Is smacking a child always morally wrong?

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I just had an arguement with my mum. She believes that smacking is wrong under all circumstances because its violence towards a child, and that such behaviour can teach a child that in order to get what they want, you must hit somebody; She then tryed to make a case that war and evil in the world is a result of smacking children (She is an Athiest). She also made a case that taking away privilages and rewarding somebody based on right and wrong actions is the better of the two. She thinks that smacking is coesive, and the other one isn’t.

I respect these arguements and my heart tells me that she is has a good point; but i think that its way to easy to judge smacking on its violent apperence and a few bad apples.

My rebuttle was as thus: First of all, giving and taking away treats is just as coesive or a type of “emotionall blackmail” as smacking; and does not garrantee that a child will grow up as good.
I also said that praising a child for doing good is absolutly better then resorting to smacking, if such actions actually work; but i also made the case that such actions should not be divorced from teaching a child the “value” of good, and why a child should do good for the sake of good rather then for a “treat”. Just Giving treats and praise for good behavior can also become a negative thing, and can also be a quick and easy way of keeping a child quite, just as well as the threat of a smack. Both types of displine can easly back fire and teach a child that in order to get what they want, one must emoitionally blackmail, oppress and deprive people; even hit them.

What i then suggested was, that one may have no choice but to smack a child given a set of impossible circumstances. I think that its definetly true that i would much rather teach a child to be good then smack a child, since its not a pleasent experience for either of us; but i think its too harsh to judge a parent,(that has no time to play the super nani and use all those jedi mind tricks), especailly in this society, that has no option but to smack a child.
Certain situations may demand a quick response for the childs sake as well as the parent; (I’m talking about a smack on the hand or the leg) alsong as the parent also loves and cares for that child, i see nothing inherently wrong with smacking, even though it may appear so to the untrained eye. I also think that its an arrogant assumption to blame the evils of the world on some poor parent who has no other option but to smack their child. Theres no garrantee in either case, even if smacking is the least desirable of the two( Nobody in their right mind “wants” to smack their child!).

Smacking can become an abuse, but i don’t think it is an abuse in and of itself, as long as it kept for a situation where one has no choice but to smack.

I’m quite prepared to admit that i am wrong and ignorant if somebody can make a good case agains’t me; for i fear that my perception of smacking is coloured by the culture that i grew up in.

Peace.
 
No.

As the adult/parent you are obligated to enforce proper behaviour in the given situation. A disciplinary swat to the heinie isn’t morally wrong… it’s something that’s been forgotten!

Now a “smack” without warning or due compromise is wrong… but if you’ve given ample “3 times & you’re out”, and the child persists… a swat on the behind is in order.

Rewards or denial of such has its place, and usually works… until the child starts “pushing the envelope”. They’ll push & push until “swat”. Then they know that’s the limit… until the next push.

(If you haven’t guessed by now, I wish parents would re-learn "the LOOK, and enforce it with a swat from time to time. I know I wouldn’t have gotten away with 1/300th of the cr*p I see daily with kids & parents when I was a youngster).
 
Jay2 said:
No.

As the adult/parent you are obligated to enforce proper behaviour in the given situation. A disciplinary swat to the heinie isn’t morally wrong… it’s something that’s been forgotten!

Now a “smack” without warning or due compromise is wrong… but if you’ve given ample “3 times & you’re out”, and the child persists… a swat on the behind is in order.

Rewards or denial of such has its place, and usually works… until the child starts “pushing the envelope”. They’ll push & push until “swat”. Then they know that’s the limit… until the next push.

(If you haven’t guessed by now, I wish parents would re-learn "the LOOK, and enforce it with a swat from time to time. I know I wouldn’t have gotten away with 1/300th of the cr*p I see daily with kids & parents when I was a youngster).
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I’m in total agreement, thanks for the post!

The problem is that people who reject smacking take the fact of abuse and the unpleasent look of smacking a child, and then put two and two together; blowing, what is potentially a good thing, out of proportion of what it trully is.

Again thanks for your post.

Are there any that reject this position? I would also like to hear you replys, since this is to do with our childrens well being; i think that this is an important topic to discuss.

Peace.
 
Well, bless your mum’s heart. ALL grandmas think it is wrong to smack a child. Especially when it is their grandchild. 😉

Be gentle with her. Sounds like she raised a thoughtful child. (Did she ever give you a wee swat?)
 
Jay2 said:
Now a “smack” without warning or due compromise is wrong… but if you’ve given ample “3 times & you’re out”, and the child persists… a swat on the behind is in order.
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3 times and you’re out? Sounds like 1 or 2 times too many 🙂

The important thing, I think, isn’t how you decide to punish bad behavior, but that you’re consistent with it. I have a friend whose discipline ideology is completely opposed to mine (theoretically; neither of us have children yet); she is completely opposed to corporal punishment, and I’m of the opinion that it’s a perfectly fine way to punish a child, at least to a certain age. The difference? She was spanked rarely and inconsistently as a child. I was spanked every day of the week and twice and Sunday, but it was very consistent: it was never unexpected, I was never caught offguard, I simply knew that if I misbehaved, I would be punished with spanking.

I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with corporal punishment. It’s worked for thousands of years, with far more proven success (judging by the current crop of children I’ve seen) than more modern methods.

Jeremy
 
There is a biblical basis for this practice. Just look at Proverbs long enough, you’ll find something:p I’m sure I saw a verse like that somewhere… Or maybe it was in Sirach…😛 😃

Or maybe I’m wrong altogether;)
 
No,i don’t believe it is.I’m in my sixties and we got walloped at times as children.I do think sometimes a good talking to would have sufficed.Where some parents go wrong is that they will smack a child for being tired.They will drag a four year old round
Supermarkets and then the poor child gets a whack for being leg weary.
One parent should do the shopping and the other should stay at home with the children.If a child decides to be awkward and wants to go to the shops,then both parents should go with one keeping the children amused while the other does the actual shop.
At school,there were one or two teachers i was less keen on and they never laid a glove on me.The reason for my dislike was that they could embarrass a child by making them feel foolish.
 
Well, bless your mum’s heart. ALL grandmas think it is wrong to smack a child. Especially when it is their grandchild.
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Well your G-Ma and mine must have come from different “schools”… NOBODY messed with my Grandma! That was one hen that “ran the roost”.

My G-Ma was pretty old & feeble when I knew her as a boy, and she’d generously ladle out “grandma goodness” & love as any good woman & grandmother should, but I knew if you crossed her she’d deliver discipline with a coal shovel!

(she raised 6 boys through the Depression era - I figure it must have skewed her “motherly” instincts a bit 👍 )
 
Probably not. Especially at the youngest age when a child is about to do something like place his hand in the flame of a candle or on top of a hot stove. A little smack might convince him that placing his hand there is not such a great idea and it also saves him a lot of potential future pain as well.
 
I believe in it as a last resort, but sometimes “nonverbal communication” is what it takes to get the point across.

CarrieH, who got whuppin’s from Mama, Papa, Grandparents, and Auntie sometimes, too!
 
**Proverbs 13:24

*He who withholds his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

*Proverbs 22:15

*Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

*Proverbs 23:13-14

*Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.

You shall strike him with the rod
And rescue his soul from Sheol.***:hmmm:
 
No. I was spanked as a child, and I think it’s a good form of discipline for some children, in some circumstances. I believe that whole “spare the rod, spoil the child” idea. 🙂 I don’t believe that giving a child a brief punishment constitutes violence.

A definition of violence I found says “Violence is any act of aggression and abuse that causes or intends to cause injury to person(s)”

Though a parent may be angry with a child who misbehaves, I don’t believe this constitutes agression–unwarranted or unrighteous anger. I also do not believe spanking to be abuse, since it does not, in the long run, harm a child’s psyche. On the contrary, it teaches the child right from wrong and that actions have consequences.

I do not, however, think that spanking should be a substitute for parenting. Discussing right from wrong with kids is more important than just doling out punishment. Then they can understand why. Overall, I feel hitting should be a last resort for serious misbehavior.

PS: Nowadays I think that young kids are way more rebellious and entitled for this very reason. People stopped using corporal punishment and kids got soft and more disrespectful. What I put up with (as a 16 year old girl) shocks me. If I pulled the kind of stuff my classmates did, all hell would break loose!
 
Firstly, as a parent, your mother should recall that there is nothing more offensive to a parent than having someone else (no matter who it is) tell you how to raise your child. Every parent must decide for themselves how they will instruct and correct their child and it should be respected whether or not another party agrees with them.

I, personally do not object to spanking so long as it is done in a controlled (not angry) manner. Spanking should be done to correct the bad behavior, not to vent frustration - any parent will admit that they sometimes need a time out to cool off before punishing the child.

I’ve met some parents who do not believe in spanking, but in withholding certain benefits and privileges. I can see where this would be useful in some cases as well (as a less severe punishment).

I think a balance between the two usually yields the best results depending on the severity of the bad behavior.

The Bible condones spanking, but not physical abuse. As dove51 put it, you must also explain to the child why they are being punished - not just play the enforcer.

Personally, I warn my child that he will be punished if he continues to misbehave - and I tell him what type of punishment he’ll receive. If and when he does persist, I do exactly what I said I would do. After he’s cried for a few minutes, I go see him and remind him of why he got punished and then I tell him I love him and give big hugs.

The method of punishment is not as important as the parents’ consistency, however. Do what you said you would do…everytime. Otherwise you’re sending mixed signals to the child and they will continue to push the boundaries until you’re out of control and they control you.
 
and that such behaviour can teach a child that in order to get what they want, you must hit somebody;
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Man, if that were true, me, my two sisters, my best friend, all my cousins, my nieces and nephews, and my son would all be walking around smacking eachother today! As far as I know, none of us have resorted to “hitting” anyone in, oh, about 45 years!
She then tryed to make a case that war and evil in the world is a result of smacking children
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Well, I guess that’s better than blaming George Bush.:rolleyes:
 
I believe God designed a child’s backside in such a way as to absorb a swat from time to time when needed. Especially when a child has done or is about to do something dangerous (a samack on the hand right before the bare wire is stuck into the electric socket, the swat on the back side as the child’s next running step is into the street, etc). Or in older children for clearly defiant and disrespectful behavior (an “f” word directed at a mom might warrant a smack to the mouth).
 
IrishAm said:
Well, bless your mum’s heart. ALL grandmas think it is wrong to smack a child. Especially when it is their grandchild. 😉

Be gentle with her. Sounds like she raised a thoughtful child. (Did she ever give you a wee swat?)
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Wrong! This grandma firmly believes in smacking then the child deserves it and believes that her own grandchildren suffer to some extent from not having been smacked when they needed it.
 
Joan_M said:
Wrong! This grandma firmly believes in smacking then the child deserves it and believes that her own grandchildren suffer to some extent from not having been smacked when they needed it.
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LOL. I agree and fully intend to whack the snot out of my grandchidren when they need it! 😃 😉

In a word to the OP, no. In some situations, yes, but “always”, no.

Should be done on the bum, too. It’s not right to smack a small child across the face. My older (teenage) kids find that a well-placed flick to the nose or ear gets their attention when they’re not behaving.
 
There is nothing I hate to see more than an adult “smacking” a child, especially a small child; it tells me that the parent has lost control of the child, and of himself/herself. I cringe when I see a parent shrieking and spanking a child (often a little one who is overtired from shopping, etc.) It happens all too often.

That said, there may be the occasional time when a swat on the behind, or on the hand, may be the only way to get a message across, particularly when the child is about to do something dangerous to himself. I do think that one must be extremely careful not to send the message that the way to solve problems is through physical force, and believe that, with older children, removing privileges, etc., is infinitely more effective.

I remember once, when extremely frustrated (not just by my small child, who had misbehaved) I slapped my little daughter’s face. She looked at me and said “You shouldn’t hit my pretty face.” She was right; I never did again. She is a simply outstanding young woman, as is her sister.
 
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