I am a Hare Krishna devotee 15+ years in the movement, with several initiations, former pujari and head pujari at the Honolulu ISKON temple. I have been wondering lately about this particular question, and have through agony and suffering come to the conclusion that I cannot believe any of what I have been involved with - but what IS good about it, is that it develops devotion in people, or at least a respect for being devoted - and devotion is a basic part of the human heart. I have chanted for many hours every day (when not working as a teacher in public school, as I presently am not due to foot surgery)… and the mantra is indeed very calming. We are told chanting the Hare Krishna mantra is the only way in Kali Yuga (the age of quarrel and hypocrisy) - actually, I have a more positive view of our age than that. As Srila Prabhupada points out, Krishna states without equivocating in the Bhagavad Gita that he is…God. That book is not meant to be an allegory, according to Srila Prabhupada. (He brought KC to the west in the '60’s.) Yet - I am embarrassed to say that now, I do not believe anything. It all strikes me as outlandish. Plus it is on a very intellectual level - speaking as one from the inside, I know. We spend huge amounts of time never arriving, and always striving, to find our role in serving Radha and Krishna in Goloka Vrndavan (the spiritual world), from which once you make it there, above countless other levels of lower reality, all detailed in the Vedas, you “come no more out” which I think is a phrase in the bible. Except, certain special gurus DO come out and back, to assist…- and personally, well, no further comment for now. The average devotee is encouraged to believe (My concept not theirs) in putting on their pjs. Meaning, go to Goloka and never come back. Enjoy there desire trees, and endless pastimes with Krishna and Radha. Here on earth, endless lectures, words, books. If you are intellectually oriented, this is great - the Vedic paradigm is more complex than anything else I know about. Period. It is endlessly variegated. But…! That spiritual world is ENTIRELY Vedic - saris, cows, churning of butter, and, most of all, and the chief emblem of advancement… is the romantic exploits (in which devotees serve at the topmost levels, Srimati Radharani - this is the crux of what we are training for, and it is kept undercover except for one extremely popular guru now in his 80’s who is attracting a huge following by bringing all this stuff out) - of Lord Krishna and Radha. * I am sorry if i offend anyone. Suffice it to say, my entire life is in the process of being turned upside down. I live in a house full of devotees - all of whom seem, to me of course, to be where I was… .in delusion. There are reasons, psychological ones, why western devotees feel they must move beyond Christ, to something they absolutely see as** higher**. I now see, clearly, what a mistake this is. Most especially FOR MYSELF, within my own AUTHENTIC self. And more than that, pardon me if I offend anyone, please, I cannot argue - my state is fragile at present… more than that: it is a horrible affront and complete misunderstanding of our situation here on earth. I suppose it is a gift that I am finally recognizing this. I know I never ever expected this to happen. Up until relatively recently, I was rocking along. I am not feeling too eloquent tonight - all my changes and pain are taking their toll. But I am finding help and contacts and anyone who wants to write to me, I would be happy to say more. Within myself, I am finding an incredible light - I am so thankful. I think you can write to me privately using this forum. I just joined it.*
, my intention was to try to understand others to clear their view about the matter, however i do recommend the book!
