Is it wrong for my husband to look at other girls?

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i have struggled with this most of my 60 years. and still do to a more limited extent. my father in law (who was a fairly devout catholic) used to say, ‘look but don’t touch’ and ‘i’m just window shopping’, and my mother in law and wife would laugh.i suppose lust is in the mind of the beholder, but it’s difficult to know what is going in someone else’s mind. i heard someone on catholic radio say, 'what does it profit you to look at a woman". and i agree, but that doesn’t make it easier to not do it. it’s like magnetism, and i have prayed on it for for a long time for the Lord to give me strength, and confessed it many times. it’s better, but it’s a very slow process. sometimes, i wish i could ‘gouge out my left eye’.:o
 
randomguy180 said:
I have never seen modest yoga pants do they actually exist?
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Hate to break it to y’all but modest yoga pants do not exist, period. Women should wear loose fitting t-shirt and trunks or sweatpants for working out at mixed gyms. Can’t stop most of those leers, can only change your approach. Where I work out at, there aren’t many women in the free weight area and I like that just fine as I find them a distraction I don’t need.

Women who feel sufficiently creeped out at the local fitness center should consider Curves or a similar women-only gym in their area. My mother works out at one of these places and as an older lady, does not feel out of place there. She sees a lot of younger women who changed over due to this issue.

I’d patronize a men-only gym, but think of the hue and cry if one were to try to establish one now.
 
people who think that women dress modestly today have been jaded by years of increasing immodesty starting close to a century ago. any women who dresses modestly will be considered a frump and a prude. if not to their face, than certainly behind their back.
 
bisco said:
people who think that women dress modestly today have been jaded by years of increasing immodesty starting close to a century ago. any women who dresses modestly will be considered a frump and a prude. if not to their face, than certainly behind their back.
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I’m a woman and I agree with you 100%. And I do wear pants so it’s not like I think all women should wear long sleeved prairie dresses all the time either.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
Hate to break it to y’all but modest yoga pants do not exist, period.

I’d patronize a men-only gym, but think of the hue and cry if one were to try to establish one now.
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I didn’t think they did and I do not like it when people wear them to church.
Basically no one goes to my gym and the few people who do are male usually so its almost a men-only gym.
 
last week, i was in line for communion. a six foot tall blond in high heels, short shorts and tank top is ahead of me in the other line. did she think she was dressed appropriately? some would say, ‘at least she comes to mass’.
 
I don’t get how people can come to church dressed inappropriately, I mean at least wear something more modest even if it is a modest t-shirt and some modest jeans.
 
randomguy180 said:
I have never seen modest yoga pants do they actually exist?
Click to expand...
Zzyzx_Road said:
Hate to break it to y’all but modest yoga pants do not exist, period. Women should wear loose fitting t-shirt and trunks or sweatpants for working out at mixed gyms. Can’t stop most of those leers, can only change your approach.
Click to expand...
bisco said:
people who think that women dress modestly today have been jaded by years of increasing immodesty starting close to a century ago. any women who dresses modestly will be considered a frump and a prude. if not to their face, than certainly behind their back.
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Unless all of the women at this water park were wearing yoga pants (!), this thread has gone far off topic.

If a man at a water park feels determined to stare at the women who surround him, there’s virtually nothing situationally-appropriate that a woman could wear that would stop it. In other words, I don’t think this is a modesty issue.
 
Men are men, they’re going to notice. But when they linger, that is a no-no. Marriage is hard, it takes commitment. If he loves you he won’t do that. You’re being human. I was on a date, a DATE only, and this girl left me and was talking with another guy. I reacted in kind. Talk this over with him, be honest. If he loves you he will not do that anymore.
secondop said:
Hello everyone, I just have a very brief question… My husband and I have been married for 4 years now and we just went to this water park over the weekend and I noticed he was looking at other girls in bikinis… I know people look at other ppl… We are all human. But, he was doing the double, triple, Sometimes looking at a girl’s bodies until it was no longer in view. And it wasn’t just at their faces either. I mean he was looking at private areas. So, I finally came up with the courage to confront him about it because it has been bugging me. And he claims he has done nothing wrong and turned everything around on me, stating that I “am mean”. Yes, I am jealous to a certain extent. I don’t want my husband lusting (at least thats what it seemed he was doing) after other women. And, I might add he wanted to jump IMMEDIATELY into bed when we got home claiming"I am extra hot today, honey".
So… my question is this… Am I wrong for worrying? Is this okay in a marriage?
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randomguy180 said:
I didn’t think they did and I do not like it when people wear them to church.
Basically no one goes to my gym and the few people who do are male usually so its almost a men-only gym.
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(I don’t think we are talking about the same thing)
 
Hi.
I am sorry this happened to you. I used to have a boyfriend who did selfish things like this and he would insist that my asking him to stop was unreasonable , he had no notion of self control. Is your husband Catholic? Does he actually care about being Catholic? If he does he needs to consider where he is standing with God because his behavior is selfish, lustful and cruel. You deserve for him to be faithful to you and for him to behave with dignity. I hope he realizes he is wrong and shapes up. Don’t let it hurt your self esteem.
 
ack said:
Unless all of the women at this water park were wearing yoga pants (!), this thread has gone far off topic.

If a man at a water park feels determined to stare at the women who surround him, there’s virtually nothing situationally-appropriate that a woman could wear that would stop it. In other words, I don’t think this is a modesty issue.
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perhaps it’s a watermark issue.:o
 
Yes. It is wrong for your husband to look at other women without turning off that part of his brain.

I know when I was dating someone, I never cared to check out other women.
 
kittyplant said:
Hi.
I am sorry this happened to you. I used to have a boyfriend who did selfish things like this and he would insist that my asking him to stop was unreasonable , he had no notion of self control. Is your husband Catholic? Does he actually care about being Catholic? If he does he needs to consider where he is standing with God because his behavior is selfish, lustful and cruel. You deserve for him to be faithful to you and for him to behave with dignity. I hope he realizes he is wrong and shapes up. Don’t let it hurt your self esteem.
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yes , my husband is Catholic. .He is actually the one that brought me to the faith. I am a convert. Thanks to him I now know all about the faith! He is a very strong Catholic man (born and raised and still practicing and living). This is why I was confused when this all happened because it’s totally out of character for him. He has never done anything like this before.
At first it did hurt my self esteem. .badly! But now that we have talked about it (in person, as opposed to texting), I feel better. He knows it hurt me. He understands it’s wrong and we came to an understanding about it. He says it won’t happen again. I am confident he won’t. He has never lied to me or broken a promise. Thank you (and everyone else) for helping me 🙂
 
secondop said:
Hello everyone, I just have a very brief question… My husband and I have been married for 4 years now and we just went to this water park over the weekend and I noticed he was looking at other girls in bikinis… I know people look at other ppl… We are all human. But, he was doing the double, triple, Sometimes looking at a girl’s bodies until it was no longer in view. And it wasn’t just at their faces either. I mean he was looking at private areas. So, I finally came up with the courage to confront him about it because it has been bugging me. And he claims he has done nothing wrong and turned everything around on me, stating that I “am mean”. Yes, I am jealous to a certain extent. I don’t want my husband lusting (at least thats what it seemed he was doing) after other women. And, I might add he wanted to jump IMMEDIATELY into bed when we got home claiming"I am extra hot today, honey".
So… my question is this… Am I wrong for worrying? Is this okay in a marriage?
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Ask him to say the rosary together every night he won’t think about anyone other than you anymore after saying all those Hail Marys I promise
 
Adamski said:
Ask him to say the rosary together every night he won’t think about anyone other than you anymore after saying all those Hail Marys I promise
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Really?

I don’t believe it. I believe in the power of the Lord Jesus and the efficacious prayers of the Blessed Mother, but I do not believe that saying 53 Hail Marys once a day will stop a man from noticing other women.
 
Cat said:
Really?

I don’t believe it. I believe in the power of the Lord Jesus and the efficacious prayers of the Blessed Mother, but I do not believe that saying 53 Hail Marys once a day will stop a man from noticing other women.
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Yeah. Prayer is certainly powerful. But, unfortunately, it’s not a magic spell to turn off a man’s brain to other women.

Men are hardwired to notice the physical beauty of women; it’s not sinful. The question is how to respond to that - in a staring/lustful way (sinful), or in a “she’s pretty, moving right along” sort of way.
 
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