Is NFP more of a cross than a blessing to you?

[Convert_in_99]

I’m so glad to know I’m not alone here! We already feel alone enough practicing something that is so contradicted in society. No need to tear each other apart to make it even harder!

We learned Billings but HATE it! I hardly ever have a peak, so we had to use the every other day thing the whole time. So like 3-5 chances for sex a month depending. Plus they kept getting mad that I couldn’t feel the sensation at the vulva. I get mucous sample after a bowel movement but they said that doesn’t count! Hello! I’m on antidepressants it dries up sometimes, I’m lucky to get anything at all They didn’t have any advice for it just told me to try to be more aware!

So yeah…billings is not happening.

We just observed mucous and waited three days after it dried up. We have fertility issues so I would NEVER recommend it as a method in and of itself. That being said it “worked” but we want more certainty. Not a guess and pray method.

I am very interested in Marquette as recommended by a friend. That being said I don’t have regular ovulation a and have Endometriosis so don’t know if it would be worth shelling out all that money for the monitor or not? Also temping doesn’t work for me due to mouth breathing and health issues.

 

[ajecphotos]

natural family planning is contraception!! Same as any other contraception! Still stopping sperm getting to the egg!! Same as spilling it outside like that famous bible passage!

 

[Convert_in_99]

natural family planning is contraception!! Same as any other contraception! Still stopping sperm getting to the egg!! Same as spilling it outside like that famous bible passage!

Oh brother! Don’t you have anything better to do?

 

[UbiCaritas]

I’m so glad to know I’m not alone here! We already feel alone enough practicing something that is so contradicted in society. No need to tear each other apart to make it even harder!

We learned Billings but HATE it! I hardly ever have a peak, so we had to use the every other day thing the whole time. So like 3-5 chances for sex a month depending. Plus they kept getting mad that I couldn’t feel the sensation at the vulva. I get mucous sample after a bowel movement but they said that doesn’t count! Hello! I’m on antidepressants it dries up sometimes, I’m lucky to get anything at all They didn’t have any advice for it just told me to try to be more aware!

So yeah…billings is not happening.

We just observed mucous and waited three days after it dried up. We have fertility issues so I would NEVER recommend it as a method in and of itself. That being said it “worked” but we want more certainty. Not a guess and pray method.

I am very interested in Marquette as recommended by a friend. That being said I don’t have regular ovulation a and have Endometriosis so don’t know if it would be worth shelling out all that money for the monitor or not? Also temping doesn’t work for me due to mouth breathing and health issues.

Marquette works, IIRC from off the top of my head, for cycles that are about 26-40 days long. It works best–“best” being defined as “with less abstinence” for regular cycles, but can be used for less regular ones provided the fall in that guideline. If I were you, before you shelled out the (not insignificant) monitor and sticks cost, I’d register on Marquette’s website and post a message to Dr. Fehring (the guy who developed the method) about your cycles and see if he thinks it would work for you. He or his assistant always respond within 24 hours during the week, occasionally a tad longer over the weekend.

Temping can also be done vaginally, should you wish to use a temperature-based method.

 

[Regina7]

Well, its more fun!

Stupid Mod said i couldnt post in these threads anymore!!

This place is run by too many women who have a hatred for men who have made big mistakes by committing adultery!!

Sick of the place

I DEARLY LOVE GOD BUT SOME CATHOLIC TEACHINGS ARE SO WRONG!!!

THE CHURCH IS VERY CORRUPTED

Dude, you have issues. If you hate CAF, stop coming.

I hope the mods hurry up and ban this guy.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Well, its more fun!

Stupid Mod said i couldnt post in these threads anymore!!

This place is run by too many women who have a hatred for men who have made big mistakes by committing adultery!!

Sick of the place

I DEARLY LOVE GOD BUT SOME CATHOLIC TEACHINGS ARE SO WRONG!!!

THE CHURCH IS VERY CORRUPTED

You need to work on healing your own wounds before you go tearing apart others. Did you bother to tell your wife anything yet? If not start there!

 

[Convert_in_99]

I wanted to post a big thank you to everyone for being so supportive and helpful in sharing their personal situations. In case we are locked because certain individuals popped on to cause trouble.

Please post your story if you haven’t already. It’s been most helpful and encouraging to not be alone in this!

 

[Regina7]

I wanted to post a big thank you to everyone for being so supportive and helpful in sharing their personal situations. In case we are locked because certain individuals popped on to cause trouble.

Please post your story if you haven’t already. It’s been most helpful and encouraging to not be alone in this!

Nfp is hard. But nobody told me it wouldn’t be. My nfp teacher is great.

I use nfp to figure out what’s wrong with my hormones. I’ve had three late losses, so I use it to determine which days I need blood tests. Doc also advises to avoid pregnancy until my hormones are better as it’s almost a certainty I’d lose another if I became pregnant now. But I learned nfp to achieve pregnancy, not avoid.

I am definitely anxious for the time when I get pregnant and take a charting break.

I also think that my hubby would have a different answer. I know that abstaining is harder for him than it is me.

 

[PennyinCanada]

It has done nothing for us, it has made everything that much more strained and difficult. Yes the spiritual benefits are totally worth the heaviness of the cross, even if the other benefits be few.

Others thoughts?

You and I don’t know that it has done nothing for us.
How can we measure grace upon our lives? How can we measure what graces we are pulling down upon the world because we are obedient and faithful?

I know one couple who are not Catholic, not Christian, and they don’t have any children, with each other. The reason is that, between the 2 of them, they have 7 children with other partners. Now that they are finally married, they won’t have children with their spouse. Who knows what kind of life those kids have with such a broken family, going back and forth, everyone having different parents when the kids go to bed at night. Wow. That is becoming more and more common. Makes my heart ache for them.

 

[808Catholic]

I couldn’t agree with you more on this.

I grew unbelievably frustrated after signing up for CCL and reading all of their material (at home instruction course) I thought it was going to be a Godsend.

Nope…not even close.

It’s not a marital enhancer.
It’s not normal to abstain for only 10-14 days per cycle.
The signs aren’t always “clear” for 90% of menstruating women.
EBF just doesn’t work for everyone…regardless of their claims. I’ve talked to plenty of women on these forums that would agree with me.
Not to mention EBF is just not possible for all women either…even if they are SAHMs who nurse.

I haven’t gotten to peri-menopause yet.
But I know how difficult post-partem and nursing cycles can be.
They are impossible for some women.

I was in the “always fertile mucus” category for weeks and weeks and weeks. The entirety of my cycle was made up of fertile mucus for several months.
We had to abstain for most of it.

After this baby…I’m not going to even bother charting for the first 6-8 months. We’re just going to abstain entirely.
I’m not guessing my way through cycles anymore and buying pregnancy tests each month because I’m so afraid of being pregnant.

I’m going to just try to get comfortable with Marquette and use only Phase 3 days.

It stinks big time…but it is what it is at the end of the day.

My wife and I have been using NFP for the past year or so after having tried many other (non-Church sanctioned) methods for many years. We’ve come to understand that everything we do, we do for God. Sounds trite but it is true. NFP is not easy because it’s not MEANT to be easy; it’s working with the bodies that God gave us.

Imagine those who want to conceive but cannot. The conjugal act is not recreation; they truly want to have a child and try every means possible.

Those fortunate to have the ability to conceive shouldn’t look on NFP as a cross to bear as much as a gift from God; our understanding, to some degree, of how our bodies and our partners’ bodies work. I find since started using NFP, I’m much closer to my wife and more attuned to the changes in her body throughout her cycle. I think she’s appreciative that I’m not “pushing” to have sex just as a means of self gratification (which is a sin, folks!) but as a true expression of my love for her as my wife. Yes, there are times when I feel a strong desire and NFP reminds me that God created time and I must respect and obey His timing at all times. And in honoring God by abstaining, I honor my marriage vows and wife at the same time.

Think of it as a “marital fast” just as we are called to fasting as well as prayer. During the recent Lenten season, I sacrificed all forms of coffee. That first cup on Easter Sunday REALLY tasted good!!! God Bless you all.

 

[Kelfa28]

Imagine those who want to conceive but cannot. The conjugal act is not recreation; they truly want to have a child and try every means possible.

Those fortunate to have the ability to conceive shouldn’t look on NFP as a cross to bear as much as a gift from God; our understanding, to some degree, of how our bodies and our partners’ bodies work.

Of course it’s a cross to carry if one is infertile and cannot bear children. I know plenty of women in that situation and I feel for them and pray for them.

But fertility can be just as much of a cross.

This is why I completely disagree with your post.

It’s not a blessing when your pregnancies are exceptionally difficult to deal with. When you could potentially have life threatening complications just by becoming pregnant.

Children are a blessing…but we shouldn’t forget that mom wants to actually survive the pregnancy, in tact, and be able to care for her child.

Some women have a cross that results in VERY difficult pregnancies and births.

My pregnancies are painful and difficult and I think it’s incredibly reasonable to want a break between them.
It’s also very reasonable for me to say that I’m done having children. I can be open to life but have zero desire to either actively conceive or do nothing to prevent a pregnancy from happening. Especially if my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we cannot tolerate another child…physically, mentally, financially or emotionally.

This is not sinful at all.

One can be fertile and remain so until menopause but have been advised by their doctors that having another child can be very dangerous to their health.
A spouse could feel overwhelmed taking care of multiple young children and would like a break. Even a permenant one.

NFP is certainly a cross to carry. The effectiveness of NFP is based solely on how well you can interpret your signs…not necessarily how well you can abstain.

I got pregnant with my third baby…despite trying to wait. It happened, not because we couldn’t abstain…I misread my signs. I got a high temperature three days in a row and with dried mucus readings. Based on my past cycles and what I had learned about NFP…I thought I was fine and we were in phase 3.
We engaged in intimacy and I had a positive pregnancy test, after missing my period, 2 weeks later.

This pregnancy has been the hardest so far. I’ve had nothing but complications throughout and I just want it to be over with.

It would be SO easy to just get my tubes tied…and be able to rely on the 98-99% or whatever the stats are for tubal ligations, and not have to do any of the work.

But I actually agree with Church teachings and the sinfulness of ABC and sterilization. Therefore…I will use NFP…and recognize just how hard this is going to be until I reach menopause.
It’s a Cross and not a blessing.

 

[Jeanne_S]

1. Postpartum/breastfeeding NFP is HARD and from everything I hear, perimenopausal NFP is even tougher.

Yes.A women in my small faith group was really struggeling with feeling selfish for being nervous about an unexpected pregnancy.She was fifty her last child born is special needs.Her hubbie was feeling very frustrated,yet she didn’t want to risk it with her cycle being so unpredictable at this stage of her life. I can see where this would be a huge cross to bear at that point in one’s life.

 

[Convert_in_99]

My wife and I have been using NFP for the past year or so after having tried many other (non-Church sanctioned) methods for many years. We’ve come to understand that everything we do, we do for God. Sounds trite but it is true. NFP is not easy because it’s not MEANT to be easy; it’s working with the bodies that God gave us.

Imagine those who want to conceive but cannot. The conjugal act is not recreation; they truly want to have a child and try every means possible.

Those fortunate to have the ability to conceive shouldn’t look on NFP as a cross to bear as much as a gift from God; our understanding, to some degree, of how our bodies and our partners’ bodies work. I find since started using NFP, I’m much closer to my wife and more attuned to the changes in her body throughout her cycle. I think she’s appreciative that I’m not “pushing” to have sex just as a means of self gratification (which is a sin, folks!) but as a true expression of my love for her as my wife. Yes, there are times when I feel a strong desire and NFP reminds me that God created time and I must respect and obey His timing at all times. And in honoring God by abstaining, I honor my marriage vows and wife at the same time.

Think of it as a “marital fast” just as we are called to fasting as well as prayer. During the recent Lenten season, I sacrificed all forms of coffee. That first cup on Easter Sunday REALLY tasted good!!! God Bless you all.

I can imagine the cross of infertility because I’ve lived through it for over nine years now!

But it only took one miracle to cause a nightmare. One that we are still enduring over a year later. 9.5 years of marriage and one poor unbaptized decease little unborn child to mourn the rest of our lives. A nightmare…it’s the only description that fits.

So yes I’ve suffered through both the cross of infertility and now the fear of fertility lest we loose another baby.

 

[whm]

But I actually agree with Church teachings and the sinfulness of ABC and sterilization. Therefore…I will use NFP…and recognize just how hard this is going to be until I reach menopause.
It’s a Cross and not a blessing.

I would say that the conditions that make your pregnancies difficult are the cross, not NFP. Without NFP you would either have more pregnancies or abstain completely.

 

[truetofaith]

I wish people would not use abbreviations without first spelling out what they stand for.

 

[pensmama87]

Some abbreviations that have shown up in this thread pertinent to the topic:

NFP = natural family planning
EBF = exclusive breastfeeding or ecological breastfeeding (depending on context; they aren’t the same thing. Here I think ecological breastfeeding was meant.)
CCL = Couple to Couple League, an organization that teaches NFP
ABC = artificial birth control (a catchall term for contraception/birth control methods not permissible under Church teaching)

A few that I don’t think showed up yet but might:
STM = sympto-thermal method, one of a variety of methods of NFP that involves measuring cervical fluid/mucus (sometimes abbreviated as CF/CM) as well as basal body temperature (BBT). Also can be used with a third sign such as cervix position.
TCOYF = Taking Charge of Your Fertility - a popular secular book about NFP/FAM
FAM = fertility awareness method, basically the same as natural family planning, but secular (e.g. TCOYF advocates using a barrier method during fertile times)

Most of these are pretty common lingo on the Family Life forum and several will pop up in any thread on NFP.

 

[underacloud]

There’s a widespread view on CAF that if you’re doing NFP (unless under the direst possible circumstances), you must be doing so in order to drive a Mercedes SUV, get granite countertops, and afford yearly visits to Disneyland AND Hawaii AND Italy.

I would not call it “widespread”…just loud…(and other less polite words).

 

[underacloud]

As to the question…it is both…both a cross and a blessing.

A cross, because it is hard!

A blessing, because we would certainly not have as many children as we have now (4) if it weren’t for NFP and its surprises when not practised diligently.

And, as other posters have commented on, there are other graces that we may not be fully aware of - a bigger picture so to speak. We principally practised NFP out of obedience to the Church, not so much out of out own conviction. As such, I hope our obedience counts as some merit.

On balance, and hopefully taking into account unknown graces, it is more of a blessing.

 

[white_sheep]

I have always found it difficult. My wife has found it difficult a few times. It has been a burden for us much more than a blessing.

To those who think it is cheating or somehow the best of both worlds or whatever, try abstaining for a year. Then tell me if it’s having your cake and eating it too.

As far as the magical benefits and closeness and honeymoon effect, never happened for us. All it has done is make us more distant and less intimate. It’s a burden to be overcome.

 

[sailor28]

First, I am not in agreement with the church.

However, if I believed God was asking me to use NFP, I would use it regardless of the suffering or hardship it brought. I mean I have had enormous suffering in my life and bear many hardships but if I truly believed God wanted me to embrace more, I would.

It was when my husband and I realized NFP was not healthy for our marriage that we examined the church teaching more carefully. Including everything that went on during the time of the Birth Control Commission in the late 60’s and the fact that the majority of cardinals and bishops disagreed that ABC was intrinsically evil. In the end we could not in good conscience agree with it and continue to use it.

I’ve been close to a lot of couples who use NFP. It can be very damaging to a relationship. There are many couples that feel bound to it despite it being damaging to their marriage. I feel bad for them that they are unable to exercise their conscience. Even saying as much as they don’t intellectually agree with teaching, it is harming their marriage but they are going to obey anyway because they believe God will send them to hell if they use ABC. That to me, is a misunderstanding of God and abuse of church authority.