Is it possible to be completely "vocationless"?

[barb_finnegan]

The single life, without being in the priesthood or a religious order, or married, is also a vocation.

Those who are called to the single life are, of course, to follow the Lord and cooperate with Him for their sanctification. They just need to “bloom where they are planted.”

No, single life is NOT a ‘vocation’, strictly speaking. The only way it would be one is if a person makes a vow of perpetual chastity as either a consecrated virgin or as a hermit.

Singlehood is just a ‘state of life’, not a ‘vocation’.

 

[barb_finnegan]

I grew up hearing that you need to follow God’s will in order to be happy (obviously there will still be suffering, but you get the idea). Now, someone like me in my situation is pretty much miserable. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It seems to me that that is a sign that I’m not living my vocation/following God’s will. However, now matter how much I pray about it, ask for guidance/change, nothing changes, not even a hint. Am I called to be vocationless?

I know exactly how you feel! I’m in my late fifties, never been married, never had kids, and unable to be a religious (age, health and debt matters).

I keep praying for guidance, but get no answer. Don’t have a spiritual director, and am too ‘poor’ to go on any retreats. Most, if not all, of the ‘good’ religious Orders won’t even look at someone of my age.

Had no inclination to be married, either. Never had a boyfriend in my younger years. Never cared for sex, terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, and never really liked kids to begin with.

So where does that leave me in my old age? Once you get past 35, and you’re still unmarried, it seems that the Church really doesn’t pay much attention to you. It’s only if you’re the 'initiator / organizer / leader-wannabe type that single Catholics are really given much consideration. If one is quiet, introspective, shy and prefers the shadows as background…eh …you’re a ‘persona non grata’, a member of the ‘great invisible demographic’.

Simply put, to answer the OP’s question: I say ‘yes’, it is possible to be completely ‘vocationless’. It’s happening to me now…

[end of rant]

 

[PerfectTiming]

I know exactly how you feel! I’m in my late fifties, never been married, never had kids, and unable to be a religious (age, health and debt matters).

I keep praying for guidance, but get no answer. Don’t have a spiritual director, and am too ‘poor’ to go on any retreats. Most, if not all, of the ‘good’ religious Orders won’t even look at someone of my age.

Had no inclination to be married, either. Never had a boyfriend in my younger years. Never cared for sex, terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, and never really liked kids to begin with.

So where does that leave me in my old age? Once you get past 35, and you’re still unmarried, it seems that the Church really doesn’t pay much attention to you. It’s only if you’re the 'initiator / organizer / leader-wannabe type that single Catholics are really given much consideration. If one is quiet, introspective, shy and prefers the shadows as background…eh …you’re a ‘persona non grata’, a member of the ‘great invisible demographic’.

Simply put, to answer the OP’s question: I say ‘yes’, it is possible to be completely ‘vocationless’. It’s happening to me now…

[end of rant]

Our vocation is not necessarily our future, our vocation can be the state we are in now. My vocation in the future may be to be a religious but at the moment my vocation is as a single layperson. Single life is becoming increasingly recognised as a valid state of life and single people can live in service to God and His Church just as those who are ordainded/married/religious.

 

[barb_finnegan]

Our vocation is not necessarily our future, our vocation can be the state we are in now. My vocation in the future may be to be a religious but at the moment my vocation is as a single layperson. Single life is becoming increasingly recognised as a valid state of life and single people can live in service to God and His Church just as those who are ordainded/married/religious.

Yes, but what if one ends up being ‘perpetually single’, as I am right now?

You don’t hear very much about singlehood in the diocesan papers or in most parish bulletins. Most, if not all, events and organizations on the diocesan and parish levels are geared towards married couples, parents, children. And after that, priests and religious.
Singles are mostly ‘benignly ignored and benevolently neglected’.

Singles are trotted out only if they’re recognized for their organizational and ‘leadership’ abilities, and are ‘smartypants’ college graduates with big fat degrees.

Minimally-educated ‘dummies’ like me need not apply!

 

[johnnyjones]

Yes, but what if one ends up being ‘perpetually single’, as I am right now?

You don’t hear very much about singlehood in the diocesan papers or in most parish bulletins. Most, if not all, events and organizations on the diocesan and parish levels are geared towards married couples, parents, children. And after that, priests and religious.
Singles are mostly ‘benignly ignored and benevolently neglected’.

Singles are trotted out only if they’re recognized for their organizational and ‘leadership’ abilities, and are ‘smartypants’ college graduates with big fat degrees.

Minimally-educated ‘dummies’ like me need not apply!

Christian singles also come in handy for dating services/events, which may have a dollar value attached. The single life can be great but I think a more concerted effort should be put on actually bringing the genders together with full intent rather then a symbolic “meet and greet”.

 

[johnnyjones]

I know exactly how you feel! I’m in my late fifties, never been married, never had kids, and unable to be a religious (age, health and debt matters).

I keep praying for guidance, but get no answer. Don’t have a spiritual director, and am too ‘poor’ to go on any retreats. Most, if not all, of the ‘good’ religious Orders won’t even look at someone of my age.

Had no inclination to be married, either. Never had a boyfriend in my younger years. Never cared for sex, terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, and never really liked kids to begin with.

So where does that leave me in my old age? Once you get past 35, and you’re still unmarried, it seems that the Church really doesn’t pay much attention to you. It’s only if you’re the 'initiator / organizer / leader-wannabe type that single Catholics are really given much consideration. If one is quiet, introspective, shy and prefers the shadows as background…eh …you’re a ‘persona non grata’, a member of the ‘great invisible demographic’.

Simply put, to answer the OP’s question: I say ‘yes’, it is possible to be completely ‘vocationless’. It’s happening to me now…

[end of rant]

Don’t take this too harshly but your life and it’s outcome is based in fear and unwillingness.
Whatever “inclinations” you denied caused a cloistered life. I see many “older” women in the church in the morning fullfilling their lives by prayer and worship. The person who risks not sees very little. This has happened in my life as well so I’m not pointing fingers, just giving a bigger picture. I would say prayer can be answered in odd ways. Possibly right here on the forum. “Vocationless” is the result of not moving a muscle, therefor not changing a thought. Keep on.

 

[PerfectTiming]

Yes, but what if one ends up being ‘perpetually single’, as I am right now?

You don’t hear very much about singlehood in the diocesan papers or in most parish bulletins. Most, if not all, events and organizations on the diocesan and parish levels are geared towards married couples, parents, children. And after that, priests and religious.
Singles are mostly ‘benignly ignored and benevolently neglected’.

Singles are trotted out only if they’re recognized for their organizational and ‘leadership’ abilities, and are ‘smartypants’ college graduates with big fat degrees.

Minimally-educated ‘dummies’ like me need not apply!

There is no reason a single person cannot be involved in ministries in the Church. They are almost more suited to some ministries because they do not have family commitments.

 

[King_Lazy]

I think I’d be open to anything if I felt directed to it. Pretty much every time I saw the Rosary, one of my intentions is to find what I should be doing.

Every time you pray the Rosary, you are doing what you should be doing

Seriously, your prayer is worth more than many good works you could be doing. So you are already doing God’s will in praying. Pray for the salvation of your soul and other souls.

And not everyone is called to be clergy or married. You can be single, or, as I like to say, free

 

[Bataar]

Every time you pray the Rosary, you are doing what you should be doing

Seriously, your prayer is worth more than many good works you could be doing. So you are already doing God’s will in praying. Pray for the salvation of your soul and other souls.

And not everyone is called to be clergy or married. You can be single, or, as I like to say, free

That is true, but one of the things that leads me to believe I’m not following God’s will is how completely miserable and hopeless my life is/seems. It’s not just not being married or having a vocation. It’s about not having friends, not being able to function socially, not being able to come up with some kind of career/job I feel I can commit myself to, etc.

 

[barb_finnegan]

There is no reason a single person cannot be involved in ministries in the Church. They are almost more suited to some ministries because they do not have family commitments.

Well, I’m not a ‘ministering’ type! Besides, that word should not be used; if anything, it should be ‘apostolate’, not ‘ministry’.

‘Ministry’ should only be used in context of the clergy.

 

[barb_finnegan]

That is true, but one of the things that leads me to believe I’m not following God’s will is how completely miserable and hopeless my life is/seems. It’s not just not being married or having a vocation. It’s about not having friends, not being able to function socially, not being able to come up with some kind of career/job I feel I can commit myself to, etc.

EXACTLY! That’s how I feel, too! :sad_yes:

 

[King_Lazy]

That is true, but one of the things that leads me to believe I’m not following God’s will is how completely miserable and hopeless my life is/seems. It’s not just not being married or having a vocation. It’s about not having friends, not being able to function socially, not being able to come up with some kind of career/job I feel I can commit myself to, etc.

Maybe doing some volunteer work would help in meeting people, networking, and perhaps finding interesting job opportunities that way? Or joining a club related to a hobby of yours? Or finding some group in church? And newbies in your city are looking for friends too, so just randomly striking up a conversation in a train station and looking for ways to help them out in adjusting and getting to know your city is another way of making a few acquaintances to have a social life with.

I don’t know about a career/job, though - I’m in a similar situation but it doesn’t bother me much. See, when I left school I thought it would be all so clear, but it wasn’t. Then I left uni, and it was still just as blurry and ever. And now five years have passed since, and it’s still not clear. But I’ve on occasion been useful to my family and friends and have grown in my faith a lot, so it’s not been time wasted.

If I haven’t figured it out by now, I won’t figure it out until God leads me to it in His own time. I take it that He wants me to pray, to grow in faith some more and to spend time with and look after my ageing grandparents. And if I pray and love God and my neighbour and follow His commandments, I’m doing His will. The rest of my life is up to Him and He can lead me wherever He wants, and if nowhere is where He wants me, that’s exactly where I’ll be. I’m gonna be open to going where I’m led and trust that He’ll figure out some way in which I can be useful, be it through prayer, action or perhaps even suffering (though that last one would kinda suck, but hey, it ain’t up to me).

And it’s spring! In the northern hemisphere, God’s natural creation is awakening from its slumber. The days get longer, the sun moves higher up in the sky and begins to warm the earth, which begins to buzz with life again. It’s a great time to contemplate the wonders of God and His Creation, whose beauty is a reflection of Him. And He created it all for us. That’s the upside of not yet having found a career to sacrifice one’s life to. Time. Time that can be spent on praying in admiration of His work, not to mention time to catch a few rays of sunshine after the darkness of winter.

 

[TiggerS]

No, single life is NOT a ‘vocation’, strictly speaking. The only way it would be one is if a person makes a vow of perpetual chastity as either a consecrated virgin or as a hermit.

Singlehood is just a ‘state of life’, not a ‘vocation’.

There may be a problem with the word “vocation”. Pre V2 it was confined to religious life and the priesthood, virginity. After V2 we came to understand that “vocation” is much broader than that and is from the Latin “vocare” to call. Our Baptism, for example, is a vocation and call from God to The Gospel and to holiness and the perfection of Charity. We have our Baptismal Vows. A further call or vocation from God (flowing from our Baptism) is an indication of the lifestyle in which we are called to live out holiness and the perfection of Charity.

The single state can be a vocation or call from God in that the person lives a celibate life for the sake of The Kingdom in the single state. IMHO one should not embrace this way of life as one’s vocation unless guided by spiritual direction (and affirmed by same) and for the life of the commitment.

This post quotes Pope Pius XII (pre Vatican2) on the subject:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=8266799&postcount=62

Pope John Paul II on the subject (post Vatican2) - “Vita Consecrata”

vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_25031996_vita-consecrata_en.html

**Together let us thank God **for the Religious Orders and Institutes devoted to contemplation or the works of the apostolate, for Societies of Apostolic Life, for Secular Institutes

and for other groups of consecrated persons, as well as for all those individuals who, in their inmost hearts, dedicate themselves to God by a special consecration

.The Synod was a tangible sign of the universal extension of the consecrated life, present in the local Churches throughout the world. The consecrated life inspires and accompanies the spread of evangelization in the different parts of the world, where Institutes from abroad are gratefully welcomed and new ones are being founded, in a great variety of forms and expressions

 

[TiggerS]

That is true, but one of the things that leads me to believe I’m not following God’s will is how completely miserable and hopeless my life is/seems. It’s not just not being married or having a vocation. It’s about not having friends, not being able to function socially, not being able to come up with some kind of career/job I feel I can commit myself to, etc.

I am very sorry that you are experiencing such a dark and painful passage in your life. Have you thought about spiritual direction, or even consulting a therapist (counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist). Or both! I have experienced a very dark time in my life in the past and found both (spiritual director along with a psychiatrist) a real gift. Over time and working with both, that painful time became past tense and a memory only. Sometimes we can be discounting of therapy of some kind. I think of it as God’s Gift to mankind in the struggle against suffering. As with a spiritual director, in choosing any kind of therapist, we need to have trust and confidence in them and their particular expertise. I consulted a few (both director and psychiatrist) before coming across those that I felt I could invest in as helpers.
We all need help in life at some point - it is the gift of Wisdom and Prudence (2 of the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit at Confirmation) that tells us if the time has come to seek help. It is a strength to seek help, not a weakness. This world tends to look upon seeking and asking for help as weakness - and this is the very real weakness in this world and its assessments and so called, ‘wisdom’. It is a deception.

 

[TiggerS]

I grew up hearing that you need to follow God’s will in order to be happy (obviously there will still be suffering, but you get the idea). Now, someone like me in my situation is pretty much miserable. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It seems to me that that is a sign that I’m not living my vocation/following God’s will. However, now matter how much I pray about it, ask for guidance/change, nothing changes, not even a hint. Am I called to be vocationless?

Our Baptism is a vocation and call from God.

The Will of God is spelt out for us in the Commandments and the Precepts of The Church - the teachings of The Church - and The Gospel. We are called by our Baptism to our primary vocation to follow The Gospel and to grow in holiness and Charity. Any further call (i.e. marriage, religious life, priesthood, single state and all the other vocations or calls in life) is an invitation by God to follow The Gospel and to grow in holiness and Charity in a particular state in life, a particular way of life. This flows from our primary vocation of Baptism. This is not a Divine Command and God’s Binding Will, binding in sin if not followed, it is God’s Invitation only. If we should happen to not take up His Invitation,there is no sin involved and He is with us all the way anyway, helping us with His Grace to follow The Gospel and grow in holiness and Charity. Be all this as it may, an invitation from God is a rather spectacular matter and not to be taken lightly - but it seems to me you are not conscious of any call from God other than Baptism, which is a spectacular call in its own right. We are not baptized by some accident of fate - rather God has chosen us for Baptism and to be followers of Jesus.

I suspect you may need spiritual direction or even some sort of therapy, or as I said in my previous post, perhaps both. Most of all, keep praying.

It might be helpful to read “The Apostolate of The Laity” vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19651118_apostolicam-actuositatem_en.html

 

[Brightest_Star]

I am no expert but so far as I understand it; God helps those who help themselves, and, He does it in His time, not necessarily yours.

If you feel your life is miserable as it is, then you need to take some action to ‘shake things up’. It’s easy to slip into a comfortable dejected state and never realize that you do have the power to change your circumstances. God will help you, if you ask, but that’s not the same as doing it all for you while you sit in lethargic expectation.

He has given you life, and a whole wide world to go out and explore. Open your mind to it. Seek out experiences. If you sit still behind a closed door then how can He lead you anywhere?

Volunteer at different places, try volunteering even at places you don’t think you’d like - just so you can experience life in a different way. Join clubs, meet people, sign up for some activities or sports whether they’re your ‘ideal’ social situation or not. Maybe you’ll have an experience that will make your vocation clearer to you. Go to Masses at different churches, speak with Priests about life, ask religous people their thoughts, have discussions.

The idea is to make yourself open. God often responds to prayer through the actions of other people. Had I not walked into a Catholic church to ask ‘how would I go about being Baptised?’ I would have missed out on so much information about life and how I should live it - in fact about who I am - that God has revealed to me since.

My thought is that He may be waiting until you are ready to reveal to you what you want. Show Him you are ready by taking responsibility for the state of your life, by taking actions to change it.

Even Jesus had to wait until He was deturmined ‘ready’ before miracles could be performed…

Be patient, be open, follow your heart, and have faith that God does have a plan for you… try making yourself ready to recieve it.

 

[exoflare]

Shouldn’t you explain to people about Asperger’s Syndrome first?

That said, I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. NTs can try to help us and sympathize, but they will never truly understand what pain we go through our whole lives.

 

[Bataar]

Shouldn’t you explain to people about Asperger’s Syndrome first?

That said, I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. NTs can try to help us and sympathize, but they will never truly understand what pain we go through our whole lives.

Yeah, I didn’t really want to bring up that whole ball of wax I wasn’t really looking for suggestions more just to see what people thought of vocationless people. I don’t mind reading suggestions though. Some might be useful, others kind of make me think of someone (nicely) suggesting a paralized person should run a marathon or something (not knowing the person is paralized of course).

 

[exoflare]

Some might be useful, others kind of make me think of someone (nicely) suggesting a paralized person should run a marathon or something (not knowing the person is paralized of course).

The latter type of suggestion is almost the only kind you hear when it comes to NTs giving us “advice” and I’ve used essentially that same analogy myself when describing it. :banghead:

Anyway since you didn’t want to get into that whole discussion about AS here that’s the last I’ll bring it up on this thread. In any case, I don’t think anyone on earth is really “vocationless.” Some of us just don’t fit as well into the neatly defined little cookie-cutter roles society wants to force us into. I had a lot of problems with discerning my vocation as well and there are still a lot of questions left to be answered on that front; however a few months ago I started seeing a spiritual director and this has helped me out a LOT.

 

[Bataar]

The latter type of suggestion is almost the only kind you hear when it comes to NTs giving us “advice” and I’ve used essentially that same analogy myself when describing it. :banghead:

Anyway since you didn’t want to get into that whole discussion about AS here that’s the last I’ll bring it up on this thread. In any case, I don’t think anyone on earth is really “vocationless.” Some of us just don’t fit as well into the neatly defined little cookie-cutter roles society wants to force us into. I had a lot of problems with discerning my vocation as well and there are still a lot of questions left to be answered on that front; however a few months ago I started seeing a spiritual director and this has helped me out a LOT.

I know what you mean. I’ve thought about spiritual direction, but sadly, I can’t think of a priest I’d want to see or trust that I’d get accurate Catholic teaching from. I have no pull or inclination towards a religious life. My mom used to want me to be a priest and she brought it up all the time so it’s not like it’s something I’ve never considered, same with monastic life. And I definitely don’t see myself having the opportunity to get married. Combine the facts that I doubt I’ll ever meet anyone with the idea that if I do, marriages where one of the people has Aspergers has a divorce rate in the 80% range, I’d be afraid to take that plunge.