Why can’t I masturbate without lusting then?
The only way that I could imagine someone being able to masturbate
without lust is if they were to emotionally/psychologically/spiritually separate their soul and their body. If one manages to do this, I believe they will have
serious issues in their present and future relationships. How can one become emotionally/psychologically/spiritually attached to their spouse through the marital act when they are accustomed to “going through the motions” in a detached way? It would be much more difficult, to say the least.
I think this is one of the main reasons that the “it’s not hurting anybody” argument falls apart. Masturbation may not
directly hurt another person, but throught the continous misuse of our sexual faculty, it begins to warp the way we approach our relationships. If lust is our motivation, then we begin to view and treat other people as sexual objects. If we manage to masturbate without lust, then we become detached human beings, unable to really enter into
any type of relationship.
Would it be a venial sin considering my age, situation, other outside factors? I’m not sure I even see why it’s considered disordered.
No one here can really answer the question of your moral culpability. All we can say is that the Church clearly teaches the act is
gravely disordered and
gravely sinful. If one commits this act while knowing it is wrong and consenting completely, then one has committed a mortal sin. Age is not really a factor (unless you’re below the age of reason).
I’m not trying to be disrespectful to the Church, I’m really honestly seeking the Truth
It is wonderful that you are seeking to understand this issue and the Church teaching about it. I’m a big fan of Mary Beth Bonacci’s book
Real Love for some nice simple explanations of these issues. I’ve also heard wonderful things about Christopher West’s
Theology of the Body For Beginners (though I’ve not yet read it myself). If you’re really searching for answers on these issues, I would recommend checking out both books. They can probably give you more developed answers than any of us can give in a (5000 characters or less) post here on CAF.