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kelvinf
Guest
The very first question a poster asked me was my definition of online dating and I provided it. This is the definition I have been using:
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
It’s the Chewbacca defense (for you South Park fans).
I think there’s confusion on the part of OP on how people actually use online dating sites.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
This is a fine definition.
However, I think there’s a disconnect between the definition and how people use these services.
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agapewolf
Guest
The Catholic dating services actually do not matchmake.
Kelvin, your response to me still made no sense. You really don’t have a position to stand on here.
Kelvin, your response to me still made no sense. You really don’t have a position to stand on here.
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tweetymom
Guest
I was 62 hubby 63 and we met oline. Not in a dating site, on an Msn chat room for 60’s and over. We neither one were looking for a spouse, just friends. Anyway we talked on the computer for days and hours, about everything. Finally decided to meet and we did and on July 13th we will be married 9 years and happy as the day is long and more. So even tho we wern’t looking God directed us to meet.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
I also think OP is buying into the “hype” and annecdotal evidence some people use to say “activity X is bad.”
There are pros and cons to online dating. Yes, people can hide behind their computer screens. Yes, people can lie. Yes, people can not be safe. Yes, people can develop unhealthy relationships via the computer. However, there are common sense things people can do to combat the negatives. But to somehow paint online dating as unnatural, bad or completely unhealthy is simply not true.
I also read/heard that 1 out of 5 relationships start on the Internet. And over two-thirds of people who took this informal poll would advise doing on doing it.
People are finding new ways to connect with others, and do business because of increased technology and communications. Several of the issues OP brings up as being bad for online dating is also applicable to other areas such as business relationships. I’ve personally run into this myself. But, by OP’s logic, communication over the computer is somehow bad.
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kelvinf
Guest
I have a position to stand on and that’s my opinion. I doubt whether God expects us to move around searching for our spouses and I think online dating sites are not the right way to go about it.
I am not trying to sell my opinion. This thread is all about opinions. The poll shows that the majority think online dating is advisable, a fewer number think it isn’t and others are not sure.
I am very interested to know what God expects of us when it comes to meeting our spouses. Neither the bible nor the CCC mentions it (if I haven’t mistaken). Hence it’s just a matter of opinion. I would like to get theological opinion.
For me, I believe I will get to know my spouse in the same way I get to know friends which would simply be to go about my daily life in a way that God requires and if I am asked to advise someone on this issue, I will tell him to do the same.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
Again, what you have presented as your reasoning is specious at best.
I think the only theolgical opinion is that we are to use moral means to find a spouse. How one chooses to find a spouse is their business, no matter how silly it may seem.
This is fine. To each his/her own. Whatever floats your boat.
But, please, do not discount online dating. As I said, there are many pros to it.
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kelvinf
Guest
Nowhere did I mention that “communication” over the computer is somehow bad. Otherwise that would make me a hypocrite (as has already been suggested
). But I’m not.
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Michael_Saint
Guest
If you were secular and did not believe in Divine Providence, then I would say the “simple math” argument, the “meeting 10,000 instead of 10” would be a good one.
But if you believe in Divine Providence, in a God who loves you and loves the person He wants you to marry and wants you to meet and marry, then meeting 10,000 people is superfluous and can even keep you from His fulfilling plans for your life.
The mother of the Little Flower was running an errand as part of her lace-making business, and as she crossed a bridge, she ran into Louis Martin. At that very moment, the Holy Spirit told her, “this is the man you are going to marry”.
I don’t think Zelie and Louis would be internet dating. There were dating services and matchmakers then too, but they did not use them.
They are the model I follow. No, I do not internet date.
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agapewolf
Guest
You said this.
A visible society cannot exist online. yet you are participating in one. If one can post in a forum to get opinions on a theological topic, one can use the internet for other things.
Your reasonings do not hold water, they give you no position as they don’t follow a logical conclusion.
If its not your taste, fine. But the reasons you keep putting up keep falling down by logic.
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agapewolf
Guest
This is not divine providence. Marriage is a choice, and the person we marry must be a choice as well. There is nothing in church teaching that suggests that God has one person planned for someone.
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Michael_Saint
Guest
- I disagree - I think the Bible does tell us. The story of Abraham trusting in God’s timing and providence, the story of Saul and his father’s missing asses, many Gospel passages on trust, etc. These lessons just need to be applied to our love lives, to internet dating, etc. Oh, and the lives of the saints can be applied to it all too.
- Bang on, Kelvin. A student once asked me, “How else is a guy from podunk, Canada, out in the middle of nowhere, supposed to get married?” I said, “a guy from podunk, if he is serious about his faith, will have interests, maybe Opus Dei or the Charismatic Renewal. And such a person will be interested in conferences and the like. And those conferences will be the occasion God uses to introduce him to his future wife”. And then I told him the story about a friend of mine, who went to a conference, dropped her fork, and the guy at the next table reached down to pick it up at the same time she did. Their eyes met, and three years later they were married.
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Michael_Saint
Guest
If marriage is a choice, then, why don’t all the people who are internet dating just select the nearest practicing Catholic and marry that person?
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agapewolf
Guest
You are hurting your own position with this. Why doesn’t a Catholic who doesn’t internet date choose the next person and marry them?
For the millionth time folks. Spending a couple minutes a few times a week on an online dating site does not mean someone is not out participating in other functions. The stigma and stuff that is made up in people’s heads about it is ridiculous.
if you have time to be in an online forum, than by the same logic, one can do other things online.
Marriage is INDEED a choice…this is church teaching. A vocation must be a free choice. Why must people make vows then? They are Choosing. The choice must go both ways.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
Because it is a choice, by two people.
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kelvinf
Guest
That entire post was responding to this:
Then I said what I said.
A visible society cannot exist online. This forum is not a visible society
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agapewolf
Guest
from the catechism
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agapewolf
Guest
Response or not, it still doesn’t make sense in the line of thinking.
You said the natural tendency is to live in the real world. So is it or isn’t it? You being in an online forum by your logic goes against your reasoning. But if it doesn’t, then online dating can’t either.
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Michael_Saint
Guest
This is one long red herring.
My question was in response to your first red herring, and it was meant to lead back to the points you responded to using the initial red herring, but it was not successful.
Of course marriage is a choice and a decision to love the other. I say “Amen” to the rest of what you say here too. But it has nothing to do with the points I made. Everything here is a red herring and a strawman, and I will not get led down that path.
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