Is there anything wrong with having homosexual friends?

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1ke said:
yessian,

It seems to me you are sending some very mixed signals to your DH.

First you say you want to include him in decisions in small little things.

But, when you did run this “small thing” by him and he said “no, I’m not comfortable with that” you throw a hissy about it and come on here asking us if it’s right or wrong and going on and on about the guy being gay.

I’m not sure what you want us to say?

In my mind the issue isn’t whether he’s a gay man or a straight man or a man from Mars. The issue is you asked your DH and he said no.

If you weren’t prepared to accept no you should not have asked. Don’t hide behind “I really like to get my DH’s approval on things even if it’s just to buy something small”.

You clearly are NOT “OK” when he says no. You seem to want a rubber stamp, not his opinion or approval.

It doens’t matter if everyone on CAF thinks it’s a stupid reason or a stupid decision-- it’s HIS decision. You cannot ask your husband for (name removed by moderator)ut and then when he gives an answer you don’t want to hear turn around and say his feelings aren’t valid.

His feelings may not be rational but they are his, they are valid.

Either respect your husband’s (name removed by moderator)ut or stop asking for it!
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I threw a hissy? You weren’t even there to see how I reacted. All I did was ask why he would let others rule how our lives are run. I asked why he cared so much if someone saw me with a gay man. Nothing else. The drive to Retro, from the little argument, was about 5-10 minutes long. And I threw a hissy? :rolleyes: I really love it when you come and respond to my posts all the time, but this one, I’m not sure why you go and say all those things. My husband is the one who over reacted and I felt offended. Is that wrong?
 
Don’t think DH is demanding permission when I see my friends. In fact, he always tells me he’s worried I don’t go out with my friends. That’s another reason why I shared with him about Anthony, but I got punished for doing so since he refused to let me go, even though he came around a few hrs later. Still, after that, I don’t feel very comfortable going. I don’t want to trouble him

Some of this does make sense but some of it does not. Some of this is quite concerning of which I have highlighted above in red. How does your husband “punish you” exactly? Also, how is it that he can “refuse to let you go?” I could see that if you were wanting to purchase a Ferarri with all the fixings but you’re only wanting to go see a gay friend…and for that you get “punished.” Again, what exactly does that entail? Is it physical, mental, does he take privlages away?

I have heard of punishment rendered on children by their parents. I have never heard of punishment rendered on a wife by the hand of her husband. That, to me, sounds like abuse. I just hope and pray that I am misunderstading something in your reply.

Also, do you see the amount of double standard that is going on here? He can see his friends who are girls but you are not allowed to see your friends if they are guys. Does that stike you as being a liitle unfair? If I am understanding this correctly, and your husband does not allow you to see your friends who are guys, he has a major insecurity issue and apparently does not trust you. I pray it isn;t so!

Again, you and your hubby will be in my daily prayers. :gopray:
 
yessisan said:
I threw a hissy?
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A virtual hissy, on here, not IRL.
yessisan said:
My husband is the one who over reacted and I felt offended. Is that wrong?
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No, I’m just saying if you don’t want his response, don’t ask for it. In your opinion he overreacted, in his mind he was telling you how he felt.

Don’t you see, yessian? Turn the tables. DH says, 'honey do you mind if I buy this XYZ thing?" You say, “Yes, I do mind. What will the neighbors think?” He then starts needling you about what’s so wrong and why can’t he buy it until you finally give in and say OK.

How does that make you feel? Hurt, frustrated, unheard, disrespected. Any or all of those things.

Moral of the story, respect the answer or don’t ask the question.
 
dapper said:
Don’t think DH is demanding permission when I see my friends. In fact, he always tells me he’s worried I don’t go out with my friends. That’s another reason why I shared with him about Anthony, but I got punished for doing so since he refused to let me go, even though he came around a few hrs later. Still, after that, I don’t feel very comfortable going. I don’t want to trouble him

Some of this does make sense but some of it does not. Some of this is quite concerning of which I have highlighted above in red. How does your husband “punish you” exactly? Also, how is it that he can “refuse to let you go?” I could see that if you were wanting to purchase a Ferarri with all the fixings but you’re only wanting to go see a gay friend…and for that you get “punished.” Again, what exactly does that entail? Is it physical, mental, does he take privlages away?

I have heard of punishment rendered on children by their parents. I have never heard of punishment rendered on a wife by the hand of her husband. That, to me, sounds like abuse. I just hope and pray that I am misunderstading something in your reply.

Also, do you see the amount of double standard that is going on here? He can see his friends who are girls but you are not allowed to see your friends if they are guys. Does that stike you as being a liitle unfair? If I am understanding this correctly, and your husband does not allow you to see your friends who are guys, he has a major insecurity issue and apparently does not trust you. I pray it isn;t so!

Again, you and your hubby will be in my daily prayers. :gopray:
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The only punishement I was referring to is telling me I couldn’t go and him getting mad, but he caved in later. No abuse or anything like it. And about not lettingme see my guy friends, it’s not him, it’s my decision. The only one he asked I don’t see is my “ex boyfriend” from 8 yrs ago.
 
yessisan said:
No offense taken, don’t worry about that. Regarding limitations and what not, well, he’s not a monster, he’s a JW, that’s all… 😃 (inside joke here, don’t get me wrong)… JWs are different than the rest of us. They think differently. Their POV’s revolve around the falsetower and are abit close minded on many things, but nothing too serious. I’ve been able to soften his heart and mind regarding Catholic things among many other things. He’s a good guy. He can be a sweetheart most of the time, but because JWism is a man-centered religion, and because he is Mexican, he’s afraid I’d controll him. He thought writing to a female firend who had feeling for him is ok, but it wasn’t ok for me to takl to a guy I dated when I was 18 (8 yrs ago), we only dated 3 months because we didn’t want to ruin our friendship of 3 yrs and we left it at that, but because of the fact we dated, DH freaked out and almost cancelled the wedding. But after our wedding he cango ahead and write to that woman? It’s a macho instinct Mexicans have. But other than this, he hasn’t ever told me not to speak to someone.
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Don’t know much about JW, but this nice older JW lady used to come to our house when I was little for bible studies on Sundays. I have her to thank for planting that seed in my conversion. I haven’t seen her for years, and I wonder if she’s still with us. I’m going to say a prayer for her tonight.
yessisan said:
He has told me he doesn’t really like the fact i have a female friend who is/was very promiscuous and has no problem talking to men about her sex life, or telling me explicit things about what she’s done… this is reasonable, but he has NEVER told me to stop speaking to her. Besides, that is in her past and she’s asked me to help her become Catholic. She’s a non-denominational Christian but out of nowhere, thanks to EWTN, she has become quite interested in our faith. Praise God and thanks to EWTN!
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I would have to agree with your husband on that one, on several levels. I’m glad that your friend has decided to convert.
 
1ke said:
A virtual hissy, on here, not IRL.

😃 now that makes me feel dumb… sorry if I misunderstood you

No, I’m just saying if you don’t want his response, don’t ask for it. In your opinion he overreacted, in his mind he was telling you how he felt.

Don’t you see, yessian? Turn the tables. DH says, 'honey do you mind if I buy this XYZ thing?" You say, “Yes, I do mind. What will the neighbors think?” He then starts needling you about what’s so wrong and why can’t he buy it until you finally give in and say OK.

How does that make you feel? Hurt, frustrated, unheard, disrespected. Any or all of those things.

Moral of the story, respect the answer or don’t ask the question.
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You are right, he had asked once to go camping with his JW people and sisters when it was supposed to be just the sisters and the 2 of us and he wanted to leave me all alone if I didn’t want to go, but l didn’t cave and he ended up staying home… he didn’t really want to leave me home. He told me though that he went on and on abot it to see if I would change my mind. I didn’t see it this way, thanks for pointing that out to me.
 
dapper said:
Also, do you see the amount of double standard that is going on here?

Of course she sees a double-standard, whether one exists or not - she has told us so. This entire discourse is one-sided. It’s not wise to impugn the husband’s intentions or to psychoanalyze him with such conviction. And it’s myopic to just blame him.

Each of their problems are both of their problems.
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yessisan said:
You are right, he had asked once to go camping with his JW people and sisters when it was supposed to be just the sisters and the 2 of us and he wanted to leave me all alone if I didn’t want to go, but l didn’t cave and he ended up staying home… he didn’t really want to leave me home. He told me though that he went on and on abot it to see if I would change my mind. I didn’t see it this way, thanks for pointing that out to me.
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Here again is a perfect example of your husbands lack of trust in you and insecurity within himself. You didn’t want to go on a tired camping trip and prefered to stay home. He then stays home. What, did he think you might go have coffee with someone he did not approve of? Can you not live your life without him at your side at all times. Some men out there would like to think that they have that kind of impact. It’s a deep seated, disordered insecurity. I have a feeling that your DH has a little of that in this relationship.

😦
 
wigglebrick said:
Of course she sees a double-standard, whether one exists or not - she has told us so. This entire discourse is one-sided. It’s not wise to impugn the husband’s intentions or to psychoanalyze him with such conviction. And it’s myopic to just blame him.

Each of their problems are both of their problems.
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In a marriage, yes, these things are* their problem*. However, the root of that probelm seems to stem from the weakness of this man and his inability to realize the fact that the world and his wife do not revolve around him.

Don’t get me wrong, I am an equal opportunity blamer. I said so in a previous post that we are only seeing one side…however, this kind of insecurity with women is famously recognizable in men. 😦
 
Dapper, I asked DH to stay…

To everyone… We’re going nowhere with this. I’m tired of going back and forth explaining and defending DH. So, if we can get back on topic, I’d appreciate it, if not, then I’m done talking about this and the mods most likely will close down this thread, which I don’t want it to happen.

Hope we get back on track, Is there anything wrong with having homosexual friends???
 
yessisan said:
Dapper, I asked DH to stay…

To everyone… We’re going nowhere with this. I’m tired of going back and forth explaining and defending DH. So, if we can get back on topic, I’d appreciate it, if not, then I’m done talking about this and the mods most likely will close down this thread, which I don’t want it to happen.

Hope we get back on track, Is there anything wrong with having homosexual friends???
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Finally!

No there is nothing wrong with having homosexual friends IMHO. I Would assume the Church says you could be friends with a person who is also a homosexual but you should not enable their behaviour in any way such as verbal approval of or attendance to the gay pride parade (always a fun time here in Chicago for me!) etc. Otherwise, the church asks that you approach any person, including one who may be a homosexual, with the same love and compassion that Jesus would. Love the sinner. Hate the sinner and let him know that you do not approve of his lifestyle if the subject came up. None of this is what I believe but I am pretty sure the RCC does. :rolleyes:
 
dapper said:
In a marriage, yes, these things are* their problem*. However, the root of that probelm seems to stem from the weakness of this man and his inability to realize the fact that the world and his wife do not revolve around him.
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Your keyword is seems. There is plenty of evidence in this thread of a lack of readiness and proper disposition toward Sacramental vows on the part of both individuals as well as the relationship.

You are not doing this woman any service in weighting the man’s contribution to their fallout. By repeatedly siding with her, pointing out her husband’s problems (real or perceived) and advising her to disregard his feelings, you’re harming her, him and their marriage.
 
yessisan said:
Hope we get back on track, Is there anything wrong with having homosexual friends???
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We got off track because you’re asking such a strange question. Nobody, your husband included, is suggesting that having homosexual friends is wrong.

I’d wager this thread resembles the kind of miscommunication you experience with your DH.
 
wigglebrick said:
Your keyword is seems. There is plenty of evidence in this thread of a lack of readiness and proper disposition toward Sacramental vows on the part of both individuals as well as the relationship.

You are not doing this woman any service in weighting the man’s contribution to their fallout. By repeatedly siding with her, pointing out her husband’s problems (real or perceived) and advising her to disregard his feelings, you’re harming her, him and their marriage.
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I rather keep focused on the original question, but to note something… there were no Sacramental vows per se in our marriage. My DH is an ex-Catholic, currently a JW. I had to have a radical sanation from the bishop to “bless” our marriage…
 
wigglebrick said:
We got off track because you’re asking such a strange question. Nobody, your husband included, is suggesting that having homosexual friends is wrong.
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Strange? I don’t believe it is. I was only asking because of something that happened in my life and was trying to make sense out of it. But seriously, let’s just keep on the topic.
 
wigglebrick said:
Your keyword is seems. There is plenty of evidence in this thread of a lack of readiness and proper disposition toward Sacramental vows on the part of both individuals as well as the relationship.

You are not doing this woman any service in weighting the man’s contribution to their fallout. By repeatedly siding with her, pointing out her husband’s problems (real or perceived) and advising her to disregard his feelings, you’re harming her, him and their marriage.
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I would like honor the request of the OP and stay on topic. I would be happy to respond to you in a private message if you would like. If so, email your comment to me and I will respond back. Otherwise, I will stay on the topic now. Thanks! 🙂
 
dapper said:
I would like honor the request of the OP and stay on topic. I would be happy to respond to you in a private message if you would like. If so, email your comment to me and I will respond back. Otherwise, I will stay on the topic now. Thanks! 🙂
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Thanks dapper!
 
yessisan said:
I rather keep focused on the original question, but to note something… there were no Sacramental vows per se in our marriage. My DH is an ex-Catholic, currently a JW. I had to have a radical sanation from the bishop to “bless” our marriage…
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Yes, I understand. It was pointed out earlier that this may be a root cause of persistent problems.

Mixed-religion marriages often realize extraordinary difficulties. My own marriage was mixed and we didn’t consider the serious challenges until children arrived. I converted to Catholicism and we lived happily ever after 😃
 
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