is premarital sex bad? why?

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alliWantisGod

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Hello everyone.

My issue involves premarital sex. Should we save ourselves for the one person we love? or are we harming ourselves by repressing our biological function of sex? Is sex more than just an act? is it wrong to give ourselves to other people and truly love them before meeting our spouse? because that way we have loved more. Is it selfish to only just want to give everything to one individual? is it selfish to be upset if your spouse has had other sex partners in the past because you wished you loved them? or is it selfish to love others before your spouse with sex because you have ruined the purpose of marriage?
 
Yes, premarital sex is wrong. Because sex is procreative, it can produce children. And children need a mom and a dad–who are married–to each other, and committed to each other and their children. The fact that contraception may be available does not change the nature of the marital act: it remains marital. And contraception is never 100% effective. Remain faithful to your spouse, even before you find her.
 
I know a friend who told me that premarital sex is wrong because you restrain yourself from absolutely being able to act out and love other people. By waiting for my spouse I am being selfish because I prevent myself from loving other people in a sexual way, and by sleeping with others I am building up friendships and I acquired the love of others in my heart.

Also apparently premarital sex causes higher divorce rates… is this true as well?
 
alliWantisGod said:
I know a friend who told me that premarital sex is wrong because you restrain yourself from absolutely being able to act out and love other people. By waiting for my spouse I am being selfish because I prevent myself from loving other people in a sexual way, and by sleeping with others I am building up friendships and I acquired the love of others in my heart.

Also apparently premarital sex causes higher divorce rates… is this true as well?
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Sex without marriage is not love. Your friend’s reasoning is extremely flawed.

OP, how old are you?
 
22 years old. I’m trying to make sense of the world and see things from other viewpoints. But I know there is a truth regardless. Maybe I’m doubting God. I don’t know
 
alliWantisGod said:
Hello everyone.

My issue involves premarital sex. Should we save ourselves for the one person we love? or are we harming ourselves by repressing our biological function of sex? Is sex more than just an act? is it wrong to give ourselves to other people and truly love them before meeting our spouse? because that way we have loved more. Is it selfish to only just want to give everything to one individual? is it selfish to be upset if your spouse has had other sex partners in the past because you wished you loved them? or is it selfish to love others before your spouse with sex because you have ruined the purpose of marriage?
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I understand two people in a committed relationship having sex because they love each other. Premarital sex can be often about lust, pleasure, self exploration, loneliness, conquest.
 
alliWantisGod said:
I know a friend who told me that premarital sex is wrong because you restrain yourself from absolutely being able to act out and love other people. By waiting for my spouse I am being selfish because I prevent myself from loving other people in a sexual way, and by sleeping with others I am building up friendships and I acquired the love of others in my heart.

Also apparently premarital sex causes higher divorce rates… is this true as well?
Click to expand...
Usually people say that sleeping with your friends only complicates friendships…

You made an argument from biology. I have often heard it said that sex is the superglue that holds a married couple. So, if you are not committed to a person, sex would make it harder to break it off if the relationship is not working out. A lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships in part because they have already chemically bonded to the partner. So in this way, saving yourself for marriage helps you to utilize the biology function of sex in the best way and that biological reality can work against you if you have premarital sex.
 
Premarital sex is using someone else for ones pleasure without concern for the welfare of the person involved.

A man or a woman engaging in premarital sex can not know the needs of the other person. More often than not one or the other is looking for security and love and will be hurt. Casual sex is a lie. It has nothing to do with love. It has nothing to do with friendship. It is a dangerous game being played by those who are lying to each other and to themselves.
 
alliWantisGod said:
Hello everyone.

My issue involves premarital sex. Should we save ourselves for the one person we love?

Yes

or are we harming ourselves by repressing our biological function of sex?

No, the biological function of sex can be repressed without harm. Imagine a man who for one reason or another never found a girlfriend. He would be expected by society to never have sex. It is in no way detrimental. Rather, never supressing sexual urges will lead to addiction and make resisting the urges more difficult.

Is sex more than just an act?

Yes. What answers did you expect to get on a catholic forum 😛

is it wrong to give ourselves to other people and truly love them before meeting our spouse?

yes, If you mean have sex with them. You can truly love a person and never have sex with them; for example if someone’s fiancé died the day before their wedding, no-one would think that they didn’t love them as much as if they died the day after.

because that way we have loved more.

Really? Because I would argue that premarital sex isn’t purely about love. Is there not lust involved? I know it depends on your background, etc, but if you want what is best for a person, you would not do something that leads them to sin if you loved them.

Is it selfish to only just want to give everything to one individual?

Are you suggesting that people who have one night stands every weekend are more generous than the rest of the world? 😛

is it selfish to be upset if your spouse has had other sex partners in the past because you wished you loved them?

This is perhaps a natural reaction for some people, but if your spouse regrets their decision and has turned over a new leaf, you should accept this and not hold it against them in any way.

or is it selfish to love others before your spouse with sex because you have ruined the purpose of marriage?

Yes it could be selfish. But rather than ruin the purpose of marriage, you have lied to the person that you are with by saying that you give yourself completely to them. Really sex is the marriage act; the vows protect the sacredness of that act. So, without intending to stay with the person til death do you part and swearing it before God to prove that commitment, you are lying to them with your body.
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Premarital sex goes against the cardinal virtue of chastity. Before Catholics marry they are called to practice temperance, ie a mastery of one self.

Premarital sex is also called fornication, and is against the 6th commandment…it deadens the heart and makes it common…It takes a special gift from God and removes the dignity from it. People become desensitized to it and It is no longer a special gift to be given to a future spouse in Holy Matrimony.

Many problems in the world today are a result from premarital sex including abortion, artifical birth control, disease and much more.
 
redbetta said:
Usually people say that sleeping with your friends only complicates friendships…

You made an argument from biology. I have often heard it said that sex is the superglue that holds a married couple. So, if you are not committed to a person, sex would make it harder to break it off if the relationship is not working out. A lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships in part because they have already chemically bonded to the partner. So in this way, saving yourself for marriage helps you to utilize the biology function of sex in the best way and that biological reality can work against you if you have premarital sex.
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After being in those friends with benefits relationships where you are not supposed to care or get attached, I have unfortunately. I do not know how men can easily detach themselves from sex. Some women can easily and freely detach from sex as well purely enjoying the pleasure.
 
alliWantisGod said:
I know a friend who told me that premarital sex is wrong because you restrain yourself from absolutely being able to act out and love other people. By waiting for my spouse I am being selfish because I prevent myself from loving other people in a sexual way, and by sleeping with others I am building up friendships and I acquired the love of others in my heart.
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No, that is ridiculous, your friend is completely wrong. Sex is more likely to prevent you from getting to truly know a person and it means that you are more likely to be using them rather than selflessly befriending them, and they you.
 
PelagiathePenit said:
After being in those friends with benefits relationships where you are not supposed to care or get attached, I have unfortunately. I do not know how men can easily detach themselves from sex. Some women can easily and freely detach from sex as well purely enjoying the pleasure.
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Some women say this, and perhaps more men do, but I don’t believe it for one second.

Doing this is only possible on the surface level because, metaphorically speaking, part of your soul is dead. You have to turn the vulnerable part of yourself off, which is ironic, because true intimacy involves trust and vulnerability.

But people who don’t know what true intimacy is have no idea what they’re missing. 🤷
 
So if two people had sex before marriage, can they fully give themselves to each other without baggage as long as they changed and repented?
 
alliWantisGod said:
So if two people had sex before marriage, can they fully give themselves to each other without baggage as long as they changed and repented?
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Born again virgin? I think you will always carry the weight of your sins with you thoroughout life.
 
no I don’t believe in born again virginity.

God can however wash your past and sins clean despite the consequences such as pregnancy or something. But on your part it requires faith to love and faith to forgive. I’m sure God can restore a marriage and make two people pure again
 
alliWantisGod said:
So if two people had sex before marriage, can they fully give themselves to each other without baggage as long as they changed and repented?
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There’s *always *baggage. But baggage does not necessarily prevent a good marriage. It may introduce or worsen problems that would have not existed without it, but that’s just the reality of the fallen world we live in.

Edited to add: Both spouses realizing that they are not perfect, that they need to work hard and sacrifice for each other, and actually making steps toward achieving that goal are likely to succeed regardless of obstacle, IMO. But people who are mired in selfishness, whatever type, is going to make it really rough going.
 
So if two people had sex before marriage, can they fully give themselves to each other without baggage as long as they changed and repented?
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Yes. But here’s the thing…a lot of people don’t regret their decisions even though they are monogamous, or at least, intend to be monogamous. The catch is in how “repentant” they are. If they really don’t see much harm in premarital sex, their marriage is much more likely to fail.
 
CRATUS said:
I understand two people in a committed relationship having sex because they love each other. Premarital sex can be often about lust, pleasure, self exploration, loneliness, conquest.
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👍

I have to give this one a thumbs up because it acknowledges the possibility of a committed, loving, sexual relationship before marriage is possible, but it is defiantly not the rule of thumb, it’s an exception that is possible. It does not mean that it’s not a sin, it is. The problem with saying this, is that people will take it and run with it; thinking it applies to them when it really does not. I think that’s why a lot of people don’t think that the premarital sex that they are having is wrong, because they have convinced themselves that they are truly in love with their partner, when in reality, it’s just one of the feelings listed below.

As the post above also notes; most of the time premarital sex is about lust, infatuation, loneliness, conquest, revenge or peer pressure.

A ban on young people having premarital sex is understandable when considering the virtual impossibility of discerning true love from infatuation or those other things mentioned that one person can deceive the other and tell them it’s true love(how often does that happen) :rolleyes:
 
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