Is this imperfect contrition?

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JRKH and Mary Gail thank you so much for those posts! That is exactly how
I feel! A lot oft owe times were with my now-husband and were wonderful, though objectively sinful. We weren’t hurting anyone and there was lots of love there so it’s hard to “regret” them per se, and we never thought we were going to hell or anything, so I look back at those times as being really great in a lot of ways.

Now if the it is true that premarital sex or some of those other things automatically sends you to hell, then you’re darn right I wish I hadn’t done them, but if not, then why would I be really sorry? Since I can’t really say one way or the other, it callsmy contrition into question, even though I have confessed and been absolved.
 
LaSainte said:
JRKH and Mary Gail thank you so much for those posts! That is exactly how
I feel! A lot oft owe times were with my now-husband and were wonderful, though objectively sinful. We weren’t hurting anyone and there was lots of love there so it’s hard to “regret” them per se, and we never thought we were going to hell or anything, so I look back at those times as being really great in a lot of ways.

Now if the it is true that premarital sex or some of those other things automatically sends you to hell, then you’re darn right I wish I hadn’t done them, but if not, then why would I be really sorry? Since I can’t really say one way or the other, it callsmy contrition into question, even though I have confessed and been absolved.
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I say to not dwell on what type of contrition you had at the time of your confession. Unless you went in as a joke, which I doubt, you probably were contrite.

Why not leave it at that?
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I say to not dwell on what type of contrition you had at the time of your confession. Unless you went in as a joke, which I doubt, you probably were contrite.

Why not leave it at that?
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Thank you Mary Gail. I most certainly did not go in as a joke 🙂 God forbid! In fact, that confession took months of building up my courage to go in and I felt amazing afterwards. Doubts start to creep in though, especially when people on this site start talking about absolution not “taking effect” or that the priest should not have absolved you or that you should go BACK and talk about it all over AGAIN in confession. The best part of confession is supposedly never having to think about those sins or doubt in God’s mercy again, and then you get people saying to “revisit” these things. It hurts my faith, which is already weak enough as it is.
 
LaSainte said:
Thank you Mary Gail. I most certainly did not go in as a joke 🙂 God forbid! In fact, that confession took months of building up my courage to go in and I felt amazing afterwards. Doubts start to creep in though, especially when people on this site start talking about absolution not “taking effect” or that the priest should not have absolved you or that you should go BACK and talk about it all over AGAIN in confession. The best part of confession is supposedly never having to think about those sins or doubt in God’s mercy again, and then you get people saying to “revisit” these things. It hurts my faith, which is already weak enough as it is.
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Father Shaugnessy from EWTN said when dealing with scrupulosity is to let your confessor know, keep going to that confessor, and obey what he tells you. Once you are absolved, God doesn’t take it back. Again, you made a sincere confession, leave everything in the past. Don’t punish yourself!
 
MaryGail has provided some really good thoughts. It seems all three of us have been guilty of similar sins (reading between the lines)…

As far as doubts coming up because of what some say here…forget about it. These are personal opinions. If you have ANY concern talk it over with your confessor and I’m sure he will put your mind at ease.

My first confession back was terrible. I did not prepare properly because, frankly, I was still in the process of reconversion. Father was most patient and absolved me. I firmly believe that it was that “boost” of grace, along with the follow-up Eucharist, that really got me looking at what I had done in my 25 odd years away from Church.
After about two months of soul searching I sat down, wrote out a real confession based on the seven deadly sins (I pretty much hit all of them) and went to confession again. Father listened as I read my confession and his only comment was, “obviously you’ve given this a great deal of thought”. He then absolved me once again and I went on my way truly renewed.

Do I remember these past sins? Yes I do. Only now I don’t mind so much. Our memories contain many “lessons” and so we really should not “forget” them but rather learn from them.

Peace
James
 
How is there and how do you find peace with yourself when you go to confession, honestly and sincerely feeling bad, but also knowing that you keep returning for the same thing? I have a terrible time reconciling in my head - in my heart - that God can forgive me/us even though more than likely, based on past history, we will repeat the same thing?

Had a priest tell me one time that, in essence, sins we repeart are kind of like our own little demons in this life, and all we can do is keep trying and fighting, even though we sin. I had always thought that, made me feel “better” in a weird way that I wasn’t totally off the wall wondering if it was only my utter weakness or if God really was allowing a demon of sorts to tempt me. Not sure, doesn’t matter as sin is sin.

It makes is hard to go to confession sometimes because I also fear imperfect contrition, don’t always understand how God can forgive the same thing over and over when He knows we’re going to screw it up again.
 
 
Bookcat said:
Information on Contrition and Confession and Penance:

therealpresence.org/archives/Prayer/Prayer_056.htm (he explains contrition there in…he is now a “Servant of God” thus his cause is being promoted for Sainthood)

ecatholichub.net/pray/guide-for-a-good-confession/before-confession (from Handbook of prayers Fr Socias see next link for more)

ecatholichub.net/pray/guide-for-a-good-confession

ewtn.com/library/BISHOPS/GUIDEPEN.HTM

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P4D.HTM

ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/P6PENCON.HTM

cuf.org/LayWitness/online_view.asp?lwID=1054

cuf.org/LayWitness/online_view.asp?lwID=1831

ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/contrit.htm

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html#A%29%20COMMON%20PRAYERS
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And of course Pope Benedict XVI vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2008/march/documents/hf_ben-xvi_spe_20080307_penitenzieria-apostolica_en.html
 
Dear LaSainte,
something you said about sinning with others, kinda struck me.
I’m not trying to lay some self-righteous Guilt-Trip on you by
what I am about to say, I just want to share some personal experience
with you.
You said that in your sinning you “didn’t hurt anyone.”
That’s good.
But you are mistaken.
That’s something I have learned the hard way, to my deep shock and remorse,
and that is that ALL SINS have a negative effect, sometimes small, sometimes
huge, eventually, on other people. And we don’t always realize it. In fact,
at the time we are sinning, we usually DON’T realize it and DON’T consciously
intend to inflict hurt, pain or suffering on anyone (unless the sin is a violent one
like armed robbery, rape or murder, where the cruelty is rather obvious).
But sin’s after-effects have a way of coming back to bite you on your derriere
even many years later, and not only you, but sometimes even your friends and relatives.
As far as “feeling” detestation for the sins, that of course doesn’t always happen
right away. But it does develop when you are confronted with the ugliness of those
sins’ after-effects on other people and their lives.
God bless you.
 
By the way, good LaSainte,
I am NOT calling into question the sincerity of your Confession
nor the sincerity of your contrition.
If you intended to make things right with the Lord,
even if only due to fear of possibly going to hell,
that is enough contrition for the Sacrament to “take effect.”

God bless you.
 
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