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PeteZaHut
Guest
A priest once told me not to do anything with a girl that you wouldn’t do to your mother.
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thomfra
Guest
He’d probably agree with my stance I should imagine.Hello. Don’t know how old you are, or whether you are Catholic, or what kind of Catholic education you have had, but DL82 has quoted the correct stance of the church:
“Not asking LEGALISTICALLY ‘how far can I go before it’s mortal sin’ but rather running far from the mere possibility of sin, because you can be certain that the farthest we are away from sin, the closer we are to the place where God can most bless us with His grace.”
God is not involved with the Taliban as far as I know.
With freedoms come responsibility. Responsibility for self and others. In this day it seems everyone wants the freedom without taking resposibility.
If you really care about the rights and wrongs of your attitude, check with your Parish Priest if you have one. He will set you straight.
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elts1956
Guest
Give it a try if you are so certain. Just remember, one doesn’t play games with God.
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elts1956
Guest
Hello Aarg, aka Augustine, maybe you should give some thought to talking to your Parish Priest about this. I hope you and your girlfriend made a good reverent confession and tried as hard as you could not to indulge your passions again. This is what I mean by an occasion of sin. Even if you know it “might”, or “might not” happen, you still have the responsibilty to avoid the situation. Be with a group. Be in public. Get out of the car right away, say goodnight at the door with a peck on the lips, or cheek. Then maybe you’ll be able to receive communion in good conscience on Sunday morning. Sure, it is hard to keep testosterone and all the other blazing hormones under wraps when one is a certain age and with someone enchanting, enticing, sexy etc. But be “friends” first. Getting along with another of the opposite sex is not just about sex, but involves many many things. It is not that I don’t understand. I do all too well. Just try to overcome it.Hey there,
I just read the first couple pages and then skipped to the end, so this may be answered already, but I don’t think so:
Can I get a “baseline” or good definition of “sexual arousal?” If anything sexually arousing is a sin, I couldn’t get near or even think of my GF! That is, being around here is “sexually arousing” if I am understanding this correctly. Ugh, what am I trying to say here…umm…basically being close/next to her “arouses” desire…(?)
If I understand correctly, we have sinned in the past because we kissed passionately and that led to sin…several…multiple times. Other times, most of the time, it’s not a problem at all, really.
Well, I can’t articulate my thoughts very well, but maybe you can interpret them better than I can convey them!
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thomfra
Guest
Give what a try?Give it a try if you are so certain. Just remember, one doesn’t play games with God.
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elts1956
Guest
Talk to your priest.
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thomfra
Guest
Oh! I see.Talk to your priest.
No, I woudn’t bother him which such trivial nonsense. I should think he more pressing matters to attend to.
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elts1956
Guest
I triple dog dare you to talk to him.
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thomfra
Guest
he he. Well if you are going to triple dog dare me…well…we’ll see…
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BlaineTog
Guest
We’ve specifically denied this, numerous times.
As for the charge of legalism, I never asked “have we gone too far?” because this hasn’t been able me but about how things stand in general. For myself, I know what is good and what is not.
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Argh
Guest
Yup! My FAVORITE priest told/ordered me to “love her spiritually.” He’s the kind of priest that will give things to you straight.
We’ve gone to confession together quite a few times, I’m sorry to say. I’ve been trying to “love her spiritually” the best that I can, but all the times we’ve failed, I’ve failed, I think by the time we started “kissing passionately” our minds, my mind, was already made up to pass that fine line and to disobey that command to love each other spiritually. And, as you pointed out, I take some comfort/inspiration/hope in that St. Augustine once struggled terribly with much worse and God saw fit to grant him the grace to not only overcome these sorts of temptations, but to use his magnifcent gifts to become the bishop of Hippo, an apologist for the faith, a doctor of the Church, and one of the greatest minds in Western civilization
. One day, God willing, we hope to marry and I’m trying to do the best I can and I ask God “why not today, why not now?”Hehe.
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JMBNH
Guest
I agree, but I was actually referring to someone mentioning the Orthodox Jews not touching someone of the other sex they’re not married to which is clearly not the right approach
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GraceDK
Guest
Well because your beloved will look at you the rest of your life together and think in the core of her heart: “why did he not protect me?”. You are supposed to be a strong man of God and eventually the head of the household. What you do when you cross the limit is that you show this woman that you dont protect her or her reputation or her selfworth nor the place God should have in her life. is she weak? Are you going to say like Adam: but the woman tempted me?… One day, God willing, we hope to marry and I’m trying to do the best I can and I ask God “why not today, why not now?”
Hehe.
Dont do it man. He is gonna ask YOU: what did you do with the person I entrusted you with. What will you say?
Believe me, coz I have been there with guys crossing the line, and the respect I had for them suffered as well as my belief in the love they claimed to have for me.
Luckily especially one was willing to admit he had been using me and he asked forgiveness that we might start over again with renewed respect for each other.
You say you like it straight. I just gave it to you. Take it or leave it.
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Argh
Guest
Oh, yeah, I know. The quote was from Confessions, kinda sorta meant it as a joke - I know it’s my job .
Oh, and nice, long hugs > “passionate kissing” imho.
.Oh, and nice, long hugs > “passionate kissing” imho.
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elts1956
Guest
The Orthodox Jews do seem to have either an obsession to controlling their women, or an obsession to protect them. Not being a Jew of any kind, I can’t say. But I do know it is a strong cultural and probably a religious heritage. I would say some women appreciate it and some do not. We would have to ask an Orthodox Jew, male and female how this works out in the long run. I once had an acquaintance who was born in India, was Catholic, and had an arranged marriage. The only thing she said is that both of them learned to adjust to their life together. And this is what all married couples must do, no matter what culture they belong to, adjust.
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elts1956
Guest
\
And it is also possible that for the rest of your life, you will both wonder, especially when the hard times come, did he/she marry me just for sex?
One of the saddest stories I have heard, (I am a history buff but don’t know if this is true.) is the story of Mary Todd Lincoln who loved Abraham with all her heart. He had broken off marriage to her once, but then he began courting her again. She wanted marriage so she used her “wiles” on him and how she knew this, I don’t know, but a few days later, she told him she was pregnant. Well Abe fell to pieces and they were married within the week, or two. Low and behold, nine months later, almost to the date of their first rendevous, their first child was born.
BUT throughout their marriage Mary always wondered if Abe really loved her, or did he marry her to protect their reputations? She never knew for certain even though Abe assured her of his love many times. Sad, never to be really sure if your partner you are living with for life really loves you for who and what you are.
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BlaineTog
Guest
Yeah, or you trust them.
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DL82
Guest
Surely the one thing you can know in that situation, if you live your whole lives together, support eachother in good times and bad, and raise children together, is that you have Christian love for one another. That you love one another as deep friends and inseparable companions. Honestly, that’s what most people in history have had from their wives or husbands. The other thing, the heart-skipping, happiest-moment-of-your-life, Hollywood romantic love, is really quite rare and not entirely necessary for a marriage (though it’s really really good if a marriage has this), it’s the selfish bit of love, the soppy-feeling bit of love. Love, primarily, is an act of will and a Gift of God. Ask God, He will give you the love you need, whether you are single, courting, in an arranged marriage, in an initially loving marriage that has grown cold, or whatever. It might not be THAT kind of love though, but it will definitely be love.
Of course, maybe Abe loved her as a mother or sister, but maybe his interests were, shall we say, elsewhere
:blushing: but he still married her, stayed with her, and loved her enough to care for her for the rest of his life.
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elts1956
Guest
That is easier said than done. All of us have times of uncertainty about ourselves and others. Trust between humans is not an absolute.
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elts1956
Guest
This is so true, but Mary was very insecure and also had some mental difficulties, so no matter what Abe did, she always wondered, “Does he really love me”? Abe was a very honorable man so she did wonder if he married her because he was a gentleman, or for real reasons of affection.Surely the one thing you can know in that situation, if you live your whole lives together, support eachother in good times and bad, and raise children together, is that you have Christian love for one another. That you love one another as deep friends and inseparable companions. Honestly, that’s what most people in history have had from their wives or husbands. The other thing, the heart-skipping, happiest-moment-of-your-life, Hollywood romantic love, is really quite rare and not entirely necessary for a marriage (though it’s really really good if a marriage has this), it’s the selfish bit of love, the soppy-feeling bit of love. Love, primarily, is an act of will and a Gift of God. Ask God, He will give you the love you need, whether you are single, courting, in an arranged marriage, in an initially loving marriage that has grown cold, or whatever. It might not be THAT kind of love though, but it will definitely be love.
Of course, maybe Abe loved her as a mother or sister, but maybe his interests were, shall we say, elsewhere
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