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ComputerGeek25
Guest
This is human nature, you can get ripped off in many ways. Doesn’t make things bad.
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CountrySinger
Guest
And you don’t have to be in small town for there to be no single Catholic men around (cough Seattle cough). I’m not single (anymore) but I had to look WAY outside of my area to find someone.
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Monte_RCMS
Guest
You need to be careful and work to pick up little nuances, regardless of whether it is on line or telephone or live, face to face.
But internet just doesn’t allow for any nuance gathering.
J
Joseph629
Guest
I agree totally with you Monte. I heard the head of “Ave Maria Singles” on the SonRiseMorning show (EWTN Radio) last week, and he listed the pros AND cons of online meeting. One benefit is that *‘SOME’ *people are much more open -(initially)- about discussing and asking questions about the other person (in singles site), where in initial face-face contact they freeze. For that type of person it can be very positive. One can dig deeper into all the pros and cons, and my conclusion is that it is not for everyone, but, there are some very happy couples now married because of it.
**In response to ComputerGeek who responded to me saying:
*“This is human nature, you can get ripped off in many ways. Doesn’t make things bad.” * **
–Well, that was my point exactly.
K
kevinsgirl
Guest
Yes, it can be advisable in that the more chances you have to meet like minded people, the better your chances are of finding your future spouse. But I wouldn’t say every site out there is going to give you that opportunity.
I highly recommend avemariasingles.com. I met my husband on the site over four years ago and we’re approaching our 3 year anniversary.
Beautiful success stories definitely do happen through online romances but like everything online you have to use good judgment and reputable sites.
KG
I highly recommend avemariasingles.com. I met my husband on the site over four years ago and we’re approaching our 3 year anniversary.
Beautiful success stories definitely do happen through online romances but like everything online you have to use good judgment and reputable sites.KG
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Personally, I could see using an online site to find someone in my area, and then meet them right away. It would be weird to continue it for very long in the cyber world. That being said, people have done it, and I’m sure there have even been happy marriages out of it. But I would definitely proceed with caution.
On the other hand, meeting someone in a bar can be just as dangerous.
On the other hand, meeting someone in a bar can be just as dangerous.
R
revscott
Guest
God CAN use Christian dating sites, it is how I met my Bride. Though, if you do not have a relationship with God where you hear from Him, I would work on THAT relationship FIRST. I would have been terrified to choose a wife without God’s direct intervention and help. Here is how I met my lovely Bride:
June 16th 2008 I (Scott) had been single for 14 years, desiring to be married but wanting a “God choice” not a good choice. The Holy Spirit spoke to me to get back on a Christian dating site I had not been on for about a year called “Love and Seek”. Being obedient, I paid the dues and signed back up. That was a Sunday night, and I went to bed. On Monday morning, first thing I usually done was to get in the Word. The Spirit told me to get on Love and Seek. I was resistive, but He spoke to me again and said “Get on Love and Seek RIGHT NOW!” I did, and within a few minutes I had a message from someone asking if I could do her a really big favor.
On Lleann’s side, she was on the site for only 3 weeks, had met 3 men, 1 of which was desiring to marry her, and she was quite interested in him. Also on this site, she had over 1,400 messages from guys, and was frustrated and overwhelmed. She was going to remove herself from the site Sunday night, but got busy. She got on first thing Monday morning, and before she deleted herself, she saw the “New Members” link on the side. She had never seen it, and was curious, so she clicked on it and found me there as the 3rd new member. My main picture was me in my swimsuit sitting in a snowbank with a towel around my shoulders. (I wanted my picture to stick out from the rest, as I had all sorts of evangelism on my profile to help people find Christ if they were not truly saved). Lleann was NOT interested in me at all, but instead was offended at my picture, and messaged me only to get me to do her and others a favor and change my profile picture.
After I looked at and read her profile, I knew God had found for me my wife. She was everything I was praying for, desiring and waiting on! When I found out that all she wanted was for me to change my profile picture, I was very disappointed, but I knew God was up to something! I kept messaging her back, then on Yahoo messenger, and FINALLY on the phone. She still had no interest in me, but she thought we could just be friends. (My favorite Bible verse is John 3:3, Lleann’s is John 1:1. I said we should look up John 2:2 to see if there is something for us. John 2:2 is “and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding.”… Hmmm) We talked much of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and I had bought a plane ticket a MONTH earlier to take me to a conference in Atlanta Georgia Thursday. (I bought it for the wrong weekend, and had bought another for the following weekend too). I asked if I could rent a car and drive to meet her in Florida, she said OK (still no interest in me). On Thursday when I got to the airport counter, I was told that my flight was canceled. I smiled, and asked if while they were re-routing me they could fly me to my final destination in Jacksonville, Florida. “Sure, no problem” was the reply. I had bought a ticket a month earlier for a flight to see my future wife, who I first spoke to 4 days ago! The 2nd flight was canceled too, the 3rd was full, but the 4th got me to Detroit. While waiting for my connection I got a bite to eat and came back to find my flight had left early, WITHOUT ME! They re-booked me again saying “Just go to gate A6”. There were no people or planes at A6, later finding out it was A6 at a DIFFERENT TERMINAL! I spent the night in Detroit, and finally got on a plane FRIDAY that got me to Jacksonville! After renting my car and checking in, I saw her. You know how most people don’t look as good as their pictures? Well, she looked BETTER than hers! I was still wearing my sunglasses when I went and gave her a great big hug for the first time.
On Lleann’s side, she had not been doing much with men for 5 years, and was going through a purification process for herself. She was wanting a courtship of at least 9 months to a year, and here I was telling her I was going to marry her before I had even met her. As soon as I hugged her, she says that her heart just melted, and what immediately came into her mind was “I could spend the rest of my life in this man’s arms”! We sat down and I removed my sunglasses, and she saw that I had blue eyes. That was a problem, because Lleann had been raped by a guy with blue eyes when she was 15, and got pregnant and lost that baby. (It was on my profile, but because she had no interest in me she never even looked and really wouldn’t have cared because we were just going to be friends!)
June 16th 2008 I (Scott) had been single for 14 years, desiring to be married but wanting a “God choice” not a good choice. The Holy Spirit spoke to me to get back on a Christian dating site I had not been on for about a year called “Love and Seek”. Being obedient, I paid the dues and signed back up. That was a Sunday night, and I went to bed. On Monday morning, first thing I usually done was to get in the Word. The Spirit told me to get on Love and Seek. I was resistive, but He spoke to me again and said “Get on Love and Seek RIGHT NOW!” I did, and within a few minutes I had a message from someone asking if I could do her a really big favor.
On Lleann’s side, she was on the site for only 3 weeks, had met 3 men, 1 of which was desiring to marry her, and she was quite interested in him. Also on this site, she had over 1,400 messages from guys, and was frustrated and overwhelmed. She was going to remove herself from the site Sunday night, but got busy. She got on first thing Monday morning, and before she deleted herself, she saw the “New Members” link on the side. She had never seen it, and was curious, so she clicked on it and found me there as the 3rd new member. My main picture was me in my swimsuit sitting in a snowbank with a towel around my shoulders. (I wanted my picture to stick out from the rest, as I had all sorts of evangelism on my profile to help people find Christ if they were not truly saved). Lleann was NOT interested in me at all, but instead was offended at my picture, and messaged me only to get me to do her and others a favor and change my profile picture.
After I looked at and read her profile, I knew God had found for me my wife. She was everything I was praying for, desiring and waiting on! When I found out that all she wanted was for me to change my profile picture, I was very disappointed, but I knew God was up to something! I kept messaging her back, then on Yahoo messenger, and FINALLY on the phone. She still had no interest in me, but she thought we could just be friends. (My favorite Bible verse is John 3:3, Lleann’s is John 1:1. I said we should look up John 2:2 to see if there is something for us. John 2:2 is “and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding.”… Hmmm) We talked much of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and I had bought a plane ticket a MONTH earlier to take me to a conference in Atlanta Georgia Thursday. (I bought it for the wrong weekend, and had bought another for the following weekend too). I asked if I could rent a car and drive to meet her in Florida, she said OK (still no interest in me). On Thursday when I got to the airport counter, I was told that my flight was canceled. I smiled, and asked if while they were re-routing me they could fly me to my final destination in Jacksonville, Florida. “Sure, no problem” was the reply. I had bought a ticket a month earlier for a flight to see my future wife, who I first spoke to 4 days ago! The 2nd flight was canceled too, the 3rd was full, but the 4th got me to Detroit. While waiting for my connection I got a bite to eat and came back to find my flight had left early, WITHOUT ME! They re-booked me again saying “Just go to gate A6”. There were no people or planes at A6, later finding out it was A6 at a DIFFERENT TERMINAL! I spent the night in Detroit, and finally got on a plane FRIDAY that got me to Jacksonville! After renting my car and checking in, I saw her. You know how most people don’t look as good as their pictures? Well, she looked BETTER than hers! I was still wearing my sunglasses when I went and gave her a great big hug for the first time.
On Lleann’s side, she had not been doing much with men for 5 years, and was going through a purification process for herself. She was wanting a courtship of at least 9 months to a year, and here I was telling her I was going to marry her before I had even met her. As soon as I hugged her, she says that her heart just melted, and what immediately came into her mind was “I could spend the rest of my life in this man’s arms”! We sat down and I removed my sunglasses, and she saw that I had blue eyes. That was a problem, because Lleann had been raped by a guy with blue eyes when she was 15, and got pregnant and lost that baby. (It was on my profile, but because she had no interest in me she never even looked and really wouldn’t have cared because we were just going to be friends!)
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revscott
Guest
I knew from chatting 3 days that eye contact was REALLY big with her, yet while we sat and talked, she was looking everywhere but at me. I was thinking that she must not like me,…then she blurted out without thinking it “You have the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen”. YES! She DOES like me! We chatted for a few hours there, and on Sunday before flying back home I got to see her again and meet the children. We met at the rollerskating rink, she and the girls went in first. Then I went in and asked her to point out “my” children whom I’ve never met. They were nice, but very stand-offish. I figured it would take quite a while to get them used to the idea of me in their lives. When I got to the airport, I called Lleann and asked her when she “knew”. She said “at that first hug”. (Remember that I had already told her that she was going to be my wife before I flew there to meet her for the very first time, because I knew what God was doing.)
I flew there again the next weekend, and the 3rd time I was going down to ask her to marry me. When I got there, I kept teasing her saying “Friday’s still open (to get married), Friday’s still open.” Finally, she turned to me and calling my bluff, as a joke, she said “OK, go buy the rings”. I stopped and told her that there were a few BIG issues yet unresolved, like…will the girls WANT to move to MN, will the ex-husband LET the girls move 1,500 miles away, and what would she do with the house she just leased. She looked at me and said “Do you trust God?” Well, of course I do. I organized and led mission teams of singles around the world for 8 years leading people to Christ, building churches and seeing God heal many people. Of course I trusted God. So, after meeting her we were married in 3 weeks. We didn’t tell the girls we had gotten married right away, BUT WITHIN 24 HOURS EVERYTHING CHANGED WITHOUT ANY EFFORT FROM US! The girls started asking the next day “Can we call him daddy Scott or Dad, & how soon can we move to MN?” The ex-husband called Lleann out of the blue and says “You know, you should find a good Christian man and get married” When she told him she had, not even 12 hours earlier, he said “Really? I want to rent your house, but I want it right away.” Guess who helped me load the moving truck 5 days later? Yep, the ex-husband! God had removed all the obstacles within 24 hours of us getting married and after trusting Him and taking a leap of faith!
I flew there again the next weekend, and the 3rd time I was going down to ask her to marry me. When I got there, I kept teasing her saying “Friday’s still open (to get married), Friday’s still open.” Finally, she turned to me and calling my bluff, as a joke, she said “OK, go buy the rings”. I stopped and told her that there were a few BIG issues yet unresolved, like…will the girls WANT to move to MN, will the ex-husband LET the girls move 1,500 miles away, and what would she do with the house she just leased. She looked at me and said “Do you trust God?” Well, of course I do. I organized and led mission teams of singles around the world for 8 years leading people to Christ, building churches and seeing God heal many people. Of course I trusted God. So, after meeting her we were married in 3 weeks. We didn’t tell the girls we had gotten married right away, BUT WITHIN 24 HOURS EVERYTHING CHANGED WITHOUT ANY EFFORT FROM US! The girls started asking the next day “Can we call him daddy Scott or Dad, & how soon can we move to MN?” The ex-husband called Lleann out of the blue and says “You know, you should find a good Christian man and get married” When she told him she had, not even 12 hours earlier, he said “Really? I want to rent your house, but I want it right away.” Guess who helped me load the moving truck 5 days later? Yep, the ex-husband! God had removed all the obstacles within 24 hours of us getting married and after trusting Him and taking a leap of faith!
M
Monte_RCMS
Guest
In general, the people you meet in bars are the people who go to bars. Bar flies. Drinkers.
K
kelvinf
Guest
Hahaha, I am not trying to convince anyone. Instead, this thread was created to get the opinion of others. You already know my stance. Go to chastity.com/chastity-qa/dating/dating and find out more for yourself. This is how the author concluded: “Therefore I would not recommend starting a dating relationship with someone you randomly meet online.” This is more or less what I said on the other thread before this debate started.
People have provided valid reasons why they use online dating sites. If it’s all about living in an area where one is not exposed to Catholics (or Catholic singles), then I would also have created a profile on one of the online dating sites. However, I don’t see it like that.
For us, there are Catholic university groups, youth groups, volunteer groups and other groups in the Church where those who hold the faith could join any of the groups. If I were to partake in say an activity organised by a university group with the intention of meeting a catholic single, then I would be dreaming. The kind of Catholic I would like to date is the one who is also interested in partaking in church related activities. If I can’t find her there, then why would I find her online? There are also just no young Catholics in my area and if I really want to be around Catholics, then I will have to relocate. However, I am currently doing what I am supposed to be doing and “spouse searching” is not on my agenda.
If one is interested in meeting local Catholics, then he should go to where the local Catholics are. If he goes to a place where let’s assume local Catholics meet and doesn’t find local Catholics there, then I wonder if he would find them online. If however they are online, then it means they are not interested in local Catholic activities and might not be true Catholics.
So for me, I wouldn’t go online searching for singles. If there are just no Catholics in my area and if my priority is to be where Catholics are, then I will relocate to where I will be sure to be with Catholics.
So coupling the points I already mentioned in an earlier post with the fact that I don’t believe in spouse searching as such, I wouldn’t recommend an online dating site to my child. (Just MHO)
J
Joseph629
Guest
Must be the # 3. I met my wife-to-be, and 3 days later we were engaged. Now married 28 years.
That’s a great story. Especially the part of putting God in charge of everything first. YES!
A
agapewolf
Guest
Few problems with this conclusion…
-This site is geared towards high school students. I would never ever advise a high school student (maybe even college) to look for a spouse online. Thats ridiculous.
-2nd, I couldn’t find where the statement is that you found this conclusion, however I can bet you it is drawn from the different issues that I’ve outlined as well, which *can be eliminated * by making simple smart choices. Therefore, the conclusion doesn’t hold water anymore.
-3rd: “meeting Catholics” is a misnomer. As I said in an earlier post, a person may call themselves catholic or even attend church, but may not really believe in all that the Catholic church teaches. The online process filters through that better when searching for a spouse.
-If you can’t find the ONE person that you would marry out of 1 million Catholics in the world at the few places you volunteer is because perhaps they are at a different place volunteering. THe online manner would give you access to them. It’s a simple odds and numbers probability outcome.
S
Sarah_Angel
Guest
There is a problem with this quote, and that is that it assumes that everybody who’s ever dated someone they met on the Internet has done so “randomly.”
I am active on another secular forum and there I have met many new friends. 2 of them I met in person. They both met on the site and started dating each other and I saw them when they were first visiting in person.
The forum isn’t a dating site (although with some of the romantic drama that goes on there sometimes, it seems like it should be lol), so the vast majority of people who visit the site on a regular basis are just friends. The few people who actually date people from the site are, under most circumstances, friends first. They don’t go to the site to find a date, it just kinda happens. Or they’re friends for a while and they decide to hit things off.
Now, most of these relationships don’t work out at all, but the 2 friends that I met are doing whatever they can to keep the relationship going. Even if they don’t end up getting married, I think they’ll learn a lot from the relationship and use their experiences to their advantage - gain wisdom of sorts. The distance is pretty great, but they’re very honest with each other and video chat, while not the same as in-person relating, at least gives them the chance to see each other.
I think that most of the people who are directly opposed to online dating don’t really know a whole lot about it, and they don’t realize that there are more layers to it than given credit for.
L
Ljrm18
Guest
Wow, it sounds like everyone is very negative towards online dating. Here’s my story: I met my now husband through Catholic Match.com over 3 years ago. It was a long distance relationship as he lived 5 1/2 hours away. However, we were both very interested and after 6 months of visiting back and forth, he moved to where I was so we could officially date. We dated awhile, then got engaged and married.
While the internet does have questionable people, so does the real world. Even dating a person you meet in the line for confession can have it’s downfalls. They are capable of being just as dishonest as anyone online. When I joined the site, I made a point of being as honest as I could be, because in a way, it weeded out the people that I would not be interested in. My husband also was very honest. There is not one thing he hid from me during our time there.
I really think that online dating is simply another method of meeting people, and I would hope that a person who meets someone, whether online or in person is cautious anyways.
While the internet does have questionable people, so does the real world. Even dating a person you meet in the line for confession can have it’s downfalls. They are capable of being just as dishonest as anyone online. When I joined the site, I made a point of being as honest as I could be, because in a way, it weeded out the people that I would not be interested in. My husband also was very honest. There is not one thing he hid from me during our time there.
I really think that online dating is simply another method of meeting people, and I would hope that a person who meets someone, whether online or in person is cautious anyways.
A
AHapka
Guest
I don’t understand how some people are so opposed to online dating?
Yes, there have been bad experiences, but do we call all priests pedophiles and sex abusers because of the actions of some. I SHOULD THINK NOT!
If in person dating were the only proper way to meet someone to examine all of the nuances, then no relationship would have went bad before the Internet.
The anonymity of the Internet also functions FOR truthfullness. When I met my wife online, I had no problem saying both the good and bad about me. It’s easier in many ways to at first tell who you are to someone you have only met online with the theory of “I’ll tell her who I am, and if she still wants to talk, great…if not…great too.” It’s like, before we start, here is who I am…now decide if you want to talk to me. At least for me, anyways.
As for extra “precautions,” those are the same precautions that should be taken with any person you don’t know.
Yes, there have been bad experiences, but do we call all priests pedophiles and sex abusers because of the actions of some. I SHOULD THINK NOT!
If in person dating were the only proper way to meet someone to examine all of the nuances, then no relationship would have went bad before the Internet.
The anonymity of the Internet also functions FOR truthfullness. When I met my wife online, I had no problem saying both the good and bad about me. It’s easier in many ways to at first tell who you are to someone you have only met online with the theory of “I’ll tell her who I am, and if she still wants to talk, great…if not…great too.” It’s like, before we start, here is who I am…now decide if you want to talk to me. At least for me, anyways.
As for extra “precautions,” those are the same precautions that should be taken with any person you don’t know.
J
Joseph629
Guest
AMEN.
J
Joseph629
Guest
AMEN.
J
Joseph629
Guest
AMEN.
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kelvinf
Guest
Forum rules actually caution us to be careful with what we post because the lower age limit on CAF is 13.
You are right. The site is geared towards high school students but I believe the information there shouldn’t or doesn’t only apply to high school students. One of the reasons being - that part of the brain involved in higher-order thinking is not fully developed until the age of 25. However above 25 doesn’t guarantee right decision making
L
LeahMary
Guest
I’ve met some really prayerful & charming men through www.CatholicMatch.com. There are a couple of really good things about this site: 1) you have to pay to be a member- which discourages people with ill intentions; 2) each person must answer the “faith questions”- meaning you know from first glance at the person’s profile whether or not they agree with Church teachings. I agree that you need to spend time face to face to really get to know the other person well, but online can be a great way to connect with people you wouldn’t otherwise meet. I am grateful that the Lord has let me use the avenue of online “dating”, as it has born much fruit in my life. And don’t forget to pray for your future spouse! Remember, “ask and you shall receive!”
God Bless you!
God Bless you!
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