Is it the guy's job to do the asking?

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Oh, it definitely helps. It’s just when it turns into “I’m going to keep trying for this girl who’s not interested” that it becomes a problem.

That’s why I said it has to be tempered with the realism that you’re not going to win them all. I think that can actually be part of having confidence - feeling confident that you can manage ok even if nothing ever happens with the current object of your interest.
 
To be fair, I still use “boys” and “girls” when talking about dating. I really don’t know why.
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
It sounds like a lot of men really need to move away from this idea that women are “gotten”. Not to mention a grown woman is a woman or a lady, not a girl. Are you seeing your wife or future wife as your equal partner?
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No we really don’t. Why is it that there’s always the PC Brigade who object to certain terms being used to discuss certain issues?

The only reason people talk in these terms is because there is a healthy perception that a man has to make an effort to impress his future wife. Obviously that effort has to keep going on as they go into married life. But like it or not, there’s a certain aspect of wanting to “get the girl” and making an effort to actually do that. It’s not bad or creepy. It’s just the way many, if not most men are. I knew my wife was into me when we were dating, but I still made the effort to woo or pursue her because I wanted her to become my wife.
 
Daisy said:
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AdamP88:
It tends to communicate desperation.
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Agreed, and desperation can make even the most beautiful and confident women look weak and unattractive, even if they are far from it.
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Desperation is just as unattractive on handsome, confident men as well, so…
 
Ok, this is interesting, so let’s dig a little deeper on it, Irishmom. What comes across as a man acting desperate? For me, it’s his constant discussion of sex. And I wouldn’t exactly categorize that as unattractive… more as an irritating and inappropriate red flag. Pursuing, and pursuing well is not unattractive for a man.

Has there been any culture in history where it was expected for the woman to do the pursuing? Maybe this is not a cultural issue. Maybe this is an issue of nature.
 
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Guys that try too hard, guys that won’t take no for an answer when a woman is clearly not interested. That is desperation for a man. And yes, that is unattractive.

I think that guys that are always talking about sex are not always desperate, but always unattractive, haha.
 
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I also mean when they aren’t even dating but the man wants to be dating and the woman is not interested.
 
Ok, I guess I’m wondering about the time when a woman hasn’t made a judgement yet and is neutral… what actions will give the impression of an unattractive desperation?
 
It isn’t just one line of Scripture. But even if it was, so what? How many times does Scripture need to repeat something before it matters? Is this passage devoid of meaning? Apparently some think it is.
 
That’s how it usually works in the community I live in, since there are a lot of tight-knit immigrant families. Never underestimate the power of the grandmother pipeline to put forth a serious matchmaking front. My sister told our grandmother off hand that she liked a boy and three hours and a phone call from naane later the boy’s family invited us for dinner. lol
 
Yes!!!
Before I got married, my aunt (it´s always an aunt or Nanejun 😃 ) told me she know such a beautiful, handsome guy and if I´m interested. She had a picture in her handbag - she found it randomly (yeah…no 😃 ) and it was portrait size.
 
In this day and age, smart girls will take the same strategy. Though I expect it is less frequent.

I would say it’s our job to give signals and that with men it the signals tend to be very direct. Don’t hold it against women who aren’t the norm.
 
Yes.

It’s the rare man who can get asked out by women. I know a few. Only a few. Most of us aren’t so lucky. That’s just how that is. Get your rear end out of the house.
 
I can think of some examples of that when it comes to dating (not marriage). For example I think it’s the guys job to take the burden off the female of deciding where to go, what to do on a date. That’s what I try to do. Of course if she wants to go somewhere specific then I let her decide. Taking the lead in the conversation (without being obnoxious or pushy) is another way a guy can be the leader. For example asking questions without being prompted is one way a guy can do this. Remember this sort of leading is a service to others, not a selfish way to get what you want. I’m not married yet so I can’t think of how this applies to marriage.
 
What all of my successful attempts to ask someone out on a date had in common was that the gal was showing obvious interest. The times where I had a huge crush on someone with no read on them, and took the plunge and asked them out, have all been fairly painful, and one time absolutely humiliating. Took me a while to get over that.

It just comes down to developing the skill of reading someone else; if you’re feeling good and comfortable about asking someone out, chances are they’ve been doing their best to show you that they’d like you to.

I think this applies to both guys and gals.
 
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