Is marriage sinful?

[Mavzylor]

Does God prefer the celibate life? There are passages in the bible saying eunuchs will receive higher rewards in Heaven. If this is true, wouldn’t consummating a marriage be sinful? If God prefers virgins, and you choose not to be a virgin, you are putting sex before God. None of this can be true, because God made Holy Matrimony a sacrament. How is this contradiction resolved?

 

[1ke]

Please get some counseling from your pastor. You sound very confused.

 

[tee_eff_em]

Does God prefer the celibate life? There are passages in the bible saying eunuchs will receive higher rewards in Heaven. If this is true, wouldn’t consummating a marriage be sinful? If God prefers virgins, and you choose not to be a virgin, you are putting sex before God. None of this can be true, because God made Holy Matrimony a sacrament. How is this contradiction resolved?

By answering your question in the negative.

Marriage is NOT sinful.

Just because the married state and the celibate state differ does not mean one is sinful and the other is not. Marriage was commanded by God in Genesis. Marriage reflects the relationship of God to his people and Christ to his Church. How could that be sinful? (Repeat: It isn’t)


tee

 

[Mavzylor]

I am very confused, and do not have contact with a priest educated well enough in apologetics to address my confusion.

Premise 1: You can put nothing else before God. Choosing to do something contrary to what God prefers is putting something else before God.

Premise 2: Many saints claim that the celibate life is preferred, and the bible says eunuchs will receive higher rewards in Heaven.

Conclusion: Having sex is choosing less than what God prefers, so you are putting something else before God.

This is obviously flawed, because Holy Matrimony is a sacrament, and requires consummation, so how am I to make sense of this?

 

[tee_eff_em]

I am very confused, and do not have contact with a priest educated well enough in apologetics to address my confusion.

I am sorry to hear you do not have access to a priest.

Premise 1: You can put nothing else before God. Choosing to do something contrary to what God prefers is putting something else before God.

Show me.

Premise 2: Many saints claim that the celibate life is preferred, and the bible says eunuchs will receive higher rewards in Heaven.

Show me.

tee

 

[Wesrock]

Even if celibacy is preferred, that does not make marriage evil. The Church Fathers have always upheld he dignity and good of both, even those who expressed a preference for virginity. Those who choose a celibate vocation make an offering of themselves to God. They sacrifice married life. You don’t offer something up to God if it’s evil, or if it’s base. You offer up to God the first fruits, the the best. Saint Paul himself affirms that there is no sin in marriage.

 

[1ke]

I am very confused, and do not have contact with a priest educated well enough in apologetics to address my confusion.

All priests have the appropriate education to counsel you on basic Church teaching, including the sacraments.

Both marriage and the holy orders are sacraments. Each person is called to a vocation in life. Both are holy vocations. It is not a matter of either/or as you have placed these two goods in opposition to each other. It is a matter of both/and. God established both vocations, both sacraments, and most are called to marriage and family while a few are called to religious life and the priesthood. Those who are called to forego the natural state of marriage and family are given graces to accept the calling to continence and celibacy for the sake of the kingdom.

It is a different calling, a special calling, because we as humans are naturally ordered to marriage and procreation. Foregoing those very real, intimate bonds of family and spouse do require special graces and do receive great reward in heaven. Not because there is anything wrong with marriage, but because giving it up for the sake of being a spiritual father of souls is selfless and virtuous, and difficult.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Does God prefer the celibate life? There are passages in the bible saying eunuchs will receive higher rewards in Heaven. If this is true, wouldn’t consummating a marriage be sinful? If God prefers virgins, and you choose not to be a virgin, you are putting sex before God. None of this can be true, because God made Holy Matrimony a sacrament. How is this contradiction resolved?

There is no contradiction.

Why do you have this question?

 

[edward_george]

God tells man to be fruitful and multiply. Marriage is the means by which this is accomplished. God cannot command that which is sinful.

-Fr ACEGC

 

[Joe_5859]

Even if celibacy is preferred, that does not make marriage evil. The Church Fathers have always upheld he dignity and good of both, even those who expressed a preference for virginity. Those who choose a celibate vocation make an offering of themselves to God. They sacrifice married life. You don’t offer something up to God if it’s evil, or if it’s base. You offer up to God the first fruits, the the best. Saint Paul himself affirms that there is no sin in marriage.

Right. Even if it’s true that God prefers one state over the other doesn’t mean the other state is therefore sinful.

I might prefer Pepsi over Coke, but it doesn’t mean it’s immoral for me to drink Coke. It doesn’t mean I hate Coke. I may like it very much. Just not as much as Pepsi.

 

[Mintaka]

Keeping a balance between honor for celibacy and honor for marriage was a real problem for some people in the early Church. So don’t feel too alone or weird; it is a good question that had to be seriously answered.

St. Cyril of Jerusalem, Catechetical Lectures:

"If you maintain perfect chastity,* do not be puffed up in vain conceit against those who walk a humbler path in matrimony. As the Apostle** says, ‘Let marriage be held in honor, and let the marriage bed be undefiled.’ (Hebrews 13:4)

"You who keep your virginity – were you not born from those who were married? If you possess gold, do not hold silver in contempt.

“Let them be of good cheer, those who are married and use marriage lawfully.”

• “perfect chastity” = celibacy.

** “the Apostle” = St. Paul.

A lot of the balance was provided by talking about the ties between virginity/celibacy and a faithful, holy marriage.

Synodal Letter by St Ambrose and other bishops to Pope Siricius:

"What praise can be given to marriage, if there is no glory in virginity?

"We do not deny that marriage has been sanctified by Christ, since the Divine Word says, ‘The two shall become one flesh’ – and one spirit.

“… But the mystery of a divine operation is much more excellent… It is quite right that a good wife be praised [as in Proverbs 31], but even better that a pious virgin be preferred.”

St. Jerome, “Against Helvidius” –

“Virginity is the fruit of marriage.”

 

[BobCatholic]

Marriage is not sinful.

The problem between marriage and religious life is money.

If one is a religious monk or nun, one cannot have any money. They take a vow of poverty.

If one is married, they can’t take a vow of poverty. They must get money to support the family.

Because of this, married people are second class citizens in the eyes of God. Any attempt to stay out of poverty is frowned upon by God, condemned as “love of money.” which is the root of all evil.

Remember, Christ told the rich young ruler to give up all his possessions. Job had everything taken away from him and was expected to praise God for it. You cannot serve both God and mammon. So a vow of poverty is required. We cannot have nice things on earth.

Sex is not the problem Money is.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I think a lot of these questions come from a miss understanding if sex in general. That it’s bad, and something God puts up with out of necessity and human weakness. Without marriage there would be no humans. So it just can’t be sinful.

 

[phil19034]

Does God prefer the celibate life? There are passages in the bible saying eunuchs will receive higher rewards in Heaven. If this is true, wouldn’t consummating a marriage be sinful? If God prefers virgins, and you choose not to be a virgin, you are putting sex before God. None of this can be true, because God made Holy Matrimony a sacrament. How is this contradiction resolved?

No, God does not “prefer” the celibate life. But God does like sacrifices. The celibate life, when chosen for the right reasons, is a form of sacrifice. The religious celibate, chooses celibacy as a sacrifice so he/she can devote their lives towards prayer and the service of God and His people.

Think about it for a moment, logically. If God “prefers” celibacy then He would have been far more specific about that and there would be far fewer people on this planet. God told us to go forth and multiply. If God preferred celibacy, then God would have been contradicting Himself when He instructed us to go forth and multiply.

The “rewards in Heaven” are not just for the celibate, but for all those who make holy sacrifices for God and His people.

A married person can still perform sacrifices to God and pray for others. I’m sure the married, canonized Saints in Heaven are also receiving many “rewards in Heaven.”

I pray this helps.

 

[phil19034]

Marriage is not sinful.

The problem between marriage and religious life is money.

If one is a religious monk or nun, one cannot have any money. They take a vow of poverty.

***If one is married, they can’t take a vow of poverty. They must get money to support the family.

Because of this, married people are second class citizens in the eyes of God. Any attempt to stay out of poverty is frowned upon by God, condemned as “love of money.” which is the root of all evil. ***

Remember, Christ told the rich young ruler to give up all his possessions. Job had everything taken away from him and was expected to praise God for it. You cannot serve both God and mammon. So a vow of poverty is required. We cannot have nice things on earth.

Sex is not the problem Money is.

To clarify here, I doubt God frowns upon getting money to support the family. However, I would agree that it is easier for married people (esp in today’s society) to become fixated with money and material things.

Also, just to clarify, not all celibate people take a vow of poverty. Diocesan priests in the Latin Church do not take vows of poverty.

God Bless

 

[Mintaka]

St. Augustine, Homilies on the Gospel of John.

Homily 8, 4:

"Having been invited, the Lord came to the wedding [at Cana]. How is it strange that He came into that house for a wedding, when He came into this world for His wedding? For if He had not come to His wedding, He would not have a Bride here.

And what is it that the Apostle said? ‘I have prepared you for one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.’ (2 Cor. 11:2)"

Homily 8, 5:

“Of course He had come to a wedding; therefore, a man was taking a wife so as to beget children. And by this, He desired of course to honor those who chose to beget children.”

Homily 9, 2:

"So having been invited, the Lord came to the wedding – not just as a mystic sign, either. He wanted to confirm that He had made Marriage.

"Then they were still to come – those of whom the Apostle said that they were prohibiting people to marry and saying that marriage was evil, and that the Devil made marriage.

"It is for these people that the Lord would say in the Gospel, when asked if it were lawful for a man to dismiss his wife for any cause, that it was not lawful except in the case of fornication. During which response, if you will remember, He said, “What God has joined together, let man not separate.”

"And those who are well-educated in the Catholic Faith know that God made Marriage, and that as the joining together is done by God, so divorce is done by the Devil. But it is lawful to dismiss a wife in the case of fornication, because beforehand, she did not want to be a wife; she had not preserved conjugal faithfulness to her husband.

"Nor do those who have vowed virginity to God have no wedding, though they hold a greater degree of honor and holiness within the Church. For along with the whole Church, they belong at the wedding; at their wedding, the Bridegroom is Christ.

“And therefore, it is for this that having been invited, the Lord came to a wedding – in order to strengthen conjugal chastity, and to show that marriage is a Sacrament. Therefore also, a figure of the role of the Lord was the bridegroom at this wedding, to whom it was said, ‘You have saved the good wine until now.’”

 

[Mintaka]

All that said, however, Catholic teaching does say consistently that being a virgin is the best state of life. Celibate chastity is next best. Widowhood/widowerhood is the next best after that. Then comes marriage.

Obviously all these things are better than living in sin. (All else being equal. If you’re a serial killer, virginity is not an indicator of a holy life.)

It is not because virginity is a sacrifice. Often, there is no sacrifice involved in remaining virgin. (Not everybody wants to have sex, folks.) In many ages and even today, it was marriage that involved sacrifice for both parties. Having kids and living a faithful family life is difficult and requires a lot of wisdom.

Virginity is considered a better state in life because it most closely approximates eternal life; there is no marriage or giving in marriage in Heaven.

All forms of chaste unmarried life are considered better states because they allow one to follow God more easily, without having to worry about the wants and needs of a spouse.

So yeah, there’s nothing particularly mysterious about “better” or “preferred.” It’s better for an Olympic athlete to focus on nothing but athletics, if he wants to win, and it’s better for a Christian to focus on nothing but God.

However, the most important thing is what God calls you personally to do. If God thinks it’s better FOR YOU to get married and have seventeen children, clearly God’s ideas about your best holiness are going to be better, FOR YOU, than any general idea of what is generally better.

For example, God went to a lot of time and trouble, including miraculous signs and practically hitting them with clue by fours, to get Ss. Louis and Zelie Martin married and having kids, even though they each wanted desperately to be virgin religious. And since all their kids became saints and St. Therese has fished out a lot of lost souls, obviously God had good reasons to prefer the married state as a vocation for the Martins.

So in general, yes, you can say that God prefers virgins to married people.

But in individual cases, it’s pretty clear that God often, and in most cases, prefers individual people to get married, have kids, etc.

And that’s why we pray and discern about our states in life.

 

[Crusaderbear]

Simple answer, no. Look at the 2nd Luminous mystery…the Wedding at Cana for proof from the bible…

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I am very confused, and do not have contact with a priest educated well enough in apologetics to address my confusion.

Premise 1: You can put nothing else before God. Choosing to do something contrary to what God prefers is putting something else before God.

Premise 2: Many saints claim that the celibate life is preferred, and the bible says eunuchs will receive higher rewards in Heaven.

Conclusion: Having sex is choosing less than what God prefers, so you are putting something else before God.

This is obviously flawed, because Holy Matrimony is a sacrament, and requires consummation, so how am I to make sense of this?

Your question does not sound ‘bad’ to me, go ahead and heed 1ke’s advice as a priest may be more insightful than any lay person here, but please don’t feel bad about the question. I don’t think you are ‘confused’. I believe its very poignant and on key and shows you are actually thinking about things rather than taking things at face value… a sign that your faith in God matters enough that you are seeking Him. That’s not ‘confused’ … that’s intelligence at work and also belief and taking God at His Word.

I believe the issue here is more about one’s calling. There are some who are called to have children and be married. I do believe God pertains some to be mothers and fathers and husbands and wives. Its in the desire of their hearts, which God gave them to do so. Vocation is what matters that you follow- that is, that route in which one feels God is calling them towards. I’m reminded of the story of Jonah. He kept avoiding what he felt God calling Him to do… bad stuff happened along the way because he was not on the right path, ignored what he felt God calling Him to do.

Some people divide the two major vocations (of religious life and married life) by sexual intercourse. This is wrong, at at least a skewed way of looking at it. Its not “if you want to have sex, then choose married life” vs. “if you don’t want to have sex choose religious life”… Sex does not have much to do with it as BOTH vocations require major sacrifices to God if one is to be living right by God. (Ask any couple that’s been married for a while with lots of small children and sex is usually not part of the itinerary because they are too tired!) . Also, one can get married and have one’s spouse injured in such a way that sex is no longer an option, but this does not make their vocation ‘religious life’, and if one wants to look at it this way, married life IS the more difficult path because you are to still be religious and its more stressful of a vocation- its not he ‘easier pick’ as many slackingly (yes, I just made up a word) believe…

Religious are thought of these days as being 'asexuals'  (or infamously homosexuals- a whole other topic) and so they are thought to be sexless, (or infamously thought  to have sexual problems) but this is not true..   They are by vows to give sex up, they freely give that up, its not all they give up either.   It doesn't mean that they are without  sexual desires... in fact, I'm pretty sure your sacrifice is useless if it wasn't a sacrifice to begin with.   If you hate potato salad, never eat it, and vow to give up potato salad the rest of your life, you really did nothing for the sake of 'sacrificing', now did you?  According to the Bible, that kind sacrifice means nothing to God.    Taking a vow of celibacy is a sacrifice because it goes against natural inclination.     Also choosing married life and having kids is also a major sacrifice....    but this issue of sex has very little to do with the sacrifices made within each vocation/vow made.    Its more about one's calling or function or place in the Body of The Lord.  

If having sex is choosing less than what God prefers as you put in in your conclusion, then why would God say 'be fruitful and multiply" in Genesis?  Why would Jesus preach about marriage in general if it wasn't something He prefers?   Again, I say it not a matter of sex, but a matter of what God wills for that person.... i.e. bringing into the world, new saints.      We can't split the faith walk into "everyone should walk in this particular way", because as Scripture explains we make up a body-  the eye is not the same as the hand, the foot or the heart...    We all have different functions, but serve God.    Its not 'cookie cutter cut outs'.   Many try to see it that way, and grow spiritually abnormal because of that view.

I’m pretty sure that St. Paul retorts the believers to be celibate because it is the easier route, one with less trappings and pitfalls and distractions, entanglements. ** It was not a requirement, it was a suggestion of his. ** Its ‘preferred’ because it is easier to not have those entanglements. (Hah! Try praying when you have a busload of kids asking you for this that and anything first thing in the morning! There is not quiet in a house with kids! this means you have to scrounge up more time somewhere else that is inconvenient.) So the ‘preferred’ is that you have the convenience*** to*** put God first. I’m pretty sure that part of the difficulty of religious life is to do just that as they are living in this world just as the rest of us- ‘needs’ call, things happen, etc. etc… but they are to be living by a certain rule, to put God first always! St. Francis’s gig was to put total trust in God and in His Word… That is MEGA difficult. ** Try it sometime! ** Its not as easy as it sounds.

… continued to next post…

 

[AnneElizabeth]

continued from last post…

 Eunuchs I imagine will receive higher rewards in heaven (citation please?) because its not the natural thing to do. Its a lonelier route and difficult to navigate.  (I also think you are quoting Old Testament.. that could bring in some difference)     Its rather difficult to turn the natural function of sexual feelings off, steer the whole soul towards God rather than towards the natural senses.    Ever been in love?   Try turning that off?   You can't turn it off, but you can choose not ot act on it if one made vows, and yes, that will be excruciatingly difficult.  Almost feels like you are wrestling with God himself if you try.   No one but those who have done the work and made themselves fit get to train with the masters.   They've made countless efforts and sacrifices to get there, why should they be deprived of their earnings?   When a child passes 6th grade, its not right to keep them in 6th grade or make them go back to 5th.  No, you put them through to 7th grade.   God is fair.

Now, In Scripture it is said that it doesn’t matter if one came in on the 11th hour of work or had been working all day… God in Scritpure gave both the same reward, and He gives what he deems is appropriate, so don’t take what I just said as some equation for certainty of heaven’s rewards. God rightly judges. Perhaps the single mother with BPD diligently constantly praying and working (sacrificing entirely while under extreme conditions) to see that her 6 kids get what they need will have more rewards in heaven than someone who chose a life of ease in a quiet monastery somewhere… BECAUSE they wanted ease and heard that it was best. Rewards in heaven have to do with sacrifice and love and serving God not functions or vocations. Part of the reason why we hear more of canonized saints as being monks and nuns and friars and priests is because their life was more carefully watched (by other religious and such whose job it is to watch the spiritual) than say a lay persons whose job vocation didn’t require so much spiritual introspection… and their counterparts (other lay people or just unbelievers in general) may not be as spiritually tuned to see those virtues stand out. It does not mean that there are not married people or people who, shock! horror! had sex and had children in their life here go without great rewards in heaven… We just don’t know of them.

I'm also pretty sure that if you made it to heaven, you won't care if someone has 'more rewards' in heaven than you... if you made it to heaven, you are in heaven!   But we are each called to put in effort for what we hope to receive and do what is appropriate and called for (I.e. God's Will).    If all person A considers heaven is a nice house boat and a puppy and works as much as it takes to get a house boat and a puppy, it won't matter to person A  if person B worked five times harder to get the mcmansion filled with exquisite things, because that won't be heaven to them.         ;)    Just like in life, the mcmansion doesn't mean 'better than others', is just what the person who bought it wanted and was happy with obtaining.    Jesus says He has many rooms prepared for us in Heaven.

1Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe in Me as well. 2In My Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and welcome you into My presence, so that you also may be where I am.…

“But Samuel replied: ‘Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams” (1 Samuel 15:22).

Proverbs 15:17
Better is a dish of vegetables where love is Than a fattened ox served with hatred.

Proverbs 17:1
1Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it Than a house full of feasting with strife.

Hebrews 13:16
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Again, its about what God is calling you to do and doing it! Sorry if this was ramble-y. I hope it was thoughtful and insightful pertaining to your question.