Is it wrong to refuse to start a family?

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I couldn’t find a thread which related to this.

I’m almost 33 years old, unmarried and truth be told, a virgin. Not something I like to openly advertise or admit in our hyper-sexual societies.

I hold strong family values and have been a family oriented person (with no large or close family to speak of, pretty much remaining).

I work in the university education sector, both in teaching and research.

My carer’s responsibilities, in addition to my studies (I’m at the point of possibly abandoning a long-term doctorate), have placed me in a position where I have been unable to date.

I am not blind to the fact that building relationships is “work” and takes time, I have not had.

I come from a traditional, conservative background, in terms of morality and ethics. I’m a non-practising lawyer who has spent more time than he has wanted in both palliative hospitals, nursing homes and then finally probate courts after having been the carer of a terminally ill parent, as well grandparents.

I see the godless direction society has gone down. I live in a typical global, liberal, Western city (Sydney, Australia), just as any other that is post-modern, post-Christian, and, now, increasingly anti-Christian, and not just secular.

Truth be told, I fear – if I do go to the effort of starting a family - for the ability to even raise faithful child(ren) anymore.

We are due to have a referendum on homosexual “marriage” this year and I’m almost certain the population will vote this in. Especially on the back on last year’s vote in Ireland as well as the SCOTUS Obergefell v Hodges decision. Not to mention the fact that openly stating one’s opposition to the re-definition of marriage is now de-facto “hate.”

I have heard of even Catholic schools being forced to teach their children about immoral homosexual practices, as well as “gender identity” theories. Catholic Bishops have been threatened or received censure for speaking against homosexual “marriage,” and of course the corporate sector is entirely complicit with this social engineering.

In Australia, Catholic Bishops Face Court Action, Huge Fines Over Traditional Views on Marriage
dailysignal.com/2015/11/19/in-australia-catholic-bishops-face-court-action-huge-fines-over-traditional-views-on-marriage/

massresistance.org/docs/gen2/15d/Australia-bishop-letter/index.html

Honestly, I feel the West is Communist and the new Soviet Union. (Perhaps, some speculate, because Russia was never consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary as Our Lady requested.)

I fully agree with Vladimir Putin that the West is now godless and essentially anti-Christian.
washingtontimes.com/news/2014/jan/28/whos-godless-now-russia-says-its-us/?page=all

therussophile.org/putin-defends-christianity-and-condemns-anti-christian-west-and-political-correctness.html/

I fear and always pray for my peers and the youth, and honestly do believe the West has returned back to ancient/pagan Rome and Greece in its morality, especially with all the attacks on marriage, life and the family.

I was also reading how anti-Christian the USA has become on Catholic World Report a few weeks ago:

catholicworldreport.com/Blog/4613/new_study_increasing_number_of_americans_consider_christianity_to_be_extremist.aspx

barna.org/research/faith-christianity/research-release/five-ways-christianity-increasingly-viewed-extremist#.VtgYTPl97IU

That includes all demographics. Those in my age groups, and probably those here would probably be even more “anti-Christian.”

The answer I’ve received most, is the “option” of home-schooling. That would involve intense resources, emotionally speaking, and something totally out of my experience and require a community-type or large-family effort, or one where one or both spouses are totally devoted to the family.

Many of those who have recommended this (here and abroad) have moved from city to rural (or semi-rural) communities.
Similarly, I’ve read or heard about the “Benedict” solution as applied to the laity in small faith communities.

I guess I am also shaped by my actual geography and personal circumstances, as we all are.

The moral decay I see everywhere is utterly saddening. I often find myself in constant prayer for all those lost with the godless direction of the West.

Most of my peers no longer to Church, or even identify as believers etc, etc. I’m sure this isn’t a surprise to those who have kept track of sociological and cultural issues.

Seeing I am not liable for this direction in society, and my rational decision appears to be heading in the direction that, in good conscience, I would not want to bring life into an immoral world, and I’m already single :

Am I wrong to remain single and chaste, just as I am, in this anti-Christian world, we now face ourselves?

This is not to mention my exhaustion and experiences that would, presumably, limit my ability to even find anybody who can actually understand me, even within the “Catholic” milieu.

I was once told that suitable future spouses were most likely in the traditional (eg, SSPX) parishes, though they are not nearby.

Is there is an active or positive obligation or duty on me, to have or start a family. . . or am I actually wrong and defying God by remaining single and childless?
 
I couldn’t find a thread which related to this.

I’m almost 33 years old, unmarried and truth be told, a virgin. Not something I like to openly advertise or admit in our hyper-sexual societies.

I hold strong family values and have been a family oriented person (with no large or close family to speak of, pretty much remaining).

I work in the university education sector, both in teaching and research.

My carer’s responsibilities, in addition to my studies (I’m at the point of possibly abandoning a long-term doctorate), have placed me in a position where I have been unable to date.

I am not blind to the fact that building relationships is “work” and takes time, I have not had.

I come from a traditional, conservative background, in terms of morality and ethics. I’m a non-practising lawyer who has spent more time than he has wanted in both palliative hospitals, nursing homes and then finally probate courts after having been the carer of a terminally ill parent, as well grandparents.

I see the godless direction society has gone down. I live in a typical global, liberal, Western city (Sydney, Australia), just as any other that is post-modern, post-Christian, and, now, increasingly anti-Christian, and not just secular.

Truth be told, I fear – if I do go to the effort of starting a family - for the ability to even raise faithful child(ren) anymore.

We are due to have a referendum on homosexual “marriage” this year and I’m almost certain the population will vote this in. Especially on the back on last year’s vote in Ireland as well as the SCOTUS Obergefell v Hodges decision. Not to mention the fact that openly stating one’s opposition to the re-definition of marriage is now de-facto “hate.”

I have heard of even Catholic schools being forced to teach their children about immoral homosexual practices, as well as “gender identity” theories. Catholic Bishops have been threatened or received censure for speaking against homosexual “marriage,” and of course the corporate sector is entirely complicit with this social engineering.

In Australia, Catholic Bishops Face Court Action, Huge Fines Over Traditional Views on Marriage
dailysignal.com/2015/11/19/in-australia-catholic-bishops-face-court-action-huge-fines-over-traditional-views-on-marriage/

massresistance.org/docs/gen2/15d/Australia-bishop-letter/index.html

Honestly, I feel the West is Communist and the new Soviet Union. (Perhaps, some speculate, because Russia was never consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary as Our Lady requested.)

I fully agree with Vladimir Putin that the West is now godless and essentially anti-Christian.
washingtontimes.com/news/2014/jan/28/whos-godless-now-russia-says-its-us/?page=all

therussophile.org/putin-defends-christianity-and-condemns-anti-christian-west-and-political-correctness.html/

I fear and always pray for my peers and the youth, and honestly do believe the West has returned back to ancient/pagan Rome and Greece in its morality, especially with all the attacks on marriage, life and the family.

I was also reading how anti-Christian the USA has become on Catholic World Report a few weeks ago:

catholicworldreport.com/Blog/4613/new_study_increasing_number_of_americans_consider_christianity_to_be_extremist.aspx

barna.org/research/faith-christianity/research-release/five-ways-christianity-increasingly-viewed-extremist#.VtgYTPl97IU

That includes all demographics. Those in my age groups, and probably those here would probably be even more “anti-Christian.”

The answer I’ve received most, is the “option” of home-schooling. That would involve intense resources, emotionally speaking, and something totally out of my experience and require a community-type or large-family effort, or one where one or both spouses are totally devoted to the family.

Many of those who have recommended this (here and abroad) have moved from city to rural (or semi-rural) communities.
Similarly, I’ve read or heard about the “Benedict” solution as applied to the laity in small faith communities.

I guess I am also shaped by my actual geography and personal circumstances, as we all are.

The moral decay I see everywhere is utterly saddening. I often find myself in constant prayer for all those lost with the godless direction of the West.

Most of my peers no longer to Church, or even identify as believers etc, etc. I’m sure this isn’t a surprise to those who have kept track of sociological and cultural issues.

Seeing I am not liable for this direction in society, and my rational decision appears to be heading in the direction that, in good conscience, I would not want to bring life into an immoral world, and I’m already single :

Am I wrong to remain single and chaste, just as I am, in this anti-Christian world, we now face ourselves?

This is not to mention my exhaustion and experiences that would, presumably, limit my ability to even find anybody who can actually understand me, even within the “Catholic” milieu.

I was once told that suitable future spouses were most likely in the traditional (eg, SSPX) parishes, though they are not nearby.

Is there is an active or positive obligation or duty on me, to have or start a family. . . or am I actually wrong and defying God by remaining single and childless?
No, you are not wrong in choosing to remain single and chaste. Unlike Mormons, marriage is not a requirement for all Catholics.

I remember asking the same question on the Ask an Apologist subforum and that is what the answer is. Being single and chaste is not sin.

It may be a tall order as I am not sure of the state of Catholicism in Australia, but try to get yourself a spiritual advisor.
 
There is nothing requiring you to get married, but I am also in Australia. I am Maronite, but it never ceases to amaze me how many good Catholic families I am surrounded by and who are raising there children in the faith. I have met Catholics as an academic at university and later in other work places. If you look back generations - each feels a moral decline compared to the generation before it. You can choose how you want to raise your family. There are plenty of vibrant Catholic parishes in Western Sydney with Catholic families who have a good Catholic outlook on life. If we all took the attitude that we should not have families and raise domestic Churches - where would that lead? In relation to the issues you raise about society… this is not the time for ‘moral outrage’. That draws no one in. This is the Year of Mercy, it is the time to throw open the doors of the Church and offer a society, that will be longing for truth, the joy and beauty of our faith. That is what people will be drawn to.
 
I feel for you in your isolation of the faith in a sadly secular world. There is no need to get married, however, it is a lonely existence without a spouse. At 33 it is a good time to look, but in the right places.
As you live in Sydney and are a non-practicing lawyer ( I presume degree without practicing certificate. ) I would suggest you contact the Thomas More Society. This Catholic society for lawyers needs good solid catholics such as yourself and you may find a soul mate in its present leader, a very good Catholic who would appreciate allies.

This contact may go some way to ease the isolation and could be a very good work for a man of intellect. They are on the web. God bless and pray to Our Lady if you feel the loneliness of a good man in a sad world.
 
Eventhough I don’t consider myself to do too well being alone, but I feel desire to stay single. As far as I know that is not a vocation though. If someone could elaborate on that or correct me if I am wrong, I’d be most thankful.
 
Eventhough I don’t consider myself to do too well being alone, but I feel desire to stay single. As far as I know that is not a vocation though. If someone could elaborate on that or correct me if I am wrong, I’d be most thankful.
Single blessedness is a legitimate choice. You can choose not to marry if you feel you do not have the calling to it and you don’t feel like religious life is for you. I know some people who choose to dedicate themselves to their work (such as teaching) or to their families (taking care of a sick relative, for example). But then again, some are called late to a particular vocation (St. Francis Borgia, who was married, widowed, and became the second superior general of the Jesuits) 🙂
 
My friend was recently saying similar things to me but I was unfazed.

Why?

I had been challenged and inspired by listening to the story of Sts. Felicity and Perpetua that morning since it was their feast day and turned her attention to their predicament and unwavering faith! 🙂

Both were thrown into prison and fed to wild beasts. Felicity was nursing her infant and Perpetua gave birth in prison just shortly before her final day.

Yet they welcomed their martyrdom cheerfully with complete trust in Jesus!

For more on their stories: catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=48

I ask them to pray for me to have greater trust in Jesus and His care for my children.
 
Single blessedness is a legitimate choice. You can choose not to marry if you feel you do not have the calling to it and you don’t feel like religious life is for you. I know some people who choose to dedicate themselves to their work (such as teaching) or to their families (taking care of a sick relative, for example). But then again, some are called late to a particular vocation (St. Francis Borgia, who was married, widowed, and became the second superior general of the Jesuits) 🙂
Thank you! 🙂
 
The moral decay I see everywhere is utterly saddening. I often find myself in constant prayer for all those lost with the godless direction of the West.

Most of my peers no longer to Church, or even identify as believers etc, etc. I’m sure this isn’t a surprise to those who have kept track of sociological and cultural issues.

Seeing I am not liable for this direction in society, and my rational decision appears to be heading in the direction that, in good conscience, I would not want to bring life into an immoral world, and I’m already single :

Am I wrong to remain single and chaste, just as I am, in this anti-Christian world, we now face ourselves?

Is there is an active or positive obligation or duty on me, to have or start a family. . . or am I actually wrong and defying God by remaining single and childless?
Nobody has a moral obligation to start a family. That said, you are liable for the direction that society takes. Christianity has always existed in a climate of moral indifference and persecution throughout the ages. In ancient Rome the Christians were thrown to the wild animals to be torn apart for professing faith in the risen Christ.

Every catholic has a responsibility to live in the world and bear witness to the truth. That’s the moral obligation we have. The only moral obligation in this area is that one much be open to life if they are to marry. That doesn’t meant you have a moral obligation to have kids. Just to remain open to the possibility within the married relationship.

I’m getting married this year and I worry about the moral climate and my future kids souls. I’m from Ireland so I know how bad it is with the “Gay Marriage” referendum last year and a possible referendum on abortion pending.

But I know that Christ is looking out for His people and will not allow our children to be taken from the faith if we are faithful to Him and do our parental duty to properly instruct them in the faith.
 
Eventhough I don’t consider myself to do too well being alone, but I feel desire to stay single. As far as I know that is not a vocation though. If someone could elaborate on that or correct me if I am wrong, I’d be most thankful.
See link from USCCB on different forms of consecrated life (consecrated virgins and widows):

usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/vocations/consecrated-life/forms-of-consecrated-life.cfm .

CCC 922-924 .

May it go well with you. I feel we all need to try to discern God’s calling for us. As that may change with time (such as meeting a possible mate later in life), discernment is an ongoing effort. We can focus on the Lord whether married or single. However, St. Paul even said it is good to stay unmarried (single or widowed) because our attention is not diverted from the Lord to a wife or husband.

biblehub.com/1_corinthians/7-8.htm .

Paul thought the Lord was coming back in his lifetime, so the attitudes have changed over time. However, I don’t think we should have negative feelings toward those who stay single and use their time and efforts to fully engage in what they feel the Lord calls them to do.
 
I couldn’t find a thread which related to this.

I’m almost 33 years old, unmarried and truth be told, a virgin. Not something I like to openly advertise or admit in our hyper-sexual societies.

I hold strong family values and have been a family oriented person (with no large or close family to speak of, pretty much remaining).

I work in the university education sector, both in teaching and research.

My carer’s responsibilities, in addition to my studies (I’m at the point of possibly abandoning a long-term doctorate), have placed me in a position where I have been unable to date.

I am not blind to the fact that building relationships is “work” and takes time, I have not had.

I come from a traditional, conservative background, in terms of morality and ethics. I’m a non-practising lawyer who has spent more time than he has wanted in both palliative hospitals, nursing homes and then finally probate courts after having been the carer of a terminally ill parent, as well grandparents.

I see the godless direction society has gone down. I live in a typical global, liberal, Western city (Sydney, Australia), just as any other that is post-modern, post-Christian, and, now, increasingly anti-Christian, and not just secular.

Truth be told, I fear – if I do go to the effort of starting a family - for the ability to even raise faithful child(ren) anymore.

We are due to have a referendum on homosexual “marriage” this year and I’m almost certain the population will vote this in. Especially on the back on last year’s vote in Ireland as well as the SCOTUS Obergefell v Hodges decision. Not to mention the fact that openly stating one’s opposition to the re-definition of marriage is now de-facto “hate.”

I have heard of even Catholic schools being forced to teach their children about immoral homosexual practices, as well as “gender identity” theories. Catholic Bishops have been threatened or received censure for speaking against homosexual “marriage,” and of course the corporate sector is entirely complicit with this social engineering.

In Australia, Catholic Bishops Face Court Action, Huge Fines Over Traditional Views on Marriage
dailysignal.com/2015/11/19/in-australia-catholic-bishops-face-court-action-huge-fines-over-traditional-views-on-marriage/

massresistance.org/docs/gen2/15d/Australia-bishop-letter/index.html

Honestly, I feel the West is Communist and the new Soviet Union. (Perhaps, some speculate, because Russia was never consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary as Our Lady requested.)

I fully agree with Vladimir Putin that the West is now godless and essentially anti-Christian.
washingtontimes.com/news/2014/jan/28/whos-godless-now-russia-says-its-us/?page=all

therussophile.org/putin-defends-christianity-and-condemns-anti-christian-west-and-political-correctness.html/

I fear and always pray for my peers and the youth, and honestly do believe the West has returned back to ancient/pagan Rome and Greece in its morality, especially with all the attacks on marriage, life and the family.

I was also reading how anti-Christian the USA has become on Catholic World Report a few weeks ago:

catholicworldreport.com/Blog/4613/new_study_increasing_number_of_americans_consider_christianity_to_be_extremist.aspx

barna.org/research/faith-christianity/research-release/five-ways-christianity-increasingly-viewed-extremist#.VtgYTPl97IU

That includes all demographics. Those in my age groups, and probably those here would probably be even more “anti-Christian.”

The answer I’ve received most, is the “option” of home-schooling. That would involve intense resources, emotionally speaking, and something totally out of my experience and require a community-type or large-family effort, or one where one or both spouses are totally devoted to the family.

Many of those who have recommended this (here and abroad) have moved from city to rural (or semi-rural) communities.
Similarly, I’ve read or heard about the “Benedict” solution as applied to the laity in small faith communities.

I guess I am also shaped by my actual geography and personal circumstances, as we all are.

The moral decay I see everywhere is utterly saddening. I often find myself in constant prayer for all those lost with the godless direction of the West.

Most of my peers no longer to Church, or even identify as believers etc, etc. I’m sure this isn’t a surprise to those who have kept track of sociological and cultural issues.

Seeing I am not liable for this direction in society, and my rational decision appears to be heading in the direction that, in good conscience, I would not want to bring life into an immoral world, and I’m already single :

Am I wrong to remain single and chaste, just as I am, in this anti-Christian world, we now face ourselves?

This is not to mention my exhaustion and experiences that would, presumably, limit my ability to even find anybody who can actually understand me, even within the “Catholic” milieu.

I was once told that suitable future spouses were most likely in the traditional (eg, SSPX) parishes, though they are not nearby.

Is there is an active or positive obligation or duty on me, to have or start a family. . . or am I actually wrong and defying God by remaining single and childless?
You can do as you wish. I will caution you about a couple of things. If that is really type rationale behind the single life then it comes across as judgemental on those of us who have chosen to bring a child into this place of torture and evil. Also, it is good to have a logical grasp on history. Many saints have been born in worse times than this. And lastly, if the titanic is indeed going down, then while you are lamenting the sinking, be thankful some of us are making lifeboats…
 
Do not go gently into that good night.
Rage against the dying of the light.
 
Also, modern secular society is bluffing, and it’s about to get called.
 
1 Corinthians 7:8 “But I say to the unmarried, and to the widows: It is good for them if they so continue, even as I.”

It is certainly *not *wrong to remain single and chaste. St. Paul encouraged it! Beyond that, you have not found anyone whom you wish to marry and start a family with, so there absolutely is no reason to feel guilty at all about not starting a family. And unless all your relatives have all passed away, you *have *a family, even if you don’t have children of your own.

Growing up, I knew several adults who had never married and who were excellent models of the Catholic faith. One relative in particular devoted herself to our family, caring for other family members both old and young if in need. She lived a prayerful life and was active in the Church choir and the community. She took to heart the words of the Mass, “Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”
 
Also, modern secular society is bluffing, and it’s about to get called.
Yep. Not to get too political here, but not having kids and racking up huge piles of debt is not a good long term game plan for the western world.

Something that is not sustainable will, in the end, not be sustained. It’s just a question of when and how the other shoe drops.
 
To the OP, do you think that if you had a child and that child left the faith you would feel it was better that your child had never been born?

I used to not want children, but just seeing how they changed the lives of the people I knew as they became parents convinced me there was something really deep and wonderful that happens when you become a parent. A sort of love that you probably haven’t experienced towards another person ever in your life.

I look forward to the institution of parenthood changing me and teaching a new way to love. My children will be their own people and will make their own choices, but I can’t imagine that would make me think it would be better if they’d never had the chance at all.

I don’t think anyone here would argue you need to have children. The Church doesn’t teach such an obligation and if you are called to the single life, embrace it. But do you really want to deny yourself the chance to love your children and your children the chance to even exist because they might grow up in a world that isn’t explicitly Christian anymore?
 
Yep. Not to get too political here, but not having kids and racking up huge piles of debt is not a good long term game plan for the western world.

Something that is not sustainable will, in the end, not be sustained. It’s just a question of when and how the other shoe drops.
Well, don’t demographic trends show huge hope for Christianity then? The post-Christian West is contracepting itself to death. For the next hundred years, almost all the population growth in the world is coming from Africa. And Africa is the hotspot for Christian growth!

If anything, the future looks pretty bright for Christianity on a global scale. Not in the West of course, but I see the Church becoming post-Western as the West becomes post-Christian as the true realization of Christ’s universality.
 
If your called to be celibate - well that can be a great call!

But if your called to marriage…do not let your fears get the best of you…

(I would not seek a spouse among the SSPX …)

If your called to Marriage though - seek out a faithful Catholic Spouse - and then “be not afraid!” The early Christians too had to live family like in the midst of grave cultural problems…and it was partly due to how they lived - that slowly the society changed! They raised children …Christians in the midst of a pagan world.

Be faithful always to Christ and his Church - set aside fears and live the joy of the Gospel where you are! Love others …do not judge them of course but seek to bring the light of Christ to those in darkness…by word and witness …personal and if called …by family.

As St. Paul put it we are to shine like stars in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation (Philippians 2:15).
 
If your called to be celibate - well that can be a great call!

But if your called to marriage…do not let your fears get the best of you…

(I would not seek a spouse among the SSPX …)

If your called to Marriage though - seek out a faithful Catholic Spouse - and then “be not afraid!” The early Christians too had to live family like in the midst of grave cultural problems…and it was partly due to how they lived - that slowly the society changed! They raised children …Christians in the midst of a pagan world.

Be faithful always to Christ and his Church - set aside fears and live the joy of the Gospel where you are! Love others …do not judge them of course but seek to bring the light of Christ to those in darkness…by word and witness …personal and if called …by family.

As St. Paul put it we are to shine like stars in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation (Philippians 2:15).
Hahahahaha. I agree. But that’s hilarious. 😃
 
The world has never been “pro-Catholic”. The world, the flesh, and the Devil have always been the primary enemies of Catholics. And there are still saints who show us that it is indeed possible to live a holy life in a fallen world. What they also show us is that this world is passing away and is simply a saint-making machine. What’s the worst that can happen? You die a martyr? Well, you’re going to die anyway. We have to raise up another generation of faithful Catholics who have a proper world view and eternal perspective. That is the only hope for society as a whole: the saving message of Jesus Christ.

I am of the school of thought that single life is not a vocation. The Catechism no where states that single, unconsecrated life is a vocation. You’re vocation is, IMHO, a life-long commitment to another person. It is an act of self-giving to another, whether that be a spouse or Christ. In this day and age of fear of commitment, it is not unusual to see single people avoiding marriage or consecrated life (priest/religious/lay) because it “locks you in” and constricts your freedom. For some, that is too much to ask.

In the end, we have to realize that material comfort is an illusion. Societal comfort is an illusion. There will always be suffering. There will always be conflict with “the world”. It’s the whole point of existence: trusting that Christ the King will guide us and ultimately triumph over evil. We have to engage the world for the good of souls. We also have to realize that there is never a perfect time to start evangelizing. We also have to realize there is never a perfect time to have kids. God wants us to trust Him and raise up new soldiers for his kingdom. He will give the graces necessary for good fruits.

We have 5 kids. All boys. We talk about world events, worldliness, spiritual realities, and strategies for engaging the world in evangelization. We pray, we frequent the sacraments, we study Catholic teachings. We always tell the boys that they need to be ready to joyfully accept any sufferings that come along with being faithful to Christ. We know that God may call us or our kids to be martyrs for the faith. But we remind our boys that dying for our beliefs is not something to be feared, because death is inevitable. Reading Lives of the Saints helps get this point across very well because it tells stories of martyrs who died for the faith. IOW, we are not letting fear paralyze us. We have faith that Christ will continue to guide his Church in a hedonistic, anti-Catholic world because 1) He said he would, and 2) The world has always been against Christ.

What we need is faith, not fear.
 
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