Is refusing to adopt against wedding vows?

[peary]

First of all your bold writing comes off in an authoritative sort of way. Why are you using bold? That is not normal conversational written tone. It is certainly possible to misconstrue as argumentative on your part.

My eyesight. I cannot see the type unless it is darkened.

Second, there is an implication in your post that there is something defective about a person and possibly morally wrong when they do not wish to adopt. Not saying you mean to convey this but that is how it is coming off.

**Again, you haven’t shown me in my postings where I have implied something defective about a person or it is morally wrong if one does not wish to adopt. **

Methinks you are yanking my chain, and since you haven’t responded courteously to my requests (twice now), I do not feel it is necessary to continue this line of discussion. God bless you, and go with the Lord.

 

[hilde_the_dog]

Maybe havingby adoption is not on the list of important things to her husband. My wife and I have been married for 10 years she is 51 and I’m 42. We are open to life but have never really talked about adoption and don’t have children. Some people desire to have children some don’t. Not desiring children is not bad in and of itself. Priest and the consecrated religious. Maybe her husband desires only to have children with her.

 

[BlaineTog]

**Show me where in my posts that I said or implied that a couple that cannot have a child is obligated to adopt. **

Ok:

aurora77 said:

aurora77:

I’ve got to take exception to this. Adoption is a special calling–it’s not self centered if this is not your calling. Sure there may be people who don’t adopt or don’t give birth to children for selfish reasons, but there are good, valid reasons not to do either of these things as well. Let’s not assume the worst about her DH.

In essence, “adoption is a special calling, so if you don’t have it, you don’t have to adopt.”

Then you said in response:

You:

Nothing against her as she wants to consider adoption, but her husband is against it, falling on “wedding vows” as an explanation, as lame as that is.

Implication: “She’s doing what she should, but her husband is purposely misinterpreting his wedding vows.”

Then:

You:

I’ve known couples who have run the whole gamut of in vitro fertilization, and some of them were unsuccessful. The idea of adoption never occurred to them, however, until they began looking into it. But they did it together; there was none of this “wedding vows” nonsense, and both were open to such a gift from God.

Implication: “If you can’t have kids, then you have to adopt to be open to life.”

There are no valid reasons not to be open to life.

Implication: “the husband isn’t open to life by not wanting to adopt.”

So, I disagree with you.

But this is really the most explicit: aurora said they aren’t obligated, you said you disagreed.

 

[peary]

Ok:

aurora77 said:
In essence, “adoption is a special calling, so if you don’t have it, you don’t have to adopt.”

Then you said in response:
Implication: “She’s doing what she should, but her husband is purposely misinterpreting his wedding vows.”

Then:
Implication: “If you can’t have kids, then you have to adopt to be open to life.”

Implication: “the husband isn’t open to life by not wanting to adopt.”

But this is really the most explicit: aurora said they aren’t obligated, you said you disagreed.

**WOW…do you have a wild imagination. You continue to add things to my thoughts that are not there! **

 

[1ke]

**WOW…do you have a wild imagination. You continue to add things to my thoughts that are not there! **

I’ve read the same posts as everyone else. And I agree with them. This statement was interpreted as being about adoption by those who read your post:

*There are no valid reasons not to be open to life.

So, I disagree with you*.

So perhaps you would like to **clarify **exactly what in aurora77’s post you disagree with and what you meant by “no valid reason not to be open to life.”

That would solve the confusion.

And remember, people can’t read your mind. Sometimes when you write things on a post, you think you are being clear in your thoughts, but when read by others they are ambiguous or lead to another conclusion. No one is purposely misunderstanding you, I think it’s clear to YOU what you meant but not to the rest of us.

Please explain.

 

[waitingonmiracl]

please stop using this forum to argue with each other. I asked a question to get answers and help and not to start arguments. If you think you are helping me by arguing with each other, you are not. Isn’t your goal to help the person who asked a question ? This whole back and forth is really depressing and I hope you realize how foolish you look. Trying to out do each other is nowhere in the bible!!! Please act like adults ! For everyone who gave heartfelt answers and suggestions , I thank you very much and please know I am not speaking to you .

 

[Bruised_Reed]

please stop using this forum to argue with each other. I asked a question to get answers and help and not to start arguments. If you think you are helping me by arguing with each other, you are not. Isn’t your goal to help the person who asked a question ? This whole back and forth is really depressing and I hope you realize how foolish you look. Trying to out do each other is nowhere in the bible!!! Please act like adults ! For everyone who gave heartfelt answers and suggestions , I thank you very much and please know I am not speaking to you .

Most people don’t intend to “argue” but to correct and clarify. Something was posted that seemed contrary to church teaching and others sought to clarify that.

You asked for opinions (and you got them) but most of us aren’t content to let those reading to be misled by erroneous opinions when there is church teaching.

I agree that couples are not obligated by their vows to adopt. It is a beautiful act of charity and know many who have adopted. I imagine there are many couples where one wishes to adopt and the other does not. I hope having clarity about what your vows mean will give you peace and direct you to your vocation as a married couple.

 

[1ke]

please stop using this forum to argue with each other. I asked a question to get answers and help and not to start arguments.

You asked a question, and people answered it. In several cases, the answers were incompatible with each other. From there, people began asking for clarification and commenting on each other’s posts.

This is completely normal on a *discussion *board. Hence the discussion. No one is arguing.

If you think you are helping me by arguing with each other, you are not.

Asking people to clarify and disagreeing with them is not arguing.

Isn’t your goal to help the person who asked a question ?

Of course it is. Discussion is a normal part of that.

This whole back and forth is really depressing

Why, aren’t you getting valuable (name removed by moderator)ut by reading everyone’s ideas on the subject?

and I hope you realize how foolish you look. Trying to out do each other is nowhere in the bible!!! Please act like adults ! For everyone who gave heartfelt answers and suggestions , I thank you very much and please know I am not speaking to you .

No one is trying to outdo anyone. And, no one looks foolish.

It appears you did not get the answer you wanted, perhaps you are frustrated because of that. But, everyone here answered your question with the best of intentions and discussed things with no ulterior motives.

It seems that many people come on these boards with very thin skin. You can’t do that. It’s an anonymous, public forum. People are going to post their thoughts, and they won’t always be compatible with your own. Disagreement isn’t personal, and discussing isn’t attacking.