Is it wrong to share a bed with a girlfriend

[superamazingman]

As for my own view, I think it is fine to share a bed with your girlfriend. Just be sure to get married first.

Exactly. There’s a reason “sleeping” is often synonymous with “doing it.”

 

[WetCatechumen]

If we were to get all juridical about it, I would say that you are absolutely right. It is putting yourself in the near occasion of sin and chancing that you may give scandal. If all you do is take the risk and nothing happens, those are venial offenses at worst. You won’t make yourself more chaste by making a federal case out of bad judgement. The truth is, those who are wisely strict have to be careful they don’t fall into a venial case of pride about their prudence! Failing to be foolish doesn’t put one on a different plane than the rest of mankind. It ought to be seen as an admission that one is exactly on the same plane as everyone else, if anything!

My bigger concern when we are talking about a couple in a romantic relationship rather than two people who by chance decide they’d rather share a bed that choose who has to sleep in worse accomodations. A couple trying to stay chaste really needs to not make matters any harder than they have to be. Sleeping together and then expecting yourselves to do nothing impure is inviting frustration and unnecessary difficulty. It’s like hanging around a race track and promising you’ll never bet on any of the races. Yeah, maybe you won’t, but if placing a bet would be a serious offense, that just isn’t a good situation to put yourself in.

From my own personal experience, I see no reason to believe that a couple alone in a bed at night is any less of an occasion of sin than a couple sitting on the couch in the daytime.

People can have sex pretty much anytime the twain are alone. Treating this like a special case is silly.

 

[WetCatechumen]

Exactly. There’s a reason “sleeping” is often synonymous with “doing it.”

The early illicit sexual experiences of most people I know happened during the daytime or in the early evening, and rarely resulted from “sharing a bed with innocent intentions” or anything life that.

 

[thewanderer]

From my own personal experience, I see no reason to believe that a couple alone in a bed at night is any less of an occasion of sin than a couple sitting on the couch in the daytime.

People can have sex pretty much anytime the twain are alone. Treating this like a special case is silly.

Well… there is at least the difference that for our culture sleeping in the same bed is very closely connected to having sex, and so, can cause a couple to think about sex more when they are alone together just lying there in the dark, aware of each others presence, which can certainly add an extra element of temptation.

I mean, I completely agree with you that someone could be just as tempted when alone together on a couch doing nothing but just sitting there holding each other, that they can have sex anywhere, but thats why a couple needs to be very careful to be honest with themselves and avoid anything thats going to be too tempting for them. And it would be pretty darn difficult to know that sleeping together habitually will not lead one into sin, like I pointed out earlier, there are all too many stories of good chaste couples who planned on waiting until marriage, but who let themselves start sleeping together because they were convinced it wouldn’t be a problem for them, and then got carried away with themselves only to regret it the next day. Sleeping together is not always sinful, it won’t always cause two people to have sex, but since it has proven to be a problem for so many couples it is only wise to be careful about it, and not to chance it without a really good reason.

 

[Portrait]

From my own personal experience, I see no reason to believe that a couple alone in a bed at night is any less of an occasion of sin than a couple sitting on the couch in the daytime.

People can have sex pretty much anytime the twain are alone. Treating this like a special case is silly.

Dear WetCatchumen,

Cordial greetings and a very good day.

We must, dear friend, reckon with the fact of man’s fallen estate and his propensity to sin, otherwise our thinking will be awry. Moreover, given that the demands of sex are urgent and imperious, especially in healthy young people, it makes good sense to avoid any inducements to sin. Undeniably, a couple sharing a bed is bound to be a situation of special temptation and therefore it is jolly prudent to carefully avoid any undesired consequences. Just as a pious Catholic couple would question the wisdom of patronizing parking places for prolonged and protracted ‘petting’ sessions, so they should question the wisdom of sharing a bed. What is surely required is a realisitic recognition of the dangers of invited temptation and the strict avoidance of such dangers in view of man’s fallen nature.

Owing to the Fall and Original Sin man is subject to concupiscence or evil desire and thus must be very vigilant as regards protecting chastity and the elimination of opportunity. This is why years ago chaperones were provided and modest attire was much more insisted upon than it is today, for these ensured propriety and were rightly considered bastions against sexual license. A table also shielded many from temptations to immoral conduct, even where a coffee was accepted after an evening out. Since the permissive revolution of the 1960’s people (including many Catholics) have come to have a more relaxed approach and are much less rigorous as regards standards of morality than in former times. In contemporary Catholicism there is usually not an out-and-out denial of moral standards, more an unhealthy preoccupation with looking for exceptions to the rule or ‘unique cases’, where something normally considered extremely unwise may just be allowable sometimes. Whilst this can appear a perfectly reasonable line of enquiry, it can all too often result in the actual attentuation of moral standards, since far from often clarifying matters it engenders confusion and uncertainty in men’s minds, possibly encouraging them to look for even more exceptions where the strict rule does not have to be followed. Thus you have the situation where men adduce supposedly ‘compelling reasons’ for departing from the norm, simply to justify imprudent and potentially dangerous actions, such as sharing a bed with a boy/girl friend.

The consequence of the Fall, in relation to sex, has been disorder and disruption and men and women are extremely vulnerable and deficient in resolution in certain situations. Sharing a bed, dear friend, is one such situation and this ought always to be avoided to eliminate the risk of fornication and of causing public outrage. As Matthew Henry, the renowned Protestant biblical exegete, wisely observed, " He who is not shy of the appearances of sin, who shuns not the occasions of sin, and who avoids not the temptations and approaches to sin, will not long abstain from the actual commission of sin".

God bless.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

Pax

 

[Portrait]

This seems quite accurate to me. Without respect to whether you agree with the merits of having sex before marriage, in this situation, you would assume that the couple was having sex–if not at this particular time, then at other times. If they are intimate enough to share a bed, they are intimate enough to be having sex. Whether they are or not, this is the classic description of scandal–not shocking someone’s sensibilities–but merely giving the appearance of sin, and in doing so, giving the appearance that it is okay.

As for my own view, I think it is fine to share a bed with your girlfriend. Just be sure to get married first.

Dear JimG,

Cordial greetings and a very good day. Well said and bang on target. Jolly splendid that last sentence, old chap.

God bless.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

Pax

 

[Agatha813]

I’ve shared a bed with my now boyfriend many times, and oh, look at that! I’m still a virgin and so is he. If you know you can’t handle it, then don’t do it, but if you have the maturity to control yourself, and you both love each other, and have a great love for the Lord, then you’ll be fine. There’s nothing wrong with cuddling, I don’t see anything sexual in that.

 

[williamdrew]

If you find yourself struggling with sins of lust you would not want to do anything to put your self in danger. If you’re inside of a burning house, you’re going to get burned. Avoid sin at all costs and if that means that one of you sleeps on the couch, a sacrifice made for the glory of God right?

If however you don’t struggle with sins of lust…then pray for me from heaven