Is my marriage over?

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Hello,

You mentioned that the other woman was only 19 and still living with her family. Have you talked to her father yet? I wouldn’t do this in a spirit of revenge, instead be honest with the dad. Tell him that you are the mother of a young child and that your hubby has confessed to having an affair with his daughter. Then tell him about your husband’s mixed up background. She is still obviously dependent on him and therefore, he has a right to know when she is putting herself into bad situations.
 
I want to thank everyone for their prayers and advice, I am looking into many of the support websites all of you have given me. I think there are a few that will be really good for me. I am trying to do the spiritual stuff that has been suggested, it’s just so hard to make it to daily mass, adoration, confession, etc. with a 5 month old. I feel that if I take him with me I’ll be bothering those around me, yet I don’t have anyone to watch him except for once a week. Would I be a bother if I brought my baby with me to mass, adoration and confession? As fellow churchgoers does it bother you? He is usually a really good baby, I’m very blessed, but if he happens to get fussy at that time? I don’t know what to do.

Now, here’s another one I need to lay on all of you, I just received a phone call about 1 hour ago from another girl who wanted to talk to my husband. She wouldn’t give me her name, but she did say that she had something personal to discuss with him…she wanted to know what is going on. She asked me who I was and I said I was his wife and it didn’t seem to phase her, she wanted to talk to him, I kept asking her name so that I could pass the message on to him but she said she couldn’t give it to me. She said that she didn’t know what was going on and why he wouldn’t talk to her, that he supposedly was telling her something different, I asked if he was claiming to be divorced or divorcing and she didn’t answer me…so I told her that it wasn’t true, that he was not divorcing. I don’t want to sound mean, but she didn’t sound very educated…at least by the way she spoke. I am, of course, going to talk to him about it and see what he says. I don’t understand why he just doesn’t come clean and put it all on the table. I don’t know how much of this I can take…how many more are going to come out of the woodwork, I feel like I get punched in the gut everytime something new pops up. How will I ever know if he is sincere in wanting to make the marriage work, to have a family and to be faithful? I think the not knowing and wondering is worse than actually knowing the truth. 😦 How do I handle this :confused: ?
 
I happen to love children, especially very young ones. But I’m an usher and don’t mind disruptions at all.

Bring the baby and if he gets a bit fussy, just take him outside to the atrium or crying room if your church has one.

Children can be taught to be behave in church. You have to begin early and have to discipline them. We just speak to them sternly when they act up. The way to do it is, hold their face still with both hands if you need to and make sure they are looking right at you and speak to them in all seriousness. Usually only once or twice is all you need, afterwards only a word or two to remind them is enough.

5 month is bit young to start but maybe around one year old or one and a half, when they can understand what you are saying to them.

I think you did the right thing is trying to tell the girl what the situation really was. Maybe IF she gets the message that you really love your husband and you are going to fight to keep him, they may back off. Ask them how they would like it if someone came barging into their marriage, how they would feel ?

As far as your husband goes, I would let him know how hurt you are by his cheating and how much you want to keep the marriage together, but you can not do it by yourself. Tell him you want him to pray WITH you to ask God for help with your marriage, and help with his infidelity.

IF he is Catholic, insist that he goes to confession. Escort him to the confessional to make sure that he does.
 
Lexee,
My heart goes out to you!!! I can only tell you that should he choose to leave, follow the advice of the wise people here:
  1. Check your bank accounts carefully…my ex left me with 3 kids and an empty bank account(even worse…overdrawn by over 2500 bucks I had to pay it back) then the bank took legal action against me.
  2. Do stay in counselling, this is for you, not for him, you won’t regret it!!! It was the best thing I ever did, got my head on straight! My self esteem was so low an ant couldn’t crawl undder it!
  3. Don’t file for divorce right away…but don’t let him know he can come back at any time either. If he thinks that, nothing will change. If he asks you about it, say something like, I love you but if you leave I won’t wait around for you forever.
  4. File for child support immediately!!! I can’t stress this enough, I can’t get child support to this day because I didn’t get it taken right out of his check right away so he wasn’t covered under the law that said he had to keep a job so he didn’t…
  5. Pray pray pray!!! Praying gives you the knowledge that you are doing everything you can to help this man. My kids and I prayed for their father and we still do…it was so good for the kids and for me!!!
  6. renew ties with your family if they were strained by your marriage to this man, you need them now! My ex sucessfully drove all my family away from me so he could have “control” over me. Once he left I was surprized by how many friends and family came to my aid.
  7. Before you do anything, question your motives. There will be times when you will want to strike out in anger, think it through…you will find that you are better off not reacting to things right away.
 
Thank you for all your good advice 😉 . I have taken the percautions that I need to make sure that my child and I will be okay, at least for awhile if he decides to leave us.
He had a moment of lucidity after leaving us for three days (when he found out that the girl may be pregnant), he spent all of that last day drinking and got drunk, drove home but never came in he was just parked outside. Someone called the police because he was asleep in the truck for about three hours, the officer knocked on the window, my husband thought he was asked to move, he turned the truck on and moved it about fifty feet and got pulled over. He was arrested for DUI and spent the night in jail. His boss went and got him out the next day and he dropped him off at home. There was no fighting, no arguing, I just fed him and let him take a shower and rest. The following day I let him bring up his stupid actions, I let him talk about how he couldn’t continue on this self-destructive path, I let him talk about how much he was hurting me, the baby, his family and himself. I didn’t have to say a word, the day after that we spent the day with his boss and his family, his boss had a real serious talk and heart to heart with him, again, I didn’t have to say a thing…he told me how wrong he has been and that he wanted to change because we all deserved a good life, that we all deserved to have real genuine love in our lives. He said he was committed to his family and to me and our marriage and he would do whatever it took to get to where we needed to be.
He also said he realized that I may not ever be able to get over this and that if I couldn’t after trying that he didn’t blame me if I decided to leave him. There was a certain humility to his words and actions that was very refreshing. I’m not sure what happened in jail or what exactly his boss said to him, but I know that there is at least an effort on his part that I hadn’t seen before.
Unfortunately, because he did have affairs he brought thrid, fourth and fifth patrties into the mix, I’m not sure what the fall out of this will be. I keep praying that He will give me the strenghth for whatever curveballs may come my way. We are dealing with other human beings and just because he’s letting them go to work on his marriage doesn’t mean they’ll be willing to let him go. I don’t know what will happen from here on out, I’m just trying to take this one day at a time holding on to our Lord and our Blessed Mother as tight as I can and praying for him and those women. I hope to continue to receive all of your excellent advice and I will keep posting as I run into good and bad times, thank you all :clapping: :love:
 
Our prayers are with you. I’m sure even if you decide to stick it out, the troubles are not over, there may be relapses and other everyday problems. I hope none are as bad as these, as these are really pretty awful.

You did not say if your spouse is Catholic. Is he ???

IF he is, get him to mass and confession especially the latter. IF he is not get him a miraculous medal, have it blessed by a priest, and ask him to wear it or at least keep it with him always. Our lady will perform miracles even with folks as seemingly lost as your husband. Deep down there must be a good man, someone that you saw that was worth loving and sticking to.

May God bless you and your family

wc
 
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wcknight:
Our prayers are with you. I’m sure even if you decide to stick it out, the troubles are not over, there may be relapses and other everyday problems. I hope none are as bad as these, as these are really pretty awful.

You did not say if your spouse is Catholic. Is he ???

IF he is, get him to mass and confession especially the latter. IF he is not get him a miraculous medal, have it blessed by a priest, and ask him to wear it or at least keep it with him always. Our lady will perform miracles even with folks as seemingly lost as your husband. Deep down there must be a good man, someone that you saw that was worth loving and sticking to.

May God bless you and your family

wc
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Unfortunately, he’s not Catholic…I take it back he’s not a practicing Catholic. He was Catholic…baptized and everything, when his mother came to the US she was alone and was helped by a SDA couple she met. She continued to frequent them and they, along with others helped her get work, a place to live…etc. She eventually gave in and became a SDA then married one. When she was able to reunite with her children here in the US they all had to convert since she had converted and that was the religion she was practicing. He was very religious until his first divorce and that drove him off the deep end, the drinking, the women, the gambling and lying. None of these behaviors are acceptable in the SDA church…at all. So he’s not really practicing any religion and hasn’t for about15 years (on and off), although he does defend his religion and thinks it’s teachings and doctrines are the ones to follow. So I know he won’t go to communion, which he needs, but he can’t do that without confession (grave sins committed) and know he would absolutely refuse to go to confession.
I will try the Miraculous Medal though, he won’t wear it cause he hates wearing jewelry, but maybe he’ll be open to carrying it in his wallet. Here’s a question…someone once told me that I could sew the Miraculous Medal into the inside of his pillow and that it would work because he was sleeping on it during the night. Would this work as well?
 
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