Is the Single Life a Vocation?

[CAnnElizabeth]

Wow – what a diverse collection of points of view.

The single life can definitely be a vocation – the state of life that God has called one to in order to do His will in this world and attain holiness. Someone mentioned the various ways single people serve others, either individually or as part of the broader community. It does not mean it will be a selfish way of life – in fact, it can be very selfless.

Not everyone is called to married life – that requires a giving of self in a lifetime relationship which probably includes children – certainly not every man or woman is capable of sustaining such a relationship or of being a good parent – and many simply don’t want that life. The reality is also that marriage isn’t “forever” – it lasts only until one spouse dies. If a widow/widower doesn’t choose to marry again, certainly living a single life can be a blessed state – an evolution from one “vocation” to another equally valid calling.

Not everyone is called to Holy Orders or a religious life – that is also a special invitation from God and such a life is not suitable to every unmarried person.

Living single in the world is not always by default. It is a choice made freely, according to one’s own inclinations and discernment of God’s will - how is that not “vocation?”

I think if you look at the long history of the Church you’ll find many examples of saintly people who were neither married nor professed/ordained religious – which must mean God had a third option in mind, to sanctify a life lived in Him, but as a single person.

 

[jaaraf]

I have a single grandaunt whose vocation was to help my grandparents raise their children and now is helping my aunt raise her children. She is not a third order religious nor has made any private vows.
I have a single aunt whose vocation has been to help in the parish work of Bosconian fathers by providing livelihood education and education of mothers with regards to the use of NFP. She is not a third order religious nor has made any private vows.
I have a single former high school classmate who decided to make a vow private vow to remain a virgin, following the Jesuit spirituality as she is currently teaching in a Jesuit-run high school. She still lives with her parents hand has a pretty active facebook account.
I myself have discovered my vocation to apostolic celibacy as an associate of Opus Dei when I was twenty. No vows, just a commitment (which I renewed for life almost 3 years ago) with a contractual nature. I also still live with my family as home as I pursue my traning to become a radiologist in a few more years.
We’re all single lay women with very different specific vocations.

 

[VeronicaAnne]

Perhaps some have a “vocation” in the single life, but I’d wager that for the vast majority of single people it is not. I have a hard time buying the notion of a vocation that is not discerned and chosen but forced upon you by circumstance. Holy orders, the consecrated religious life, and marriage are choices about a path in life. For many people, being single is just the state of life they’re stuck with, not a choice.

Exactly.

I was single and lovin’ it. Felt and discerned no need at all to be married.

Until I met my yet-to-be husband. Then… things flipped and I all of a sudden “felt called” to the married vocation.

Before then… I was just another unmarried woman in the Church. Pretty much ignored since I was, after all, a single adult.

Even now, when people are chosen to bring up the gifts during Mass, if there’s nobody yet identified for THAT Mass, there’s someone in the narthex who’s been told to look for a couple or a family to bring up the gifts for THAT Mass.

Totally ignoring people entering the church alone. It’s as if they don’t even exist.

:sad_yes::crying::tsktsk:

 

[CathPhilosopher]

Pope John Paul II says in Familiaris Consortio:

Christian revelation recognizes two specific ways of realizing the vocation of the human person in its entirety, to love: marriage and virginity or celibacy (n.11)

I don’t think we should get too much tangled in the use of the word vocation. But it’s important to recognize that “being single” doesn’t constitute a state of holiness unless it possess the stability, completeness, and permanence that comes with a definitive commitment to remain single for the love of Christ and his Church. Certainly it may be God’s will for someone to remain single without making a commitment (if, for example, they believe they should hope for and expect a future spouse, but don’t find one, or can’t marry for one or another reason), and in this sense one could speak up of him being called to be single. But it doesn’t have the full character of state, precisely because it lacks the stability and temporal completeness/definitiveness.

Last year I assembled some reflections and articles on the single vocation (a few by myself, others from other sources).

 

[chrysostim83]

I don’t think we should get too much tangled in the use of the word vocation.

As someone who is not called to priesthood, marriage, or religious life, I often struggle with the question of what God is actually calling me to. Much of the time, my lack of vocation leads me to feel disappointed and passed over. The sole source of comfort for these feelings is CathPhilosopher’s thought that it won’t do to get obsessed over how words happen to be used. In the end (but please correct me if I am wrong!), I think we can afford to be nominalists with respect to the word “vocation.” That is, the classic vocations represent a generally helpful way of classifying the only vocations God ever gives anyone, viz., particular personal vocations, but when it is given in advance that the usual classification scheme won’t be helpful, or won’t apply, we may safely ignore it. Thus, if this kind of nominalism is kosher, the original question, “Is the single life a vocation?”, becomes wrong-headed and unimportant. The real issue is not whether any identifiable or well-known way of life is a vocation; the question is what way of life is God inviting you to embrace.

 

[SRLAUREL]

Perhaps some have a “vocation” in the single life, but I’d wager that for the vast majority of single people it is not. I have a hard time buying the notion of a vocation that is not discerned and chosen but forced upon you by circumstance. Holy orders, the consecrated religious life, and marriage are choices about a path in life. For many people, being single is just the state of life they’re stuck with, not a choice.

Generally we refer to the dedicated single life as a vocation. Other vocations people have not mentioned include lay eremitical life, diocesan or consecrated eremitical life, consecrated virginity, and consecrated widowhood.

Circumstances do not (or certainly need not) completely define our lives. Circumstances and the grace of God creates vocations. Thus a chromnically ill person might find herself a diocesan hermit one day, a widow becomes a consecrated widowm a single person a dedicated single person, etc.

 

[SRLAUREL]

A couple of posts have really touched on what I am thinking in a way, and several others seem to be misunderstanding each other. Let me just throw my thoughts out there.

It is true, being single is a state of life, and not a vocation in and of itself. A vocation is what you are called to. The vocation of marriage naturally entails growing in holiness with another person, and raising children in the Church. Holy orders consists of a great sacrifice, whether deacon, priest or bishop, to serve the Church. Your vocation may be parish work, teaching, working in the seminary, serving as a chaplain, etc. Religious life is a total sacrifice of self by way of the vows, and again would naturally include service to the Church, either by apostolic ministry or a more contemplative life of prayer for the Church.

While all of these vocations, these callings, involve a state of life (either single and consecrated, single and secular, or married) the state is not the essential part of the vocation. Your vocation is based on HOW God has called you to serve Him and His Church, and to grow in holiness.

So, is the single life a vocation? Not by itself, no. Because simply being single is not a path to holiness, or a way to serve the Church. But can a secular single person who does not receive Holy Orders have a vocation while remaining in that state? Of course! Just being a miserable single person who wishes to get married is not a vocation. But, for example, a good friend of mine, she is around 30, has chosen to remain single. She has more time to serve, and does not feel called to marriage or the religious life (she has discerned both). She teaches CCD at the parish, helps instruct adult religious education at the parish with me and several others, is fully engaged in the music ministry, and is a wonderful and essential part of our church. Is her vocation to be single? No. Her vocation is her various ministries that she engages in at our parish.

It is not singleness per se that is a vocation, but there are certainly people who are called to serve the Church as single lay people. Can you imagine if our parish volunteers were ALL people called to marriage? The married vocation is first and foremost concerned with keeping a loving, holy family. Single laypeople who feel they have a vocation to serve their parish with love and dedication are absolutely essential! Thank God for them, our parish would not be the vibrant, wonderful and active community that it is without happy, single people.

In Christ,
Frank

Actually the most basic or fundamental vocation is to humanity. (This is what holiness is truly about, achieving authentic humanity which is defined in terms of communion with God, dialogue with God, covenant with God, etc.) We are called to that and take our whole lives to achieve it fully. There is nothing we cannot grow in. However, there are paths to this humanity, ways to achieve this which suit us better than other ways at different points of our lives. Singleness, especially dedicated singleness, is indeed a vocation, as is marriage, religious or consecrated life, orders, consecrated virginity or widowhood, etc. Our very existence is a call from God and it is a call which he renews moment by moment. Too long have we associated the term “vocation” solely with calls to religious, consecrated life, or orders. We need to think of life itself as a vocation, and any path which leads us to wholeness/sanctity in this as a vocation. When we do this there is no doubt singleness can be a vocation (and for most of us IS a vocation at some points in our lives if not for the whole of them.)

 

[Aunt_Raven]

The single state when chosen as a state of life in which to fulfill one’s unique and eternal destiny to glorify God is indeed a vocation.

I correspond with a few people of mature years who after reaching middle age unmarried or widowed have after much prayer and discernment taken private but approved vows of celebacy as either consecrated virgins, consecrated widows, or lay hermits. They usually cannot be recognized by any distinctive dress, but often wear a plain wedding band as a sign of their betrothal to Christ. They say the divine office in some form every day for the salvation of the world and lead contented and contemplative lives. Though none are well to do and some of them suffer poor health all of them demonstrate serene faith, robust good-humor, and unusual strength of character in enjoying their solitude “alone with God.”

Such people are a good advertisement for the validity of single life as a vocation, when it is positively chosen rather than passively endured as a “default state because I couldn’t marry.”

 

[SRLAUREL]

The single state when chosen as a state of life in which to fulfill one’s unique and eternal destiny to glorify God is indeed a vocation.

I correspond with a few people of mature years who after reaching middle age unmarried or widowed have after much prayer and discernment taken private but approved vows of celebacy as either consecrated virgins, consecrated widows, or lay hermits. They usually cannot be recognized by any distinctive dress, but often wear a plain wedding band as a sign of their betrothal to Christ. They say the divine office in some form every day for the salvation of the world and lead contented and contemplative lives. Though none are well to do and some of them suffer poor health all of them demonstrate serene faith, robust good-humor, and unusual strength of character in enjoying their solitude “alone with God.”

Such people are a good advertisement for the validity of single life as a vocation, when it is positively chosen rather than passively endured as a “default state because I couldn’t marry.”

Just to note that Consecrated Virgins under canon 604 do not make vows, private or public but are publicly consecrated and no longer part of the lay state. They affirm a commitment to celibacy or chastity, but this is not a vow. Also, given their specific identity as Brides of Christ it might be best not to identify them as single.

best regards,

 

[Aunt_Raven]

There are virgins who take a private vow (known to confessor and perhaps a few others) who are not under Canon 604 and so they are not Canonical–(publically recognized). This results because some dioceses have bishops who are reluctant to encourage consecrated virgins under canon 604 – or diocesian hermits under canon 603 --. So these people would logically seem have a “vocation” to the single life, but under private vows, --but you know more about it than I do !

 

[SRLAUREL]

There are virgins who take a private vow (known to confessor and perhaps a few others) who are not under Canon 604 and so they are not Canonical–(publically recognized). This results because some dioceses have bishops who are reluctant to encourage consecrated virgins under canon 604 – or diocesian hermits under canon 603 --. So these people would logically seem have a “vocation” to the single life, but under private vows, --but you know more about it than I do !

Ah, gotcha, but then neither are these persons Consecrated Virgins. Of course I mispoke earlier of consecrated widows as well and should not have done so because as yet, there is no such thing in Canon Law ---- so I apologize for misleading you. DEDICATED Widows would have been the proper term just as dedicated virgins would be the more proper term for privately vowed virgins, or dedicated singles an appropriate description of some vocations. (When an individual makes private vows or to refer to the human part of the act of profession the church uses some form of dedicare, but when she is speaking of the Divine act of setting the person aside in a new state of life she refers to consecratio or consecration.)

 

[SerraSemper]

Ah, gotcha, but then neither are these persons Consecrated Virgins. Of course I mispoke earlier of consecrated widows as well and should not have done so because as yet, there is no such thing in Canon Law ---- so I apologize for misleading you. DEDICATED Widows would have been the proper term just as dedicated virgins would be the more proper term for privately vowed virgins, or dedicated singles an appropriate description of some vocations. (When an individual makes private vows or to refer to the human part of the act of profession the church uses some form of dedicare, but when she is speaking of the Divine act of setting the person aside in a new state of life she refers to consecratio or consecration.)

Actually, consecrated widows/widowers exist in canon law… but only in/for the Eastern Catholic Churches [CCEO 570]. I have heard rumors that some hierarchs have indeed consecrated some widows/widowers. Eastern Catholic widows/widowers are able to receive a consecration, but this has not been extended to Roman Catholics yet. Thus, to be very clear, a widow/widower in the Roman Catholic Church may become a dedicated widow/widower and a widow/widower in any of the Eastern Catholic Churches may become a consecrated widow/widower.

 

[Miserys_Fence]

I was widowed 9 years ago, then also lost my fiance last year. Yes, I definitely feel God is calling me to be single, but I would like to become a Sister (if I can find an order that will take me at my age).

If not–then plain ol’ single it is.

Miz

 

[TiggerS]

I was widowed 9 years ago, then also lost my fiance last year. Yes, I definitely feel God is calling me to be single, but I would like to become a Sister (if I can find an order that will take me at my age).

If not–then plain ol’ single it is.

Miz

Dear Miz - As long as you feel an attraction to the religious life, do continue to investigate ‘late’ vocations for women to religious life. I know there is a website on religious orders for women that does have a classification for late or older vocations in the USA (nothing is late with God) but sadly I have not recorded them. Perhaps if you were to start a thread on late religious life vocations for women or do a Search here on CAF as I know there have been some threads on the subject, you may come across something that ‘speaks’ to you.
Alternatively, perhaps someone is this thread may be able to provide a link or links.

TS

 

[Lepanto]

Dear Miz - As long as you feel an attraction to the religious life, do continue to investigate ‘late’ vocations for women to religious life. I know there is a website on religious orders for women that does have a classification for late or older vocations in the USA (nothing is late with God) but sadly I have not recorded them. Perhaps if you were to start a thread on late religious life vocations for women or do a Search here on CAF as I know there have been some threads on the subject, you may come across something that ‘speaks’ to you.
Alternatively, perhaps someone is this thread may be able to provide a link or links.

TS

I think Sr. Rosalind Moss’ new congregation is for older vocations.

 

[Bataar]

As someone who is not called to priesthood, marriage, or religious life, I often struggle with the question of what God is actually calling me to. Much of the time, my lack of vocation leads me to feel disappointed and passed over. The sole source of comfort for these feelings is CathPhilosopher’s thought that it won’t do to get obsessed over how words happen to be used. In the end (but please correct me if I am wrong!), I think we can afford to be nominalists with respect to the word “vocation.” That is, the classic vocations represent a generally helpful way of classifying the only vocations God ever gives anyone, viz., particular personal vocations, but when it is given in advance that the usual classification scheme won’t be helpful, or won’t apply, we may safely ignore it. Thus, if this kind of nominalism is kosher, the original question, “Is the single life a vocation?”, becomes wrong-headed and unimportant. The real issue is not whether any identifiable or well-known way of life is a vocation; the question is what way of life is God inviting you to embrace.

I’m in the same boat. I know I’m not called to religious life and I don’t see myself being married so it kind of makes me feel like a second class citizen in the church.

 

[SRLAUREL]

I’m in the same boat. I know I’m not called to religious life and I don’t see myself being married so it kind of makes me feel like a second class citizen in the church.

For a very long time laity of whatever sort felt like second-class citizens in the church. For that matter, for much of the history of the Church hermits felt like second-class citizens and anchorites were looked down on because they were often penitents living a life of conversion from that of sin, public and otherwise. Since Vatican II the vocation of the laity has resumed the dignity it has always been meant to have. There is no doubt there is room to go here, not least because laity hold onto the woundedness to their dignity done to them over the centuries by a church who used the term “vocation” for religious life, and orders (marriage also belongs here but it was not always completely esteemed except as a way to avoid sin and justify sexual intercourse. That of course has changed as people lived marriage and reflected on its dignity and meaning).

The documents of Vatican II provide a significant vocation of laity, an affirmation of the call to holiness embodied and expressed in ways ONLY laity can really do. In light of this the vocation to dedicated singleness has also become a recognized path in the lay vocational field. It remains little known (as responses on this forum affirm) but is real nonetheless. It will assume its real place only as individuals consciously embrace it as a true vocation. Quite a challenge for those called to a vocation that is now recognized by the church but little-known and little-esteemed in common terms.

If, as you describe, one is not called to religious or consecrated life, or marriage, or orders and naturally, by virtue of their baptism feels called to embrace Christ in a whole-hearted way, then they are being called to dedicated singleness. This is a DIVINE CALL. For those who need to know this is actually possible, and that such a life is not merely a “default” reality, embracing such a life would be a service to Church and world.

 

[TiggerS]

For a very long time laity of whatever sort felt like second-class citizens in the church. For that matter, for much of the history of the Church hermits felt like second-class citizens and anchorites were looked down on because they were often penitents living a life of conversion from that of sin, public and otherwise. Since Vatican II the vocation of the laity has resumed the dignity it has always been meant to have. There is no doubt there is room to go here, not least because laity hold onto the woundedness to their dignity done to them over the centuries by a church who used the term “vocation” for religious life, and orders (marriage also belongs here but it was not always completely esteemed except as a way to avoid sin and justify sexual intercourse. That of course has changed as people lived marriage and reflected on its dignity and meaning).

The documents of Vatican II provide a significant vocation of laity, an affirmation of the call to holiness embodied and expressed in ways ONLY laity can really do. In light of this the vocation to dedicated singleness has also become a recognized path in the lay vocational field. It remains little known (as responses on this forum affirm) but is real nonetheless. It will assume its real place only as individuals consciously embrace it as a true vocation. Quite a challenge for those called to a vocation that is now recognized by the church but little-known and little-esteemed in common terms.

If, as you describe, one is not called to religious or consecrated life, or marriage, or orders and naturally, by virtue of their baptism feels called to embrace Christ in a whole-hearted way, then they are being called to dedicated singleness. This is a DIVINE CALL. For those who need to know this is actually possible, and that such a life is not merely a “default” reality, embracing such a life would be a service to Church and world.

Excellent post and insightful.

TS

 

[Aunt_Raven]

Our Lord Himself indicated that dedicated single life is indeed a vocation for “those who can [wholeheardedly] accept it” in Matthew 19:12. – St Paul, long before the foundation of religious orders, recommended in Corinthians 7:8-9 that those who remained unmarried were more concerned with pleasing the Lord than pleasing a spouse, and that he thought (though He did not have it divinely confirmed) that this choice to remain single for the sake of The Kingdom was a “better” way. (Personally, Paul only recommended marriage for those who would have psychological problems remaining celibate.) QED: There you have it from scripture–the dedicated single life is a vocation: IF one recognizes and embraces it as such.

 

[TiggerS]

If one were to consider the single state as one’s vocation and call, it would probably be most wise, I think, to seek spiritual direction and even wiser to have a permanent spiritual director if one is able to find a suitable one, and to actively seek one if not. A plan/rule/program of life too would be a good move and ideally to submit it to one’s spiritual director for comment.

CatholicNet: Program of Life catholic.net/index.php?option=dedestaca&id=4434

TS