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Arclight
Guest
so, do you think Jesus might have short-sheeted Matthew? I’m curious to know why you think he might not have.
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Timothysis
Guest
I find it very hard to believe that when Jesus was here on earth He didn’t smile, laugh and joke with those around Him. Of course, it applied to Him as it does to us; the proper time and place.
Remember that He himself cried over the death of His friend Lazarus.
However, I cannot imagine Our Lord not smiles and laughs when He blessed those children who came to Him. Smiling and laughter are an outward expression of the love inside of us. Perhaps that is why some are mean, bitter people?
And now to some jokes. I personally like one liners and here’s a few that I stole from the King of the One Liners, Henny Youngman:
“My wife went to the beauty parlor and got a mudpack. She looked great for two days…but then the mud came off.”
"I was walking down the street and a hooker came up to me and said “I’ll do whatever you want for 50 bucks.” “Good,” I said; “Paint my house.”
“A Polish guy bought a zebra for a pet; he named it Spot.”
"When I came home today my wife had the car in the living room. I said “How did you get the car in the living room?” She said, “Easy; I turned left in the kitchen.”
“Last night I had a woman beating on my hotel door till 2:00am; finally, I got up and I let her out.”
Remember that He himself cried over the death of His friend Lazarus.
However, I cannot imagine Our Lord not smiles and laughs when He blessed those children who came to Him. Smiling and laughter are an outward expression of the love inside of us. Perhaps that is why some are mean, bitter people?
And now to some jokes. I personally like one liners and here’s a few that I stole from the King of the One Liners, Henny Youngman:
“My wife went to the beauty parlor and got a mudpack. She looked great for two days…but then the mud came off.”
"I was walking down the street and a hooker came up to me and said “I’ll do whatever you want for 50 bucks.” “Good,” I said; “Paint my house.”
“A Polish guy bought a zebra for a pet; he named it Spot.”
"When I came home today my wife had the car in the living room. I said “How did you get the car in the living room?” She said, “Easy; I turned left in the kitchen.”
“Last night I had a woman beating on my hotel door till 2:00am; finally, I got up and I let her out.”
R
Realcatholicgk
Guest
But just in spite of quietness - here’s my joke then, as a good laugh is healing too:
**An old married couple died on accident same time; finds themselves in heaven and both are enthusiastic: Luxury everywhere. Magnificent food. Superb placement. All extraordinary magnificent.
So he turns around to her and sasses: We could have had all this 30 years earlier! You and your blasted pills!
**
**
Hi Bruno,
That reminded me of the Joke: A man died and went to heaven. When his wife dies, she goes around heaven looking for him. She finds him laughing and play with two very young women.She yells " Fred, What are you doing,? You are my Husband. I came looking for you as soon as I got here!" He said "Now you wait a minute! Read the contract, it said until death do we part! "
God Bless **
However: This thread is much related to that one here:
Believe in God; - joyful or burdensome?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=4731170&posted=1#post4731170
H
htk553
Guest
A Catholic priest, a baptist minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says “Is this some kind of joke?”
The bartender looks up and says “Is this some kind of joke?”
E
Eucharisted
Guest
I find it very hard to believe that when Jesus was here on earth He didn’t smile, laugh and joke with those around Him. Of course, it applied to Him as it does to us; the proper time and place.
Remember that He himself cried over the death of His friend Lazarus.
However, I cannot imagine Our Lord not smiles and laughs when He blessed those children who came to Him. Smiling and laughter are an outward expression of the love inside of us. Perhaps that is why some are mean, bitter people?
And now to some jokes. I personally like one liners and here’s a few that I stole from the King of the One Liners, Henny Youngman:
“My wife went to the beauty parlor and got a mudpack. She looked great for two days…but then the mud came off.”
"I was walking down the street and a hooker came up to me and said “I’ll do whatever you want for 50 bucks.” “Good,” I said; “Paint my house.”
“A Polish guy bought a zebra for a pet; he named it Spot.”
"When I came home today my wife had the car in the living room. I said “How did you get the car in the living room?” She said, “Easy; I turned left in the kitchen.”
“Last night I had a woman beating on my hotel door till 2:00am; finally, I got up and I let her out.”
The joy of Christ makes us the jolliest men in the world!
C
cthulhubryan
Guest
Frederick Buechner once wrote: That’s what sin really is - you know - not being full of joy. He was a Presbyterian minister but it is a good sentiment.
A wandering Rabbi visits the lost island of the Trids. As his boat approaches the island one of the resident comes flying out toward him, screaming and lands in the ocean. The Rabbi talks to him and he tells the Rabbi that there is a giant on the island that kicks the Trids into the ocean if they try to climb the mountain.
The Rabbi lands his boat and the other Trids tell him the same story. Finally he decides to climb the mountain to see for himself. The Trids, fearful for him, take to boats to retrieve him from the sea.
The Rabbi walks up and finds the giant. He asks the giant why he has not kicked him into the sea. The giant replies:
Silly Rabbi, kicks are the Trids.
A wandering Rabbi visits the lost island of the Trids. As his boat approaches the island one of the resident comes flying out toward him, screaming and lands in the ocean. The Rabbi talks to him and he tells the Rabbi that there is a giant on the island that kicks the Trids into the ocean if they try to climb the mountain.
The Rabbi lands his boat and the other Trids tell him the same story. Finally he decides to climb the mountain to see for himself. The Trids, fearful for him, take to boats to retrieve him from the sea.
The Rabbi walks up and finds the giant. He asks the giant why he has not kicked him into the sea. The giant replies:
Silly Rabbi, kicks are the Trids.
M
Mattapoisett64
Guest
Philippians 2 talks about working out our salvation in “fear and trembling.” Just don’t see where that leaves room for humor in either worship or a spiritual life. Note that I draw a distinction between humor as it’s used here and our joy in Christ.
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cthulhubryan
Guest
While I completely agree with you that humor can make light of serious subject in the mass and in your spiritual life, I do believe that humor is an important part of life in general. Laughter is very good for you physically and mentally.
==================
The best vitamin for a Catholic? B1.
Warning notice at a Jesuit seminary swimming pool: “First-year students are only allowed to walk on the shallow end.”
J
Jay53
Guest
Secret Catholic Rituals and Code Words
This information is for Catholics. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original “Jaws” story
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel and stand
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.
J
Joe_Kelley
Guest
I recall having a discussion on humor years ago. I think the subject was politics, but it also fits religion. We agreed that one of the defining characteristics of a fanatic is that he can see no humor in his cause. It is too important to allow a laugh; or maybe too fragile withstand a laugh.
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Realcatholicgk
Guest
**Hi Friends, 
This is actually for the two that have no room in their lives for humor! Of course you other 68 can also read this.
The patriarch Isaac’s name comes from the Hebrew word for “laughter” Probably because of the joy and disbelief his birth brought to his aging parents, Abraham and Sarah.
Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.” - Genesis 21:6
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Proverbs 17:22
Psalm 2:4 He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision. - Psalm 2:4
But the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he sees that his day is coming. - Psalm 37:13
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting. Job 8:21
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; Ecclesiastes 3:4
All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast. Proverbs 15:15
Dear God, we make you so solemn,
So stiff and old and staid.
How can we be so stupid
When we look at the things you’ve made?
How can we miss the twinkle,
That must have been in your eye
When you planned the hippopoto
And the rhinoceri?
Who watches an ostrich swallow,
Then doubts that you like to play,
Or questions your sense of humor,
Hearing a donkey bray?
Could the God who made the monkey
Have forgotten how to laugh.
Or the one who striped the zebra
And stretched out the giraffe?
How could an oldish person
Fashion a pelican.
Or a perfectly sober Creator
Ever imagine man?
- HELEN SALSBURY
The Organist
Father was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after Mass, ask the parishioners to come up with more money than had been expected for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.The substitute wanted to know what songs Father wanted her to play.
“Here’s a copy of the songs that were already selected,” he said impatiently."But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances right before the Recessional Hymn "
After Mass, Father paused and said,“My Brothers and Sisters, I waited to tell you this until now. We are in great difficulty; the roof repairs will cost twice as much as we expected, and we need to raise $4,000 more. If any of you who will pledge $100 or more to help, please stand up.”
At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star-Spangled Banner.” And that my friends is how the substitute became our regular organist!
God Bless**
This is actually for the two that have no room in their lives for humor!
Of course you other 68 can also read this. The patriarch Isaac’s name comes from the Hebrew word for “laughter” Probably because of the joy and disbelief his birth brought to his aging parents, Abraham and Sarah.
Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.” - Genesis 21:6
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Proverbs 17:22
Psalm 2:4 He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision. - Psalm 2:4
But the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he sees that his day is coming. - Psalm 37:13
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting. Job 8:21
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; Ecclesiastes 3:4
All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast. Proverbs 15:15
Dear God, we make you so solemn,
So stiff and old and staid.
How can we be so stupid
When we look at the things you’ve made?
How can we miss the twinkle,
That must have been in your eye
When you planned the hippopoto
And the rhinoceri?
Who watches an ostrich swallow,
Then doubts that you like to play,
Or questions your sense of humor,
Hearing a donkey bray?
Could the God who made the monkey
Have forgotten how to laugh.
Or the one who striped the zebra
And stretched out the giraffe?
How could an oldish person
Fashion a pelican.
Or a perfectly sober Creator
Ever imagine man?
- HELEN SALSBURY
The Organist
Father was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after Mass, ask the parishioners to come up with more money than had been expected for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.The substitute wanted to know what songs Father wanted her to play.
“Here’s a copy of the songs that were already selected,” he said impatiently."But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances right before the Recessional Hymn "
After Mass, Father paused and said,“My Brothers and Sisters, I waited to tell you this until now. We are in great difficulty; the roof repairs will cost twice as much as we expected, and we need to raise $4,000 more. If any of you who will pledge $100 or more to help, please stand up.”
At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star-Spangled Banner.” And that my friends is how the substitute became our regular organist!
God Bless**
W
WarriorAngel
Guest
[SIGN] 
[/SIGN]
God has a sense of humor - and so do Catholics.
[/SIGN]God has a sense of humor - and so do Catholics.
R
Realcatholicgk
Guest
[SIGN]:bigyikes: So does the Devil - He made Protestants:bigyikes: [/SIGN][SIGN]
God has a sense of humor - and so do Catholics.
I** was Joking!!!
**
C
ConservativeOne
Guest
Have you read the recent threads? Discussions on: Sedevacantism (ugh, that word is back again). Excommunication. Lifting excommunication. Which way is up? Who can laugh? I don’t mean to throw cold water on your good-natured question but I’m too scared for my soul - I don’t know what choices to make anymore. God help us all.
po18guy
Well-known member
Just go and sit before the Tabernacle. You will receive the peace that you seek. Just try that in any other church!
A
Arclight
Guest
ever think for a moment that you need to take a break?
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Bruno_Schulz
Guest
**In the Wild West a priest buys a horse. The vendor tells him: It’s been trained specially for you. On command THANKS HEAVENS he gallops away; on command AMEN he stands still.
The priest is delighted, buys the horse and on THANKS HEAVENS the horse gallops away with him. But suddenly there’s a huge gap ahead. The priest had forgotten the right command - tries everything, but that horse gallops straight towards the gap. So the priest prays the OUR FATHER - and when he is finished and says AMEN the hors stops at once just an inch from the chasm away; in a relief the priest: THANKS HEAVENS…
Now-
You might ask; why didn’t this priest jump off the horse? Well, a priest never jumps off his destination.
You might further protest; why on earth didn’t this stupid horse stop to safe his life?
Well, this was a military horse. There you follow the command, never mind how brainless it might be. - So: R.I.P.**
The priest is delighted, buys the horse and on THANKS HEAVENS the horse gallops away with him. But suddenly there’s a huge gap ahead. The priest had forgotten the right command - tries everything, but that horse gallops straight towards the gap. So the priest prays the OUR FATHER - and when he is finished and says AMEN the hors stops at once just an inch from the chasm away; in a relief the priest: THANKS HEAVENS…
Now-
You might ask; why didn’t this priest jump off the horse? Well, a priest never jumps off his destination.
You might further protest; why on earth didn’t this stupid horse stop to safe his life?
Well, this was a military horse. There you follow the command, never mind how brainless it might be. - So: R.I.P.**
B
Bruno_Schulz
Guest
**there are still 2% of Catholics here, who think; there no Place for humor in their life.
How terribly sad indeed.
Why don’t those 2% tell us why they think so. Might be we can help?!
The only reason I can think of, is depression.
That of course must be treated by doctors then.
But otherwise…
The only places in Germany where there is Carneval now, are the Catholic centres Köln Düsseldorf Mainz. The rest is those 2% I suppose
But it’s worth while to think about the fact, why fine humour originates of people who live in God!**
How terribly sad indeed.
Why don’t those 2% tell us why they think so. Might be we can help?!
The only reason I can think of, is depression.
That of course must be treated by doctors then.
But otherwise…
The only places in Germany where there is Carneval now, are the Catholic centres Köln Düsseldorf Mainz. The rest is those 2% I suppose
But it’s worth while to think about the fact, why fine humour originates of people who live in God!**
A
Arclight
Guest
What humor are you referring to?
po18guy
Well-known member
I have been told that retaining my sense of humor is a large part of the reason why I am still here. For those who are heavily burdened - perhaps especially for them, a sense of humor can be a life saver. It might be wonderful to be a stoic, but we possess a sense of humor that we were born with. It is a gift that was placed within us.
I have no idea how one could travel through life without a sense of humor! We are called to be serious in our quest for righteousness, but joy is what we are to have in the Lord. Joy is not always laughter, but on occasion it certainly is. Why is seratonin contained within us? Why does laughter release it?
The feelings of defeat that some experience originate with the evil one, since he forever tries to steal our joy in the Lord. With Father, Son and holy Spirit, it’s three against one. Amen!
I have no idea how one could travel through life without a sense of humor! We are called to be serious in our quest for righteousness, but joy is what we are to have in the Lord. Joy is not always laughter, but on occasion it certainly is. Why is seratonin contained within us? Why does laughter release it?
The feelings of defeat that some experience originate with the evil one, since he forever tries to steal our joy in the Lord. With Father, Son and holy Spirit, it’s three against one. Amen!
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