Is my father in hell?

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la_petit_fleur

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My dad died a year ago. I loved him very much and am in agony thinking that he might be in hell. My dad was not Catholic, or any kind of Christian. He really didn’t even know much about God, so I think he may have been invincibly ignorant. For example, he was surprised to learn that Jesus was God. He was not open to talking about religion much, or maybe I was just bad at evangelizing.

After a few talks we had toward the end, he was thinking about getting baptized, but was hesitant because of all of the scandal in the Church regarding pedophilia. In any case, when he was unconscious, shortly before death, I baptized him myself in the name of the Father, Son and HOly Spirit. I know lay people are only supposed to do it in case of emergency, but what is more of an emergency that my dad’s eternal destiny?!

I am so tormented thinking that he is in hell. I haven’t talked to my priest about it, because I’m afraid he will scold me because I baptized my dad, or because I didn’t do enough to save him. (He’s kind of a stern priest.)

I trust in God’s mercy, no matter where my dad ended up, and of course I know no one can really assure me my dad is in purgatory, but what is your opinion. I am having Gregorian masses said for him every month, but I dread the thought that he is tormented forever.
 
I can’t answer your question.
But I would hope that there is a way to Heaven for those who for whatever the reason have not been baptized and confirmed.
Perhaps purgatory?
I know there are folks with better knowledge than I on this forum.
In the mean time, say prayers for your Dad. 🙏🙏🙏
 
la_petit_fleur said:
I am having Gregorian masses said for him every month
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You are already doing what would be the best advise. Pray for your father and all the souls in purgatory every day. Equally important advice would be to go and talk it over with your priest. Personally I prefer priests who tell it like it is.
 
Simply put, we do not know how the Holy Spirit spoke to him in his last moments. His doubts may have been erased and his desire for baptism increased.

For this reason, we pray for the souls of the dear departed.
 
We have no way of knowing for sure if someone is or is not in hell.
However, given what you have said in your first post about your father, it sounds to me like the probability of a man who is considering baptism and in fact is actually baptized right before death by his child - Something which he likely wouldn’t have objected to if he were awake, based on your post - being in hell is significantly less than a whole lot of other non-religious people who die without giving God, baptism, or any of this a second thought.

I will pray for your father and do a plenary indulgence for him. Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “having Gregorian masses said for him every month.” A Gregorian Mass is just one set of 30 Masses said consecutively for the same deceased person’s soul. I would hope you have only had one set of Gregorian Masses said for your dad, as one set is sufficient and if you were to be requesting another set each month it seems like it would be very costly (Since Gregorian Mass offerings tend to be 150 dollars to 500 dollars) and probably not necessary if you have faith in Jesus’ mercy to help your father’s soul on the first set.

Please try to be at peace. Pray to God for your own peace of mind and to help you trust him and not worry about your father. You can of course continue to pray for your father. I recently heard a priest say that his father had died about 40 years ago and this priest still prays for his father’s soul every day. And I think you did quite well in trying to help your father. I will pray for you too.

Remember as Padre Pio said, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry!”

P.S. Only a very hard-hearted priest would scold you for baptizing your dad who had expressed interest in baptism and was about to die. The old traditional teaching for Catholics used to be, if someone was near death (like a baby or an accident victim or something) and you didn’t know for sure they’d been baptized, then baptize them. I remember when I was a child reading some old Catholic catechism or handbook that said, “In an emergency, baptize anything that looks like human tissue.”
 
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OP, C.S. Lewis may not be holy writ, but it may comfort you to remember Emeth of Calormen, a soul “worthy of a better God than Tash.”

You said that your father was thinking of getting baptized. Then you added that he was hesitant because of the scandals in the Church.

But we are baptized into the Body of Christ. We aren’t baptized into the scandals.

He sounds like a man of deep personal integrity. He also sounds ignorant (in the spiritual sense of the word). Put that together with the baptism you performed, and the fact that God aches to bring His loved ones home, and I think there may be reason to hope.

Do keep praying for God to help you, all of you, through this difficult time. 🙏
 
Welcome back to the forum.
My condolences on your loss. From your description it sounds like he was knocking on the door.
Many faithful Catholics do daily prayers for the souls who are in their last hours on this earth. It might give you some comfort to do this as well.
May he rest in peace through the mercy of Christ.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I remember when I was a child reading some old Catholic catechism or handbook that said, “In an emergency, baptize anything that looks like human tissue.”
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That makes me feel better, thanks. And thank you for the heads up about the Gregorian masses. They are expensive, and I didn’t know 1 set would be sufficient. I don’t really have many Catholic friends, so I felt a great need to have prayers said.
 
You can make a prayer thread on Prayer Intentions here and people will all pray for your dad. We have lots of prayer warriors here if you don’t know Catholics in real life. I pray every day for all the CAF intentions even if I don’t post in all the prayer threads.
 
Continue to offer Masses for him. One may not be sufficient. If he doesn’t require the Mass ask it be accepted on behalf of that soul most at risk of damnation or that soul in purgatory who has no one to pray for him/her.
 
If she has had the Gregorian Masses said for her father, that means she has had 30 consecutive Masses said for him, not just one, and that pursuant to a private revelation to St. Gregory the Great, this is the pious tradition to help a soul get out of Purgatory.
If she has done this more than once it is a quite large number of Masses.

Dictionary : GREGORIAN MASSES

GREGORIAN MASSES Offering on successive days of thirty Masses said for the same deceased person, to obtain the deliverance of that soul from purgatory, through the benevolent dispensation of God's mercy. The Church has declared that the confidence of the faithful in the special efficacy of the...
www.catholicculture.org www.catholicculture.org
 
I think it is so beautiful continuing to offer Masses. There is a gent at daily Mass that offers Masses for His wife at least once every 3 wks. Long before I knew his name I knew hers and always included her in my prayers. I pray that my loved ones continue to offer Masses for me for yrs after I die. I wouldn’t want then to think I’m good. And if u offer it on behalf of him or(in the event He is in heaven) that soul most at risk of damnation then it will never go to waste. God bless you!
 
One can always attend Mass oneself and offer the Mass for the person. You can do this daily, even.

With respect to having a Mass said by paying the suggested stipend, many parishes limit the number of Mass intentions that one person can request, so that one person is not taking up all the available Masses and other parishioners have a chance to get Masses said for their loved ones. There are places online to request that missionaries say Masses for your loved one if you want additional ones. However, many of us who request Masses are requesting them for more than one deceased friend or relative and at some point it becomes a case of limited resources. If one wants a person to be remembered in many Masses over time, there are places where you can perpetually enroll them for Masses and they (and all the other enrolled people) will receive the benefits of Masses said on a regular basis over the long term, so one doesn’t have to constantly be putting in Mass requests for the same person.

As for not wanting your relatives to think you were okay after death, I understand you not wanting them to forget you, but people can pray in other ways besides “having a Mass said” and also I don’t think you want your loved ones to be worrying and having anxiety for 50 years over your ultimate fate. Like I said, a perpetual Mass enrollment would take care of this; also the point of the Gregorian Masses is to allow the person who requested them to feel they have done “enough” for the deceased person and not constantly think they need more and more Masses.
 
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Your Father was “thinking of getting Baptized” , which means he desired to have his sins washed away. This “desire” is what God asks of us. Your father is in good hands.

I think you handled this perfectly.

May your dear father rest in peace.
 
I suppose the baptism is valid. You are supposed to tell your priest about emergency baptisms. In any case, your father should have an ecclesiastical funeral.
 
I am sorry for your loss. You are doing the best thing you can do. We have no way for sure whether or not your dad is in hell. I probably would have done the same thing you did. If your priest scolds you because you baptized him or didn’t do enough to save him, then he is a cold-hearted and mean priest. He may be stern, but he might be able to help you. If he does scold you find a different priest. Keep praying and be at peace. God is very merciful.
 
Please pray for peace of mind for me. If my dad is in hell, I fear I’m to blame for not evangelizing better. I’m trying to trust in God’s mercy, but it’s tough
 
Praying for your intentions.

Please be at peace.

Pray but don’t worry.

Easier said than done I know but be hopeful.

I remember in the Diary of St. Faustina, Jesus mentioned that the sins of the greatest sinner is but a drop in the ocean of his Divine Mercy.
 
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