Is it wrong to disagree with God but still obey?

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JosephDColeman

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I disagree with God’s view on sexuality and marriage sometimes. In fact I don’t like it most of the time. Having spent the first 30 years of my life living like the world, I can’t seem to grasp the concept that you can fall in love with someone enough to marry them if there is no sexual contact beforehand. I can understand waiting until marriage if the girl is a virgin, but to have to get married before I can sleep with her when another guy didn’t have to make that commitment to get the same thing is crazy to me. I’m a very physical guy and if there is no sexuality why wouldn’t I just hang out with my guy friends? I don’t get it. It seems like marriage is a control for men not to abandon pregnant women honestly. I just can’t seem to fall for someone without the physical aspect. Trying to do so is trying to find a perfect personality, which doesn’t exist. Honestly the physical aspect seems to make up for where the personality is lacking.

However, I know that if God says my view is wrong I have to do what He says. This I’ve been doing, but I haven’t been happy about it.

Am I wrong for feeling like I disagree with God? I just feel like I can’t change how I feel.

I want to learn more about this and how my views are flawed. I want to read John Paul 2’s book about it, but googling it brings up so many different versions I’m confused where to start.
 
JosephDColeman said:
I’m a very physical guy and if there is no sexuality why wouldn’t I just hang out with my guy friends?
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Maybe you’re just coming off wrong via text vs being able to do face-to-face conversations with vocal tone, but this sentence bothers me. Nothing is less attractive than a man pretty much saying that I’m only worth being with over his guy friends if he gets access to my body.

However, I don’t see anything wrong with acknowledging you disagree with something as long as you are also putting in the effort to change and conform yourself to God vs getting stubborn and giving up.
 
But what think you? A certain man had two sons; and coming to the first, he said: Son, go work today in my vineyard. And he answering, said: I will not. But afterwards, being moved with repentance, he went. And coming to the other, he said in like manner. And he answering, said: I go, Sir; and he went not.

Which of the two did the father’s will? They say to him: The first. Jesus saith to them: Amen I say to you, that the publicans and the harlots shall go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of justice, and you did not believe him. But the publicans and the harlots believed him: but you, seeing it, did not even afterwards repent, that you might believe him.
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Matthew 21:28-32.

We are called to do His will. Agreeing with Him is secondary.
 
RoseScented said:
Nothing is less attractive than a man pretty much saying that I’m only worth being with over his guy friends if he gets access to my body.
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I figured I’d upset some ladies in saying that. That wasn’t my intention, of course. I just simply mean that I can relate to men and have shared interests with them the same as with females. The physical attraction is the difference.
 
There have been many, many times in my life where I was in the “I-don’t-agree-but-I’ll-still-obey” camp. God has used that reluctant obedience to bring about conversion in my heart time after time. Aligning your actions with Him will eventually lead to aligning your heart as well.
 
Yes, it’s alright to disagree with God as long as you obey him. God certainly appreciates the commitment you’re making to be holy even though you’re doing so reluctantly because you don’t agree with His will or His teachings.

I think God appreciates the fact that it’s harder for someone who disagrees with Him to be obedient to him compared to someone who agrees with what He teaches. So I think you bring joy to His heart by your obedience to His teachings despite your differing views on the matter.
 
JosephDColeman said:
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RoseScented:
Nothing is less attractive than a man pretty much saying that I’m only worth being with over his guy friends if he gets access to my body.
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I figured I’d upset some ladies in saying that. That wasn’t my intention, of course. I just simply mean that I can relate to men and have shared interests with them the same as with females. The physical attraction is the difference.
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I pointed that out because maybe that’s something you need to shift in thinking when in a relationship. You said you were having a hard time agreeing with God’s view on sexuality so I thought I’d point out somewhere to start work. It’s fine to be physically attracted to the person you are in a relationship with. Hopefully the other person feels the same way. If not that’s something for the both of you to discuss and be open with each other about. If you can’t fall in love with someone enough to want to be with them for a lifetime without the sexual contact beforehand then you’re going to have a hard time confronting that aspect in marriage. It’s fine to tell God that you find it hard to understand the why’s of what he has given us, but you’re going to follow him even though you don’t understand and might not be happy about it at the moment, if ever.

I’ll put it this way. I have medical reasons that I have to be very very careful on if/when I get pregnant for both the baby and my sake. If I end up marrying someone that’s something both of us are going to have to confront even after the “I dos”. There’s this concept of “Oh, okay. We’ll have to be careful and plan.” before-hand when you also have the “no sex before marriage” rule going, but suddenly after marriage that’s really going to hit home. A relationship must be able to stand firm on other footing during those times. A lot of the foundation for all of that will be built before marriage. It doesn’t just show up for people who have medical conditions. How to show affection and consideration for each other in others ways is part of the creative fun of relationships.

Maybe I have an easier time with this because even before I took my faith seriously I had the exact same plans for things (for purely secular reasons) as when I now take my faith seriously, I just have more reasons to follow the rules I set. I will admit to not being able to empathize on this particular topic of disagreement. I do, however have other things that I’ve grumbled at the Lord over while also asking for understanding. I think that’s just fine and quite natural on our journeys to the Lord.
 
JosephDColeman said:
I can understand waiting until marriage if the girl is a virgin, but to have to get married before I can sleep with her when another guy didn’t have to make that commitment to get the same thing is crazy to me.
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The best situation is that both the man and woman have preserved their virginity prior to marriage, as it means neither committed the mortal sin of fornication. But it’s not so much about preserving the virginity itself as a special thing. It’s that both spouses have committed to living chastely. Maybe they had extensive sexual history at one point. That doesn’t matter once they’ve decided to follow a Christian life. For both their own sake and their loved one’s sake, they should refrain from having relations outside of marriage.
 
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JosephDColeman said:
I’m a very physical guy and if there is no sexuality why wouldn’t I just hang out with my guy friends? I don’t get it. It seems like marriage is a control for men not to abandon pregnant women honestly. I just can’t seem to fall for someone without the physical aspect. Trying to do so is trying to find a perfect personality, which doesn’t exist. Honestly the physical aspect seems to make up for where the personality is lacking.
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Not a direct answer to your problem, but try reversing your scenario: what if the girl you were dating said the same thing about you? That she found your personality lacking, but your physicality made up for it. That she’d rather hangout with her girlfriends than you unless sex was involved, and otherwise she didn’t really want to be around you. Would you find her to be very loving if this was her mindset?
 
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SPBlitz said:
That she found your personality lacking, but your physicality made up for it.
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I’ve always relied heavily on my physicality in relationships. That’s one of the root causes of my struggle with chastity. I’ve always gotten affirmation out of someone being attracted to me. If I can’t impress them with words, I always could physically. It was my go to.

Of course all of my relationships have failed so I’m not saying I’m right.
 
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JosephDColeman said:
I’ve always gotten affirmation out of someone being attracted to me
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Perhaps this is something you would like to explore further with a counselor.

You are more that just your “physicality.” Yes, that is why your relationships fail, because if it is only based on that, you could be with someone that has totally opposite values and beliefs than yours. And where does that leave you? Incompatible. And yet, you have bonded through sex to a person you have nothing in common with.
 
JosephDColeman said:
but to have to get married before I can sleep with her when another guy didn’t have to make that commitment to get the same thing is crazy to me.
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No good marriage begins with “I have to do this so I can have sex with you”.
JosephDColeman said:
I just feel like I can’t change how I feel.
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We are the masters of our feelings because we cannot trust our feelings. Feelings deceive us.

I would suggest a book by Fulton J Sheen called “Three To Get Married”.

Also this website:

 
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JosephDColeman said:
Exactly. And forbidding sex before marriage makes that happen more often than not I’d think.
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Perhaps. But saying, “let me have sex with you so I can find it in me to marry you” isn’t much better.

The important thing to remember is that the physicality of love eventually will fall away. There will come times in your marriage where you won’t be able to have sex with your wife, due to illness or age or whatever. And if you haven’t learned to say no to your need for physicality before then - if you haven’t learned to love your wife without the pleasure of sex, then you’re going to have a rough time.
 
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SPBlitz said:
And if you haven’t learned to say no to your need for physicality before then - if you haven’t learned to love your wife without the pleasure of sex, then you’re going to have a rough time.
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That makes sense for sure. I think where I struggle is more in the area of the physicality being necessary to fall in love with them though, not be with them. I was married before (in the process of getting an annulment) and I know that after awhile sex isn’t a daily thing.
 
JosephDColeman said:
Exactly. And forbidding sex before marriage makes that happen more often than not I’d think.
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If both partners enter the marriage with a servant mindset, bad sex shouldn’t be an issue. In my mind, being able to have sex before marriage doesn’t solve anything. Anyone can become good at something with intention, willingness to learn, and communication. If that’s not there, there are bigger problems that need addressed. You should be able to determine if a person has a selfish nature without having sex with them.
 
JosephDColeman said:
physicality being necessary to fall in love with them though
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Love is not something like stepping in gum on the sidewalk, something we fall into like an open pit, Love is an act of the will. We decide to love.
 
Then it would make sense to have arranged marriage in my opinion.
 
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