Is porn damaging to marriage

[cynic]

YinYangMom:

Porn focuses on sex, **not **intimacy. Marital sex is sacramental as a visible sign of God’s love. Whether or not each union produces a child, each union is called to renew the marital vows to empty oneself completely into the other to become one with God.

Not really relevant or anything to do with porn, but this is typical of a repressed attitude by people obsessed with sin. What does ‘one with God’ mean? why does it have to be put into some ridicuous analogy like “sexual desire is really about desire for God” Er, no it isn’t, it’s about desire for the other person. Catholics still can’t accept that, so using language like this, talking about it in impersonal ways such as “offering your body up to God to become co-creators with him” - that kind thing is just another way of saying sex is dirty. Behind it lies the idea that worldly attachments are evil, including to your wife or husband. God isn’t just top of the list, he’s ALL that’s on the list, thus even in marriage all this icky personal stuff has no place, instead it has to be turned into something clean by changing it into worship.(sarcasm)

 

[wisdom_3_5]

My marriage came crashing down because of my husband’s porn addiction. It started there and moved on to affairs. Our marriage will never be what it was and we struggle to stay together. I loved my husband so much, now I am numb most of the time.

Yes, porn is damaging to marriage.

 

[Pug]

In one instance a husband of friend was arrested for hiring a prostitute after years of view porn.

In another case the husband lies contiuously about viewing porn. Their sex life has become non-existant and the relationship is a battle zone.

In another case the man has become self absorbed, talks about flirting with other women at the gym and laughs it off when he finds out his 15 year old son has been viewing porn.

In another case the husband makes rude comments about his wifes appearance (even though she is not over weight and takes care of her looks), has told her he found her more attractive when she was thinner and treats her as a service station when it comes to sex.

The situations you describe sound painful for the woman in each case. Also, they seem to involve more than just porn…illegal activities, lying, self-absorption, and your basic, uh, insensitive sort. I wonder, who uses porn heavily? Does it associate with certain personality traits?

I’m so glad your marriage got better!

The soul you seem to be talking about is the deep spiritual benefit to both parties for being married. Also a closeness and happiness. Porn does not lead to happiness in marriage. However, some of the spiritual benefit remains. The type of considerations you must make for having tied your life to that of another help you grow, I think, regardless of if your spouse is a bum or a saint.

I try to look on the bright side, not being very happy in marriage myself.

 

[Ana]

Pornography is damaging to marriage and effects the entire family … children included!!

My father has been addicted to porn and solitary sin since before he was married (almost thirty years), and yes there was tremendous damage done to the family.
Some examples:

I was exposed to pornography at a VERY young age. Daddy had his collection of books and tapes, and we were to stay out. Which to a five year old the forbidden fruit was tempting. Saw the books, still remember the images. Playboy. I thought the girls were very beautiful and I remember trying to imitate their poses. There was no sexual feelings or lusts or anything like that. Just an innocent curiosity.

Also, I would sometimes inadvertantly walk in the room while a video was playing, or pop an unmarked tape in the VCR and in shock stare at the screen.

Please note* MY ONLY EXPOSURE TO SEX WAS IN THE FORM OF PORNOGRAPHY* and I suffered dearly for having that as my only teacher.

Everynight, it was my father’s personal time (videos). We were banished to our rooms, and not allowed to come down for ANYTHING!! This continued until I moved out in my early twenties. It was awkward in my teens when a friend would spend the night and request a drink or something. At seventeen I would have to say,“I am not allowed to go downstairs after 10:00 (how embarassing).” Interiorly, in spite of myself, the sentence would finish in my head … “because my dad is downstairs watching pornography and j*rking off.”

This directly effected my perception of sexuality and I believe made me more vulnerable to my subsequent sexual abuse (not by my dad), which led to promiscuity, and to a career in the sex industry(exotic dancer) with a high party threshold to numb the pain…

I *understood *at a very young age, (esp. after the first incident of SA) that I was here for the sexual pleasure of men. PLEASE think about the implications of this statement. (pause) I evolved naturally into being a stripper, as if I had known this was just how it was supposed to be. I never played mommy or daydreamed of my wedding day. Those things were for other people, not girls like me. Girls set apart … marked.

cont.

 

[Ana]

My brother as a result to his early exposure to pornography, as expected, also indulges.

My parents marital bed was cold. Many joking referances passed from my dad referring to my mothers interest (or lack of) in sex. I still am not sure if he understands how degraded he made my mother feel. She would feel dirty when he made advances towards her.

About five years ago, my father had an interior conversion and has since dedicated himself to living his Catholic faith. Even before he did so, my father had many beautiful qualities, and even with the tremendous damage inflicted on us by his pornography use, we had a STRONG FAMILY UNIT. The perception of my brother and I, of our parents marriage, was rock solid, and we never had to live in fear of divorce. It was just something very annoying and a little embarassing about daddy, we had no idea, then, the insidious damage pornography was snaking into our lives, penetrating into the very heart of our sexuality and perception of it.

Since my father’s conversion, he regrets deeply his involvement in pronography. Unfortunately, he is still in bondage. Though he is excellent and active in witnessing, attends Mass every Sunday, regularly examines his conscience, makes use of the Sacrament of Penance, never receives the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin, gives generously to the poor, he has not yet been healed. He confides often to me of his struggles, and I sympathize and pray for him, and try to help him maintain confidence in God, while struggling with the temptation to despair. I look up to my father and see in his virtues, Christ’s glory, and in his sins, Christ crucified. My father is a beautiful and holy man and a sinner, just like me.

I am blessed with an absolutely INCREDIBLE family!! Others outside the family often comment on how loving and great my family is, and they are right. If I was given the choice before birth to choose my parents, I would choose my mom and dad. They are sooo beautiful and such a wonderful witness to the enduring and faithful love of Christ, I cannot feel anything but blessed. God truly can bring ALL things to good! May His name be forever praised and may many more marriages reflect Christ’s FIDELITY, in His grace to LOVE … from, in, and through, the cross.

My family has a beautiful “soul.”

God bless!

 

[Pug]

Ana:

My family has a beautiful “soul.”

God bless!

I’m very glad to hear this! Yours is a childhood where it might be easy to hate the parents or not see their good qualities. I’m glad you see them.

(I posted this so you’d know someone read your post! On another thread you worried a little).

 

[system]

I know from personal experience that porn makes your view of your partner unholy and degrating. I always felt dirty, but didn’t know it. My husband and I did not know that there was anything morally wrong and I could see myself going down a slippery slope of self indulgence. It made me believe that he was there to please me and that birth control must be ok to be able to have more sex. It is an awful way to live and I am glad that God has seen to it to protect us from it for so long now. Now I am Catholic and I practice NFP (hopefully pregnant now) and am a very strong anti-abortionist!! Praise be to God alone! :bowdown:

 

[Ana]

Pug:

I’m very glad to hear this! Yours is a childhood where it might be easy to hate the parents or not see their good qualities. I’m glad you see them

.

Yes, it would be easy to hate, and I can’t say that through it, I didn’t have my moments.

(I posted this so you’d know someone read your post! On another thread you worried a little).

Thank you …You are too kind … (sniff,sniff) I must have been feeling ultra needy over there since I bared all (well alot) on this thread.

 

[dulcissima]

Ana:

.

Yes, it would be easy to hate, and I can’t say that through it, I didn’t have my moments.

Thank you …You are too kind … (sniff,sniff) I must have been feeling ultra needy over there since I bared all (well alot) on this thread.

Thanks for your story. I was just feeling weird about how much I just revealed on that other thread, but now I feel like applauding you for opening up and sharing your hard-earned lessons with us.

 

[John_of_Woking]

Is this Pope Catholic?

 

[Christy_Beth]

I was once married to a man who was big on porn. And, yes, it destroyed our marriage. He claimed to be a christian, but his behavior was something else. He refused to read the bible, and rarely wanted to go to church. As far as he was concerned, I was married but he wasn’t.

If it wasn’t XXX rated, he wanted nothing to do with it. He expected me to be just like the women in the stories; weather in book or video form. He also had several affairs while we were together. Yet, I was the one “not good enough.” I didn’t have the body, or attitude, of a bimbo. I didn’t wait on him, or his family, hand and foot. Everything was my fault, even his later conviction for sexually molesting a child. That happened during his second marriage, but, somehow, it was still my fault.

Porn doesn’t belong to those who claim to follow Christ.

 

[RockAndHoops]

Pornography can definitely destroy a marriage, and I am completely against it. My mom has a different opinion, that while she can’t see any reason to look at it, “sometimes even priests have recommended it for struggling marriages”; I know that is totally off base, but unfortunately that is an attitude that persists. Yet, solitary sexual sins are the ones I struggle with the most, and thus I feel hypocritical when I preach one way and yet fall into sin over and over. I love going to Mass, and I avail myself of Confession weekly, and I am trying to revamp my prayer life, but I still feel like a major failure when I fall into it again. The concern most in my head is how to overcome this type of sin for good so that a) I can get to heaven (SpaceGhost, you are right about the fast track to hell), and b) I can become the man that a woman would like to marry. I think nothing is impossible with God, and I hope one day to achieve this goal and be perfectly pure.

Knowing that porn is destructive, are there any specific prayers/devotions that any of you might know about to help those of us who have fallen and want to crawl back up? More along the lines of this thread, would you marry someone who has conquered that sin, even though you knew it was in his/her past?

 

[Kristina_P]

RockAndHoops:

More along the lines of this thread, would you marry someone who has conquered that sin, even though you knew it was in his/her past?

Would you reject a good Christian woman because she had such sins in her past?
My boyfriend (we have plans to marry, but there’s no ring or date yet) still struggles with pornography, and he sometimes confides his struggle to me. And, I must say that even though I’m a woman and people think women aren’t supposed to have lustful thoughts, I struggle with what you call “solitary sin” as well. Wow, never really told anyone that. Guess it just shows how generally unjudgmental I think you fine Catholics are. You’ll find that most women will be very tolerant with you, but they will expect you to be on your guard against the attitudes that pornography can instil in you. I think that the more you make a conscious effort to think about women with respect and treat women with respect, not to mention treating yourself and your God with respect, the more you will be able to say “no” to pornography.

 

[RockAndHoops]

Good point…didn’t think too much about the other way around. That is true, if a woman got that sin conquered I would be very happy for her. I’m sure there would be some hurt, but in a committed and God-centered relationship that could be healed. Thanks for the perspective!

 

[Katie1723]

YES!
~ Kathy ~

 

[Mike_Dye]

I am a married man and voted that porn has no place in marrage, on the same hand I believe that the woman’s version of porn; ie “romance novels”, have no place in marrage either. To me they are the same thing!
Mike

 

[Ruthie]

Hey, Mike, good point. I’m assuming you’re talking about the series romances.

They present just as false an image of men as porn does of women.

If they were illustrated, and if women had an equal share of the power behind Hollywood, we’d have a lot of male actors lining up with the women for plastic surgery to make them fit an impossible ideal. Danny DeVito would never have a starring role, because he’s short and bald and plump - no matter how funny, or how good an actor he may be. Tommy Lee Jones would be told to get a face lift. Will Smith would have to get lip injections. - - - hey, I’m really getting into this fantasy!

Back to the thread’s real topic: Someone’s mother said, “sometimes even priests have recommended it for struggling marriages”. That made me think.

Couples who actually managed to be chaste before marriage could need some … instruction … as to how to please each other in the marriage bed.

How would one give this instruction? It would be pretty hard to write down without being fairly explicit. And illustrations? Whooo. Perhaps that is why a priest or to is recommending “porn.” He may not know of any other source of this kind of information.

Neither do I for that matter.

 

[Penny_Plain]

I think it depends on the people involved.

I know bad sexual behaviour destroys marriages. That behaviour can include porn, but I see it as a symptom, not a disease. I think watching porn with your kids in the house or leaving it where they might come across it is sick and wrong.

Having said that, I disagree with the view of the marital act (hereafter MA) that the majority of you seem to hold. I think that sometimes it is a deeply emotional, heartfelt, moving experience that draws people closer together and leads them to see the world and each other in a new way.

Other times, it’s a raunchy way to enjoy yourselves and each other. I think we put too much theology into the MA, and it really doesn’t require any.

 

[GodBlessJoanie]

Yes!
You can’t apply an evil (porn) to a Sacrament (marriage) and expect good results. Are we that stupid?

Porn is inherently evil. Period. Fact.
Nothing good comes from porn.

Not to the actors, producers or watchers. All are involved in the evil.

Now people will say “well I only watch soft porn and just a little to spice up my marriage” – is like saying I really need to drink some water and this bucket of water has only a LITTLE POISON in it so it will be OK to drink it…
I ask again – are we THAT stupid?

If your marriage needs “spicing up” try praying the Rosary!

Blessings,

Joanie

 

[Riley259]

Porn is obviously damaging to a marriage and ultimately a person’s life. It’s degrading and addicting. Many men are caught in it’s trenches and are having a hard time getting out. As Jason Evert and Steve Wood say, the images are stuck in the brain and can be pulled up at a moment’s notice, thus putting those effected in a frequent, if not constant, state of temptation. The scary thing is that the most hard-core and depraved images are only a mouse click away.