I don’t really have the time or the resources… I guess I just hope God would send my a woman who could break though my shyness and like me. I know its naive and dumb, but why not?
I honestly wish God would just give me a purpose other than just to serve him by living a life. I want to have a vocation. Not just be single and drifting…
Why not? Because those who with purpose and those who achieve look for what, why, and how. They don’t tick off the reasons why not. That’s just the way it works.
What do you mean it isn’t good to pick your vocation? What do you mean by that? You figure out your vocation by discerning which seems the most likely one and pursuing that. I think you’ve merely been misinformed. Did you know that those who succeed will fail more often than those who don’t? Why? Because it takes a lot of tries to achieve a success, and most of the tries prior to the success will be some flavor of so-called “failure.” Yes, I mean that most guys with wives have gone through more rejections and failures than you have. Not all, you do have to choose where you try with some intelligence (as you seem to be doing!
) but probably most who have tried intelligently and reached their goal have still gone through a lot of false leads.
If you’re
listening while you’re about this pursuit, if you
have your eyes open, you’ll figure out within the process of the pursuit whether or not you’re barking up the wrong tree. You don’t find your vocation
a priori, before you’ve looked for evidence. You have to go looking and you have to go out listening before you’re going to see or hear anything. You have to go out in order to pick up the scent and follow the trail. If you’re paying attention, you won’t go down the wrong trail for long without realizing that it is cold.
You say you don’t have time to research religious orders and you don’t have the time to go looking for a suitable wife…think about that! If this is so, then if God gave you this purpose you want, what would you do with it? Do you think that
having a wife and family takes less time than
looking for a wife? Do you think parenting takes fewer resources than courting? That the process of being accepted to a seminary is less arduous than researching seminaries? What are you waiting for?
Consider perhaps that this inner desire to have a greater purpose
is your purpose. You are being called to pay the price to go out looking for your call…you are being called to
use your imagination and desire to find the resources. Even if your paradoxical answer is that God wants you doing exactly what you are doing, don’t you see that your heart will change if this is the answer you find by looking, a destination you reach by going out and coming back, rather than being something you presume you have because you never “got a call”?
Listen to what Bl. John Paul II said in his homily at the canonization of St. Theresa Benedicta of the Cross; I have always thought it spoke eloquently to those who drift because they do not know to dare to go out with purpose to find the truth about themselves (from
vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/homilies/1998/documents/hf_jp-ii_hom_11101998_stein_en.html):
*Although Edith Stein had been brought up religiously by her Jewish mother, at the age of 14 she “had consciously and deliberately stopped praying”. She wanted to rely exclusively on herself and was concerned to assert her freedom in making decisions about her life. At the end of a long journey, she came to the surprising realization: only those who commit themselves to the love of Christ become truly free.
This woman had to face the challenges of such a radically changing century as our own. Her experience is an example to us. The modern world boasts of the enticing door which says: everything is permitted. It ignores the narrow gate of discernment and renunciation. I am speaking especially to you, young Christians, particularly to the many altar servers who have come to Rome these days on pilgrimage: Pay attention! Your life is not an endless series of open doors! Listen to your heart! Do not stay on the surface, but go to the heart of things! And when the time is right, have the courage to decide! The Lord is waiting for you to put your freedom in his good hands.
St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross was able to understand that the love of Christ and human freedom are intertwined, because love and truth have an intrinsic relationship. The quest for truth and its expression in love did not seem at odds to her; on the contrary she realized that they call for one another.
In our time, truth is often mistaken for the opinion of the majority. In addition, there is a widespread belief that one should use the truth even against love or vice versa. But truth and love need each other. St Teresa Benedicta is a witness to this. The “martyr for love”, who gave her life for her friends, let no one surpass her in love. At the same time, with her whole being she sought the truth, of which she wrote: “No spiritual work comes into the world without great suffering. It always challenges the whole person”.
St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross says to us all: Do not accept anything as the truth if it lacks love. And do not accept anything as love which lacks truth! One without the other becomes a destructive lie. *
You’re being called to go out, to try some doors. Go do it!! There is nothing wrong with that!!
