Is there ever a situation where a spouse SHOULD separate?

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I am trying to find dependable advice and guidance to do the right thing concerning marriage. I wish there was a 1-800-canon-law-advice! I believe/know I have grounds to separate myself from my spouse, probably get annulment… however I think I have successfully contained most of the damage to myself, partially because spouse is sneaky with his mistreatment anyway. Protecting my children became my main motive, and my spouse does okay there as he wants their love and respect. In fact, children have always done well and are thriving as they enter young adulthood, though I am sure there must be some subtle repercussions. The oldest suspects problems but tends to think it is me who should fix things! If only I could. So much is said about devastation of divorce on children, even adult children, and I believe it would harm my extended family as well. It is manageable at this point although I am always on guard, have developed thick skin, and have resigned myself to the loneliness. As for worst transgressions, I have made clear I will certainly leave if physical/sexual or other abuse occurs. The question I suppose is whether it is “wrong” to tolerate even this. My first priority has shifted to the good of the children first and foremost. I have been in counseling for years so that I can blow off steam to non-family and be assured I’m not nuts. My best understanding is that my husband is an emotional anorexic, a with-holder. Contempt and ignoring me are main weapons at this point. I consider myself married to a broken child, and can see why from what I know of mother/parents’ marriage. I have recently risen from a deep depression, and the hard thing is that the children see it as my weakness and have very little to no clue that it is fueled by hard marriage. I don’t want to separate or divorce, but as I get older, I can see where it might be hard to survive. So question is: Are there prescriptive for this? Something or somewhere to get reliable advice?
 
You should talk to a priest about the details of what is going on in your marriage and he will be able to advise you.
 
You should indeed speak to a priest instead of amateurs over the Internet.

Divorce isn’t allowed in the Catholic Church. Only separation, or a declaration that a marriage never took place.

Perhaps if you two could get some counseling it would do some good.
 
Remember abuse comes in many forms - the verbal and emotional.abuse can be just as damaging as the physical.

And children who know it is happening between their parents can be badly effected, not just children who are directly abused themselves.

Sometimes, sadly, physical separation is the only way to ‘fix it’, regardless of whether or not annulment is possible.

You probably need to speak to a domestic violence hotline more than a canon law hotline at the moment.
 
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Your husband sounds passive aggressive. I think a plain old confrontation may be in order, it may be time for a wake up call. I saw my parents divorce when I first left for college for very similar reasons, and it sucked. I wish I hadn’t blamed my mom as much as I did, it I remember wishing she would just stand up for herself and tell my Dad what time it was, so to speak. After their divorce, he remarried, and while I wish they had stayed married and worked on things, his new wife doesn’t put up with any of his BS.
 
Kei said:
…Divorce isn’t allowed in the Catholic Church…
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This is not true. See Catechism 2383.

Yes, the succeeding paragraphs clearly state divorce is a grave offence against marriage, but 2383 is clear that there are circumstances wherein it can be required. Further, Church tribunals will typically not begin nullity proceedings until after a civil divorce has been obtained.
 
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Hope for the Separated by Gary Chapman is a good book, though it is not written by a Catholic. Borrow it from the library.
 
Seek both the counsel of your priest, and counseling as TheLittleLady mentioned. There are too many variables and side issues for anyone on a forum such as this to give a definitive answer.
 
Kei said:
Divorce isn’t allowed in the Catholic Church. Only separation, or a declaration that a marriage never took place.
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I have read an annulment is only possible after a divorce. If this is the case something does not add up?
 
Talk to a marriage counselor (with or without your husband) to get advice about whether the marriage can be saved or is worth saving.
 
AMP1 said:
I don’t want to separate or divorce, but as I get older, I can see where it might be hard to survive.
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This is a decision that must be sorted through with a Spiritual director/priest.

If you study the lives of the saints that were married to impossible people it will become clear that your sanctity and prayer is what is paramount. You need to pray for him, whether you live with him or not, and your first duty is to get your own soul to heaven and help his get there also.
 
An annulment is a decree that the marriage was invalid.
The divorce required is a civil divorce.
 
"The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense"

I was speaking not of civil marriage and divorce, which is more a mere legal (in)convenience. I was speaking in religious terms.
 
Yup.

Unless you imply there is any other actual kind of divorce in Catholic understanding I still have no idea what you are getting at or attempted to get at.

So let us say you stand by your previous post? What kind of divorce is not permitted then?
 
A consummated marriage between two baptised persons is not able to be dissolved by our power.

It was not too long ago that marriages did not have to be civil (as in, marriages did not have to be recognized by “the state”). They were religious. Legally, there is a civil divorce, but notice that secular ministers of marriage might say, “By the power invested in me by the state,” yet we hold to a higher power, that of God. Then. I am not speaking of mere legalities but that which is more important.
 
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Divorce is most certainly allowed in the Catholic church. Remarriage after divorce (without annulment) is the issue.

At least 4 congregations of sisters in the US alone were founded by divorced women.
 
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