Is it wrong of me to change parishes?

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Thank you again everyone for the answers.

I have thought about it, prayed about it, and I just feel in my heart I should change parishes. I will do it after my daughter’s Confirmation.

Two more things happened this week that helped me make up my mind. The main one was that, again, my daughter was threatened with “not being confirmed” again (and this time it was the priest telling them this, not the teacher). He came to the class mainly to quiz the class about what they learned. My daughter actually did well on his quiz questions, but she was told she didn’t hand in her baptismal form and might not be confirmed now. She came home very upset, again. The problem is, I went back and looked at the paperwork they gave us at the beginning of the year and a copy of a baptismal certificate wasn’t on the list. They just asked the date of her baptism and where it took place.

I found out that only one student turned in a baptismal form. So it wasn’t just me who didn’t get the memo. I can provide one, that’s not an issue. My issues is with the way they handled it. Again, they are using heavy handed language with kids instead of sending home a notice to parents (who are the ones who would provide the form, not the kids). And way be so draconian about it? Obviously if other parents didn’t know there was a miscommunication issue. It’s not like we are withholding baptismal certificates for some nefarious reason.

After this incident she came home from her class telling me that she didn’t want to be Christian anymore (not just Catholic, but Christian in general). It makes me sad because she’s looked forward to the Sacrament of Confirmation since third grade and was all joy and hope at the start of this journey. She would talk about it all the time. And now that it’s here, she’s so miserable because of the way things are handled that she doesn’t want it anymore. I really hope this feeling of not wanting to be Christian fades after all this is over.

The other item is minor, and not worth going into detail. But the conclusion I had was that I really think I can make a difference in the smaller parish whereas, I am just a faceless number (and not a very important one) in my current parish. The priest at my family parish actually knows me and recognizes me even though I only visit that parish when I am visiting family. My own priest does know me at all even though I’ve talked to him one-on-one a few times now. To add to all this, like I mentioned, in five years, when my daughter graduates, I am moving back home anyway and that will be my parish anyway (I only stayed here after my husband left to keep stability in her life).

There is a lot of good advice here about going to my priest, but honestly, I don’t know that it would do much good. The current priest came to the parish a year ago and the whole culture of the parish changed. It’s just me not fitting in anymore. I can’t see anything changing because I am not fitting in.
 
Two things: the confirmation thing is way over the top, IMO. I have taught at our confirmation classes and I am sick and tired of threats made to students and parents about this/that will cause them not to be confirmed. It is crazy. Sacraments are a free gift from God, people do not have to earn them, and many confirmation programs certainly give the impression to kids that they are earning the right to be confirmed, as opposed to just being prepared for confirmation (ie formation).

As to switching parishes, technically you cannot switch parishes. Parishes are geographical entities (ok, there are some exceptions), and you are a member of the parish you live in. And that parish has responsibilities towards you and your family regardless of any parish registration. But, you can feel free to regularly attend mass at any parish and participate in the parish life of any parish. But your “membership” is determined by where you live, not where you are registered.
 
You will need to contact her baptismal parish and get a recent copy of her Baptismal Certificate. Some parents bring in the keepsake that parents have, then they have to go again and get the official one. Start with the correct version.

It sounds as if the problem may be the confirmation leaders failing to communicate. They should have given each student a list at the beginning of prep that had all of the requirements listed.

Just to be on the safe side, make sure that you know now what the dress code is for Confirmation Mass. I’ve seen parents very upset when they find out that their daughter cannot wear a sleeveless dress or one with sundress straps.

Please, leave or stay, but let someone at the Diocese know about your daughter’s wanting to leave Christianity after this class. This is a problem across the board, we make Confirmation into an episode of “Survivor” and it is driving both the teens and families away.
 
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I actually do not think it rare that teenagers get so fed up with confirmation preparation that by the time it is over, they are tempted to leave the Church all together. I think confirmation preparation has gone quite a ways off the rail. Its all about a process now, check off all of the requirements, etc. One more reason that the normal order of the sacraments of initiation should be restored.
 
I switched parishes for one of the same reasons … I told the priest I was switching and why … we have to do what is best for our soul … and if your parish is pushing you away from the Church that’s not a good thing. I would switch parishes if I were you … but I would try to find one closer than 2 hours away so that I could be sure to attend mass.
 
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I will think when you have a child it’s important to nurture their faith as best as you can
 
To the OP. It is not wrong for you to change parishes.

The only concern is your reasons for doing so, What if in your next parish, there are still things that you do not agree with? Would you be looking for another parish then? I am just saying hypothetically, of course.

As far as I know, we do not have to follow everything that the priest wants us to do. Parishioners and the church relationship is generally based on choice (of each and every parishioner), You don’t to follow like it is a law.

However, legalism can indeed be irratating, like the condition for Confirmation. I think that was rather petty. Perhaps you may have to give in to that. Maybe you help your your daughter to do the assignment so that it is neat enough to be acceptable.

God bless.
 
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Thanks again.

I won’t be able to go to the church that is 2 hours away all the time. I already go there about once a month on average (when I visit my family) but I go there for all the holidays already. I plan to just go to other churches (maybe even my old one/the one I am in now) for Sunday Mass. If all I did was go to Sunday Mass and confession on Saturday at my church and was completely uninvolved in all other ways and not registered with them, it’s the same as any other parish.

There are four parishes that are 10-15 minutes away from me, 14 if I expand that to 20 minutes. When I say leave my parish and belong to another, I am thinking more in terms of where I will register and where I will share my time, talent, and treasure as they say.

Someone asked a question that is a very good question. What if I leave and I find the same elsewhere. I’ve been a Catholic since birth, for almost 50 years now. I’ve never once considered leaving any parish (or the faith). Each had their own unique culture and I managed to fit in and never felt like I wanted to leave. This is a first for me. First I was debating my faith, but it dawned on me that my issue wasn’t with the Catholic Church, just my own parish. I didn’t need to leave the Faith, maybe just my parish.
 
Given the views of the Church on immigration, I would think that their views on changing parishes are probably evolving. If changing parishes is good for your family, you should change parishes rather than trying to improve the parish of your home.

I could be wrong, but the logic makes sense to me.
 
I don’t know about where you live, but I live in a diocese that won’t allow you to register in a parish that is not in the area that the diocese deems the parish to cover … I know that I can’t actually register at the parish I now attend … my registration is still with my old parish … can’t do anything about it … it’s the rules of the diocese that I’m in.
 
Hello.

I’ve had to change parishes 3 or 4 times, I disremember which it is. First was for liturgical abuses and knowing I wouldn’t get listened to, second was for a couple of other things that I’m not going into here but will be happy to pm you about, 3rd time was for something else I also won’t go into here. And now I’m in a good parish. Holy, orthodox people who help make it easier for me to try to be a good Catholic.

Very glad the head of our church is Divine. Keep the faith. And saying something to the priest is a good idea, even if you don’t think you’re being listened to.

As for leaving the Catholic faith, like Peter said, “Lord, to whom shall we go?”

I’m very sorry you’re experiencing these difficulties. You are in my prayers. Please pray for me.
 
Sure, you can change parishes. Around here, it is more finding a parish that works with whether you are liberal, conservative, or something in between. We have them all.
But I’d suggest to you an easier way, and that is just to tune out anything you can’t do that is not a sin. Obviously, if you can’t give 10%, you are under no moral obligation to do so. As to the “neat writing,” well that’s a little odd but no doubt they need to read it and have had experience with trying to interpret bad writing before. You just seem to be taking these things too personally, almost like there’s something else going on with you. Is there? In my book, these would be just very minor irritations, such as we get everyday from all sorts of people. A great piece of wisdom: choose your battles. Don;t sweat the small stuff.
 
Praying for you, Donna. I hope everything goes well for you and your family! God bless.
 
I am so sorry you are experiencing the mayhem from the gatekeepers of the faith, as I call them. They are the reason my husband decided he did not want to convert. Badly managed parishes. He ended up an Eastern Catholic. They baptize and confirm infants and the newly converted so none of these problems with confirmation classes, etc.

I would switch parishes in a heartbeat, for your and your daughter’s salvation and sanity.
 
I came back to the church 3 years ago after 30 years away. Now I love going to mass again and go as often as I can including Sunday. However I wouldn’t say that I belong to a particular parish. The great thing about the Catholic Church is the numerous churches everywhere. I actually go to 6 or 8 different churches and have Catholic friends at each of them. Is that wrong? I don’t see how. I used to go bar hopping, now I go church hopping.
 
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