Is she too young for me?

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smileyscout

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I am in a bit of an interesting quandary. I recently had the father of a rather attractive and intelligent homeschooled young woman quiz me about my career plans. Unless I am a completely insensitive clod this woman has at least a few feelings for me. She did get me a Christmas present after all. The only problem here is that I just turned 28 years old and she is 17.

I really don’t want to be known as the guy who creeped on the 17 year old. Call it fear of human respect but I can’t imagine the young adults group I’m part of reacting well to me pursuing this young woman. In addition I don’t want to get ostracized by the older adults. There is a really wonderful and beautiful woman just my age (28-29) who is a home owner and has a good blue collar job whom I’ve been slowly getting to know better at YA meetings and parties. Chances are she would just friendzone me if I asked her out but she is certainly the more socially acceptable choice.

What say you CA crew? Attempt to rob the cradle and to heck with the consequences or play it safe with the homeowner?

EDIT: The exact age difference is 10 years and 10 months. :eek:
 
My concern isn’t the creepiness factor, which isn’t really anything IMHO, or the ten years. My concern is the age gap at this particular age. Maybe if you were 38 and 28 I would say go for it. But the human brain isn’t even done developing until age 25. In our culture we don’t marry as young as we used to, so society also creates a lot of differences between teenagers and people in their 20s, in terms of relating and understanding. It is lovely to have someone youthful and energetic in your life, but you will start to see how it can be difficult as you spent time together. Not hostility just the younger one lacking life experience or getting upset about things that shatter some idealism when they really aren’t big deals. I had this experience with a younger guy I had a crush on. At any rate it’s not the ten years so much as her being only 17 and our culture being so radically different for people in their late 20s vs high schoolers.

That is my assessment and experience, but see if God calls you to marriage and you pray to do His will and it turns out to be her, I wouldn’t judge it. I know a couple where the girl was young, he is older than her, I think the marriage had to wait until she was 18. They are happy. Pray on it!
 
Maybe wait until she turns 18 and then do some gentlemanly dating?

I don’t think 18 is ridiculous for dating, but you’re going to find a big gap in life experience between yourself and her. Also, she deserves a chance to enjoy freedom and independence, to spread her wings and know that she can support herself and take care of herself. Let her choose you because she loves you, not because she couldn’t imagine supporting herself, but wants to leave the parental nest.

Definitely don’t marry somebody that much younger than yourself until she’s had a taste of independence.
 
Please discount my vote. I didn’t read carefully and therefore voted the opposite of what I meant. :o

Yes, 17 is too young for a 28 year old. Lots of couples are 11 years difference in age, but that difference matters a whole lot less, as someone said, at 28 and 39 than at 17 and 28.
 
What matters the most in a relationship is whether the two really love each other, since having true love fills all the rest. However it is important to highlight the contributions of others especially the question of life experience. It may appear, and even be ‘reported by her’ that she loves you, but is she having enough experience on knowing what is loving and what is taking action upon this loving?

If anything appears smooth now, maybe because of lacking knowledge and chance to exercise freedom, it is not real. This is due to the fact that when she becomes free (free from parental “boredom”) she will have access to many things which can possibly produce regrets on her previous choice. As a result she will find (or try to find) any way out. This will make the worst moment of the relationship, a relief if she will be direct (open) and not malicious.

In loving her, you will respect her, her plans, her ambitions and her doings which may appear boring to you sometimes, since you know how none-sense they might be for you might have done them ‘long time ago.’ In respecting her you can wait for her to become a little more near by maturity. This will loosen your work of making her understand things, if you get married, of course, since if not, this helping her understand things may become the very fact to break up!!!
 
A seventeen year old is not a woman. So, stop fooling yourself here.
 
I am single and here is how God directed me to resolve the age issue. Please understand that this is God’s will for me and your circumstances regarding God’s will may be different.

I do a math equation. If I am the older person, then I take my age, divide it by 2, and then add 7 years. If I am 28 years old, then 28 divided by 2 is equal to 14. Now add 7 to 14. The lowest age that I could date if I am 28 years old is a women that is at least 21 years old.

Good luck to you and God Bless You. 🙂
 
Please, please, please, please, please… read this (and GOOGLE for more information):

patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/12/the-rest-of-the-maranatha-story.html

When Matthew first expressed his interest in Maranatha—interest her father affirmed as “from God” but he asked Matthew to put on hold — Maranatha was 13 and Matthew was 26. 26!!!

When Matthew “heard from God” that he was to marry Maranatha, and begged Stan to let him propose marriage to her, Maranatha was 14 and Matthew was 27. When Stan gave Matthew the go ahead to propose to his daughter, Maranatha was 15 and Matthew was 27. They were the same ages when they married just over a month later, and when Maranatha left her father’s home and the couple began their married life together Maranatha was 15 and Matthew was 28. To this day, they raise their children in this belief… and in 2008, only weeks after turning 16, Maranatha’s daughter Lauren married a man who was 26, a man who had already been interested in her for several years.

I do not believe that a 17-year-old is a “woman” – and I do believe that she needs more time to become one.
 
This is a girl, not a woman, and she’s still in high school. I don’t think you’d be any more comfortable with her friends than you would be with yours. As a parent, I would freak out over my still teenage daughter going out with a twenty-eight year old man.
 
I have a 17 year old daughter and I wouldn’t want her dating you. No way - no how. And she wouldn’t want to date you. In her mind you’re old. She has so much to look forward to… going to her Senior Prom, graduating from High School - going off to college and rooming in a dorm. First time living away from home etc. etc. She’s had her driver’s license for less than a year and she’s still too young to vote, drink etc. She’s going to her first rock concert in March and she’s so excited.

Unless you are very immature for your age, I can’t imagine what in the world you could possibly have in common with my daughter?

Regarding the 17 year old you know → YOU are way too old for her. Move along…
 
smileyscout said:
I am in a bit of an interesting quandary. I recently had the father of a rather attractive and intelligent homeschooled young woman quiz me about my career plans. Unless I am a completely insensitive clod this woman has at least a few feelings for me. She did get me a Christmas present after all. The only problem here is that I just turned 28 years old and she is 17.

I really don’t want to be known as the guy who creeped on the 17 year old. Call it fear of human respect but I can’t imagine the young adults group I’m part of reacting well to me pursuing this young woman. In addition I don’t want to get ostracized by the older adults. There is a really wonderful and beautiful woman just my age (28-29) who is a home owner and has a good blue collar job whom I’ve been slowly getting to know better at YA meetings and parties. Chances are she would just friendzone me if I asked her out but she is certainly the more socially acceptable choice.

What say you CA crew? Attempt to rob the cradle and to heck with the consequences or play it safe with the homeowner?

EDIT: The exact age difference is 10 years and 10 months. :eek:
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It would be difficult to be 17 and consider marrying an 18 year old. One could argue there are different levels of maturity for different people, and that’s true to some extent. My view is that I would want to be with a woman who was, ideally, a year younger, but at least within a few years of my age. That way, we knew the same things growing up and lived through them. As time passes, odds are better we will grow up together and see the world from pretty much the same perspective. To me, that means a lot.

At present, being a bit older 🙂 I’d consider someone up to 4 years younger.

Peace,
Ed
 
I don’t think it’s appropriate for a 17 year-old girl to be out of the house past 11:00PM. I certainly don’t think it’s appropriate for her to be dating a 28 year-old man.
 
Someday you will be 91 and she will be 80. No one would have a problem with it then, so why should they have problem no?

If she is mature for her age and her parents don’t disapprove, why not?
 
1ke said:
A seventeen year old is not a woman. So, stop fooling yourself here.
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👍
yellowbird said:
I have a 17 year old daughter and I wouldn’t want her dating you. No way - no how. And she wouldn’t want to date you. In her mind you’re old. She has so much to look forward to… going to her Senior Prom, graduating from High School - going off to college and rooming in a dorm. First time living away from home etc. etc. She’s had her driver’s license for less than a year and she’s still too young to vote, drink etc. She’s going to her first rock concert in March and she’s so excited.

Unless you are very immature for your age, I can’t imagine what in the world you could possibly have in common with my daughter?

Regarding the 17 year old you know → YOU are way too old for her. Move along…
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👍
edwest2 said:
. . . . My view is that I would want to be with a woman who was, ideally, a year younger, but at least within a few years of my age. That way, we knew the same things growing up and lived through them. As time passes, odds are better we will grow up together and see the world from pretty much the same perspective. To me, that means a lot.

At present, being a bit older I’d consider someone up to 4 years younger.

Peace,
Ed
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👍

Ed:
You a woman a year younger than you are would have known the same things growing up if she were from the same country you are from. If you are in the USA, maybe possibly lived in the area you did growing up. And you are correct, it does mean a lot to view the world from the same perspective.

I just wanted to bring that to your attention for I had a Retreat Master (Priest) who was in his 60’s at the time I was in my 20’s and he told me there was no “generation gap” between us while there was with some older people closer to his age. It was because of our life experiences.

Smileyscout:
If I had a 17 year-old daughter, I would not allow her to date a man of 28. Right now she is way too young for you. In the USA she is considered a child, and for her, you are an old man.

How about it if you dated a woman say 39 years old? BTW, 10 years 10 months is 11 years!

There are plenty of single women in their late 20’s early 30’s who might like to date you. Why would you want to date a girl who has so much growing up to do? Please, look for someone much closer to your age.

Merry Christmas!
 
I would say “yes.” A 17 year old is a girl, not a woman. She is in high school, and could still possibly be a brat. However, at this time it is unacceptable. But, when she is 28 and you are 39, it is acceptable.

Just think of it like this:

6 year old girl dating a 17 year old boy is child molestation.
17 year old girl dating a 28 year old man is just plain creepy.
28 year old woman dating 39 year old man is cute.

If I were you, I’d choose option C. A lot of parents would have a problem with option B. 👍
 
That is illegal, actually. What’s your hurry? Wait until she is of age. If she moves on to another, it wasn’t meant to be.
 
Last time I had to decide whether a girl was too young for me, she was, if I remember correctly, 16 and I was 24. She was very interested in me. And she was a real pretty girl so it was tempting. But that was a 8 year difference. And she was still considered a minor. And as immature as I was at 24, I was still viewed by the law as adult. I did not pursue her. And I would not have had to have pursued her that hard either! But I was too proud and even though I was a heathen, I still had some kind of code of honor. I can still hear myself asking her “How old are you” and her hesitating and then telling me “Twenty” LOL I knew she was lying, so I asked her sister. She was 16.

I see it as dishonorable if you were to date a 17 year old. Some don’t see it that way. Others know it is, but do not care. Maybe it is different in other parts of the world, or was different in the past but at this time, where I am from, IT IS creepy not to mention illegal for a 17 year old to be with a 28 year old. The other thing is if I had a 17 year old daughter and she started dating a 28 year old, I would call the police in hopes that they get to him before I do. I am about peace and love as a Catholic, but I know, from past experiences that I can have a bad temper and I have not been above violence in my past (before I became a Christian) I would imagine that it would get me pretty enraged if I knew a 28 year old was dating or trying to date my daughter. I say give it up and pursue a woman your own age. You can wait till she is 18 and it would be legal. But it is still creepy. At any rate, God bless and make the right choice.
 
She’s too young. At that age, it could be just an infatuation on her part - like puppy love. If she was 27 and you 38, no problem, but she is still a child and maybe she doesn’t have much experience in dating and is flattered by an older man’s attention.
 
Yes. She is too young. At 17 she is still a minor. Where are her parents? Has she told her parents about you? Have you met her parents? She probably just has a huge crush on you. Is she “sneaking around” to see you? There are many fish in the sea. Move on. Both of you.
 
smileyscout said:
I am in a bit of an interesting quandary. I recently had the father of a rather attractive and intelligent homeschooled young woman quiz me about my career plans. Unless I am a completely insensitive clod this woman has at least a few feelings for me. She did get me a Christmas present after all. The only problem here is that I just turned 28 years old and she is 17.

I really don’t want to be known as the guy who creeped on the 17 year old. Call it fear of human respect but I can’t imagine the young adults group I’m part of reacting well to me pursuing this young woman. In addition I don’t want to get ostracized by the older adults. There is a really wonderful and beautiful woman just my age (28-29) who is a home owner and has a good blue collar job whom I’ve been slowly getting to know better at YA meetings and parties. Chances are she would just friendzone me if I asked her out but she is certainly the more socially acceptable choice.

What say you CA crew? Attempt to rob the cradle and to heck with the consequences or play it safe with the homeowner?

EDIT: The exact age difference is 10 years and 10 months. :eek:
Click to expand...
If you have to ask, it probably is. It’s probably not what you want to hear, but if you asked me, that’s the answer I would give you.
 
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