Is it the guy's job to do the asking?

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When I was in college after a presentation on Theology of the Body, the priest urged all of us guys to ask the girls out. Ever since then I have internalized this principle. I’ve only done this a few times in my life, but going up to a female that I like and being direct, honest and straightforward about wanting to go on a date with her has worked really well for me (better than any passive-aggressive stuff I used to try like being super nice and hoping she likes me). I’m not saying a female couldn’t say the same thing to a guy if she wanted to, but I rarely if never see it happen. I have talked to my female friends and they seem to all expect the guy to take action. What do you think, is it the guy’s job to do the asking? (I’m sorry if this seems to go against feminism).
 
Well, you can’t make women ask you, so you’ll probably do better asking, but if a woman asks you and you like her, don’t hold it against her.
 
There are no more hard and fast rules, but…culturally, that “norm” is hard to shake.
 
Yes, it is the guys job. The husband is supposed to be the leader. So the dating ritual should conform to what is expected in its goal of marriage. No matter how much feminism may try to confuse things nature hasn’t changed. Women are more attracted to confident, assertive men.
 
exnihilo said:
Yes, it is the guys job. The husband is supposed to be the leader. So the dating ritual should conform to what is expected in its goal of marriage. No matter how much feminism may try to confuse things nature hasn’t changed. Women are more attracted to confident, assertive men.
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So if a woman you really like and are attracted to asks you out, you should say no?
 
I wouldn’t have liked that since I am very traditional. But I’d have probably said yes. That doesn’t change the fact it is the male’s responsibility. Just because it is your job doesn’t mean others can’t step in and do it.
 
You can either ask out girls you are interested in, or sit around waiting until they ask you, which might be never if they are waiting for you like your friends prefer. 🤔
 
I met my husband with friends at university. Some casual lunches, then a museum visit. After that, I asked him If we should go steady.
We are happily married.

A man who is asked out by a woman he really likes and would like to date and says no only because SHE asked him, well, I would call this prideful if not stupid.
 
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AdamP88 said:
Who cares if it goes against feminism. Lots of feminism goes against Christianity.
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Ruth asked Boaz to marry her.

(Of course she did some things I wouldn’t recommend to young ladies in Ruth 3–but it did work, and she got into the Bible and into David’s and Jesus’s ancestry.)
 
Xantippe said:
Who cares if it goes against feminism. Lots of feminism goes against Christianity.

Ruth asked Boaz to marry her.

(Of course she did some things I wouldn’t recommend to young ladies in Ruth 3–but it did work, and she got into the Bible and into David’s and Jesus’s ancestry.)
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…and this is just one reason why I think the Old Testament´s ladies should definately be more noticed.
 
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RIght. Every time I hear someone say that Women are subservient in the Bible, I’m astounded. God used women to accomplish A LOT in salvation history. 😎
 
Not sure if I would rely on a celibate priests experience on this question. Hard to go wrong following the cultural norms of those involved.

But then there is always the ball from left field. When two people click they click, regardless of expectations.

As with most of lifes important decisions, observation and discernment beforehand as to the best route maximises chances of success regardless of custom.
 
Blue_Horizon said:
But then there is always the ball from left field. When two people click they click, regardless of expectations.
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Right.

When you actually are a good match, you don’t need to do everything exactly “right” to impress each other.
 
I have to say, even in more traditional communities, I’ve seen a lot of women who “ask” without actually asking.

I believe one time-honored strategy is for the young lady to express her interest to a third party, who would then inform the object of her affections. If the gentleman in question had any sisters, they were perfect for the task.
 
DarkLight said:
I believe one time-honored strategy is for the young lady to express her interest to a third party, who would then inform the object of her affections. If the gentleman in question had any sisters, they were perfect for the task.
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My 10th grader was telling me this fall about how a female classmate of hers was operating as a sort of homecoming “broker,” helping various parties successfully pair up so they’d have a date for homecoming broker.
 
True. But most men wouldn’t like to be “pursued” by a woman. I would have certainly found it a turn off. It tends to communicate desperation.

Most of the women I know prefer the man to do the “pursuing”. I don’t care what you say I still think that would tend to be the norm.
 
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