Is it okay to ask my daughter why she needs to go to confession?

[Hopey]

Thank you all so very much for helping me with my question…The answer is simple., no! No, I cannot ask my daughter why she needs to go to confession. The things that are said in the confessional booth are for the confessor and the priest alone., not for your mother, friend or spouse… I am so glad I got this answer before I totally blew it and asked her out of concern and curiosity. :bigyikes:
So, it turns out that I have a daughter who likes to go to confession OFTEN. At least (as one poster said) she is devoted to the sacrament of reconciliation. For this, I should be proud and I am. (one poster said, don’t think of the sin, think of the repentance.,I really really like this statement) As for the repetitive act of going…? I will have to have a girl on girl talk and see if there is a misunderstanding about sins or something else that needs to be addressed. But, I will not be asking her what she is confessing.
For starters, I am going to do a refresher course with her on mortal/venial sins. She has learned all this before but maybe I should just remind her. (Her brother is receiving his first Holy Communion next Easter along with reconciliation, so I can just talk to both of them at the same time about what needs to be confessed and when we can and cannot receive Jesus in the Eucharist…)
I gotta give it to her for being brave and telling us that she can’t receive our Lord because she isn’t in the state of grace and needs to first reconcile.
Also, regardless of whats going on, I think it is time to do the birds and bees talk., you are right about that. We have discussed some stuff but not all of it. I will definitely look into Love and Life Thank you for that suggestion

Anyhow, I got my question answered! Thank you all so very much
God Bless!

AWESOME!
One other thing that could go on, or I had happen to mine, is that any thoughts - temptations - can be very horrible - but they can become distressed thinking it is a mortal sin due to the nastiness of the thought.
I found that with one of mine also. We went over how temptations (and thoughts just popping in our heads) are not sins - only if we give in and dwell on them - go with them. Sometimes they can be harassed by things (against the Eucharist even or God).
Sounds like you have a great dd!

 

[Hopey]

AND, when I say I found out with mine, I didn’t ask them to reveal what they confessed, but just hit some common pitfalls/problems and areas that needed to be addressed anyway.

I went over thoughts again with my son and sexual sins too.

IOW, Fr. David is correct in that we can not ask them point blank, but some things can be addressed generally.
Also, because I was told wrongly that communion fast was a good thing, I wanted to make sure they were not being given false counseling, or thinking it themselves.
For a sensitive soul, the fact that no matter how hard we try, we are going to sin is distressing to some. Knowing that we all sin, fail, and get back up (run to Jesus) is comforting. They know we all struggle and it is a battle.

 

[Hopey]

Let me clarify something. By communion fast, I do not mean abstaining from food/drink an hour before communion. I was told that NOT receiving communion even though I wasn’t in the state of mortal sin, was a good thing - good way to show contrition. It isn’t. We need Christ and those graces he supplied us here on earth.

 

[Linusthe2nd]

No. It is not acceptable to ask your daughter why she is going to confession, or what sins she is confessing. Never.

However, it is acceptable (and possibly even necessary) for you to ask her if there is something troubling her.

What happens in Confession is protected by the Seal, and that’s inviolable.

What happens in the external forum (“Mother will you drive me to church?”) might indicate that the parent needs to “do something” or “ask something” or react in some other appropriate way.

Glad you said that. Coming from you perhaps people will listen. These forums are a mixed bag, all kinds of people here and we don’t really know who they are, their back grounds, their ages, etc. So bad advice is often given. There is no way to screen the posts economically.

Hope you come around more often.

Linus2nd

 

[3DOCTORS]

AWESOME!
**One other thing that could go on, or I had happen to mine, is that any thoughts - temptations - can be very horrible - but they can become distressed thinking it is a mortal sin due to the nastiness of the thought. **
I found that with one of mine also. We went over how temptations (and thoughts just popping in our heads) are not sins - only if we give in and dwell on them - go with them. Sometimes they can be harassed by things (against the Eucharist even or God).
Sounds like you have a great dd!

I don’t know if that’s what could possibly be going on with the OP’s daughter, but this is a good thing to bring up - my OCD caused me unwanted evil thoughts during the time when I was being prepped for first Communion although I think I did talk to my Mom about it when I was able to muster the courage, and was able to be reassured. Occasionally as a scrupulous young adult this would pop up, and confessors were able to help me with it, along with literature from Scrupulous Anonymous. This thread has made me wonder if there are any materials available for scrupulous children and teens.

The girl may also just be trying to get a lot of what she’s learned fit into a framework in her head - how to tell a venial sin from a mortal, the knowledge of the need to confess a mortal sin before receiving Communion, how the 10 Commandments apply in given situations, and various other things from her education of the last few years. Sometimes it can just get mixed up in the mind.

Observing her at other times might also be helpful for mom - if she seems well-adjusted and free from excess anxiety in daily life, that’s a good sign. If she seems not herself, that would be a red flag. I did have that thought one other poster mentioned - the “what if” someone might be abusing her or pressuring her into some immoral activity (shoplifting, experimenting with drugs, who knows what). Not to scare mom, and it’s probably unlikely, just know those red flags but pray you never have to use that knowledge.