Is online dating advisable?

[Loboto-Me]

Believe me, actual online dating can be done. I once had a friend who was meeting men online at game sites and other sites that I don’t know about. She would tell me that she’s got a date tonight with one of her online boyfriends. They would either go into chat rooms or MSN and talk or whatever they did or they would phone each other. This was a very dangerous situation in my opinion.

I used to date my husband online as well For several years, due to economics, my husband worked many miles from home, and due to raising our kids, I stayed home to raise them where they had friends and where our home was. Long distance phone calls are expensive, so each night we would turn MSN on at a certain hour (he was 2 hrs behind me) and the kids and I would talk with him. Then when the kids went to bed, we’d make a date Our dates were on a game site called Playsite where we’d play Euchre. We’d have fun together most of the evening doing that

 

[Irishmom2]

I don’t understand it either, but I’ve had friends of mine claim to be “dating” people that they’ve never met.

I’ve even seen people get engaged before meeting in person.

Get outta here! That is just crazy. :whacky:

 

[Joseph629]

I personally know of several couples that have met through the Catholic online dating services, and are now married, - and HAPPY. So, from their stories alone, it appears to work. It doesn’t seem like a very romantic way, but, hey if that’s the way that God wants to use the internet, (for some couples) then so be it.

 

[kelvinf]

For those who are not clear:

Online dating or Internet dating is an example of a dating system and allows individuals, couples and groups to meet online and possibly develop a romantic or sexual relationship

Let me add + … meet online in order to discern marriage. Is it advisable (would you advise your child to do that)? Is it advisable for someone to visit CAF or go to an online dating site with the aim of finding a spouse?

(I don’t meaning bumping into someone online and then… I mean going online to search for a spouse?

BTW, is spouse searching advisable (would you advise your child to go searching for a spouse)?

Do people also do friend searching?

 

[kelvinf]

When I first meet someone at church, I have no idea where they stand on moral issues. I don’t have a desire to enter into a relationship with someone, even for a short period and invest time and feelings only to find out they are not in agreement on moral issues.

I don’t really know how to put it but it looks unnatural for me to think that I would be wasting time trying to know people.
Meeting someone at church or anywhere and getting to know the person or socialising is a natural process. With time, the person might turn out to be “good” or “bad”. If the person is “good”, then I would say the outcome is positive. If the person is “bad”, I wouldn’t say I wasted time because I would have learned something and gained experience and skills in face-to-face communication.

If one focuses on online spouse searching, don’t you think that he or she might miss a lot of opportunities in life to either meet nice people in reality or to at least gain social skills and experience in dealing with people in real world?

 

[Bataar]

I have no problem with it and believe it is very helpful for some people. Unfortunately for me, I suck at meeting people online just about as bad as I do at meeting people in real life so it’s not really an option for me.

 

[mjs1987]

It honestly depends on the person. Its hard to make sweeping generalities in the case of online dating. For some, its good but for others it isnt the best way to go about dating. It cannot be taken lightly though that is for sure.

 

[agapewolf]

I don’t really know how to put it but it looks unnatural for me to think that I would be wasting time trying to know people.
Meeting someone at church or anywhere and getting to know the person or socialising is a natural process. With time, the person might turn out to be “good” or “bad”. If the person is “good”, then I would say the outcome is positive. If the person is “bad”, I wouldn’t say I wasted time because I would have learned something and gained experience and skills in face-to-face communication.

If one focuses on online spouse searching, don’t you think that he or she might miss a lot of opportunities in life to either meet nice people in reality or to at least gain social skills and experience in dealing with people in real world?

Its wasting time in a “dating” scenario because presumably you wouldn’t be dating other people while investing time with the one person, who you come to find out later, is not in the same faith and morals arena as you are

-2nd, if one is focusing on “real world” dating, are they missing opportunities online? The question is absurd, because one doesn’t “focus” on online spouse searching, except maybe a few minutes that it takes. One lives real life in a healthy way. Just because they are online does not mean they dont’ ave a life, or that means that the time you’ve spent here on the forums you aren’t gaining social skills in life in the real world.

Somehow you’ve a picture in your head about this that you have to get rid of. Start over and fresh without bias and evaluate this in a big picture.

 

[chevalier]

“Online dating” suggests the dates happen online in some way. This shouldn’t be the case. If you look past the stigma and on the merits (while managing to avoid some actual dangers of living in a fantasy, naturally), you’ll basically see an avenue to meet people. It will have its pros and cons like anything. It may match your personality better or worse. Some people go to singles events but wouldn’t chat others up in social or professional situations. Others would do the latter but not the former. Same way, dating websites are not for everybody. Also, they can be used in various ways, one of which is just getting the contacts and moving things to real life ASAP, another is getting friendly online before deciding whether there’s potential and if so then meet in real life and so on. I have a hybrid approach, myself. I’ve recently signed up for an account with a local Catholic dating service and the plan is to (i) make the best profile I can within the limits of non-exaggeration (done), (ii) get a general idea how things work with people there, i.e. crunching some statistics in my head and getting a feel of what I can expect (almost done), (iii) execute an approximate study of what I like that I hadn’t previously expected, basing on data from #ii, (iv) wait a couple of days to avoid rush and a messaging spree and get a cool head and allow intuitive analytico-synthethical processes from ##ii-iii to mature, (v) come down from the sky with blazing napalm, round up survivors and isolate potential turncoats for further interrogation in real life (Operation Prince Charming).

 

[kelvinf]

Its wasting time in a “dating” scenario because presumably you wouldn’t be dating other people while investing time with the one person, who you come to find out later, is not in the same faith and morals arena as you are

-2nd, if one is focusing on “real world” dating, are they missing opportunities online? The question is absurd, because one doesn’t “focus” on online spouse searching, except maybe a few minutes that it takes. One lives real life in a healthy way. Just because they are online does not mean they dont’ ave a life, or that means that the time you’ve spent here on the forums you aren’t gaining social skills in life in the real world.

Somehow you’ve a picture in your head about this that you have to get rid of. Start over and fresh without bias and evaluate this in a big picture.

The picture I have in my mind is getting to know people without the intention of dating or without dating being the main aim. It’s not about investing time on one person, it’s all about being open and getting to know people with an open mind.

For me, the natural way is like this: I socialise with people without any intention. I just get to know people. If say I get to make 10 friends and I get to develop a special friendship (or I discover that I am really getting along) with one of them, then in due course, I could develop a relationship with that person and start to discern marriage.

Anyway, that’s just my opinion. The conservatives will agree with me (I guess)

 

[canadianguy1143]

For those who are not clear:

Let me add + … meet online in order to discern marriage. Is it advisable (would you advise your child to do that)? Is it advisable for someone to visit CAF or go to an online dating site with the aim of finding a spouse?

(I don’t meaning bumping into someone online and then… I mean going online to search for a spouse?

BTW, is spouse searching advisable (would you advise your child to go searching for a spouse)?

Do people also do friend searching?

Thanks for the clarification. For the record, do you know of and agree with Ave Maria Singles? It would seem that Jason Evert would have a problem with it.

 

[Serap]

I haven’t read the other posts. I voted YES. I see nothing wrong with it, but as a female, I personally would have been VERY careful!!! I would give very little personal info away and meet in a public place.

I know of many couples who are now married and met online. Nowadays, it’s like meeting anywhere else.

 

[agapewolf]

The picture I have in my mind is getting to know people without the intention of dating or without dating being the main aim. It’s not about investing time on one person, it’s all about being open and getting to know people with an open mind.

For me, the natural way is like this: I socialise with people without any intention. I just get to know people. If say I get to make 10 friends and I get to develop a special friendship (or I discover that I am really getting along) with one of them, then in due course, I could develop a relationship with that person and start to discern marriage.

Anyway, that’s just my opinion. The conservatives will agree with me (I guess)

well, if that’s not a gross generalization. I’m VERY conservative, and I don’t agree with you.
The picture you have in your head is that someone who might be searching online for a spouse is a person who isn’t out in the world. Someone who takesyour approach of just making friends and leaves it at that, by chance, that they will meet someone who they marry is fine…but it is as you say…without aim. But just because someone wants to use a system and method of getting to their vocation, & meeting the person who will get them to heaven, does not make it wrong. It makes it a goal.

 

[SMHW]

BTW, is spouse searching advisable (would you advise your child to go searching for a spouse)?

It seems to me that this is the heart of your concern about looking for someone online. You question the wisdom of looking for someone, particularly a spouse, period.

I don’t think most people start out wanting to find a potential spouse online. But there are plenty of people who genuinely want to get married and at age 30 or more just haven’t met persons who (a) they would consider marrying and (b) are interested in marrying them. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to improve the odds of meeting people who are potential marriage partners.

Do people also do friend searching?

People join clubs, travel, and come to online sites like Catholic answers because they want to inteact with those who have common interests. Isn’t that kind of how people make friends once they grow up and leave school?

Or do you mean visiting dating sites in order to just meet friends?

 

[IgnatiusDaughtr]

I’m personally a big fan of on-line dating, considering I met my husband on Catholic Match.

We emailed, chatted, and met in person less than 2 weeks later (in a well lit, popular restaurant and my roommate at the time knew where I was going, what I was doing and when to expect me to call her on my way home - safety first!). Less than 3 weeks after that we were dating, and to be completely honest, I knew I was going to marry him on our 5th date. We just went bowling, with my roommate even, so they could meet, and then I made dinner. I just knew he was the one for me. Almost 1 year to the day that we started dating, the day after going to a Papal Mass, we were engaged.

So, I’m a big fan, if it’s used as a way to meet someone in person. I never wanted to go for weeks on end just emailing with someone. You really can’t tell how you are going to connect with someone until you are face to face (IMO).

 

[TraderTif]

Keep in mind, there are people (like me) who live in areas where the odds of finding a young, (practicing) Catholic single are…nearly impossible to calculate. My available “spouse pool” is pretty small. (I’ve heard that Catholic singles exist, but I’ve never seen one under the age of 75.)

And how about people with careers or health problems that may prevent them from partaking in lots of “social activities”? This is another problem for me. I have a very limited pool of energy in any given day. It’s much more productive for me to locate interesting friends online, and “narrow down the selection” before spending what little energy I have socializing with them, y’know?

I understand the concerns that people have about online dating, and I even share them to a certain extent. I’m on several of the big Catholic dating sites, and I don’t really like being approached by people who seem to be desperately “spouse-hunting” - not even interested in being friends. But, I just try to look at it as another way to meet people, and I try to make it perfectly clear that I’m looking for friends.

 

[missyfatcat]

Even though I met my husband via a Catholic website, I still feel the taboo of having met him online.

But, I do think it’s a good idea for people to try. For one thing, my husband and I spent lots of time on the phone and with emails getting to know each other… our political views, moral views, etc. Things that might not have been learned if we met and had been living in the same city going out on dates. Our time and our focus may have been more on the “date” such as a movie, etc. instead.

Everything in life has risks.

I can remember a co-worker when she found out that I was on a Catholic dating site. She kept telling me that I needed to be careful, it could be dangerous, blah, blah, blah… Then the conversation moved on to a friend of hers who learned that her husband was a child molester. My question to her was, did the friend meet her husband online? Answer… No.

I think it is especially good for those who are seeking a Catholic spouse… and for someone like myself, hitting 40 (at that time), I felt that the Catholic website was the best place to seek out a Catholic spouse.

 

[kelvinf]

Thanks for the clarification. For the record, do you know of and agree with Ave Maria Singles? It would seem that Jason Evert would have a problem with it.

Personally, I wouldn’t go online searching for a partner, so I don’t know about that site. This whole stuff started when I made a post on another thread and mentioned that online dating isn’t advisable. Then a little debate started.

I quoted Jason Evert through out. I am reading his books and he neither recommends online dating nor spouse seeking.

 

[kelvinf]

People join clubs, travel, and come to online sites like Catholic answers because they want to inteact with those who have common interests. Isn’t that kind of how people make friends once they grow up and leave school?

Or do you mean visiting dating sites in order to just meet friends?

Yes

 

[kelvinf]

I have read nice responses so far. However, for me, it’s not a matter of whether online dating is right or wrong. In short this debate started on another thread when I posted this:

Originally Posted by **kelvinf **
No offense but I don’t think this forum was meant for this purpose. There are Catholic online dating sites, albeit online dating is not advisable. We have to be patient and let God do his job while we do ours

Then came the question:

Originally Posted by **ComputerGeek25 **
Why exactly (or in what context) is online dating not adviseable?

etc.

So let me put my question like this:

Would you advise your child to go searching for a spouse online?

(I am more concerned about the advisability and not the morality)
As to the morality, I have questioned spouse searching under the Moral Theology section: here and I am hoping that people with good knowledge of moral theology would respond.