Is it selfish, and therefore sinful, to remain single if one remains single for selfish reasons

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A pet peeve of mine is when married people say ‘If I was single’. I relize AmadP88 you have not been married that long, but … married people don’t know what it is to have been single for years and when I say ‘single’ I mean not married and not in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship either. It is really is to sit back and say ‘if I was single’ because once married you don’t have to walk in those shoes anymore.

The harm is suggesting a man becomes a priest is the insinuation, he can’t think for himself
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I’m sorry that’s your pet peeve. But it’s not that hard to think back 5 years and remember a time when I wasn’t married or dating and there was no prospects on the horizon.
 
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AdamP88 said:
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cmscms:
A pet peeve of mine is when married people say ‘If I was single’. I relize AmadP88 you have not been married that long, but … married people don’t know what it is to have been single for years and when I say ‘single’ I mean not married and not in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship either. It is really is to sit back and say ‘if I was single’ because once married you don’t have to walk in those shoes anymore.

The harm is suggesting a man becomes a priest is the insinuation, he can’t think for himself
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I’m sorry that’s your pet peeve. But it’s not that hard to think back 5 years and remember a time when I wasn’t single or dating and there was no prospects on the horizon.
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Just curious, but did people suggest you become a priest? If yes, how did that make you feel? You obviously didn’t take their advice
 
Xantippe said:
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cmscms:
The harm is suggesting a man becomes a priest is the insinuation, he can’t think for himself
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I actually disagree with that.

It may be more that the speaker thinks that the guy is so modest, humble and virtuous that he doesn’t realize what a good priest he would make and would never think to put himself forward.

So, from somebody who knows you well and has good judgment, it’s a huge compliment. But not so much from somebody who doesn’t know you anything about you except that you’re single.
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As a single woman, hearing from people who know me well say I should be a nun is actually twice as hurtful. Any good priest or nun I have gotten to know well always had a desire in their heart to go into the religious life. SIngle people know if it is for them or not

No matter how it is said , it often comes across as the person making an inappropriate joke
 
Yeah. They did. And I considered it. I actually spent a year discerning that life. It wasn’t for me though.
 
Seriously though, if a person is single for selfish reasons, pushing them into marriage will not cure their selfishness. A single selfish person would make a married selfish person. Only this time, their selfishness can potentially damage somebody else’s life.

It is up to the person to discern the reason why they remain single and should not shamed or forced into getting married.

I know you are not saying that but in my experience some people are so bothered by the existence of single people over a certain age that they think nothing of shaming singles.
 
I would consider it even more of an insult if this suggestion to be a religious came from people who know me well, best intentions aside.
 
Sarcelle said:
I would consider it even more of an insult if this suggestion to be a religious came from people who know me well, best intentions aside.
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I think telling a woman she should be a nun and telling a man he should be a priest are pretty distinct.

Being a priest is inherently a position of authority, and telling someone you know well that he should think about being a priest suggests that you trust his judgment and believe that he would use authority wisely.

(And boo hiss to anybody who suggests the priesthood to anybody who seems selfish, imprudent and/or power-mad.)
 
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AdamP88 said:
Yeah. They did. And I considered it. I actually spent a year discerning that life. It wasn’t for me though.
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And once a person determines it’s not for him, people should not further nag and pester him about it.
 
Sarcelle said:
I know you are not saying that but in my experience some people are so bothered by the existence of single people over a certain age that they think nothing of shaming singles.
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I’ve seen this in my experience as well.
 
Single people are free to take on extremely difficult jobs involving travel and danger that are not 9-5.
 
Yeah. This. I don’t know how any lawyer or doctor actually can have a healthy relationship given how they’re always working
 
Indeed.
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Being single enabled me to spend some time traveling and studying active volcanoes in the Pacific.

I remember going right up to the lava flow itself. Ahh, those were the days.

I was young and asthma free at that time. 😊
 
People are wrong to assume that just because you’re single, you can do whatever you want. Not all singles are financially independent, some have to take care of an elderly relative, etc. It’s great for a single person to travel and explore the world, but the reality is, not everyone can do that. And people shouldn’t be shaming them for not being able to do so. Not referring to your post, but the sentiment in general.
 
One of my priest friends has been attacked his whole life by family for being a priest instead of staying home and helping out.
 
Have we established that being selfish is necessarily sinful?

Maybe it is a good thing that someone remains single for selfish reasons and not actually a sinful thing…
 
MonteRCMS said:
One of my priest friends has been attacked his whole life by family for being a priest instead of staying home and helping out.
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But he IS helping out! He is contributing to the pool of clergy that will be available for them to go to Mass and confession so that they don’t have to go to hell!
 
Actually, being a volcanologist is one of my dream jobs.

No joke.
 
Money issues and conflict are difficulties found in most marital relationships at one point or another and it’s not sinful to acknowledge the pros and cons of any situation. I think the reason married people give you “the look” when you say that isn’t that they think you are selfish, but that they find those downsides to be superficial when compared to the many tremendous benefits of having a family. Sort of like saying, “I’m glad I didn’t win the 18 billion dollar lottery jackpot because you just have to pay taxes on it and who has time to write out all those cheques anyway?”
If you feel the need to apologize for your single life (and there’s really no reason for you to feel obligated to do so), you might get more understanding if you concentrated less on the superficial downsides you perceive about married life, and emphasize the exciting and important opportunities you have as a single person.
 
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