, to give me a chance to see what my options were. I figured I could either cut off being friends with him completely, or be friends with him under the understanding that we challenged each other regarding our respective faiths.

I’m fine with just cutting off seeing him. But sadly, there’s not really anybody else around here my age that has time to hang out and talk about Christianity and world events from a historic Christian perspective. Maybe I just haven’t assimilated well into my parish.

Is this a Catholic thing to do? My only real examples of this are from Protestants, when you leave their denomination, then often times you are an outcast to them. The Catholic response is what…the same or different???

I don’t think that there is a right or wrong answer…for many times, people come in and out of our lives…and we either welcome them…or bid them farewell. I think in this case, you might want to ask yourself, why would you be outting this person from your life? What benefit do you hope it provides, by doing so? I think that as Catholics, we need to avoid near occasions of sin…and stay away from people who would be ‘leading us into temptation.’ But, in this case…to just abandon a friend because you are no longer his faith…wouldn’t benefit you. It might hurt you, as you may grow judgemental of non-Catholics. I would see if he wants to go to mass someday with you. You can view your friendship as a platform for witnessing, too. Just my thoughts…

 

[Reformed_Rob]

I would see if he wants to go to mass someday with you.

Thanks for your thoughts. He hasn’t been to Mass in over a year, he drives over 2 hours to attend Divine Liturgy weekly. So that’s a perfectly good suggestion, but it’s not likely.

Overdone Italian Accent - “Yukan Fugetaboudit”

He and I have separated from each other for a year once, and a few months another time. I guess most people wouldn’t understand, but he and I come from that type background. Not that you or other people responding to this thread are unable to relate, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that he and I come from a different background than many of you, and in that background, it has been required that we cut off fellowship.

It happened to me, so I know how it feels. And I don’t want to do it to him when we are such good friends. And it’s clear to me that I don’t want our friendship to be based on superficial stuff.

Maybe the truth is I want to be friends with him more than I want to be friends with Jesus.

 

[Rawb]

I have a great-aunt and great-uncle who were a part of a denomination that did that once. They wouldn’t talk to anyone who wasn’t a part of their church. They go to a different church now so they talk to us all again. We’re used to their severe cases of church-hopping, so we just roll our eyes and get on with it.

I have to say I’ve never heard of anything in Catholicism that requires we not hang out with people of other religions. (I’d be in big trouble if that was true. Trying to find a devout Catholic my age here is like finding an ice-cube in hell. My best friend is a non-practicing Jew). My best friend in High School was a Jehovah’s Witness, and I have to say their practice of “Disfellowshipping” or whatever it was called was disgusting to me.

No, unless this friend is actively trying to bring you to Eastern Orthodoxy with him, I say still talk with him. The reason my JW friend and I could stay friends for so long was that we each tried to push each other to be better Christians in the areas we agreed upon - chastity, Bible reading, helping others, etc. and in your case you’ll actually agree on even more. It really helped me to learn what I believed too, as our debates (which we always kept very friendly, and that took concious effort) made me study more.

I have friends with whom I don’t talk for a year, then we get back in touch and it’s like we never left off. If that’s the case with you two, maybe you’re entering into a ‘seperate’ time and will get back in touch some time in the future. I do know though that it’s nice to have someone to talk to who takes religion seriously. It’s so rare nowadays.

 

[whatevergirl]

Thanks for your thoughts. He hasn’t been to Mass in over a year, he drives over 2 hours to attend Divine Liturgy weekly. So that’s a perfectly good suggestion, but it’s not likely.

Overdone Italian Accent - “Yukan Fugetaboudit”

He and I have separated from each other for a year once, and a few months another time. I guess most people wouldn’t understand, but he and I come from that type background. Not that you or other people responding to this thread are unable to relate, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that he and I come from a different background than many of you, and in that background, it has been required that we cut off fellowship.

It happened to me, so I know how it feels. And I don’t want to do it to him when we are such good friends. And it’s clear to me that I don’t want our friendship to be based on superficial stuff.

Maybe the truth is I want to be friends with him more than I want to be friends with Jesus.

Aw no…I don’t think that is what you are saying. (in ref to your last statement) I think that you like this person…but wrestle with the fact that he might pull you away from your faith…not 100% sure if that is what you are saying, but I’m just taking a guess. I would be cautious, but it would be ok to be friends with someone who is not Catholic.

I come from an Italian family–that is a good translation as any I have ever seen, btw. hee hee

 

[Reformed_Rob]

Ok, thanks Whatevergirl and Rawb!

I don’t have a problem with being good friends with non-Christians or specifically non-Catholics. I can’t imagine being that extreme.

This guy is a “wedge” of sorts. He has known it for years, in fact we talked about it back when he was a new Catholic. He and I lost many of the same friends when we converted at our respected times. So, being a “wedge” the fact is that he doesn’t ignore issues of difference between people who care about truth.

So I’ve prayed about it, mulled over it, and a week or so ago I told we talked about this. He has matured to the point that he realizes the Orthodox vs. Catholic issues are very complex. So complex, most Catholics and Orthodox don’t even know what the issues are…and Protestants are even less familiar with the topics, so he isn’t one to make arguing those points a constant in a friendship.

I’ve been advised by another Catholic that my friend needs good friends (like me) and from my perspective, that’s what I need too. So we’ll see how it goes, but I’m going to stick it out with him.

 

[puzzleannie]

i am trying to think of a good reason to break off a solid friendship with someone who exercises their freedom of conscience to convert to another religion, unless something in their conversion process has turned them against your own religion to the point they express animosity toward you. what are the reasons OP is thinking of ending the friendship?

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

It all depends, does your friendship have a history that transcends your religious identification? There is no problem being friends with an Eastern Orthodox and vice versa. If the friendship is only based on religious identification, then you will have to access just how ecumenical you can be to each other and find long term middle ground.

Breaking it off totally should be a last resort.

 

[Reformed_Rob]

i am trying to think of a good reason to break off a solid friendship with someone who exercises their freedom of conscience to convert to another religion, unless something in their conversion process has turned them against your own religion to the point they express animosity toward you. what are the reasons OP is thinking of ending the friendship?

When I first started the impression (with some justification based on a couple visits) that my buddy was going to hammer me just like he hammered me and all his other friends when he switched his views. If our time together was going to be him trying to convert me to Orthodoxy, then I wasn’t interested. Not that I’m not open to learning about Orthodoxy, I just didn’t want that to be the focal point of our friendship. Nor did I want him to be harping on it all the time, trying to undermine my faith.

He hammered everyone on the Reformed faith, then it was the “New Perspective On Paul” and typology, which led him out of the Reformed faith, then it was Catholicism, then it was the SSPX, then sedevacantism, now it’s the Eastern Orthodoxy.

If you disagreed with him, it was debate time! And so it took me some time to realize and be reasonably assured that somewhere between sedevacantism and Eastern Orthodoxy, he had matured to the point where he recognized that not everyone can sit down and read and pray over these issues for a few hours everyday. Plus he has years of consistent study on Christianity in general, so he is hard to “keep up with” so to speak.

But somewhere between sedevacantism and Orthodoxy (technically he is still Catholic, he is still waiting Chrismation) he matured to where he can talk about the issues and not debate and try to convince. For instance, last night, we discussed different things for a couple hours. Nice talk, not confrontational.

 

[Reformed_Rob]

It all depends, does your friendship have a history that transcends your religious identification? There is no problem being friends with an Eastern Orthodox and vice versa. If the friendship is only based on religious identification, then you will have to access just how ecumenical you can be to each other and find long term middle ground.

Breaking it off totally should be a last resort.

Actually, I believe that this has helped our friendship further transcend religious identification.

Yes, I realize now after some weeks that breaking it off is not the direction I need to take. He is not being the “wedge” that he used to be. We have enough in common it’s hard to pry us apart.

 

[po18guy]

I actually have a good relationship with my SDA chaplain at work. We know where we agree (Lots of places) and where we disagree (the same), so it just comes up as friendly jabs back and forth. However, he now begins prayer with me “in the Name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” That’s a lot for a Protestant, and it’s a good start. When he recently mentioned that some Catholic priests are married converts, I assured him that there was hope for him! Since we subsist in a very secular environment, our commonalities are enhanced. We are called to be Christ-like. Would Christ call your friend to a full relationship? I think so. You and your friend are still brothers in Christ. Let that be the cement which bonds the relationship.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Actually, I believe that this has helped our friendship further transcend religious identification.

Yes, I realize now after some weeks that breaking it off is not the direction I need to take. He is not being the “wedge” that he used to be. We have enough in common it’s hard to pry us apart.

Glad to hear that.