Is there a reason to continue RCIA?

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john3

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I was raised by two agnostics. I was never baptized. A few years back, my wife of 30 plus years left me for a guy named Bill she met on the internet. I started dating again. My first girlfriend was a divorced Catholic and we attended church sporadically, the relationship fell apart after a year and a half. My second girlfriend is also Divorced Catholic. We go to mass every Sunday. On my own, while attending mass, I decided that I wanted to get baptized. I didn’t tell my girlfriend this and I contacted the church to find out what I would have to do. They were so nice to me and I started RCIA classes which I enjoy very much. When I told my girlfriend, she cried she was so happy. So, the more I learn, the more I am concerned about the future. What is really the point of two divorced people attempting to be Catholic? She was married in a Catholic Church in another country many years ago, it seems for her to get an annulment is probably going to be extremely difficult. I love this person very much and although it is too soon to make a decision about living together, it seems like a very big probability in the future. What happens now? We live in sin and can’t take communion? I’m just very confused about continuing the RCIA. I don’t think there is a place in the Catholic Church for people like us. Am I missing something?
 
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john3 said:
, it seems for her to get an annulment is probably going to be extremely difficult. I love this person very much and although it is too soon to make a decision about living together, it seems like a very big probability in the future.
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Scripture tells us not to worry about what might happen in the future.

Know that God wants you both to be in full communion with the Church, receiving the Sacraments frequently. The first thing is to sit down and speak with your pastor.

Your Tribunal will set you up with an Advocate who will help both of you through each step. There have been far more complex situations than yours, Satan is trying to discourage you.

Keep on!!
 
The Catholic Church defines what true marriage is. When the government asserted authority over a sacrament of the Church, it got diluted. As you can see today, two of almost anything may be “married” by the government. Are both of your ex-spouses still alive? If not, then the marriages are dissolved by their deaths and you would be free to marry.

On the other hand, your marriage should be examined to see if, by Church standards (never mind the government) it was a true marriage from the beginning. Same with your girlfriend. Annulment is not “Catholic divorce”! No such thing exists. What it does is examine the marriage and if it was defective from the beginning, then it was never a marriage.

It will take some perseverance, but the payoff could be absolutely huge. There is much more to this, but an inquiry to your archdiocese’s marriage tribunal would be the place to begin.
 
I get that. I would be doing it for me. On the other hand, if I went through the whole program to become Catholic, and I lived with this woman, I wouldn’t be able to take communion right? What would be the point. I’d be a Catholic living in sin with all the guilt that comes with that. Adulterer etc. I just want to improve myself as a person and I’d like to believe in eternal life. Why go to all the trouble to convert to live as a sinner who would be denied entry into God’s paradise.
 
john3 said:
I get that. I would be doing it for me. On the other hand, if I went through the whole program to become Catholic, and I lived with this woman, I wouldn’t be able to take communion right? What would be the point. I’d be a Catholic living in sin with all the guilt that comes with that. Adulterer etc. I just want to improve myself as a person and I’d like to believe in eternal life. Why go to all the trouble to convert to live as a sinner who would be denied entry into God’s paradise.
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Would you be willing to make the relationship with this divorcee non-romantic for Christ?
 
My marriage was probably not considered true, as I wasn’t baptized. Her’s probably was. She has no idea what ever became of her husband after they divorced, he is in another country. Her adult children have no clue about their father, he didn’t raise them. I think that I am probably worrying about nothing. I do like RCIA and my teacher there. Being baptized is certainly better than not being baptized. I’ll just keep plugging away and have faith. Something brought me to that church and to that class.
 
Wesrock said:
Would you be willing to make the relationship with this divorcee non-romantic for Christ?
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Either this, or break off the rship for someone who is available to you. It’s really important for you to become part of the church than any earthly rship. Best wishes and I hope you complete the course and we see you ‘come home’ at easter 🙂
 
john3 said:
I don’t think there is a place in the Catholic Church for people like us. Am I missing something?
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I’m sorry for your situation, brother. It seems that you do have a heavy cross to bear. Do not despair, there is indeed a place for you. You are tasked to make sacrifice… to deny your own will and embrace that of God. That means living with this woman as brother and sister, until you get legitimate clarity on your specific situation. I know that it’s easier said than done, but Jesus did not mince His words when He presented God’s expectations of us.

Our lifetimes are are nothing against the backdrop of eternity. Are our fleeting earthly desires really worth the risk?

I would advise to keep up with the RCIA. Keep going to mass. It may very well lead you to a point where you will embrace such sacrifice, even if you find it too difficult to do now. Again, I would seek a more clear assessment of your specific situation.
 
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Develop a love of Jesus Christ, as that is the sole reason to be Catholic. One step at a time and with patience, you will arrive at your destination. Even Mount Everest is conquered one step at a time - with substantial breaks between some of those steps.
 
john3 said:
My marriage was probably not considered true, as I wasn’t baptized.
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Your situation is easy to fix through what’s called the Pauline Privilege assuming your ex-wife was also not baptised.
Her’s probably was. She has no idea what ever became of her husband after they divorced, he is in another country. Her adult children have no clue about their father, he didn’t raise them.
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Just what you’ve said here suggests that your wife may well have a basis for an annulment too, although obviously, the Tribunal will need to know a lot more detail
I do like RCIA and my teacher there. Being baptized is certainly better than not being baptized. I’ll just keep plugging away and have faith. Something brought me to that church and to that class.
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It sounds like you should trust your instincts on this. As others have said, a commitment to living together “as brother and sister” would enable you to receive Holy Communion. Still, this is a conversation you really need to be having with your priest so, if you haven’t already done so, you should set up an appointment for you and your wife to meet with him (bring the RCIA teacher along too if you think it’ll help).
 
john3 said:
I don’t think there is a place in the Catholic Church for people like us.
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I’ll bet the woman in John 8:3 felt just the same way, until she discovered the limitless ocean of Divine Mercy. Yes there is a place in the Catholic Church for you. Although the Church does not seem to be offering you the hope of marriage here on earth, the Church offers the hope of eternal life with God in heaven. Don’t give up on that hope. But yes, if you would be living in sin you should not take Communion. Baptism will give you the grace to fight the temptations better.
 
You’ve brought up some good points to think about… I suppose my answer to you would be to continue with the RCIA program because you enjoy them and you said you want to be Baptized, which means you realize the Catholic faith is true. Even if your girlfriend can’t get the annulment, you would still be Catholic. You would still be in the faith! You would still have the happiness and joy of being in the faith, of knowing God and Jesus and worshiping.

Do it for you… and see what comes. You don’t know what God has in store for you or your both; and perhaps her annulment won’t be as difficult as you think? For now finishing the classes sounds like a great plan though!
 
You are attending RCIA because you looking for truth, right? Or are you looking for a religion that “fits in” with the rest of your life? I’m assuming it’s the former. If so, and you discern that the Catholic Church is God’s one true Church, you would become Catholic for this reason alone. Then you would orient your life to conform to God’s truth (which He communicates to us through the Church) because you don’t want to offend the Lord who loves you and chose you. What specifically you would need to change about your life is not as important. The important thing is your willingness to put God first.

If you decide not to continue RCIA for the reason you list, you would be choosing your girlfriend over God. You remaining not Catholic so you can continue this relationship doesn’t make the situation any more pleasing to God. Ultimately you answer to Him, whether you decide to join the Church or not.

And in the end, you both may very well get an annulment, and may be able to marry. But that’s not the point. The point is to seek God first, not second.
 
Regardless of the outcome, continue the RCIA. Continue your understanding of the faith, that is always a treasure.
 
Talk with the pastor at your parish… he will be more than willing to talk with you, gather the facts and lay out what you might need to do to get everything in order and so you both can receive communion again.
 
@john3

Welcome to CAF, John! Praying for a good resolution for you. After you talk to your priest, please come back and keep us posted. We’re all rooting for you! Feel free to post questions you might have. There are several members going through RCIA now, so you’re not the only one asking questions. 😇 Best wishes to you!

See thread: On the Tiber’s Shore II
 
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john3 said:
What is really the point of two divorced people attempting to be Catholic?
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When I went through RCIA I had an annulment pending in the tribunal. I had the same thoughts and doubts. What if I don’t get the annulment? What will be my status? Why do all of this?
In one sense I felt like Peter when Christ asked him, “Do you also want to leave?” To which Peter responded, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

I was convinced that the Catholic Church was Christ’s Church and so to not be able to fully be part of it troubled me greatly. I brought these doubts up to my tribunal advocate, a Sister, and she responded that what I did to start the process of an annulment was an act of faith. We are called to live by faith. We must trust and hope and not lose faith. If God has set a path in front of us, He will see us through. We must trust and obey.

Have courage to do the right thing. Pray, hope, and trust. The road ahead will not be easy. It wasn’t for me. However, you will look back on this and see how God made straight the path.

 
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