Is NFP more of a cross than a blessing to you?

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First of all I am in total agreement with the Church about being against contraception, lest anyone gather that from this post.

That being said I think NFP teachers and the various method institutes give a very false face of the cross of NFP. I know their intent is to do whatever possible to steer others from contraception, but lying to them isn’t the way to go. NFP is HARD! And it should be made known that it won’t be easy and it’s not going to necessarily be the rose colored glasses of benefits to your marriage as the make it out to be. It has done nothing for us, it has made everything that much more strained and difficult. Yes the spiritual benefits are totally worth the heaviness of the cross, even if the other benefits be few.

I was just wondering if anyone else got this false presentation of this happy-go-lucky salvation of your marriage view of NFP that we got, with no forewarning of the huge difficulties and strains and cross that it could be to you and your spouse in reality.

Again, we’d have it no other way than to carry this cross of NFP for Jesus. His will be done in us and all! Still it is much much more difficult than I ever dreamed it would be, and certainly not reaping any marital, physical or emotional benefits from it. I think telling couples the truth and reality of the majority of the experiences of NFP users is far better than glorifying the few who get this “marriage salvation” effect from using NFP.

Others thoughts?
 
NFP is an alternative to abstinence, not an alternative to birth control. Abstinence is a bigger cross.

At least that’s how I think of it.
 
whm said:
NFP is an alternative to abstinence, not and alternative to birth control. Abstinence is a bigger cross.

At least that’s how I think of it.
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Good point! 10-14 days of abstaining sure beats perpetual abstinence! Thanks be to God! :signofcross: Thanks for that reminder! :o 👍

Anyone else struggle with the difficulties of NFP in your marriage?
 
Convert_in_99 said:
First of all I am in total agreement with the Church about being against contraception, lest anyone gather that from this post.

That being said I think NFP teachers and the various method institutes give a very false face of the cross of NFP. I know their intent is to do whatever possible to steer others from contraception, but lying to them isn’t the way to go. NFP is HARD! And it should be made known that it won’t be easy and it’s not going to necessarily be the rose colored glasses of benefits to your marriage as the make it out to be. It has done nothing for us, it has made everything that much more strained and difficult. Yes the spiritual benefits are totally worth the heaviness of the cross, even if the other benefits be few.

I was just wondering if anyone else got this false presentation of this happy-go-lucky salvation of your marriage view of NFP that we got, with no forewarning of the huge difficulties and strains and cross that it could be to you and your spouse in reality.

Again, we’d have it no other way than to carry this cross of NFP for Jesus. His will be done in us and all! Still it is much much more difficult than I ever dreamed it would be, and certainly not reaping any marital, physical or emotional benefits from it. I think telling couples the truth and reality of the majority of the experiences of NFP users is far better than glorifying the few who get this “marriage salvation” effect from using NFP.

Others thoughts?
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  1. You need to repost this the next time we have one of CAF’s many threads where people think that NFPers are somehow cheating when there isn’t an actual famine or war happening.
There’s a widespread view on CAF that if you’re doing NFP (unless under the direst possible circumstances), you must be doing so in order to drive a Mercedes SUV, get granite countertops, and afford yearly visits to Disneyland AND Hawaii AND Italy.
  1. We did a self-study of the big fat Kippley book o’ NFP, and going in, I remember “two weeks of abstinence!” being the expectation. I’m not sure where that number came from (I don’t think it was in the book, but something my husband had picked up from the Catholic ether), but wherever it came from, it was a bit of an oversell. Anybody who is highly-motivated is going to find that there will be considerably more abstinence than that.
  2. On the other hand, if one comes into marriage not having been having premarital sex or using contraception, it’s easier to enjoy the “glass half full” aspect of NFP. Going from no sex to some sex is nice!
  3. I think there really are benefits to NFP for marital sexuality, but maybe not what people think. From reading around the internet, it seems married people not having sex is one of the great problems of our day. Lots of people struggle with married or long-term relationship sex, not just practicing Catholics. People just…forget or they don’t notice that they haven’t done it lately.
telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10979082/Frustrated-husband-creates-spreadsheet-of-wifes-excuses-for-not-having-sex-with-him.html

So, I think that NFP does have some benefits insofar as it helps a lot with scheduling. When it’s Happy Fun Day (i.e. the beginning of Phase 3), you’d have to be pretty far gone not to take full advantage of it. And likewise at the end of infertility, knowing that it is all going to be over soon may create a sense of needed urgency.
 
  1. Postpartum/breastfeeding NFP is HARD and from everything I hear, perimenopausal NFP is even tougher.
 
pensmama87 said:
One very good book on the subject is Simcha Fisher’s The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning.
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Thanks for this! I will read it!

For me…it’s a massive Cross. But a Cross none-the-less.

I bought the “NFP benefits your marriage and is easy to learn!”
Hook-line-and sinker.

Personally, I don’t think it benefits a marriage anymore then ABC breaks down a marriage.
That doesn’t mean I agree with ABC or that I think ABC should be an option for married couples to consider.
But I just don’t buy the argument that NFP is so good while ABC is so bad.

We have to abstain at least 20 days of the month. With my husband’s rotating work schedule…it was really hard to find good times for intimacy.

I think it’s nearly impossible to use NFP selfish reasons…unless one uses condoms during the fertile days.

Total Abstinence is way harder and just opens the door to a lot of Sin. So NFP is something that Catholic couples can take advantage of.

It’s been very tough coming to terms with the fact that I’ll have no choice but to use NFP to the best of my ability, in order to prevent pregnancy and pray we can make it to menopause and that menopause isn’t too crazy or too long.

I’m going to try Marquette this time. Especially if hubby gets the job we’ve been praying for. It’s looking good so far.
I’m hoping Marquette will make things a bit more clear and I like the idea of an online community to help out.
They are great about having experts answer any questions that pop up on that forum.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
First of all I am in total agreement with the Church about being against contraception, lest anyone gather that from this post.

That being said I think NFP teachers and the various method institutes give a very false face of the cross of NFP. I know their intent is to do whatever possible to steer others from contraception, but lying to them isn’t the way to go. NFP is HARD! And it should be made known that it won’t be easy and it’s not going to necessarily be the rose colored glasses of benefits to your marriage as the make it out to be. It has done nothing for us, it has made everything that much more strained and difficult. Yes the spiritual benefits are totally worth the heaviness of the cross, even if the other benefits be few.

I was just wondering if anyone else got this false presentation of this happy-go-lucky salvation of your marriage view of NFP that we got, with no forewarning of the huge difficulties and strains and cross that it could be to you and your spouse in reality.

Again, we’d have it no other way than to carry this cross of NFP for Jesus. His will be done in us and all! Still it is much much more difficult than I ever dreamed it would be, and certainly not reaping any marital, physical or emotional benefits from it. I think telling couples the truth and reality of the majority of the experiences of NFP users is far better than glorifying the few who get this “marriage salvation” effect from using NFP.

Others thoughts?
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I would agree with you. When we used NFP, it was incredibly hard on our marriage. And I think NFP is “sold” by things like the CCL as a false blessing.

That being said. NFP is the mercy of the Church and of God in action. For grave/serious reasons NFP is the alternative to abstinence. Think of the blessing NFP would be to a couple who if they got pregnant they would die. The Church and indeed God has provided this biological system and the knowledge of it as an act of mercy to a couple who would have no other options…

NFP is not supposed to be the norm in marriage. It is sold as the “correct way to have sex” And while it is indeed something a married couple should learn in case they need to employ it one day, it is not the marital enhancer that it is billed as. That is something that needs to change.
 
ajecphotos said:
Condoms are better!! 😛
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I don’t get this. I didn’t get it before I was Catholic, either.

Any man I’ve heard discuss the topic (which is probably more than I should have heard discuss it) say, without a doubt, that sex with a condom is wayyyyyyy less fun than sex without. And I could tell the difference, too.

(And on a practical note, I only needed one to break one time [after, by the way, a late night run to a 24 hour store to buy them, talk about an interruption and a mood killer] for me to decide nope, not gonna put my trust in this thin piece of latex.)
 
Getting banned so that is why i mentioned them. Been great when i used to use them. Good quality!!
 
One could just stop coming to the site instead of trying to get banned by deliberately posting non-helpful stuff for the OP. 🤷
 
pensmama87 said:
I don’t get this. I didn’t get it before I was Catholic, either.

Any man I’ve heard discuss the topic (which is probably more than I should have heard discuss it) say, without a doubt, that sex with a condom is wayyyyyyy less fun than sex without. And I could tell the difference, too.

(And on a practical note, I only needed one to break one time [after, by the way, a late night run to a 24 hour store to buy them, talk about an interruption and a mood killer] for me to decide nope, not gonna put my trust in this thin piece of latex.)
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They don’t even need to break to malfunction.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I would agree with you. When we used NFP, it was incredibly hard on our marriage. And I think NFP is “sold” by things like the CCL as a false blessing.

That being said. NFP is the mercy of the Church and of God in action. For grave/serious reasons NFP is the alternative to abstinence. Think of the blessing NFP would be to a couple who if they got pregnant they would die. The Church and indeed God has provided this biological system and the knowledge of it as an act of mercy to a couple who would have no other options…

NFP is not supposed to be the norm in marriage. It is sold as the “correct way to have sex” And while it is indeed something a married couple should learn in case they need to employ it one day, it is not the marital enhancer that it is billed as. That is something that needs to change.
Click to expand...
I couldn’t agree with you more on this.

I grew unbelievably frustrated after signing up for CCL and reading all of their material (at home instruction course) I thought it was going to be a Godsend.

Nope…not even close.

It’s not a marital enhancer.
It’s not normal to abstain for only 10-14 days per cycle.
The signs aren’t always “clear” for 90% of menstruating women.
EBF just doesn’t work for everyone…regardless of their claims. I’ve talked to plenty of women on these forums that would agree with me.
Not to mention EBF is just not possible for all women either…even if they are SAHMs who nurse.

I haven’t gotten to peri-menopause yet.
But I know how difficult post-partem and nursing cycles can be.
They are impossible for some women.

I was in the “always fertile mucus” category for weeks and weeks and weeks. The entirety of my cycle was made up of fertile mucus for several months.
We had to abstain for most of it.

After this baby…I’m not going to even bother charting for the first 6-8 months. We’re just going to abstain entirely.
I’m not guessing my way through cycles anymore and buying pregnancy tests each month because I’m so afraid of being pregnant.

I’m going to just try to get comfortable with Marquette and use only Phase 3 days.

It stinks big time…but it is what it is at the end of the day.
 
Well, its more fun!

Stupid Mod said i couldnt post in these threads anymore!!

This place is run by too many women who have a hatred for men who have made big mistakes by committing adultery!!

Sick of the place

I DEARLY LOVE GOD BUT SOME CATHOLIC TEACHINGS ARE SO WRONG!!!

THE CHURCH IS VERY CORRUPTED
 
ajecphotos said:
Well, its more fun!

Stupid Mod said i couldnt post in these threads anymore!!

This place is run by too many women who have a hatred for men who have made big mistakes by committing adultery!!

Sick of the place
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Well don’t post things contrary to the faith that might lead other people to error. Especially if you are a EMHC.
 
Any form of self denial is going to be hard in this day and age of immediate gratification. Our forefathers would just look at us today and laugh. We have so many comforts in our society yet we complain about “how hard things are”. We’d never make it in the old days:D
 
Nothing in the Bible to say contraception is against Gods will.

Its what people have INTERPRETED that comes up with that idea!
 
Yes, NFP was more of a cross than a blessing; however, that cross paradoxically turned into a blessing.

If NFP had not been hard, we would have used it more. Instead the difficulties lead us to re-examine using it. We had reasons for using NFP (as more than one priest told us) but having reasons for using it doesn’t mean we have to use it. Eventually, we decided not to worry about pwegnancy one way or the other. We had more children. Some are close in age, and others are spaced further apart.

I think NFP was designed by God to be a difficult–at least for some of us. If it was easy, there would be fewer Catholic children in the world.
 
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