Is she too young for me?

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AllSeasons said:
As far as I know, women are usually very creeped out when a guy twice her age and/or old enough to be her father sends her a message. And I agree that it’s very creepy.
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Not me. I dated older men almost exclusively back when I was single. I simply didn’t like men my own age or have much in common with them.
 
LongingSoul said:
Actually the age difference can remain a bit of a point all through. My brother is nearly 50 and his wife is 39 going on 40. For eg., he is beginning to think in terms of retirement planning which she finds a bit premature as we often do at 39. They are smallish things I suppose, but with a 10/11 year age gap, there is always that issue of not sharing the same stage of life experiences.
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I started thinking of retirement planning as soon as I got my first job. It’s never too soon to think of retirement planning.

A friend of mine got her first marriage proposal at 15 from a 30 year old man. We were all creeped out.
 
MJJean said:
Not me. I dated older men almost exclusively back when I was single. I simply didn’t like men my own age or have much in common with them.
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You may be the exception to the rule, then. And not saying that you do, but a lot of the women who prefer older men have daddy issues.
 
AllSeasons said:
You may be the exception to the rule, then. And not saying that you do, but a lot of the women who prefer older men have daddy issues.
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At least some of the “daddy issues” claims are just sour grapes. A lot of young women know exactly what they want from life and they want to get started actually living while their male peers are nowhere near ready for real adulthood even though they are legally adults. It’s not “daddy issues” so much as it is looking for a man who is ready mentally, emotionally, and financially to settle down, buy a house and minivan, and start a family.
 
Sarcelle said:
I started thinking of retirement planning as soon as I got my first job. It’s never too soon to think of retirement planning.
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I should have specified retirement planning in the lifestyle sense rather than financially planning. We all very wisely have had superannuation plans since we began work. The thing is more that my brother at nearly 50, is thinking getting a caravan and driving around Australia which is a sort of right of passage into old age here. My 39 year old sister in law couldn’t think of anything worse than leaving job, friends and social life for a life on the road with other oldies… at this point.
 
I misread the poll question. I thought it said “acceptable” and chose no. I didn’t realize it said “unacceptable”. I don’t think it is acceptable.
 
Oops, I misread the question too and answered no when I should have said yes. Sorry, but a 28 year old man and a 17 year old girl is creepy, no matter how mature she may be. Don’t go there.
 
CAROLOFTHEBELLS said:
I misread the poll question. I thought it said “acceptable” and chose no. I didn’t realize it said “unacceptable”. I don’t think it is acceptable.
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I just did the same thing. I do NOT think it is acceptable. Look for dating partners in your own age group, OP. Or wait until this girl is in her 20s.
 
MJJean said:
Not me. I dated older men almost exclusively back when I was single. I simply didn’t like men my own age or have much in common with them.
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This is true of me as well. I did not date much in my teens because the men I was attracted to were much to old for me. Now as an established adult in my late 20’s my S.O. is 20 years older than me and we click better than anyone I’ve ever considered having a relationship with.

If it is meant to be the OP and the 17 year old will find each other when she is older and more experienced and able to be an adult equal in a relationship. As I said in a previous post, its not the age different but how old she is IMHO.
 
After reading the OP’s first post, I actually have trouble understanding the situation. Maybe I missed something. It sounds like there is an assumption that the father of the girl is choosing him for his daughter. Then it sounds like there is also an assumption that the girl is attracted to him as a potential date and perhaps mate, with a side note that she gave him a Christmas gift. To my mind, the gift may mean either very little or a crush. Either way, I would caution not to accept a gift from a young person (or anyone of the opposite sex) as some sort of sign. One should not proceed with what one thinks the sign means, but simply accept a gift at face value.

If the assumptions the OP are making about the father and the girl turn out to be based on fact, it might be good to question the father about why he seeks to encourage this. Personally, I see it as a strange thing for a father of a minor to do. Actually, it seems a bit intrusive of any father to encourage a man on behalf of his daughter, of whatever age. But perhaps I misunderstood the posting.
 
Hey smileyscout, I do believe that you have honorable intentions. But there are some brilliant responses. Like this one:
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yellowbird:
I have a 17 year old daughter and I wouldn’t want her dating you. No way - no how. And she wouldn’t want to date you. In her mind you’re old. She has so much to look forward to… going to her Senior Prom, graduating from High School - going off to college and rooming in a dorm. First time living away from home etc. etc. She’s had her driver’s license for less than a year and she’s still too young to vote, drink etc. She’s going to her first rock concert in March and she’s so excited.

Unless you are very immature for your age, I can’t imagine what in the world you could possibly have in common with my daughter?

Regarding the 17 year old you know → YOU are way too old for her. Move along…
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Yes. You don’t want to risk angry parents. And they will bring out their shotgun for real, since she is still a minor!

And this one:
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bben15:
Just think of it like this:

6 year old girl dating a 17 year old boy is child molestation.
17 year old girl dating a 28 year old man is just plain creepy.
28 year old woman dating 39 year old man is cute.
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👍

And this one:
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Iheartcoffee:
She is too young for you. There is a huge difference between the life experience and priorities of a high school girl and the life experience and priorities of a man in his late 20’s. There is a lot of growing up that happens between 17 and 27. She isn’t even out of high school, much less college. No matter how mature she seems, she is still very naive simply because she has never done things like have a regular job, go to college, live on her own, etc. Age differences aren’t as big of a deal among most adults because they are all in roughly similar or close enough places in adulthood. All of these things are important things that would be very good to have in common. They are the things that make the difference between say, 27 and 37 okay. Both the 27 and 37 year old are on their own (or they should be). Stick to dating women that have finished college and are in similar places in life, and a decade from now if you are both still single then maybe it would be time to consider going on a date with her.
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👍

In general, you should consider this: How do you know that her feelings are real and not a fleeting crush? Remember crushes back in HS? Those feelings don’t last long. How foolish is it to invest in someone who only liked you as a crush and no more?

You should also consider: How can you possibly get the approval of her family??? They will beat your face into a bloody pulp!!

Let’s not judge the OP. These situations make sense. It’s easy for someone in their 20s to impress a girl that’s 17. The perception of maturity, leadership, and superior knowledge is impressive to a high schooler.

It’s easy to perceive only the good in someone you like, and she may appear relatively mature in front of you.

But the possible repercussions if 1) she’s not genuine, 2) if her family busts out the shotgun, and 3) the reaction of the community is negative are NOT worth it.

In my line of work I know very well how much trouble people can get into simply because of exaggerated accusations by victims. I know very well how often, the only reason why police suspect you of a crime is because they say so, and because the alleged victim says so.

I know how difficult it is, how much of an uphill battle it is, to defend these cases. I know the lifetime consequences of a felony conviction. Even a nice plea bargain is still a guilty. And even if I am successful and get you a complete not guilty, there is not much I can do about a ruined reputation, and loss of the battle of public opinion.

Remember this: Society prefers to coddle and protect women, and be gentle and compassionate to them. Even if you are morally right, smileyscout, society will take the girl’s side if this case blows up.

Also remember: Even if you’re not guilty in criminal court, it doesn’t stop her and her family from seeking relief in **civil court **(like a restraining order)!

But there’s an easy way. Why not just wait till she’s 18?? In that case, both of you can say you are adults making adult decisions. And public opinion will only go so far, as the public can no longer accuse you of being a child molester.

As a lawyer, I believe it is the scarlet letter of public opinion that is the second most damaging thing about these accusations. Second, to the sex offender registry. Please, don’t risk being my next client.

My free legal advice? Just wait till she’s 18!
 
smileyscout said:
I recently had the father of a rather attractive and intelligent homeschooled young woman quiz me about my career plans.
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You are probably reading too much into this. Her father might have been making small-talk with you on your career plans, but that doesn’t mean he’s giving you a license to date his daughter.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
Poll just asked about dating. If just dating that’s not too young to date someone his age. In many states, age of consent to marry is 16 for women. In the old, old days, it was not uncommon in many societies for men to be that much older than the young women who married them because men had to find their way in the world and get themselves established economically before they could take on wives and families. Her father was her gatekeeper and that was the question he put to her suitors: what do you do for a living? can you provide for my daughter? We’ve gone away from that in the past century or so.

All that said, it depends on the maturity of both parties. I’ve met 17 year old girls who were very mature beyond their years, really had their heads on straight, and I’ve met 37 year old women who had the emotional maturity of the normal 17 year old girl… have to look at the people involved.
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The old, old days argument is ridiculous. We don’t live in those days. Be thankful.

Describe dating or courting in any way you wish, but a 17 year old is a child - period. Doesn’t matter if they’re “mature” for their age, they’re a child - period. While it may be legal in some states, in others it’s certainly not. Legal issues aside, society is more inclined to treat that individual as a Chester.
 
holyrood said:
Please discount my vote. I didn’t read carefully and therefore voted the opposite of what I meant. :o

Yes, 17 is too young for a 28 year old. Lots of couples are 11 years difference in age, but that difference matters a whole lot less, as someone said, at 28 and 39 than at 17 and 28.
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I just did that, too!

I wanted to say yes, it is unacceptable for you to do this!
 
Honestly, wait until she’s 18. It’s illegal for you to get with a 17 year old right now, so just sit and wait. I guess it depends on her level of maturity from then on. I know a girl that got pregnant from a 28 year old guy, but I really don’t see him in high respects, as he did take away her chance at living and now she’s in a situation where she’ll never progress.
 
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