Um… I know this is changing the subject just a bit, so I am sorry. My husband really prefers to do the driving to. I know ALOT of marriages where this is the case. I don’t see this as controlling, just my husband’s little personal quirk. He is wonderful in every way and respectful of me. SO, if my hubby wants to drive I just let him. He lets me control a lot of other things that are important to me, like how the house is set up and run.
By the way, was your therapist a Christian? This is important because men are called to be the head of the house hold. The biblical model is very balanced because although women are told to submit to their husbands, men have to honor their wives(according to Peter) If your therapist isn’t a Christian then she might not understand this wonderful balance.
I would prefer him to do the driving, but his parkinsons affects his driving now. He is stubborn and won’t take his medications as he is suppose it. I wake him up in the morning and give him his morning does otherwise, he won’t take it. I ask him to take the afternoon and evening and he misses those and I have to remind him all the time. If it did not affect me and my dd, I would let it go and let him take his meds when he wanted, but if he misses doses, his is slower in his reaction time. He also takes pain meds and when he takes those, his reaction time is slower and should not drive, but does he listen to me, no and he drives. I pray that he doesn’t get into an accident. Things like this is what we need Retrouvaille for. He is also getting heavier and heavier and is not obese. I ask him to please watch what he eats for he doesn’t exercise and he ignores it and over eats. He is past 300 pounds and this affects me too. When we make love he is too heavy for me and I have a bad back with three past back surgeries. I try to talk to him about all these things that bother me and affect me and he says that I will never be happy with him. I married a non smoker for I have asthma, well he picked up smoking about two years ago and won’t quit.
I have been living with all these things and letting it go, but when they start to affect me and my dd lives in some way, it bothers me and I talk to him and it is like talking to the wall. I told him that if he is so depressed and over eats to go to weight watchers and talk to me and his counselor, but to be honest his depression stems from his childhood and many years of abuse. I do everything for this man. I cook, clean and care for him and our dd. I do the laundry the shopping, the making of beds and ironing. I do the dishes and much more. He is disabled and so am I. I can do more for I go and see a pain management doctor and am on a pain patch, but it doesn’t take all my pains away. I have begged dh to go see a pain management doctor, but he doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t help me around the house and forgets to do whatever I do ask of him. I don’t know why he forgets so much. When he tells me that he is happy in our marriage and I try to express how I feel, I am the one with the problem in looking for problems in him. Like I said, I have let a lot go and I can tell that the anger and resentment is growing in me. I get so frustrated that we don’t communicate well and we end of arguing if we do and nothing gets settled. That is why I do keep quiet about things for it doesn’t do any good to talk for all he will say over and over again is that I am not nor I will ever be happy with him. This is so untrue if we could work on what is wrong in our marriage and that is why I felt that Retrouvaille would have helped.
We have been to so many counselors and one was a priest, no two of them were, and both said that he is very stubborn and set in his ways and until he decides to change, I can’t do anything to improve our marriage. I even had two other counselors tell me that I should get a divorce. I had one confessor tell me that I needed to go to a counselor myself and if that counselor tells me to get a divorce that I should. I disagree with the priest and came to him at a time when I was so depressed with how our lives were, but it is not like that always. This priest even made me promise to get a divorce if that is what the counselor said. The following year, I spoke to another priest, these were priest that came to our parish for the parish missions, and this priest said to pray for my dh a lot and that he needed spiritual healing. He told me to tell dh to see a spiritual director and I did tell dh, but now a year later he still has not done so. He loves to procrastinate.
It’s hard to give to each other when we give give give all day long to others.
My previous advice does not apply in this situation.
You will be in my prayers.