Is it wrong to charge a fellow Christian with sexual assault?

[Jesusismyfriend]

I’ve had incidents of this coming up several times. On one hand, a Christian person who abuses needs to learn that it’s wrong, so maybe reporting it would be a good thing. I’ve also been told that you should forgive the person, and charging them would be a form of holding a grudge. Or not being responsable for your own actions. There was a recent incident of sexual assault, and I am wondering if charging the man would be right. He had another woman press charges against him, and my friends claim it was her fault, that she led him on. I don’t want people to think that of me, because I didn’t want what happened to happen. I said no several times. I even broke up with the guy when I realized he would continue to treat me that way. What should I do?

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

I’ve had incidents of this coming up several times. On one hand, a Christian person who abuses needs to learn that it’s wrong, so maybe reporting it would be a good thing. I’ve also been told that you should forgive the person, and charging them would be a form of holding a grudge. Or not being responsable for your own actions. There was a recent incident of sexual assault, and I am wondering if charging the man would be right. He had another woman press charges against him, and my friends claim it was her fault, that she led him on. I don’t want people to think that of me, because I didn’t want what happened to happen. I said no several times. I even broke up with the guy when I realized he would continue to treat me that way. What should I do?

If he breaks the law you have an obligation to report it to the police. If you don’t you carry part of the responsibility for his next victim.

 

[JoeofCupertino]

I’ve had incidents of this coming up several times. On one hand, a Christian person who abuses needs to learn that it’s wrong, so maybe reporting it would be a good thing. I’ve also been told that you should forgive the person, and charging them would be a form of holding a grudge. Or not being responsable for your own actions. There was a recent incident of sexual assault, and I am wondering if charging the man would be right. He had another woman press charges against him, and my friends claim it was her fault, that she led him on. I don’t want people to think that of me, because I didn’t want what happened to happen. I said no several times. I even broke up with the guy when I realized he would continue to treat me that way. What should I do?

Well, he has done it at least twice now and he gets bolder each time. If you dont press charges, what happens if the next time he really hurts some girl really badly and it could have been avoided by you pressing charges now? Its not necessarily to hurt his life that you press charges but to save others.

 

[Chaplain777]

It seems to me that you are confusing forgiveness with a free pass. If someone murders your family member, you might forgive that person for committing this crime but they are still going to prison. There are consequences for our actions.

As mentioned earlier by Buck, not reporting this individual makes you partially responsible for his continued acts of abuse to other persons.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I’ve had incidents of this coming up several times. On one hand, a Christian person who abuses needs to learn that it’s wrong, so maybe reporting it would be a good thing. … There was a recent incident of sexual assault, and I am wondering if charging the man would be right. He had another woman press charges against him, and my friends claim it was her fault, that she led him on. I don’t want people to think that of me, because I didn’t want what happened to happen. I said no several times. I even broke up with the guy when I realized he would continue to treat me that way. What should I do?

OP, if I’m reading this right, you’re basically saying the you’ve been sexually assaulted by someone you were dating, someone who had assault charges pressed against him by another woman, and now if you’re wondering if you should contact the police.

I’m going to say this a dozen times so you understand clearly: YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!

You have a duty to yourself and this creep’s past and (potential) future victims to do everything in your power to make sure he never hurts another woman.

It matters not one whit what this man’s religion is. Not one.

And after you’ve contacted law enforcement, please contact a rape crisis clinic and get help for yourself. Even if you think you’re Okay. Even if all of this happened weeks or months ago. If you live in the US, The National Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, www.rainn.org, can put you in touch with an organization in your area.

And those friends of your who told you that it was her fault because she led him on? Well, you should re-evaluate your friendship with those folks. No one - no man, woman, or child - gets what’s coming to them when they’re sexually assaulted.

Luna

 

[wendy_w]

I’ve had incidents of this coming up several times. On one hand, a Christian person who abuses needs to learn that it’s wrong, so maybe reporting it would be a good thing. I’ve also been told that you should forgive the person, and charging them would be a form of holding a grudge. Or not being responsable for your own actions. There was a recent incident of sexual assault, and I am wondering if charging the man would be right. He had another woman press charges against him, and my friends claim it was her fault, that she led him on. I don’t want people to think that of me, because I didn’t want what happened to happen. I said no several times. I even broke up with the guy when I realized he would continue to treat me that way. What should I do?

You are in my prayers. You are a victim and should press charges. NO MEANS NO!

 

[Garyjohn2]

Depends on the nature of the assault.

If the two people were making out and the guys hands got “too busy”…this is pretty minor. Just break up and move on.

However, if there was inappropriate touching at the workplace, or something was done that is really scaring, traumatic, or makes daily life uncomfortable…report for sure.

If its somewhere in between…use your best judgement! Just my view.

 

[Catholic90]

OP, if I’m reading this right, you’re basically saying the you’ve been sexually assaulted by someone you were dating, someone who had assault charges pressed against him by another woman, and now if you’re wondering if you should contact the police.

I’m going to say this a dozen times so you understand clearly: YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!

You have a duty to yourself and this creep’s past and (potential) future victims to do everything in your power to make sure he never hurts another woman.

It matters not one whit what this man’s religion is. Not one.

And after you’ve contacted law enforcement, please contact a rape crisis clinic and get help for yourself. Even if you think you’re Okay. Even if all of this happened weeks or months ago. If you live in the US, The National Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, www.rainn.org, can put you in touch with an organization in your area.

And those friends of your who told you that it was her fault because she led him on? Well, you should re-evaluate your friendship with those folks. No one - no man, woman, or child - gets what’s coming to them when they’re sexually assaulted.

Luna

^this.

 

[Rascalking]

OP, if I’m reading this right, you’re basically saying the you’ve been sexually assaulted by someone you were dating, someone who had assault charges pressed against him by another woman, and now if you’re wondering if you should contact the police.

I’m going to say this a dozen times so you understand clearly: YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!

You have a duty to yourself and this creep’s past and (potential) future victims to do everything in your power to make sure he never hurts another woman.

It matters not one whit what this man’s religion is. Not one.

And after you’ve contacted law enforcement, please contact a rape crisis clinic and get help for yourself. Even if you think you’re Okay. Even if all of this happened weeks or months ago. If you live in the US, The National Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, www.rainn.org, can put you in touch with an organization in your area.

And those friends of your who told you that it was her fault because she led him on? Well, you should re-evaluate your friendship with those folks. No one - no man, woman, or child - gets what’s coming to them when they’re sexually assaulted.

Luna

It would gravely immoral if you DIDN’T report it to the authorites!

 

[Barbkw]

Is a person a follower of Christ who sexually assaults another human being? Sexual assault - not a petty crime - to be quietly talked about behind closed doors. Call the police.

 

[Sascha]

I’ve had incidents of this coming up several times. On one hand, a Christian person who abuses needs to learn that it’s wrong, so maybe reporting it would be a good thing. I’ve also been told that you should forgive the person, and charging them would be a form of holding a grudge. Or not being responsable for your own actions. There was a recent incident of sexual assault, and I am wondering if charging the man would be right. He had another woman press charges against him, and my friends claim it was her fault, that she led him on. I don’t want people to think that of me, because I didn’t want what happened to happen. I said no several times. I even broke up with the guy when I realized he would continue to treat me that way. What should I do?

Any one who commits a crime, should be charged. He should take personal responsibility for what he did.

I’m also concerned about your friends if you would think they wouldn’t think highly of you no matter your situation.

What should you do? Report him. ASAP.

I also wish you the best.

 

[Jaypeeto4]

Look, friend,
you said “NO” to him several times, and STILL he sexually assaulted you.
Now, if he were repentant, deeply apologetic, and had never done this to anyone before,
it would be YOUR PEROGATIVE whether to press charges against him or not.
You are not, strictly speaking, obligated by God to turn in anyone for their offenses against you personally, especially if they are repentant. But what you are describing goes way beyond any such hypothetical situation which might call for an extreme mercy to the individual. This man deliberately sexually assaulted you. **Five bucks says that if he is given the chance HE WILL do it again. **
On top of that, you just told us that HE HAS DONE THIS BEFORE.

Nobody on these Forums is sadistic or cruel, and none of us “wants”
to see anybody get thrown in jail, but THIS GUY IS DANGEROUS.

Friend, if you don’t report him, the next time (and there will very LIKELY be a next time),
he may go further and even severely injure and/or even KILL you.
He has done it to at least one OTHER woman, and now he has done it to you.
This man is a clear and present danger to you and to your community.
Yes, you really should turn this person in. “Catholic” or not.
And by the way, a repentant and practicing Catholic Christian
DOES NOT SEXUALLY ASSAULT women, men, children, ANYONE.
So don’t worry about his religion. He is, for now, Catholic “in Name ONLY.”
After you report him, which you should, you should certainly pray for his repentance and conversion, or have OTHERS do so if it is too painful for you to do so because of what he has done to you. But again, he is a habitual offender, you have told us that much.
So he is a CLEAR and PRESENT DANGER to YOU and to all other women so long as he remains at large. He has to be stopped. The people here have given you very good advice. Please heed it before this man REALLY hurts you VERY badly.
And do contact Rainn, like the poster above said. rainn.org ,
because you need some serious counselling because of this.
I have a Catholic, very DEVOUTLY Catholic female friend, with heart trouble who sleeps deeply because of her medications, whose wicked 55 year old cousin is breaking into her house and raping her etc almost every night, and the local police will not take any action. It’s incredible, because she has asked them for help. DON’T LET THIS situation develop in YOUR case. Get help NOW.
God bless you.
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+
PRAY THE ROSARY DAILY

 

[edward_george]

I’ve had incidents of this coming up several times. On one hand, a Christian person who abuses needs to learn that it’s wrong, so maybe reporting it would be a good thing. I’ve also been told that you should forgive the person, and charging them would be a form of holding a grudge. Or not being responsable for your own actions. There was a recent incident of sexual assault, and I am wondering if charging the man would be right. He had another woman press charges against him, and my friends claim it was her fault, that she led him on. I don’t want people to think that of me, because I didn’t want what happened to happen. I said no several times. I even broke up with the guy when I realized he would continue to treat me that way. What should I do?

Reporting someone for any crime, especially in this case, would be the most charitable thing to do. Sound strange? Justice is simply the virtue of willing that everyone receive what is due to them. If someone breaks the law, then what is due to them is to be tried–and in this case, to possibly receive treatment for psychological issues. You are doing little more than willing the good of another by reporting them for breaking the law, and to will the good of another is the essence of love.

-ACEGC

 

[Sascha]

Depends on the nature of the assault.

If the two people were making out and the guys hands got “too busy”…this is pretty minor. Just break up and move on.

However, if there was inappropriate touching at the workplace, or something was done that is really scaring, traumatic, or makes daily life uncomfortable…report for sure.

If its somewhere in between…use your best judgement! Just my view.

Based on her title and what she said in her OP, it’s pretty much clear - sexual assault. I’m not getting depends on the nature of . . . . Once any person says “no,” everyone stops. I would hope we agree on that.

 

[Jaypeeto4]

**867-5309 is what I want for my phone number. **

Dear Rascalking, your little signature just shot me back 26 years in time.
God bless you.

 

[Garyjohn2]

Based on her title and what she said in her OP, it’s pretty much clear - sexual assault. I’m not getting depends on the nature of . . . . Once any person says “no,” everyone stops. I would hope we agree on that.

Sexual assault can have many varying degrees of gravity. A butt pinch can be sexual assault. If someone says no, it should stop. If a couple weeks pass and the relationship continues to develop, and during a tickle fight the person butt-pinches again…I don’t think it deserves charges. This is just one example of a light version of “sexual assault.” This scenario could fit in to the OP’s description.

It could very well be something more serious than this, and probably is…but the plain truth is we don’t know. But still, I stand by my statement. it depends on what happened.

Replace every instance of “sexual assault” in the OP with “butt pinch” and it could very well be just as accurate but warrant a different response from everyone. We shouldn’t jump to the deep end!

 

[Rascalking]

**867-5309 is what I want for my phone number. **

Dear Rascalking, your little signature just shot me back 26 years in time.
God bless you.

Thanks man. Very sweet of you to say.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Why would it matter if the person was a Christian or not? Are you kidding me? Being a Christian doesn’t give you a free pass to commit crimes. **Yes, report it. Immediately. **

 

[Jaypeeto4]

Justice is simply the virtue of willing that everyone receive what is due to them.

Hi edward_george, you have stated the above correctly, but we Catholics do not believe in strict justice. Otherwise, none of US would stand a chance in hell, either. In this life, nor in the next, unless (which is very unusual) we have all lived pristine and saintly lives ever since we were tiny children.
Jesus is a perfect advocate of justice, but he is also overwhelmingly merciful.
In fact, he prefers exercising MERCY and NOT pure justice, as he states so clearly in the NT that all the angels in heaven REJOICE (not say, oh damn, now we have to forgive, pardon and restore this guy now) when any sinner, no matter how heinous, repents.
If it were not so, he would NEVER have gone to the Cross for us.
Many of OUR mortal sins used to be prosecuted under the Laws of the United States and/or of the individual states. They are, by the way, still on the books in most places, just not enforced any more. And some of them are even being hailed as out-and-out VIRTUES and RIGHTS by our Legal System nowadays, which is really really sad.
But if these laws were still enforced, for they are in most places STILL “Laws”, millions upon millions of Catholics and other repentant Christians would be incarcerated.
Do we REALLY wish such strict “Justice” on our repentant sisters and brothers??
Of course not.

But mercy has to have a basis, and in this poor woman’s terrible case, this man,
a nominal (note: NOMINAL) Catholic, is basically a DANGEROUS RAPIST.
He is a danger to HER and to the WHOLE community, and for everybody’s safety and personal dignity, he HAS TO BE stopped. I don’t wish strict Justice on anybody.
Many of my friends would end up in hell in the next life if I did.
In fact, most people would, because all people are sinners, and mortal sins are Capital offenses, all of them (even the ones the state refuses to prosecute still call for, in God’s Law, judicial application of the death penalty).

This dear lady, the O.P. is concerned about getting “a Catholic” or “a Christian” in legal trouble. Like so many of you have rightly pointed out, a true, repentant, converted Catholic Christian DOES NOT GO AROUND sexually assaulting people. So she should not WORRY about putting a “Christian” under arrest. He is NOT, at least not right now,
a CHRISTIAN, much less a good Catholic in any sense of the word.
I understand her concern about that, though. St. Paul castigated the early Christians for pressing charges against other Christians before the Pagan authorities, even advising, right in Scripture itself, that this is scandalous and that you should rather permit yourself to be defrauded (and fraud has always been a Crime) rather than go to Court against another Christian, especially before unbelievers. So she is right to be concerned about getting a “Christian” in trouble. It’s admirable. But she has nothing to worry about here. You have to balance things out. Like you said in your reply, “especially in this case.” Absolutely. You cannot rightly allow yourself AND YOUR NEIGHBORS to be in grave danger out of a sense of Mercy that, in this case, has no basis for it’s application.

Gosh, I go off on tangents and one thought leads to another and blab, blab, blab on my part. Please forgive me for that and God love all of you.

 

[Garyjohn2]

** this man,
a nominal (note: NOMINAL) Catholic, is basically a DANGEROUS RAPIST.
**

Woah woah woah…no one said rape. What do you people think sexual assault is? You are slandering a stranger, my friend. We should all practice some temperance here.